Nothing is Everything

I know it's bad to write ideas that are difficult for people to comprehend. Such as, nothing is everything. It confuses people and so they feel foolish or dense. As a result they choose not to read the thing and then they forget about it. Maybe they really are foolish for fooling themselves so easily. But there are some rare souls who don't mind the feeling of being tricked. They want to read on the to make some sort of sense out of it. They might not get the idea, but they will get something out of it, because we always see what we want to see and what we want to believe.

And I believe that I am not a people's person. Sure I can smile, say that I'm doing just fine. I will ask you how you're doing, and I will listen in delight.
But real relationships aren't my cup of tea. After the big listening I'll sympathise with your situation, but that's where it stops. I am unable to maintain any real relationship with the people that actually matter to me. I lack that skill.
Maybe I never really tried to develop it. But here I am, with no one I can call my buddy. In an odd way it's soothing. However, sometimes I really wish I had put in some effort to be better at this. Sometimes I do wish to not be a rock. But luckily, that's just sometimes. Mostly I like being a lone wolf.

Day 23

It's no secret that I simply love travelling. To be more precise, in a way I'm addicted to travelling. I have been to over 30 countries worldwide, and I can not wait to see more places, to meet more interesting people and to experience new cultures. Here's a short extract from my last trip..



Day 23 of travelling non-stop.

Honestly, first thing that comes to mind is how exhausting it is, it's truly exhausting. But adventurous and addictive at the same time. Like a new drug you start using and now can't live a day without it.
You might wonder what exactly is exhausting. For starters, meeting new people. When travelling by hitchhiking, and meeting people via Couch Surfing, socializing is a must. You can hate it, but why hate it if you can choose to love it? It's never boring hearing other people stories and adventures, and experiences. Your mind opens more and more each day. You become a sponge that soaks up everything that surrounds you. You become immune to discomfort and to the annoying things. You become like a bridge, many cross your path, you both get something out of the experience. You build tolerance for the world around you.
When you start to travel, you think you'll find answers, but the truth is more and more questions arise and nothing seems certain any more. Your shoes are worn out, the sole is falling off and the stiches are falling apart. But the memories they carry and their comfort are good enough reasons to not toss them away. Your clothing becomes worn out. You wear pretty much the same thing for a week..and do so until you run out of clean clothing. You realize that even though your luggage is small, there are still things that you have not used.
My favorite jeans became so worn out that I had to change them and leave them behind in some public restroom. I've been lucky many times, I feel uncomfortable saying I'm unlucky because suddenly a string of bad events happen. I know that things can change around any second. They can get better or worse... Either way, I know I will get through it. Nothing really comes as a big surprise.
Good weather makes the day brighter, while not-so-good weather is great for a change, for a challenge... Sometimes it simply works as a reasons to bring out the warmer clothes. It gives a good reasons to wonder in a museum, quite shop or even the local library (even though most books are in a language I don't speak.)
My face is covered in freckles because of the amount of time I have spent outside. A 5 km walk seems like a piece of cake because I walk about 20 almost every day. Sometimes I get a feeling I know other cities better than my own. I love trying local cuisine.
I do feel exhausted, but the will to keep going is too strong to stop.
I've stolen a beer jug, I've went on tram rides without buying a ticket. I have lied to people and made some of them sad. But the truth is, for most people I will be just a memory, at best, they might remember my name.. But that's not very likely. But I will not remember their names either. I will recall their stories, and I will remember how I felt when with them.
But in the end I know I'll be alone. And, if I'm lucky, I might remember my own name and where I am from.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

September has floated away, it poured through the capsule of time like a raging waterfall. Seems that yesterday it begun and tomorrow's already October. The leaves are turning into countless unnamed colours. The sky is filled with clouds. Darkness falls in way too soon in the evenings and leaves much too late when the mornings come. At times I feel that the sun is playing an impossible game of hide and seek; there's no way of winning. I want to stop the time, if just for some seconds. I need to catch a breath. So many things happening all at once, like life is just flying right passed me. At some moments life seems like a train. My train is running in front of my eyes, and I'm not even on it! Can someone pull the emergency brake so I can hop on? Don't I have to be on the ride that's called "My Life"?

Now Playing: James Blunt - Tears and Rain

 

What is your soul made of? How far can someone go? How deep can one dig to find the truth? It scares me, it scares me that I might live just the one layer of this life, just the basic path to the grave. The idea of it makes me want to run free, run like a wild animal. I want to be able to think like a regular human being. Sometimes. Just sometimes I want to be like the rest of them. But the rest of the time I simply enjoy the complexity of it, makes me feel ... happy. (It's funny, because the exact same thing used to make me terribly sad.)

