Friday, 29 November 2013

Marta said.

So Marta thinks that I should get my shit together and start doing something useful.

It sounds like a very rational idea,
but yeah,

Thursday, 28 November 2013


I am torn between two entities. I can not make up my mind.
So badly I want to risk and go all in, but at the same time I get a feeling that it will not be worth it. I want to be happy, really, it's that simple.

Saturday, 16 November 2013

Odd. I'm happy.

Life is coming over me like a waterfall. There are so many things happening that I don't even have time to really absorb each moment. But in a good way, of course! Life is happening, and this is very much like what I wanted. When I decided to move back to Latvia, I was afraid that because of how long I'd been way, I would find myself doing nothing. So when I got back my ultimate goal was to keep busy, as busy as humanly possible, to have very little free time. And here I am - doing things all the time. I am running out of hours, I wish a day would be longer, and I wish a week would have another day.

But still. Wish all the ups come downs, and right now they all even out perfectly. The ups are more, so I'm happy. Yup, I'm happy!

I have gained confidence, a lot of it! I don't know if it comes with time, or it came after my big cycling trip. But I truly feel more like a person, like an individual.
I feel good. Bite me. c:

Saturday, 9 November 2013


In an ideal word, this is what is going to happen:
I will write my essay tonight.
Then I will do the things I have to do at work.
Then I'll perfect my essay.

In the morning I will get home, do some exercise.
Have some rest.
Go to the concert with my mom.

That's all in an ideal world.
I could challenge myself to actually follow through with it.
I could promise myself that I'll do what needs to be done.

Or I could just leave everything last minute.
Have no sleep.
Live with stress.
And skip exercise.

I don't know how things will play out.
But I do have a bad feeling about this. 

Some good things are coming up,
this month and next month.
So, yeah, I'm happy. 

Wednesday, 6 November 2013

So she wrote

So she wrote a letter to tell him how she felt. She wrote a letter, and then she deleted it.
And so she never replied. She never forgot. No, he always stayed on her mind, every day she would find herself pondering about how things could be.. If there would be any change if she told him all those thoughts that were boiling in her mind. But she had come to a conclusion, she had decided that it's for the best. He soon forgot about her anyway, she became just another girl who he had met. Soon he forgot her name, and then he forgot her face, and she existed only in old memories that would never be bought back to life.

It was gone like the runaway train, it was gone to never return. She wrote a memory, a small note, an entry in a diary that did not exist. She wrote so she would not forget. She typed up the memories and saved them in a place where no one would stumble upon them. But they were there, just like old books covered with dust, the memories would hold still..

And then one day he wrote to her again.
He wrote:

Do You believe in magic?

And, in fact, she did, she believed that there was something more to life, she believed that things could happen just because.

So she wrote, she told him exactly that, that she believed in magic.

To which he replied that he would like to see her again, he was willing to buy a plane ticket to come see her. He would come when ever, but the sooner the better. He wanted to see her smile again, he wanted to see for himself that magic truly did exist.

She wrote back. She no longer lived in illusions, she said that she would be pleased to see him. She said that meeting him again would bring the most truthful smile in her face. She wrote to him. All the thoughts of him were coming back, they were simmering along the top of her mind. She never knew this would happen, she never thought to see him again.

But there he was standing waiting for her at the airport. He smiled a big smile and gave her a sincere hug, and didn't want to let her go. The embrace lasted for a at least two full minutes.

But then it didn't matter what happened next.
She had a second chance, and she wrote to him. She didn't tell him everything, but she said what was important - she said that she wanted to see him again... and again, and again...