Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Up All Night

I'll stay up all night. I'd do it for You, and You know it. I want to see the world, and I want You there by my side. Where are though northern lights? Where are though days that never end? Where are the never ending nights? I want to be filled with the wonder of the stars. I want to be filled with other people's thoughts. I want to get into your head. I want the wind to blow so hard that I fly away with the leaves. I want to disappear. I want to be like an animal, just live with the instinct of survival. I want to be free, not trapped. I want to live beyond. I want to do things that other people wouldn't dare to even think of. I want to try and I want to succeed. I want to prove them all that I can do more than they ever thought I could. I want to do it, and then rub right in to their faces. I want them to understand the ideas that lie deep beneath. I want them to believe in themselves. I want the human race to succeed. I want to learn the actual meaning of every word. I want to go higher. I want to feel my hear beat. I want You to encourage me, and need You to be there for me.

..Really, I simply want to succeed.

Sunday, 19 August 2012


Is it fair on me that I am waiting for you to be online? Is it fair on anyone?
Sometimes I wonder how things would be if the past would not have been so complicated, so god damned doomed. No need for questions. I am the fool to even think if how things would be today.
..So I better play the safe mode. As much as I wish to talk to you about nonsense, I think it is smarter to just stay offline.

Now Playing: Brainstorm - Online

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Why I Will Not Text Back

I know that even if I really do message him back, I am going to be the one waiting on his response. And maaaan, it is a pain in ass to be forced to check your phone after every 5 minutes just to see that there are no new messages. Therefore I will not text him back. It's just not worth it.

Friday, 17 August 2012

The Hunger Games

Most people have probably heard about the hunger games; if not the book, then definitely the movie. I just finished watching the movie. The movie was directed by Gary Ross (the guy who also produced and co-wrote the Seabiscuit (2003)). As al had most any other movie that is based on a book, it had quite a few scenes missing, and some characters were cut out as well. But all in all the movie was enjoyable.
I have read all three parts of Suzanne Collin's Hunger Games ("The Hunger Games," "Catching Fire" and "Mockingjay"). The trilogy was a sure easy read and I tackled them in no time. I kept flipping page after page, eager to find out what new, unexpected events will excite me. It was something out of the ordinary, and if you ask me, it was definitely a commentary on our way of living. When I was reading these books some time ago, I remember there were lines that exactly proved my point. And now that I have gone back to find it, here it is. Keep in mind that the story of The Hunger Games is set in the future. Geographically it is based in what we now now as North America, the USA, to be precise. The quotation comes from the last book where the... oh wait, I don't want to spoil things for people who haven't read the books yet. So here it goes:
Frankly, our ancestors have nothing to brag about. I mean, look at the state they left us in, with the wars and the broken planet. Clearly, they didn't care about what would happen to the people who came after them. (p.99)
Some food for thoughts my friends.
Now back to the movie. The actress playing the main character, Katniss Everdeen, (Jennifer Lawrence) did an all right job. Clearly it was not how I saw it in my mind while reading, but it was fairly close. She had the most important characteristics that I noticed in the novel, that was braveness and bluntness. There were two characters that took me by surprise in the movie, they had been portrayed almost exactly like I had imagined them in my mind. First it was Effie Trinklet, she appeared with the blue everything. When I was reading about this character I felt like it was so over board, but then I got used to it. And later we learn that everyone in the Capitol (The 'capital' part of the country) dress like clowns, vaguely speaking. Then the second character that impressed me, and reminded me of the character that was described in the book was Peeta Mellark. He was just the boy I remembered, a cute, but in some way so confident young lad. Peeta's character made me enjoy the movie in a very different light, like watching from a whole new perspective, a simpler one, one that has very little meaning and underlying messages. He represented a simple story with no useless extensions.

Anywho, if You have not read the trilogy, I suggest you do. As I said, it is an easy read and is loaded with exciting turn of events.

Good night.

Sunday, 12 August 2012


Isn't the entire life just one big gamble? I bet anyone would agree. You can't really know what life could offer you next. Sometimes you get some good cards, and you can go all-in in almost any situation with little, if any, risk. Other times you just gotta play your life with the cards that you get. You can either fold all the time, or you can play with what you get. There come times when you have to gamble when chances of "winning" are slim. There are times when the chances of winning slide right down, making your winning chances even lower. But the thing is that you really need to gamble. You will lose, and you will win. It just takes practice to learn from losses and from the wins. It takes skills, all sorts of skills to be able to bring the luck towards you. So really, life is not always about luck and chances. It's about playing. One once said, "You can't win if you don't play." There, so go and play the game called life. ;) Go all-in, fold, play, bluff....what ever you do do, remember that we all die anyway, so there isn't really a way to win this.
Just enjoy the game, gamers.

