tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38775078584819995712024-03-24T18:56:45.570-04:00i'm like a dragonfly<br>
<blockquote><blockquote>"Better to write for yourself and have no public,
<br> than to write for the public and have no self."
<blockquote>/Cyril Connolly/</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote>Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.comBlogger640125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-82445618385577332372024-03-17T16:00:00.001-04:002024-03-17T16:00:34.689-04:00Spring.<p> It's <strike>2022,</strike> no <strike>2023</strike>, no, it's <b>2024</b>. </p><p><br /></p><p>It has been a while since I last plundered here with my intrusive thoughts and left nothing behind but nonsense. Life is the same... Same, same, but different. There have been some ghostly sightings, aka some saved drafts that were never published, none of which I deemed to be rational enough for other people's eyes (and minds). There is a cat in my lap, she keeps demanding cuddles, so typing is becoming somewhat of a challenge. My thoughts are scrambled enough, and I do not require more distractions. </p><p><br /></p><p>As the title hints, it is springtime. Green grass, flowers blooming, trees coming in with fresh coats. It's a wonderful time of the year and all that jazz. </p><p>Many thoughts are racing in my mind, and most of them are too personal for the vast cosmos called The Internet. So I do not really know why I stumbled to this far corner of my existence. Do you know?</p><p><br /></p><p>I'll just tell you what I've been up to without deeper context, shall I?</p><p>Had a day off today. Went to Edinburgh to do some dancing with the <i>Dindaru Dandaru</i> folks. Tried to get cat food my cats like, so there is enough for them to <i>nom nom</i> while we're away next week. The shop didn't have it, so that will be tomorrow's mission to complete. Did some laundry. Did some research on these new meds I'll be taking, and that took up a lot more time than I initially thought, but I feel like the knowledge base is decent now. Still have to go pack for our wee trip away. </p><p>Work has been alright. We have some new staff starting this month, training, and all that, super fun (naaaaat). I do not think my patience is mature enough for such tasks, but hey, I can do it, <i>nae bother</i>. Small menu changes coming our way. Just your usual work-related things that are absolutely irrelevant to anyone who isn't actually working there too. </p><p>The never-ending studies are looming to a dreadful culmination in a few months. </p><p>Our two beautiful cats are doing well, not getting along, but doing well on their own turf and terms. </p><p>Husbandito is doing well, busy working and volunteering with the Cubs, having a good time. </p><p>We went to see a couple movies from the Glasgow Film Festival. That was fun. And tomorrow we leave for a small trip to chillax and escape the routine a bit. </p><p><br /></p><p>Life is good. I guess that's what I wanted to say. It's a little mundane, but I love it. </p><p><br /></p><p>Bye now, see you in another year or so. (?)</p>Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-58188784812839508822021-08-13T13:18:00.001-04:002021-08-13T13:21:31.766-04:00Hello dragonfly, what time is it?<p>My thoughts have been wandering places again, and it has led me here. I've missed you, my dear dragonfly. Lately, I've been thinking about time again. How it's fluid and solid depending on what is next saved in your google calendar. I've taken out the trash, Wednesday is long gone. I've input the October appointments. It's all so bleak. Why is time always strategically trying to screw us? What did we do to it to deserve such betrayal? It remains silent to my endless sea of questions; it just keeps ticking forward and never back. </p><p><br /></p><p>I want to scribble my thoughts, so I have some snapshots of today's memories. I don't want them to just disappear into the nothingness that we call life. Today is my day off. These last couple of days the weather has been miserable. We had more than a fair share of summer this year, I must be honest about that. The sun was spoiling us, or was it global warming? Who knows anyway(?). I don't like to get up to too much on days off, I don't like to disappoint myself. We had a lovely date night yesterday though, yes, despite the weather being absolute shit. Any time spent together feels way better than a boatload of sun anyway. The feeling cannot be written down, it can not be expressed, not even drawn. It's beautiful at its core, heart-warming shells around it, and draped in wholesome happiness... Something like that, but waaaaay better. I can honestly say that I love that man more and more each day. </p><p><br /></p><p>Work has been alright, dare I say it, it's actually been good. It has its challenges, and not-so-great-days, but I don't feel as bad before going to work. I don't know what it is. I bet it's all in the head, I can't let my thoughts run wild without a leash. They go to bad places. I get shit days too, when everything seems to be failing and falling into the wrong places, and just when you think that things cannot possibly go worse, life throughs a brick straight to the face. These days happen, and I think getting through them is what has created this feeling that it's better now. Is it better now, or is it just an illusion? </p><p><br /></p><p>I miss people, I miss family and friends in Latvia, and it honestly breaks my heart. It sucks, sucks a fuckton. </p><p><br /></p><p>Right, time to put the leash back onto these thoughts and wonder other corridors of this head of mine. </p><p><br /></p><p>Come, take my hand and let's go for a walk in this wonderful rainfall, the flooded streets, the sun teasing avenues.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6aMxCTi8SOs/YRap_x-eV1I/AAAAAAABOvA/aO5UHXGEDh8RstZ790JTlLpdFO4ybw8qgCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/PXL_20210806_120828546.PORTRAIT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6aMxCTi8SOs/YRap_x-eV1I/AAAAAAABOvA/aO5UHXGEDh8RstZ790JTlLpdFO4ybw8qgCPcBGAsYHg/w150-h200/PXL_20210806_120828546.PORTRAIT.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-74806037838886122372021-04-22T16:10:00.000-04:002021-04-22T16:10:00.352-04:00Un tu?<p>
Es vēlētos dzīvot pasaku namiņā, kas atrodas meža vidū. Tas iebūvēts zābakā.