Bam! Too much thinking. Back to the basics - September's gone. This one, at least. Start of uni's over, birthday has passed, Scotland stays as a part of UK, war-like situation in Ukraine, utter shame on humanity in the Middle East... Ah, list goes on and on, September has been fairly eventful this year. Let's see what Mr October has in store for us!

The Weak Boys

The weak boys that pretend to be strong.
And..
The strong boys that pretend to be weak.

There are the two categories that men can be classified in. Yes, we're not supposed to classify people in groups, generalize. But then again, our lives pivot around the idea that we belong to certain groups.
We identify ourselves based on what we are and what we have been taught that we are. I am a girl, so I put myself in the girl-group. Then it goes on based on race and ethnicity. Next on is the income group, where are we -what social group do we belong in? The list goes on, based on interests, based on religious and political views. Ultimately we place ourselves in groups, and in the end it it one group in specific that means the most to us. And then I question, who am I? 

And who are you? What is the most important thing to you? Who do you want people to see first?

This is Rubbish

This will be me ranting, consider yourself warned. 

I'm at work now.
This place is seriously starting to get on my nerves. I don't even know where to start.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but I work at a hotel as a receptionist. I've been here since end of summer. The job is really fine, I have a list of responsibilities, not just one task to do over and over again. During night shifts I also have to prepare the breakfast. I also have to work in the restaurant as a waitress. And when there is no chef in, then I also have to make food for people. Now this is where the rant starts. Two people went to the restaurant, I tell them that there is no chef in, however, I can prepare something for them form the weekend menu. Now they make a face that makes me think that I've told them something so offensive that they are about to get up and walk away without saying a thing. But no, they just sit there with their... unhappy eggplant faces and unwillingly start to view the Weekend menu. Why the un-satisfaction is aimed at me? Is it my fault that the hotel is low on money? Is it my fault that they can't afford a chef for all times? Is it my fault that due to lack of clients it is inefficient to have the chef in? Yeah, I didn't think so!
Meanwhile I'm hoping they don't pick something that we don't actually have available. In a lucky case, they do pick something I have in the kitchen. Then I ask for drinks. There can be various scenarios;
1) They ask for beer, I ask what kind of beer. Many of them then ask something that they know (example, Carlsberg) - sorry, we don't have that, I can offer you some Latvian beers. - Emm, ok. - Then I usually ask if the want dark or light, and they usually don't know what they want. Other times they ask for draft beer, which is also something we don't have. Then often I bring them the first beer (the brand doesn't matter, as tastes vary from person to person), and they don't like it, and ask something different next time. And then for the third beer they go back to option one, assuming that every next beer I'd offer them would be worse and worse.
2) They ask for coffee or tea. That's not as difficult. The tea simply takes more time, as I need to boil hot water. But then there is no tea that they want. Then they say they don't want sugar, but turns out they wanted it after all, same story with milk.
3) They ask for something that I don't have (and that isn't even in the menu) - for example - fresh juice - any juice other than apple or orange - smoothies - ice cream cocktails - some other random drink.
4) They ask for spirit with something. Well, I am still not aware as to what goes in what glass. Then there is also the issue of lack of right sized glasses. I believe there is about two glasses that fit a shot with a full small glass bottle of coke in it - and they are always dirty. Same thing with G&T, I know I should pour the two together, but I don't have such a glass that fits it all!!!
5) They ask for just water, I believe that in any normal place they'd bring water for no charge, but we give the small bottles, there is 300something ml (or 400somthing, I don't care TBH), and then sometimes they are unhappy that I charge them for water.
6) Cola! Yeah, the cola problem is that about 50% of the time there is no coca cola available, because it is the most requested drink and finishes very fast once delivered. So here the question is, why not order more?? You gain more in the long run!!!
So then they pick something to eat, salad, soup or some hot dish, what ever it is, I have to go and make it for them. But wait! Who's doing my real job? Who's working at the reception, you may wonder! It's me! I'm supposed to be everywhere doing everything.
Now here is more bullshit - the reception is open 24/7, for guests that is ideal! But for us, not so much. There is a lot to do in the morning, and a lot in the evening. But middle of the night and middle of the day are usually quiet and there is nothing to do. So you sit on your ass for some hours and then you have to run like a horse for the rest of the time.
I often get comments form the guests asking/wondering how it is that I am all alone and have to do all the tasks. Well, I wonder too!

