Don't Wake Me Up

If I actually do fall asleep in September, make sure to not wake me up.
I can't think straight. I honestly need some REAL rest from everything, yes - every fucking thing. I'm way too exhausted to be functioning as a real human being. I am physically and emotionally tired. I need space. I need time. I need to manage my time, so I can rest.
I have to decide what to do...

Happy Much?

Life is getting to be more compete. I have set some sort of goals. While i might still not know what i want out of life, i can say I'm happy for now, I've gained a perspective on life. I've formed a personality of my own. And more and more my carelessness of other's opinion grows in size. I have faith in me and my future, no matter what it brings.

I'm very proud of myself that i can say that I'm happy and truly believe it. I've been let down by others and myself. But it seems that all the faith I've had in humanity has turned to faith in myself. This planet might still be doomed, but at least I'm happy. And you can be judgemental all you like.. i could not care less for what you have to say about me.

I feel like a melody, i feel like a weightless leaf that's falling from the highest branch of the tallest tree. It's windy and i could end up anywhere. That's how i see myself in life. And as long as I'm as happy as i am now, i will not mind landing even in a puddle. I love puddles.

Life now is a neat 7!

I Used to be Happy

It's quite sad to read my old, old posts and realize that the problems I had then are nothing compared to what kind of problems I have now. I used to pretend that my life was miserable because some guy never talked to me, even though I never even took the effort to talk to him. It's funny how perspective in life changes. It's interesting how we grow regardless of the achievements. We simply grow because of age. We grow old. I suppose this is what the grown-ups talk about when You're a kid yourself. The tables have turned now. And now I have to be a grown-up and say that when I was a kid.... It's odd to grow up. I mean in a way we all remain as kids, but we are mature kids.

 We all are kids with experience.

Optimistic

So much for the positivism that you wear each day like an old pair of socks. So much for being a good friend, when you're the one who leaves everyone behind while on a possibly final journey. You're a disgrace to human kind. You don't know where to stop. You fly in your dreams like a dragonfly. You can then stop and think; you can stop the time. No, wait, here goes another truth, it's not the time that's running, it's us. We never stop growing old. Take a breath, we're all young. We like to think otherwise because we are meant to grow up, that's what the society pushes on you. One should never stop dreaming like a child, one should always find happiness in little things. One should cry his/her eyes out if another homo sapience has done harm (physical or emotional). We should never lose the simplicity of love. It's wonderful to think of your dear ones as angels walking on the planet of earth. One should think of swearing as a terrible sin, that leads you into suffering. Bad words are followed by bad actions, we all know that. We should all, at least visually stay pure as the holy water. We must not forget that there's monsters hiding under the bed and in the closet.

We must stay brave, dream big dreams, and never give up on ourselves!

Dream 2

I have no idea why lately I've been having very vivid dreams. They feel like reality. Plus some minutes ago I watched the movie Inception where Leonardo di Caprio is playing lead. It's a movie about dreams, and dreams within dreams. I bet I'll get lost in my tonight's dream world. Not only are my dreams very vivid, they are also full of fiction, fantacy fiction. It's the type of stuff that I would very rarely read or watch. Last night's dream was about saving the world from the future. Basicaly the story was set a few years from now. The plot was that people from the future have come to destroy the earth because of how it looks like in the future. Aparently about a hundred or so years from now the world will look like a doomed land that has nothing humane left on it. We will be living amongst our own rubish. People will be fighting for clean air and water. It all seemed paradoxal since they could come to the past and try to kill us where as they could have gone to an even further past and get all the necessary resources they need. But I suppose it was strictly prohibited. Imagine bringing molecules from the past to the future. There would either be the same molecule twice, or there would be only one of that molecule (which would, in that case be only in the future)... It comes out to be very complex (in my mind), so I can't really explain it.

Anyway, I'll try to keep up with remembering my dreams. I find it fun. Plus it gives me ideas what to write about. These dreams feed my imagination (or vice verca).

Dream

I had a dream that they built a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere inSpain. It was well known that such thing would be done, but nobody knew why. It was up to me, a non-government inteligence agencies best fish to find out what was up with this thing. The light house had high security and no one could get in. The gate hadn't opened once since it was created. All the construction workers who were working on it had dissapeared out of country. As I was digging to find out anything about this mystery, I came across many wornings saying that I should stay away from investigation. However, I kept searching. I found out that this lighthouse was plotted by the US governemt. Though when I contacted certain individuals they had no idea what I was questioning about. Soon I found out that there were three other such misterious cases. One lighthouse had been built in mid Peru in a small town. Another one was located in North Russia. And the third one was in Pakistan in a city that had about the same population as the small town in Peru. I looked for patterns of the four locations. Only one was found, they all are located the same amount of kilometers from an ocean.

...

I'm Sorry

I have to learn to forget. It's been days, and weeks since we last met. And as I left you sitting there my heart was filled with joy. You sat there all alone with so many thoughts left unsaid.

Now I've learned that the most heart-breaking thing anyone could say is "I don't care." But I didn't know it back then, it didn't occure to me, even after you warned me. It's too late now, as I said, I'll not change my mind.

I just wish I could tell you that I'm sorry for all the things I said, without you expecting anything else. I'm sorry. So please don't come to say hi if you see me. Don't remind me about yourself with random calls on the weekends. Please walk out of dreams.

I must forget but you're making it too hard.