Jā, zābakā! Kurpju šņores kalpotu kā žalūzijas. Tās dienā varētu atvērt
ielaist nelielu saules staru, kas ieceļotu caur koku zariem. Bet naktī
aizvērt, lai mēness gaisma nekož caurumus ciešā miega sapņos. Netālu varētu dzirdēt nelielas upes ūdens straumi, kā tas nesas lejā pa ūdens kritumu. Zābaka augšu mēs
aizšūtu ciet, lai lietus un sniegs nekrīt uz galvas, un, lai skudras nezog
brokastis no galda. Mums būtu nelielas kāpnes, kas vestu līdz guļamistabas
logam, lai pēc nakts pastaigām var doties pa taisno uz sapņu zemi. Pirmajā
stāvā mums būtu glauna dzīvojamā istaba, kur mēs uzņemtu viesus. Tai būtu
aitādas paklājs, lai pēdām allaž silti. Un uz maza galdiņa vienmēr būtu karsta
un pilna tējas kanna. Tai blakus nelielas, trauslas porcelāna tasītes, un
saldummīļiem, svaigas īrisa konfektes. Mēs klausītos latviešu tautas dziesmas,
kas spēlētu vecā radio kastē. Mums būtu iedomīgs kaķis, kas sēdētu istabas
stūrī un vērotu visus ar niķīgu skatu. Mēs pa dienu ietu lasīt sēnes un ogas,
vakarā dzertu tēju, bet naktī mēs sapņotu par to kā būtu, ja būtu.
</p>
<p><br /></p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_nAcgzAgwLQ/YIHW048lSBI/AAAAAAABLS4/rZgg1zLvsNgdenYtZ1SkSkm6gDt2novjQCLcBGAsYHQ/s4032/PXL_20210422_155101851.PORTRAIT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_nAcgzAgwLQ/YIHW048lSBI/AAAAAAABLS4/rZgg1zLvsNgdenYtZ1SkSkm6gDt2novjQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/PXL_20210422_155101851.PORTRAIT.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-72666346602354909042020-10-28T09:58:00.000-04:002020-10-28T09:58:13.123-04:00Peachy July ThoughtsThe other day we went to Lidl to get some shopping done. Life has turned upside down for everyone in 2020, hasn't it? We got our facemasks, and into the shop we went. There it's been a while now that we have wear some sort of face cover in shops, so many now think that it does not apply to them. Rules are clearly made to be broken. People don't seem to care about others' personal space, and even less now. Everyone acts as if we're not in this together.<br />
We got our shopping done, I got some peaches, but still a bit tough, so will be good a few days later. Got a nice sticky toffee pudding for my name day celebration.<br />
On the Saturday we celebrated our "would be our wedding day". We got Paesano pizza takeaway and wine, and cheesecake from Tesco. Not usually a fan of cheesecakes, but this one was with passion fruit and raspberries, sweet but tangy. Kinda like life is, and what I expect married life to be.<br />
Even though we didn't actually get married, it still feels like an important time in our relationship. And it's maybe even better, because we know for sure what we want, to be together. People get cancelled weddings for far worse reasons, right? At least we still got each other. ❤️<br /><br />Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-10988949933429272742020-03-16T20:11:00.001-04:002020-03-16T20:11:46.131-04:00Es gribu aizmirst Es gribu aizmirst kāpēc nesāp,<br />
Gribu atrast pazudušo mūzu.<br />
Gribu, lai nedaudz sāp;<br />
Tā pa īstam, lai varu tev ko uzrakstīt.<br />
<br />
Gribu aizmirst par veselo saprātu,<br />
Gribu apmaldīties.<br />
Gribu aizlidot tālu prom.<br />
<br />
Bet nē, -<br />
Negribu pazaudēt<br />
Visu atrasto.Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-80297992355478243232019-10-30T19:37:00.000-04:002019-11-12T03:31:20.655-05:00Man sāp tava galva.I was going to write in English today, but this title <b>"Man sāp tava galva"</b> doesn't really translate into English well. Best I could think of is "Your head hurts mine," maybe you have a better suggestion?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm going to try and be as honest as my fingers and mind will let me. </div>
<br />
I just realised that I haven't changed my facebook profile picture since January of this year. It lead me to thinking <i>why so?</i> and the immediate answer is that I like to change it after I've travelled somewhere new. But the truth is travel hasn't really been feasible this year. 2019 has had immense ups and downs.. Where to begin?<br />
<br />
A couple of good friends left work earlier this year, and I got to step into one of their shoes - I got promoted. I had been looking for such change for a while now as I had hit a wall in a sense that responsibilities had become dull.<br />
<br />
I signed up to continue studies at OU.<br />
<br />
My amazing boyfriend popped the question, and we're getting married next year.<br />
<br />
<br />
I went to see ENT doctor as my referral from mouth doctor finally came through. Many tests and scans later ....<br />
Tuned out that the lump that had been growing in my neck for years was <i>cancer, </i>or as doctors like to call it <i>carcinoma</i>. Whatever, I call it <i>The C word</i> as the other two arise awkwardness in people. But that's just the beginning! Thyroid cancer is fairly rare. There are four main types, papillary (8 out of 10 cases), follicular (1 out of 10 cases), medullary (1 out of 10 cases) and anaplastic (very rare, more aggressive 1 in 50 cases). While thyroid cancer is more common in women, that is the case only for the first two types. The other two affect men and women equally. The one I had/have is medullary. As the cause and location of the four is different, so is the treatment. However, the primary treatment is surgical removal of the carcinoma. So I was scheduled for that and it was done in May. Medullary thyroid cancer doesn't have specific treatment afterwards as it will differ from case to case. For me, they will monitor <i>calcitonin </i>and <i>CEA</i> levels in my blood forever and if/when they go too high they do something about it. According to the doctor this will happen relatively soon, but they can't know when or where. Then it's either further surgery and/or trial drugs that seem to be doing wonders, but then again, who knows? As the reason for my <i>C </i>is a genetic condition these new drugs should work as they target the RET gene.<br />