And who knows? Maybe it's time to get a new job?! I work hard, and I really try to do things well, but the thing is that nobody cares, no one seems to notice that you do so much. And the salary is an absolute joke! It's like a spit in the face. I can't imagine how I'd survive if I was living all by myself. It would be a nightmare.

Anyway, my shift is over in ten minutes. Then I'm going home for some sleep, since I've not had a normal night sleep for a week now. Oh, my colleague will be late, isn't life great?!

Fuck weekends. Fuck work. Fuck men. Fuck people. Fuck music. Fuck the sunlight. Fuck the moon and the tides. Fuck the polluted oceans. Fuck life and fuck death. Fuck all this bullshit.

I'm not satisfied with life today and everything seems to be wrong, everything makes me sad.
I don't even want to apologize for all the swearing.

--Basta.

It's THAT time of the year

They say it is the most wonderful time of the year, the season to be merry and jolly, time to praise the big fat man called Santa or the God and his son Jesus, which ever tickles your fancy. It is time to give and receive.


Heck with it all, this so called magical time of the year is all in your head, it's all in the shop windows, it's in the silly feeling that last year around the same time you and the society made you produce the feeling of joy. To hell with it all. And then because there has to be balance of joy in the world, the sad become even more sad, depressed and lonely. Yes you understood me correctly, all forces in the world have to add up to be even. (Hence, when the rich become richer, the poor become more poor.) So when ever you are full of happiness for a longer time you are making someone's life miserable.

This year I have very little Christmas spirit in me. It is dormant for some years now. You can blame me, or you can blame the world. But I will just embrace it. I shall use this time to do things I dare not say out loud.

Despite it all, I did enjoy a lovely Christmas eve with my dad, and got some phone calls, and messages that made the festive feeling.

This all is fiction, maybe not. Maybe you'll think about it, maybe not.
Things are as they are.. Right?

Now playing: I want a Hippopotomous for Christmas, because well, it's self-explanatory, isn't it?

I miss you

It seems like all I do my whole life is I miss people. I am so used to this empty space in me, just every day I can count so many people that would want to see. It's like, when someone asks: "What do you do?" the reply would always be "I miss people." What is even worse is that you don't get used to it, not in a good way I mean, you don't adjust to it. It just hurts, sometimes less, sometimes more, it carves your soul like a child would carve a pumpkin on Halloween. Plus there is the factor that I can't really do anything about it. It's not like hate that you can consciously decide to let go. It's not like falling in love, that over time can fade away. They are memories and feelings, a combinations of so many things, and also, of course, the fact that you don't want to let those feelings leave. I don't want to not miss all those people. Of course, it is amazing to have so many awesome people to miss, but it truly hurts that most of them are so far away. Sometimes I think about what we'd be doing if we were side-by-side. And then in some cases so many years have passed since I last saw the person, it's like I don't actually know them. I knew them, and that's the image that's drawn in my mind, the old one. We all change, but in some ways we remain the same, at least in certain memories. I will not lie, I have tears in my eyes. I am very lost at the moment (not literally), and I have no idea which way to go.

Anywho, missing people is beautiful, but at the same time it can be very sad.
Meh, that's all.


Oh, and also, side note, 5 years ago on 7th of December, I joined Blogger.com (blogspot.com). WOW! 5 years! And this is still the first blog I made, and still the one where I post most often.

Stories

Stories they tell. They all have stories that need to be told, but very few of them ever say a word.
And there they all stand, trying to communicate with people with non-verbal signs.
I would love to hear all your stories! Speak up you fools!!!

Am I Alone?

I feel as if I'm the only one who thinks as I do. I am alone, in my mind, in my thoughts, and in my behaviour and actions, I'm always alone. I'm lucky if I'm able to keep up a conversation for more than ten minutes. Usually my mind drifts off into a totally different direction, and most are never able to follow my train of thoughts.
I can't talk about myself for long, and I can't talk about someone else for long either. People bore me, I find human lives boring, repetitive, blank, empty, predictable, just BLAH! Humans are like a worn out sock - smelly.. and everything but desirable. 

Culture, places, travel, history, future, traditions... etc on the other hand are things that are worth spending words for. Those are things that I like to talk about, and even more so, I love listening about these things. They are rich and mind fulfilling.