Saturday, 11 August 2012


I am your child, for reality does not exist any more. I am a child of the wild when yet another world war is about to embark. I am an evil astronaut in a sky that will never forgive our sins. I will never let them take that what is mine, for there is already more injustice in the world than there is food on our tables. We believe in ghost stories and fairy-tales. We are monsters of the sea. You got it all wrong child. They are the ones who are hiding from us. We are stuck in simple, vulgar closets, unable to free our souls. We can not escape, trapped forever. Volcanoes burst into tears. The earth splits into several pieces. We have never been united. We have never been true and honest. Why do we even have these words? Why do we have symbols for things that do not exist? Why bother? Does it not make you sensible to see how things could be? Should-a, could-a, would-a.
You make me sick to my core. Every molecule of yours is filled with betrayal. You are an ogre. You disgust me. You make me want to vomit. I can feel my breath speeding up, my heart rate rising. I can sense my face filled with anger and fear. There will be no answers, there never were real questions. No one cares; you are disgraceful animals.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Love Hate

I hate going through old pictures. Reminds me of the olden days. The days when I thought life was difficult, if only I knew what was coming later on. I miss the recklessness, the carelessness. I miss being a child. Even though I still see myself as a child, the list of responsibilities has changed very much since when I actually was a child. It basically comes down to the crude basics, You know, I used to live under someone else's roof; I used to be fed. But now I have to make the so called important life decisions. It isn't even a choice thing, it's a must. I simply have to do what needs to be done. Plus, of course, I feed myself. I am no longer a pet. What an analogy!

Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful to live my own life. However, I strongly believe that I still need guidance. In my mind I really am just a child despite the fact that I am 20 yeas old (not for long though). I am a child even though I earn and spend my own money. I am a simple kid, a lost one, and in some way I never finished growing up. So how do I get that back? How can I lead myself when I don't know how it's done?

Blah woman, You make me sick. Grow a pair, will you?!

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

P for Promise

You don't have to do the things you promise to do. You always have a choice, a lot of choices, to be precise. I always choose to keep my promises, which is why I don't make them unless I am 99% sure that I will do it. I know I shouldn't expect others to treat promises the same way. It probably makes me an egocentric person that I want people to keep their promises. It annoys the hell out of me when people through the word around like it has no meaning. That's not right. I am sure that they simply assign a different meaning to this word than I do. In fact, I don't even know what the dictionary has to say about this. Let me check. (*Goes off to find the dictionary*) All right, I found my Collins English Dictionary.

Promise vb -ising, -ised 1 to say that one will definitely do or not do something: I promise I'll have it finished by the end of the week 2 to undertake to give (something to someone): he promised me a car for my birthday 3 to show signs of; seem likely: she promises to be a fine singer 4 to assure (someone) of the certainty of something: everything is fine, I promise you n 5 an undertaking to do or not to do something 6 indication of future success: a young player who shows great promise [Latin promissum a promise]

As it turns out, the actual meaning of the word is to definitely do (or not do) something, so my definition has been right all along. Too bad it makes zero difference at the given moment.

Monday, 6 August 2012

Where's my Fortune, You Fool?

There are moments when I am very unsure about my life. And there are times when these moments stretch into days, and even weeks. I begin to wonder where the heck am I heading? I don't have a destination. There is no place where I want to get to, nothing to aim for. Empty. I feel like nothing will ever make me feel happy, so I settle for what ever it is I have gotten. I lose the motivation to try harder. I rarely leave my comfort zone, almost never. I stay in this shell. It seems like it's huge, like the entire universe. But is it? I bet it actually is a tiny bubble, a space smaller than a two atom molecule. It's almost as if I do not exist.

Fuck me. I don't believe in myself.

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Did You See My Sexy Socks?

My brain is empty. I was going to talk about some boring things that are new at work. But then I realized how empty that would be. I wrote the fist sentence (We got work shoes recently.) And it hit me, how boring my thoughts have become. Ugh. Depressing.

All that aside. This month (as my one-a-month-thing) I will be visiting some cities in Scotland. So every Saturday, at the lest, I will be out of Glasgow seeing something new and exciting. This week I will be going to Stirling. It is a nearby city, closer than Edinburgh. I hear they have a lovely castle there (like most places in Scotland :D), so I shall have a look at it. Plus there must be some other nice things to see.

Life has it's ups and downs. I was biking home Monday night (with my new bike) and thinking about my life and where I am at the moment. I felt sad and depressed. I felt like a loser. For the first time in a long time I felt like crying. It hadn't even occurred to me that I have been quite happy recently. I don't even know why, life sucks. But all in one I actually feel a lot lighter than ever before. Maybe I finally see hope, somehow, somewhere. Maybe I believe in myself. Maybe I believe that I have an actual plan. But do I? Is it all just an illusion, again? Hard to tell.