<br />
So, yes, as it turns out I have an extremely rare genetic mutation (it is hereditary, however I am a <i>de novo</i> case as neither of my parents have it). It is called MEN2B (or MEN3) - Multiple endocrine neoplasia tybe 2b. MEN has different types, and, of course, I have one of the rare ones, because if I have a very rare genetic mutation, why not make it the super rare one? Well, funnily enough this explains ALL the weird things about my body now <u>and</u> while I was growing up. I won't go into them just now, but I would like to finish on a slightly more positive note.<br />
<br />
Knowing that I have this rare condition has given me some sort of peace. It explains literally everything that has made me feel like an outsider all my life, and reading all those symptoms has made me feel like <i>I belong</i> somewhere. So through facebook I have found different groups and people; and even people with the <i>same condition</i>. Yes, they are across the world, but I have people to chat to that understand me, and I can understand them.<br />
<br />
My <i>now</i> fiance has been my Rock, and my family have been amazingly supportive! ❤<br />
<br />
Well this has been me procrastinating, back to the books!<br />
<br />
<i>Publish<b><span style="font-size: large;">?</span></b> save<b><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></b></i><br />
<br />
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I don't make stuff up (aka sources)</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/thyroid-cancer/">https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/thyroid-cancer/</a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/thyroid-cancer/about/what-is-thyroid-cancer.html">https://www.cancer.org/cancer/thyroid-cancer/about/what-is-thyroid-cancer.html</a></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/thyroid-cancer/understanding-cancer/types-of-thyroid-cancer/medullary-thyroid-cancer.html#12767">https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/thyroid-cancer/understanding-cancer/types-of-thyroid-cancer/medullary-thyroid-cancer.html#12767</a></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="https://www.cancer.net/cancer-types/multiple-endocrine-neoplasia-type-2">https://www.cancer.net/cancer-types/multiple-endocrine-neoplasia-type-2</a></div>
Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-15076091830522068052019-10-04T18:51:00.000-04:002019-10-04T18:52:16.131-04:00JournalMy thoughts are like a sleeveless shirt - absolute rubbish when it gets cold. Could someone please kindly turn off winter vibes? Pretty please? It's a bit difficult to concentrate when the sunlight is hiding, and when birds don't sing as loud as they do in summer time. Mind goes black as my feet struggle to stay warm in the <i>super</i> cosy warm socks. Memory seems to fail me in short term tasks, just like a summer dress fails to cover ones body. Sometimes I honestly wonder, how can they be called piece of clothing, when nothing is left for ones imagination? One can wonder, right?<br />
<br />
I'm trying to write another journal. I've not done that for years now. But thoughts all just boil into a tasteless soup. Many years in the future, I think, I will wonder what the every-day life was like. I'll ponder about what my happiness levels were, and what my thought demons were up to. I want to have something to go back to. Something for myself to remind me how to pretend to be sane in times of madness. I want to have a droplet of hope when pain seems to overwhelm. Like some sort of survival guide, but not really. I want to remember forever what it's like to be me, I don't want to lose myself too much. As these years have passed, I have discovered that I'm not such a terrible person. One must always remain true to oneself, and one must have pride, but also be humble.<br />
<br />
End of thought.<br />
Night, night.Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-63373243167622951312019-09-27T18:37:00.001-04:002019-10-04T18:55:19.068-04:00Kur paliek tās dvēseles, kas apmaldās? Šķiet, ka pagājusi mūžības laika tiesa kopš pēdējo reizi te kas rakstīts. Kā gan dzīvē tā gadās, ka neilgā laika posmā viss šķiet pavisam savādāk. Kas tā bija par meiteni, kas te gadiem ilgi bārstija savus domu graudus? Kur gan noklīdusi viņas dvēselīte?<br />
<br />
Ir vērtības, kas no tiesas nemainās. Tēja, kā vienmēr, patīk vairāk remdena kā verdoša. Ceļošanai parasti nav nepieciešams nekas daudz vairāk par ērtiem apaviem un pasi. Kaķi ir forši. Mūžīgi mācos.<br />
Bet ir dziļš dvēseles miers, tas Violai, Lolai, Lanai (..) nekad nebija. Viņa nesaprata kā ir, kad ir forši pat tad, kad liekas, ka visa pasaule brūk un jūk. Viņa uztraucās par to zemi zem kājām, kas grima, bet ne par debesu loku, kas pēkšņi pavērās, kad uzplauka spārni. Viņai tie spārni laikam vēl nebija. Tie nāk ar gadiem.<br />
Vienmēr ir tāds nemiers prātā un garā, bet es zinu kur atrodas labie emociju viļņi.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eVmuuNzh8fE/XY6O9cZRyQI/AAAAAAAA0EI/qC9Y316GGhEQcHaaB90XwEPlDqn48MpwACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/IMG_20190927_231857_367.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1184" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eVmuuNzh8fE/XY6O9cZRyQI/AAAAAAAA0EI/qC9Y316GGhEQcHaaB90XwEPlDqn48MpwACLcBGAsYHQ/s400/IMG_20190927_231857_367.jpg" width="242" /></a></div>
<br />Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-29579631950039426052018-04-07T18:15:00.000-04:002019-06-15T11:08:06.546-04:00Atmiņu pērles<div style="text-align: center;">