For instance, I was talking to some peeps at university, and from our study subjects we fast moved to talking about other peeps in our group. And one sentence was enough, I was lost in the conversation. I mean, who the f*** (excuse my language) cares what the girl with black hair was wearing the other day??? I mean, seriously??? Do people really inspect such things?? I don't mind saying nice things though, you know, if someone looks really nice, as in WOW nice, then it is ok to point it out. But if some other person is wearing something you don't like, there is no need to advertise it to other people. What is even more annoying, the people who have zero own opinion will automatically agree with you (or so they will say). There is another things, people should grow some balls, really, grow a pair, and make up your own opinion.

One-Way Track

I've been on this trip for almost a month now. I'm sad that it will be over. This time has allowed me to think, think so far out of the box, so far from what I had been used to..
Often I think about the choices we make in life. We make them every second of every day, even in our dreams we still make choices. Then we see the outcome. We buy a new shirt, and we see that it looks good on us, and people like it. We say something controversial and someone in the crowd reassures that that is a great way of thinking. We decide to speak to a stranger, and he turns out to be a wonderful person. We take no umbrella when the weather-man said it will rain, and it turns out to be sunny all day. We decide to cross the street on a red light because we see no cars around. .. But what is the choices we make bring bad consequences? WHAT IF the shirt we got will look bad on you? What if no one back up your opinion? What if the stranger turns out to be a psychopath? What if it starts raining cats and dogs on a day when you don't take the umbrella? What if a car comes from around the corner and doesn't see you when you cross on that red signal?

Life is so trivial, so fragile, the smallest things can change who you are and what you will do. But how can you know if you make the right choices in life? By trying of course, you should always try new things, take the risk. You will either succeed or you will gain experience and some sort of perspective. You will then try again, try something different, or try a different approach. But what if it is too late? What if the choice we made is there for good, can't be undone, or altered? What if we make the wrong choice and see it when it's already too late? We go down a one way track and there is no way back.

I like to think that there is a way out - through different doors. I believe it's important to not get stuck, there is always a way out. There is always new things to try, new journeys to be made. So it comes down to DOING things, to stay out of the comfort zone, to try new things, taking risks. It comes down to changing yourself by yet another gram. One day I will not know who I was, I will be a different person. This journey has changed me a lot, it has proved to me things I never knew possible, it has showed me how possible it is to do something when you actually get up and try. It has given me hope about people and myself. Most importantly, it has risen doubts about things I always was very certain of.

Go Up

Everyone is vulnerable, weak, pathetic. We take what is given to us, and very few of us aim, strive for more. We are selfish and naive. There is no person that is a saint.

But when you get too used to all the crap that people send your way, you get tried of turning the other cheek. You simply have no more soul left to punish. You become empty. All the scars are as deep as they can be. So every hurtful thing is like yet another raindrop in an ocean. It gets old. It gets to be the reality.

I am so weak that I can not be wounded any more.
As they say, you have to hit rock bottom to go up, and I've experienced this so much since here in Scotland, that I have to go up now, because there is no other way.

Hunt

What happens when we cross the line? What happens when we do more than we have been allowed to? Is there going to be anyone to stop us? Will there really be any guards to stop me from what ever it is I'll do? There is no way of knowing unless we head beyond the boundaries. We have to do what people don't expect of us. I have to do what I don't even expect I would do. I have to smash the glass wall. It shall scatter across your world into countless pieces. It will exist no more. I shall keep secrets as always, but there will be things said and done.. Things that no one really saw coming. There is going to be change; and I am working on; I am preparing for it big time. I am creating a detailed plan, every step of my way is going to be planned to the finest detail. I know I will not follow the plan... But I also know that I'll have calculated all the probable outcomes. I will know how each step I make will change the outcome. To make it far more interesting - - - there is on outcome. There is juts the journey. It's the journey that cunts. It's the journey that matters.

Now you go on with your life, yeah, just do what ever it is you do. Or better yet, do something else, do something better... ;)

I shall be patient and wait for the right moment. I will be like a carnivore waiting in the bush for the right moment to attack. Shhhh.... Don't scare the prey away.


P.S. Guess who's birthday is today?? (Hint: There are two right answers. :P)

I Believe In..

