Wednesday 26 October 2011

Depressing

It's all about thinking. Once you think too much, it can sabotage your mental health. But if you don't think enough, then you can never experience life at it's fullest. It's hard to think just the right amount. First, because the right level of thinking is different for everyone of us. Second, once you've crossed the ultimate level of thinking, it's almost impossible to go back.

Anyway, i was thinking of how depressing it is to view yourself one of so many. Every one of us is just yet another human being to be living on this earth. See one is that you see yourself as one of the seven billion people living on this earth. However, further more, you are just one out of trillions that have lived on the earth. So many people have already lived, and not all of their lives have even been recorded. So now you see how tiny and meaningless you and your life is.

But on the other hand, life is wonderful. Needless to say, it's the little things in life that count. :)

Wednesday 19 October 2011

P.S. Daudz laimes vārda dienā! :*

Friday 14 October 2011

How We See the World

Would you like to see the world from a totally different view point. It's much more different than writing a book from an other characther's view. Imagine everything you see day-to-day being seen in a different light. Guess what, there are about seven billion different lights to see the world in. We all see things like nobody else. That how we see things shapes what we are. It is the definition of our id, ego and super igo. It is the thing that creates our personality. It determines where we place a line that we should never cross. For You, your light is much in the same frequency as of the people around you. It is in a similar hue of colour as your friends, family and people who live in your town or city. It's even more so similar to your authority figures, such as (already mentioned) parents, teachers, your favourite quotation authors..etc. But there is no one who has the same perspective on things as you do. Even if you have an identical twin, the way you see the world is not the same. Our view is a collection of different values that we grow up with and we enforce them as we grow older. The thing is that we belive in them. And if we ever question our view...well, it's a part of what you are, in this case an unsure individual.

What it comes down to is that You can never fully understand what another person is trying to tell you. Becuase no matter how they tell things, you will see it all from a different point of view. You will construct the truth using different puzzle pieces. Or should I say, you'll be using the same puzzle pieces, but putting them together in a totally different pattern. Even your approach of how you will put the puzzle together will be different.

All I really wanted to say is that one should never judge anyone.

Dream 2

I have no idea why lately I've been having very vivid dreams. They feel like reality. Plus some minutes ago I watched the movie Inception where Leonardo di Caprio is playing lead. It's a movie about dreams, and dreams within dreams. I bet I'll get lost in my tonight's dream world. Not only are my dreams very vivid, they are also full of fiction, fantacy fiction. It's the type of stuff that I would very rarely read or watch. Last night's dream was about saving the world from the future. Basicaly the story was set a few years from now. The plot was that people from the future have come to destroy the earth because of how it looks like in the future. Aparently about a hundred or so years from now the world will look like a doomed land that has nothing humane left on it. We will be living amongst our own rubish. People will be fighting for clean air and water. It all seemed paradoxal since they could come to the past and try to kill us where as they could have gone to an even further past and get all the necessary resources they need. But I suppose it was strictly prohibited. Imagine bringing molecules from the past to the future. There would either be the same molecule twice, or there would be only one of that molecule (which would, in that case be only in the future)... It comes out to be very complex (in my mind), so I can't really explain it.

Anyway, I'll try to keep up with remembering my dreams. I find it fun. Plus it gives me ideas what to write about. These dreams feed my imagination (or vice verca).

Thursday 13 October 2011

Dream

I had a dream that they built a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere inSpain. It was well known that such thing would be done, but nobody knew why. It was up to me, a non-government inteligence agencies best fish to find out what was up with this thing. The light house had high security and no one could get in. The gate hadn't opened once since it was created. All the construction workers who were working on it had dissapeared out of country. As I was digging to find out anything about this mystery, I came across many wornings saying that I should stay away from investigation. However, I kept searching. I found out that this lighthouse was plotted by the US governemt. Though when I contacted certain individuals they had no idea what I was questioning about. Soon I found out that there were three other such misterious cases. One lighthouse had been built in mid Peru in a small town. Another one was located in North Russia. And the third one was in Pakistan in a city that had about the same population as the small town in Peru. I looked for patterns of the four locations. Only one was found, they all are located the same amount of kilometers from an ocean.

...

Wednesday 12 October 2011

Vēstule sev

Šodien izlasīju vēstuli sev. Tā tika uzrakstīta pagājušā gada jūlijā īsi pirms došanās prom no Kanādas. To lasīt bija diezgan skumji, jo es atcerējos visu ko jutu, ka bija jāpamet dzīve, kas bijusi Kanādā. Vēstules pamatprincips bija, dzīve mainās un neesot viegli. Toties liela daļa, kas vēstulē bija iztirzāts, bija diezgan pozitīva. Es aprakstīju, ka neatkarīgi no tā cik sūdīgi iet (vai neiet) ir jāturpina cīnīties. Vieglāk pasacīt kā izdarīt. Šodien vai rīt (tagad jau vēls) es atbildēšu uz Tavu vēstuli. Bet man gribās šoreiz izdomāt ko interesantu, vēl nebijušu. Varbūt es varētu izveidot jaunu e-pasta adresi, uz to nosūtīt šī gada vēstuli, bet uz lapiņas gluži vienkārši sev "nosūtīt" pastkastītes loginu un paroli. Vai varbūt es varētu aizsūtīt vēstuli sev uz Rīgu, tad tā atceļotu līdz manīm atpakaļ... Gan es kaut ko inčīgu izgudrošu. Ja ne, tad turēšos pie līdzšinējā rituma. hmmm, varbūt varētu pievienot kādu bildi? Vai kaut ko, kas nav plika vēstule? Vēl jau, protams, ir jāizgudro ko rakstīšu vēstulē, lai pašai to nākamgad ir prieks lasīt.