Sadrūp puteķu celi,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Izjūk smilšu pilis. </div>
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Kāds spārda manas atmiņu pērles.</div>
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Sāp(?)</div>
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Nesāp. </div>
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Es nezinu kā to sauc. </div>
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<div style="text-align: right;">
Sept. 2016</div>
Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-70381723737095357762016-10-03T19:27:00.000-04:002019-06-15T11:08:06.911-04:00OctoberThe damn time is playing an endless game with me. I just can not catch up. My skull is itchy. The white organic tea (<i>my favourite(?)</i>) is getting cold. The second chocolate chip cookie is lying next to me waiting to be consumed. The weather outside has noticeably gotten colder. When walking at night I see cars covered in water vapour. The sun would be long gone. The mountains that could be seen during the day are gone, almost as if they set with the sun. It's odd. Every year the seasons play this funky game with us, and every year we see it with new eyes. I wonder if this feeling that takes over is one of the good ones, or the ones that should be avoided. It's cold. But I suppose it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative thing. Right?<br />
<br />
Sorry, not sorry. I tend to talk to myself like that.<br />
<br />
The other day I remembered that a couple months ago I purchased a discounted mixer. That made me think that I would like to make a nice tiramisu cake. But then I remembered that I had purchased some form the shop not more than a week ago. So I decided to forget about that thought. But here I am going through the layers of my memory.<br />
<br />
I keep reading these unending travel articles online. We do get the <i>news</i> that we ask for. As it seems, I have surrounded myself in everything travel related. It's my addiction. I can never get enough. They say it makes people <b>happy</b>. <br />
<br />
And then this other article one of the most common regrets of dying people was that they wished they had traveled more. That makes me think it will be one off the list once I get older. But I don't really believe in regretting things. I am who I am because of what has and hasn't happened to me in my life so far. And every now and then I meet people that I feel embarrassed for and I think to myself how glad and happy, and lucky I am not to be like that. Sound a bit rude? Maybe arrogant? So what?Everyone is a little. At least I know I'm not perfect. And I am fine with it.<br />
<br />
I thought this would be a constructive post, but I ended up babbling about everything and nothing all at the same time. Oh well.<br />
<br />
All that because it's October.<br />
Heck, it's October.<br />
<br />
And no one woke me up when September ended.<br />
Shame on you.Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-25748047631693956962016-04-04T13:24:00.000-04:002019-06-15T11:08:06.511-04:00This SongSome weeks ago I came across this song. I think it was playing in a shop or some pub. It washed over me like a wave. <i>I know this song!</i> I looked it up by the lyrics I heard. I was able to find the song, however where ever I was, the connection was very poor. So I took a cheeky screen shot on my phone. And today I came across this picture as i was browsing old stuff on my phone.<br />
It's a song from 2005 by Röyksopp, a duet from Norway. This song gives me a magical sense. It touches the memory pearls like a mother would touch her newborn child. These memories are not tangible, but they are there, I just can't really see them. But i feel them. I feel a sense of wonder, and most definitely heavy nostalgia. It doesn't weigh me down, it leaves me wondering, as if I am in a fairy-tale. All this mystery makes me love this song. It's going on repeat.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Now playing</span>: <b>Röyksopp - What Else Is There</b></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/AgyfzTSi6dg" width="480"></iframe></div>
Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-30865091199622826412016-01-31T05:39:00.000-05:002019-06-15T11:08:06.558-04:00Janvāris.Laimes dalīšana.<br />
Kur man likt visu šo laimīti? Kaklā iekārt? Iebērt burkā, vai pienaglot pie sienas, lai neaizbēg?<br />
Vēlos jums visiem novēlēt šo laimi, jo kur gan es viens pats ar tik daudz laimi likšos? Man nav vietas, kabatas plīst jau pušu. Un es gribu, lai visiem tiek neliela laimes kripatiņa. Gribu, lai katram tiek lērums laimes, lai iemirdzas prieks, vēl gaišāks kā Ziemassvētku brīnums. Es gribu iekrāsot pasauli vēl neredzētos toņos. Gribu, lai cilvēki redz, ka patiesai laimei vajag ļoti, ļoti nedaudz. Un vajag, lai ir grūti, lai katru dienu ir par ko cīnīties, jo tas dod vēlmi novērtēt visu labo, kas tev ir. Es tā gribu, lai tu saproti manu domu - lai nepārproti mani. Nekad nebūs viegli, ja gribi patiesu laimi, tev tā ir jāizprot un jānovērtē. Citādi, tā kā smiltis izskries caur pirkstiem. <br />
Viss, es eju būt laimīgs. <br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lqAwUdexSpc/Vq3jyNgsbDI/AAAAAAAAU-E/gK-ztb90bUI/s1600/faces.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="151" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lqAwUdexSpc/Vq3jyNgsbDI/AAAAAAAAU-E/gK-ztb90bUI/s400/faces.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-70560799039397522492015-10-07T17:06:00.000-04:002019-06-15T11:08:06.924-04:00"..un es palieku tumsā."<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">2015. gada 26. augustā</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Lisabonā</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Pazudusi</span></b></div>