One day I shall write about my life. And then I shall decide where to start and where to end the story. However, until then I have decided to change my life (again), not crucially, but just a bit. Today I shall post about the things I believe in. Yes, I will not cram about the things that I dislike, or things I don't believe in. I will try to list some things, and then write what I mean by that.
Before I do that I'd like to state a stupidity that I have committed. I always wait for the dude to send me a text message. And it used to be that I was so silly and answered right away, and so placing myself in the same situation - the waiting area. But lately things have slightly changed. I still wait for the guy to send a message, but when he does, I ignore it. I knew I would ignore it in the first place, but I still wait for a something. Last night (a Friday, as you could have guessed anyway) one guy sent a text message. Quite frankly I didn't even see that one coming. But then somewhere between 3 and 4 am GUESS-WHO called. Of course I did not pick up. Was he trying to get back at me for that one time....... Or was he trying to get back at me for not replying to his last two messages? OR was he actually hoping to see me?? Either way, I am not going to do anything about it.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, I can list some things that I believe in.

First, and far most important thing, I believe in my twin brother. You'd maybe expect me to write family and friends or something of that sort. And you are probably wondering why I am picking out just one person of this so-called group. The reason is that I don't believe in nor my family, nor my friends. However, I do believe in my twin bro. Not because he has trouble believing in himself, but because I really think that he can do more that what he is doing right now. I believe in him because I know what kind of a person he is, and I know that when someone wants something real, real bad, they can achieve it. He simply has not understood what it is that he wants to aim for. It is possible that I believe in him just to some how keep believing in myself; all because at some level we are in the same place. And who knows, maybe it is cuz we are twins, or maybe it's the upbringing, or maybe it's all the possible factors added together. But we are both struggling, each due to different list of things.. And gosh, I know this person, I know the deepest corner of his heart. I know he is strong. I know he leads his life with love and passion (gosh, this sounds lame).. But that is the truth.

So we lead in to the next thing: I believe in the GOOD. Yes, the good. I believe that there are people on this planet who are not entirely self centered. I believe that some people in the world would die to save another being. Of course, there isn't only back and white (sometimes I forget this), we all have our vices, and our falling point. But some people simply care less about themselves and more about others (or someone else in specific). It really doesn't matter, as long as the person doesn't spend his/her entire life just concerning about himself/herself.. I lost the train of thought... OOooppsss. I believe in Santa Claus. :D

I believe in art, all forms of art really. Painting, sports, photography, dance, singing, cooking, crafts, visual arts, modern art, art of design, art of work, art of structure, art or anything a person can be good at, anything  that a person can do so good that it can be admired.

(I need to remember how to project my thoughts into decent sentences and paragraphs.)

I could list some more things, but I'll just go with one more.

I believe in good night sleep. ;)

Slīkoņi

Mākoņi sakrīt jūrā; gluži kā sapņi, kas izslīd no veselā saprāta. Nepaliek ne laika, ne mūžības. Zem okeāna dzīlēm slēpjas ekstravaganti vaļi, kas sen izmiruši. Iznīkuši, vairs neeksistē. Mēs tos esam nopirkuši, tad izmetuši. Aizmirsuši. Atvadu skūpsts vēl paliek pie stikla lapas pielāpīts. Mēs plīstam. Mēs plīstam kā vārgi bērni, kas izsalkuši maizi zog. Logiem aizsalušas rūtis, pasaule paliek gluži balta - gluži neredzama. Pagalmā spalgā balsī tiek karinātas nošu zīmes un pamācošas melodijas. Mēs dungojam no priekiem, ka rītdiena var nepienākt. Sameklēsim izdzisušo pīpi un to iekursim no jauna. Nodedzināsim savus mežus, savas mājas. Tapsim miruši, un eksistēsim savu iedomu parodijās. Eksistēsim tāpēc kā tā ir vieglāk nekā dzīvot. Būsim bezalgas putni ar vistu spārniem. Apmaldīsimies un nemūžam mums nebūs uzzināt pareizo ceļu. Tu tik dziedi tās skaistās dziesmas, jo rītdiena tiešām var nepienākt. Lai mūžīgi līst remdenas lāses, lai krīt no beztermiņa mākoņiem. Lai loka pasauli savās kontūrās. Mēs iesim peldēt, mēs iesm slīkt.

Gamble

Isn't the entire life just one big gamble? I bet anyone would agree. You can't really know what life could offer you next. Sometimes you get some good cards, and you can go all-in in almost any situation with little, if any, risk. Other times you just gotta play your life with the cards that you get. You can either fold all the time, or you can play with what you get. There come times when you have to gamble when chances of "winning" are slim. There are times when the chances of winning slide right down, making your winning chances even lower. But the thing is that you really need to gamble. You will lose, and you will win. It just takes practice to learn from losses and from the wins. It takes skills, all sorts of skills to be able to bring the luck towards you. So really, life is not always about luck and chances. It's about playing. One once said, "You can't win if you don't play." There, so go and play the game called life. ;) Go all-in, fold, play, bluff....what ever you do do, remember that we all die anyway, so there isn't really a way to win this.
Just enjoy the game, gamers.

