Saturday, 5 January 2013

You Should Know This

There is this thing that I have to tell you. You really deserve to know this. However, there are obstacles. There are facts, even digits in this fragile issue. This is not a quantity, this is an issue. It concerns only me and you, and no body else. Which is why I can not tell you. I have to, but my lips are sealed. My voice is mute, I can not say a word, not to you, not about this one thing. So it is easier to avoid you all in one, it is easier to stay astray and doodle off into my own little world. It is actually better this way.

You have to know just this one thing. You deserve that. It's the least I could do to support fairness in this world. But you've betrayed me once, twice, three times.. It became too much to count. So this time, when it really is a matter of your concern, I will make an exception. I will be selfish and put myself first. It might be about you, more that one could think, but it's more so about me. It is me.

I can not tell you. You would not know how to react. You would panic even. You'd lose your head. But me, I've got a special skill to handle such issues. I'll live through it.
I want to share with just one soul, just some one, anyone really. But no one would understand. No one has the ability to understand, even you don't.
I'd tell you. I'd tell you because it would be so much easier for me. I'd tell you because you have a right to know. I'd tell you because just maybe you'd have an opinion, or a previous experience. Maybe we could put our minds together and deal with this.
Who am I kidding? You would never help me out, even if it was for your own good. I can not tell you, for it is a secret. You talk to much, and your mouth is too big. I could not deal with thinking that too many ears know my secret.

So I will keep it to myself, and not tell a single soul. Eventually everything passes, and life returns to a certain cycle. But as I deal with this, all I ask is for you to leave me alone. Leave me be, and don't you dare even ask what's wrong. Because deep down we both know that you couldn't care less about me.

This shall be the second real secret in my life that no one knows. Ever. It will never be written down. It will never be said out loud. It is something that will pass. And maybe, just maybe, I'll forget about it one day.

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