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Kurp man mesties nemiera laikos?<br />
Manī plosās nezināms spēks.<br />
Es jūtu bezmiera dvēseles,<br />
Tās vajā mani miegā.<br />
Es izkrītu kā poga<br />
Cauri palaga caurumiem.<br />
Tie aizlāpas paši ciet<br />
Un es palieku tumsā,<br />
Es nevaru atgriezties.<br />
Gumijas zābaki ūdens pilni.<br />
Man neceļas kājas,<br />
Nekustas rokas.<br />
Brīžiem liekas, ka pat sirds stājas.Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-33914609009517228532015-09-10T18:00:00.000-04:002019-06-15T11:08:06.596-04:00Le Birthday's ApproachingThese days nothing really comes as a surprise, it's been a while since I felt really surprised about something.<br />
Life is changing, a lot. The passed few months have really been a roller-coaster with some real bad downs and some fascinating ups. It's been difficult to stay positive at times, but with the right attitude and while keeping great people close to me, I have managed to come to where I am at now. September, it has arrived. Yet another September. While in school, it used to mean a new beginning. But this time I am having a new beginning without having to go to school. It's ANOTHER start. It's yet another section starting.<br />
I've had more fresh starts than many people combined. Maybe that's what is my thing, starting things anew. Heck knows.<br />
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And yes, birthday is approaching, it will be next week. This year it will be a bit special. ;)<br />
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Well. My thoughts are still a mess, but some things I am more certain about than others, so that's marvellous.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Song for the mood these days: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpOSxM0rNPM" target="_blank">Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know? </a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #444444;">"'Cause there's this tune I found <br />That makes me think of you somehow</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #444444;">And I play it on repeat</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #444444;">Until I fall asleep"</span></span></blockquote>
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Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-59178982403183200872015-08-03T12:18:00.000-04:002019-06-15T11:08:06.823-04:00How I Realized that I Enjoy Life<b>Life is beautiful</b> and I like it. It's my one love that will be with me till the end.<br />
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This post comes as a surprise to myself (and maybe some others). I look sad, and my mind tends to be on a very strange vibration. I am somewhat masochistic, I like pain and suffering. But why?<br />
<b>Pain in beautiful. </b>I like it because it makes me feel alive. It makes makes me appreciate the times when I don't suffer.<br />
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Back to the point. How I came to realize that I enjoy life. I like people, I don't, but I do. I manage to find something good about everyone and I concentrate on those things. That's why I can't say that I hate anyone. Some would call that being an ass-kisser. But I don't care. I believe that everyone has their pros.<br />
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People are not the only <i>things</i> that I can always view in a positive light. That happens to everything. Yes! <b>Everything is beautiful. </b>When ever people ask me about my favourite things (music, city, county, city, food, drink, pass time....) I always say that either I like a lot of things or I name a few. Why, because everything has it's good part. For example, favourite dish, I love food and I enjoy all kinds of flavours, how can I pick just one dish? <br />
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So I've realized that there is always something good and positive, no matter what the thing, idea, situation .. is. And I see it because I enjoy viewing life from a genuine viewpoint. Of course I see bad things all the time, but if I concentrate on them more than the good things I will end up being sad and radiating negative energy.<br />
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I've said it. Life is beautiful. And I have no shame of saying it now when I am at an extremely low point in life. Because pain too can be beautiful, and knowledge that it will be better makes me happy.<br />
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Keep on livin' homies.Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-74355890400015397002015-06-29T19:07:00.000-04:002019-06-15T11:08:06.967-04:00Nothing is Everything I know it's bad to write ideas that are difficult for people to comprehend. Such as, <i>nothing is everything. </i>It confuses people and so they feel foolish or dense. As a result they choose not to read the thing and then they forget about it. Maybe they really are foolish for fooling themselves so easily. But there are some rare souls who don't mind the feeling of being tricked. They want to read on the to make some sort of sense out of it. They might not get the idea, but they will get something out of it, because we always see what we want to see and what we want to believe.<br />
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And I believe that I am not a people's person. Sure I can smile, say that I'm doing just fine. I will ask you how you're doing, and I will listen in delight.<br />
But real relationships aren't my cup of tea. After the big listening I'll sympathise with your situation, but that's where it stops. I am unable to maintain any real relationship with the people that actually matter to me. I lack that skill.<br />