Disgust

I am your child, for reality does not exist any more. I am a child of the wild when yet another world war is about to embark. I am an evil astronaut in a sky that will never forgive our sins. I will never let them take that what is mine, for there is already more injustice in the world than there is food on our tables. We believe in ghost stories and fairy-tales. We are monsters of the sea. You got it all wrong child. They are the ones who are hiding from us. We are stuck in simple, vulgar closets, unable to free our souls. We can not escape, trapped forever. Volcanoes burst into tears. The earth splits into several pieces. We have never been united. We have never been true and honest. Why do we even have these words? Why do we have symbols for things that do not exist? Why bother? Does it not make you sensible to see how things could be? Should-a, could-a, would-a.
You make me sick to my core. Every molecule of yours is filled with betrayal. You are an ogre. You disgust me. You make me want to vomit. I can feel my breath speeding up, my heart rate rising. I can sense my face filled with anger and fear. There will be no answers, there never were real questions. No one cares; you are disgraceful animals.

Now Playing: Jesca Hoop - Born To 

P for Promise

You don't have to do the things you promise to do. You always have a choice, a lot of choices, to be precise. I always choose to keep my promises, which is why I don't make them unless I am 99% sure that I will do it. I know I shouldn't expect others to treat promises the same way. It probably makes me an egocentric person that I want people to keep their promises. It annoys the hell out of me when people through the word around like it has no meaning. That's not right. I am sure that they simply assign a different meaning to this word than I do. In fact, I don't even know what the dictionary has to say about this. Let me check. (*Goes off to find the dictionary*) All right, I found my Collins English Dictionary.

Promise vb -ising, -ised 1 to say that one will definitely do or not do something: I promise I'll have it finished by the end of the week 2 to undertake to give (something to someone): he promised me a car for my birthday 3 to show signs of; seem likely: she promises to be a fine singer 4 to assure (someone) of the certainty of something: everything is fine, I promise you ▻n 5 an undertaking to do or not to do something 6 indication of future success: a young player who shows great promise [Latin promissum a promise]

As it turns out, the actual meaning of the word is to definitely do (or not do) something, so my definition has been right all along. Too bad it makes zero difference at the given moment.

No Face

Imagine no one would have a face and everything that we do would make up our identity. Or we could all have the same face. You understand the basic of this thought? So you would not be judged based on your looks, or race, or even gender; but your own actions. Further more, you would not be limited by the label that the society has attached to you. If you're a woman in Pakistan, you're barely considered as a living being. Where as if you had a face like everyone else, then you could do all the things that he, she or he is doing. I believe that's what the world should aim for... But that's just me.

Today I Saw a Man Cry

I was waiting for the bus at a busy bus stop. Don't even ask me where I was, I honestly don't have a clue. Anyway, I had to get home, and I was going to take the bus. As I was walking back and forth a few steps I was examining the other people waiting for their ride. Just to mention a few; there was a black woman holding a small child. She was wearing worn-out clothes, and you could see that the child was cold. Good that the sun was shining, so the wee girl could catch some warmth from it. Of course her mother's (I'm guessing) body heat was keeping her warm as well. There was this girl who was standing near the street, as if desperate to get on the first bus coming. She was wearing a blue jacket and a matching scarf. Her ears were plugged with cheap, white earphones. Finally, a man was sitting on the bench at the bus stop. He was old, maybe around 60. I happened to catch his eye as he was looking back for an unknown reason. That's when I noticed the tears. There were three tears tattooed right below his right eye.

Depressing

It's all about thinking. Once you think too much, it can sabotage your mental health. But if you don't think enough, then you can never experience life at it's fullest. It's hard to think just the right amount. First, because the right level of thinking is different for everyone of us. Second, once you've crossed the ultimate level of thinking, it's almost impossible to go back.

Anyway, i was thinking of how depressing it is to view yourself one of so many. Every one of us is just yet another human being to be living on this earth. See one is that you see yourself as one of the seven billion people living on this earth. However, further more, you are just one out of trillions that have lived on the earth. So many people have already lived, and not all of their lives have even been recorded. So now you see how tiny and meaningless you and your life is.

But on the other hand, life is wonderful. Needless to say, it's the little things in life that count. :)