Pukīts drīz vienpadsmit vakarā, rīt (atkal) agri jāceļas. Saldus.

Tuesday 11 October 2011

Noslēpums tavs

Izkrāso tēlus saules krāsās.
Nepamet tos, kad pašam bail,
esi varens, esi stiprs.

Pastāsti draugam noslēpumu,
pastāsti visiem noslēpumu,
esi drosmīgs un stāsti.

Gan būs kāds, kas tevi sapratīs,
gan jau nebūsi viens pats ilgi.
Noskūpsti savu pieri.

Izliets izslauktais piens.
Zvērādā tērpusies dāma piemiedz ar aci.
Iesaku visiem taupīt.

Kā gan var neapnikt būt pircējam;
strādā, lai pirktu,
pērk, lai strādā.

Novīst uzzīmētā puķe.
Nodeg ledus pils.
Izsprūk noslēpums tavs.

Monday 10 October 2011

Zubabibubaibe 2

Labs ir, centīšos šoreiz nedaudz garāk pastāstīt kā man iet. Saule pārāk agri riet. Katru dienu paliek neievilkti elpas vilcieni. Laiks skrien, nezin kur stāties. Dzīvi padara raibāku jaunā alerģija. Man ir alerģija pret vēsturi, pret pagātni, pret to, kas kādreiz ir bijis. Nepalīdz lētās tabletes, ko darīt? Es nezinu. Nenāk miegs vēlās nakts stundās. Nenāk miegs vispār. Dzīvojos pa pilsētu cauru nakti, mājās pārnāku agros rītos. Tad ārdu māju, dziedu līdzi bezgaumīgajām dziesmām, kas nebeidz skanēt caur vecā rādžiņa tumbām. Skaņas kvalitātei gan nav ne vainas. Izsīkušiem spēkiem dodos uz darbu. Tur spēku nemaz nevajag, vismaz ne fizisko. Emocionāli ir grūti. Ir rutīna. Rutīna ir ķēms. Rutīna ir mans vienīgais ienaidnieks. Kad neizgulējies, tad nav nemaz tik grūti, jo smadzenes ieslēdzas autopilotā; viss jau iepriekš ir darīts, vairākas reizes. Lieki sacīt, ka vīrieši padara dzīvi vēl neciešamāku. Viņi domā, ka var darīt kā grib. Viņi domā, ka es neesmu riebīga, gaida nez ko. Tas tak man uz pieres rakstīts, ka klāt labāk nenākt. Viņi neklausa. Tad lūdz, lai palīdzu, bet paši nekad neko. Vēl viņi tēlo, ka zin, kas ir sarkasms. Viņi konstanti nodarbojas ar fikcijas veidošanu. Un viņi uzskata, ka zagt auskarus ir stilīgi. Citi vēl apsaukā mani par mīļo un dārgo. Grēcinieki tādi. Neveicas ne kārtīs, ne mīlestībā. Neveicas vispār nekur. Neveicas. Punkts. Un jā, es atkal skaļi klusēju, tikai šoreiz citā frekvencē. Neesi aita, ej gulēt taču.

Zubabibubaibe

Man ir sakāpis, kāpj, turpina kāpt; viss sāk apnikt un neko negribas.
Meli, gribas tikai vienu - uz mājām.

Saturday 1 October 2011

Man vārdi birst, kā lapas vēlā rudenī.

Kāpēc gan cilvēkam ir tik grūti saprast, ka arī man var būt līdz kaklam un pāri. Cik gan var ar tiem zābaku zābakiem mīņāties pa manu galvu? Ja es saku, ka ir gana, tad varbūt tomēr liek man mieru uz brīdi.


Ārā kaislīgi sadanco lietus lāses. Maigi atdusas pret miesu un izlaistaliem matiem. Nav aukst, jo noklusis stiprais vējš. Var doties kaut nakts vidū kā karavīrs pār grāvjiem, purviem un laukiem. Bet man pat spēka atrastos, lai vēl tevi līdz siltumam aiznestu. Aj, nestu kaut uz rokām, bet nekad pat neiedomātos atstāt tevi vienu, nekad. Lietus nerimstas, tomēr atrodas pēdējie spēki. Bet, ja man vairs nebūs spēka vilkt mūs abus, tad mēs to kopā paliksim gaidīt rīta sauli. Mēs runāsim par bērnības zāles pļavām, par ziedošām ābelēm, par vēl zāļām ogām vecvecāku dārzos.. Mēs nebeigsim sapņot par to, ka kādreiz būs labi. Un pat, ja nebūs kā cerēts, mēs mierināsim, ka allaž mēs būsim viens otram. Kas zin, ja kārtis būtu tavā rokā, vai tu mani atstātu vienu dejot ar lietu?