Maybe I never really tried to develop it. But here I am, with no one I can call my buddy. In an odd way it's soothing. However, sometimes I really wish I had put in some effort to be better at this. Sometimes I do wish to not be a rock. But luckily, that's just sometimes. Mostly I like being a lone wolf.Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-38709671945933664692015-06-01T14:53:00.000-04:002019-06-15T11:08:06.620-04:00Day 23It's no secret that I simply love travelling. To be more precise, in a way I'm addicted to travelling. I have been to over 30 countries worldwide, and I can not wait to see more places, to meet more interesting people and to experience new cultures. Here's a short extract from my last trip..<br />
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<b>Day 23</b> of travelling non-stop.<br />
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Honestly, first thing that comes to mind is how exhausting it is, it's truly exhausting. But adventurous and addictive at the same time. Like a new drug you start using and now can't live a day without it.<br />
You might wonder what exactly is exhausting. For starters, meeting new people. When travelling by hitchhiking, and meeting people via Couch Surfing, socializing is a must. You can hate it, but why hate it if you can choose to love it? It's never boring hearing other people stories and adventures, and experiences. Your mind opens more and more each day. You become a sponge that soaks up everything that surrounds you. You become immune to discomfort and to the annoying things. You become like a bridge, many cross your path, you both get something out of the experience. You build tolerance for the world around you.<br />
When you start to travel, you think you'll find answers, but the truth is more and more questions arise and nothing seems certain any more. Your shoes are worn out, the sole is falling off and the stiches are falling apart. But the memories they carry and their comfort are good enough reasons to not toss them away. Your clothing becomes worn out. You wear pretty much the same thing for a week..and do so until you run out of clean clothing. You realize that even though your luggage is small, there are still things that you have not used.<br />
My favorite jeans became so worn out that I had to change them and leave them behind in some public restroom. I've been lucky many times, I feel uncomfortable saying I'm unlucky because suddenly a string of bad events happen. I know that things can change around any second. They can get better or worse... Either way, I know I will get through it. Nothing really comes as a big surprise.<br />
Good weather makes the day brighter, while not-so-good weather is great for a change, for a challenge... Sometimes it simply works as a reasons to bring out the warmer clothes. It gives a good reasons to wonder in a museum, quite shop or even the local library (even though most books are in a language I don't speak.)<br />
My face is covered in freckles because of the amount of time I have spent outside. A 5 km walk seems like a piece of cake because I walk about 20 almost every day. Sometimes I get a feeling I know other cities better than my own. I love trying local cuisine.<br />
I do feel exhausted, but the will to keep going is too strong to stop.<br />
I've stolen a beer jug, I've went on tram rides without buying a ticket. I have lied to people and made some of them sad. But the truth is, for most people I will be just a memory, at best, they might remember my name.. But that's not very likely. But I will not remember their names either. I will recall their stories, and I will remember how I felt when with them.<br />
But in the end I know I'll be alone. And, if I'm lucky, I might remember my own name and where I am from.Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-80667778091656639462015-02-07T23:43:00.001-05:002019-06-15T11:08:07.061-04:00Ak jūs nolaupītieTo, ko man pasacīja pastnieks vai kaimiņu suns es paslēpšu zem spilvena. Tad kādā naktī, kad man beidzot izdosies aizmigt, es sapņošu par visu to, kas reiz tika sacīts. Mani smacēs domas par nenozagtiem bērniem un aizmirstām zvaigznēm. Es bļaušu spilvenā par to cik ļoti, ļoti man nepatīk, ka aukstās ziemas naktīs no gaisa krīt pretīgais lietus. Bet tas man neko neatbildēs. Es tajā kā ar dūres vēzienu iedzīšu asaras, bet tas neko neizpratīs. Es tam gribēšu nodarīt pāri, gribēšu uzdāvināt sāpes. Bet ko gan spilvens var just?<br />
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Īsais plikpauris pasmiesies par manis vārīto kafiju, bet es tam tik nodošu dusmīgu vērienu, kas tas būs aizgriezies prom. Man nerūp ko viņš zin, ko nezin, ko saka, vai ko domā. Man vispār ir vienalga.<br />
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Bet man patīk pilnmēnesī vazāties pa pilsētas ielām. Es iztēlojos, ka cilvēki ir sajukuši prātā, jo domā, ka asins spiediens ir uzkāpis augstu. Viņi tic, ka kaut kur kaimiņu mājā tup vilkacis un viņus vēro. Viņi paši nezin, ka vēlas būt nolaupīti. Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-7548073759587583972015-01-25T16:48:00.001-05:002019-06-15T11:08:07.001-04:00Let's Talk About it - The Awkward SilenceSomehow a recent chat with a friend brought up the feel about awkward silences. She said that a guy-friend of hers had told her that it's nice to talk to her as there are no awkward silences.<br />
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And so I remembered the years when I was in Canada. If you do not know, here's a fact about Canadians: They simply hate the so called awkward silences. They have this constant urge to fill in every second with words. It is like a plague. And if they fail to produce a sound, they, of course, have to apologize for it! It's quite ridiculous. As for me, I'm Latvian, we are very different from Canadians. We like to be quite, and we like to keep to ourselves, some more than others, but in comparison, most Latvians will not like if you talk non-stop. <br />
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So very often when I would be in a room with one or more Canadians, they would feel pressured to talk. And, naturally, they expected everyone else to pitch into the conversation. When I did not speak as much as they would like, I could see that they begun to feel uncomfortable. It was like someone was pinching them, or as if someone was saying something extremely controversial, or as if they really needed to use the toilet, but couldn't... like something was seriously bothering them. I have to admit that I made fun of this in my head. They have this urge to produce a useless conversation, it's like an addiction. And if it does not go as <i>planned</i>, they went ahead and kept talking.<br />
What do they talk about, one might wonder.<br />
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Weather, that's a no briner. It's always changing, and so is a good chat material. You can talk about it at any given time, as the weather is a continuous thing. Winter is cold and filled with snow, summer is hot, fall is rainy....and so on. <br />
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Hockey! They either talk about their favourite teams, or if they don't like hockey, they will talk about how much they dislike hockey! They will also go as far as talking about equipment and different leagues and levels of hockey. All this talk will lead in talking about other kinds of sports (or the dislike of all other kinds of sports). I must add, though, that most Canadians do like sports! Now that, in my opinion, is a good and healthy thing!<br />
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They will also talk about what ever is happening around. If it's a chat at work or school they'll talk about tasks, meeting, classes, bosses, teachers, ....etc.<br />
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They also will compliment each other. Then the small talk goes into talking about where the certain thing was gotten and they will talk about that thing. For example, if I would have a scarf from a friend, the other person would say: "what a lovely scarf you have, looks good with that jacket! Where did you get it?" To this I will reply that I borrowed it from a friend. The other person would then say: "Oh, really? I do that too sometimes. Me and one of my friends, we swap and borrow things all the time." ... Well you get the point, don't you?<br />
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What is my say? I think people should not fill every moment with some pointless conversation. It is highly annoying, and brings no good. I like silences, I love them, and I feel perfectly comfortable when no one is saying anything. I think this should be practiced more often.<br />
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Maybe people fear their own thoughts and that's why if there is a silence, they have to call it <i>awkward</i>. .. Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-1995240584264629542015-01-15T00:19:00.000-05:002019-06-15T11:08:06.460-04:00Es negribu visā uzreiz atzīties.Bet man regulāri sāp galva un domās plosās nemierīgs vējš. Man bieži ir bail un gribas paslēpties, tā, lai neviens mani neredz un nekad neatrod. Es raugos cauri netīriem stikliem kā uz manas mātes zemes netiklās miesas sniegpārslas krīt. Tas ir tik maigas kā maza bērna pieskāriens. Man acīs uzplaukst asaras, te skumjas mīt. Bet kaut kur dziļi, dziļi sirdī ir tāds prieks, tāds prieks, ka nesaprotu, kā dienas nepaiet vienos priekos.<br />
Jā, tas tiesa, ka sevi izprast - neizprotu. Ir reizes, kad pati slīgstu savās izplūdušajās domās. Tad es kā maza, vāja buru laiva triecos pret tālā okeāna viļņiem. Manī mīt spēks, bet to pārskalo tās asaras, kas klīst pār maniem vaigiem.<br />
Es pārāk bieži jūtos bezspēcīga. <b>Parasti </b>spēks man palīdz to noslēpt no citiem mirstīgajiem.Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-46047966062724104302015-01-09T01:06:00.003-05:002019-06-15T11:08:06.683-04:00Je Suis Charlie<span style="font-size: large;">Why?</span><br />
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<b>Je suis Charlie </b>because I care.<br />
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<b>Je suis Charlie </b>because I have friend who are Muslim, who would never think of killing another human being.<br />
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<b>Je suis Charlie </b>because I have friends of many different backgrounds who would never think of killing another human being.<br />
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<b>Je suis Charlie </b>because I do not want to see people choosing sides because of what happened in Paris on 7th of January.<br />
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<b>Je suis Charlie </b>because I am human and I would not choose to kill innocent people because they have different views as me.<br />
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<b>Je suis Charlie </b>because there are better ways to show who you are and what you're made of.<br />
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<b>Je suis Charlie </b>we have one planet Earth and we are all responsible for each other.<br />
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<b>Je suis Charlie </b>because humans are the kind of species that have the intellect to control their own actions.<br />
Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-15239993279338179312015-01-07T21:20:00.001-05:002019-06-15T11:08:06.447-04:00Where Did Viola Go?As of January 7, 2015 I am no longer <i>Viola</i>, now I am Marta.<br />
Why Marta, obviously because that is my real name. I have been living in some places online as Violeta Viola. But it's time I face the world as real me.<br />
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ALSO, of course, Happy New Year! :)Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-49573530279122026182014-11-04T23:42:00.001-05:002019-06-15T11:08:06.709-04:00You Want to See More<div dir="ltr">
So now I have created a new blog where you will see some things from our trip.</div>
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<a href="http://cyclingseasia.blogspot.com/">Cycling in South East Asia</a><a href="http://cyclingseasia.blogspot.com/"> </a><a href="http://cyclingseasia.blogspot.com/"></a><a href="http://cyclingseasia.blogspot.com/"> </a><a href="http://cyclingseasia.blogspot.com/"></a><br />
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<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-D1hPyUi0VeM/VFmqtfDxEKI/AAAAAAAAI44/xsDQCbxObSU/s1600/IMG_20141104_200755.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-D1hPyUi0VeM/VFmqtfDxEKI/AAAAAAAAI44/xsDQCbxObSU/s640/IMG_20141104_200755.jpg" height="240" width="320" /> </a> </div>
Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-39427360505960294602014-11-02T18:21:00.001-05:002019-06-15T11:08:06.646-04:00From Here to There<p dir="ltr">November finally arrived. But before that end of October happened. On the last Wednesday of October I went to "trim" my hair. It is now half the length it was. (It is still long though!) </p>
<p dir="ltr">On Thursday it was a tough day at uni. But after that I had a nice lunch with a couple of my friends. Then later, in the evening, I was visiting my brother for his birthday dinner. It was great to see my niece again. She is growing rapidly. We stayed there till late and were home a bit after midnight. It ended up being a long night with packing, shower, doing laundry, and tiding up the mess I had produced in the last few months. I got to bed at six in the morning. My alarm was set for 7:30. I woke up 5 minutes before it went off. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Now it was Friday, the very day that I was patiently waiting for. That's the day when, what should be the greatest trip if my life so far, was about to begin. I flew to Lisbon to see my boyfriend. He was waiting for me at the arrivals, with a flower! :) We seized the last bit of the day we had by going a bit out in the city. Again, arriving after midnight home, we started packing, this time Pedro's things. It went a bit hectic, but by four in the morning we were fast asleep.</p>
<p dir="ltr">With most things packed we let ourselves sleep so we would be somewhat rested for our first flight together. With everything ready to go, bags and bikes packed, Pedro went to get his father and then we drove to the airport. At the check in we had a bit of a scare, the lady at the Emirates desk said that I could only get a 15 day visa for our final destination, so she could not. Check us in because we had our return flights only in 5 weeks. But luckily we had purchased another flight for us for while on the trip, so we had theoretical proof that we'll be leaving Thailand before the 15 days expire. With all that settled we now had to pass our bikes through the oversized luggage scanner, and help the woman working there bring the bike boxes to the other side. :D  We then bought some wine and headed for our gate. The flight was long, more than seven hours. And at Dubai we were not able to land because the airport was busy, so we took an extra minutes just circulating above Dubai. We landed passed two at night local time. Luckily our CS host Jihad was still waiting for us at the airport to take us to his place. With him was another surfer, Vaidas. This guy is from Lithuania, but has also lived in Norway, and in Canada for several years. Now he was on his journey to see every country in the world!! At our host's place we had a quick chat but soon went to sleep. It had been a long day! </p>
<p dir="ltr">We all slept in even though that was not the plan. We planned to leave the apartment by 10, but Jihad had to be in work. He had called work that he would be late, but because he sounded ill, his colleague said to stay home for the day. So now he was our awesome "sick" driver and tour guide. He really turned out to be one of the best hosts ever! Impressive! <br>
We got to see some of Dubai. Before our flight we met an old colleague of Pedro's, had a nice quick dinner. And then our host drove us to the airport. We found our terminal, our boarding gate, and we were ready to take off for Bangkok! </p>
<p dir="ltr">And that is where we are right now. :) </p>
Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3877507858481999571.post-7785867485634561902014-10-04T16:34:00.002-04:002019-06-15T11:08:07.048-04:004. oktobris<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "GungsuhChe",Courier,monospace;">12. saeimas vēlēšanas. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "GungsuhChe",Courier,monospace;">Izdrāzti cilvēki no augšas līdz apakšai. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "GungsuhChe",Courier,monospace;">Patiešām pretīgi! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "GungsuhChe",Courier,monospace;">Teju visiem kanditātiem es saku šo:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Freestyle Script",Courier,monospace; font-size: x-large;">The End!</span></div>
Martahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17332078825720152499noreply@blogger.com0