Friday, 31 December 2010

Don't Look Back ?

Boo hoo.

It's officially the time when we should look back to yet another year that has almost run through our fingers.

Let's see where I'm at. I'm living in a student residence, and attending my first year at UWS. I'm in Scotland, Paisley, an adorable but boring town not far from nation's largest city Glasgow. Though snow surprised local people very early, late November, i'm pleased that there is no snow outside at the moment. It was quite warm yesterday, for a winter day, and according to BBC it will be around plus five today. Murr, not bad for the New Year's Eve.

I miss my friends and family dearly. And it was sad to not be with them over Christmas.

I'm feeling good though because my life has changed in the past year more than I thought it would.

Let's run back now. At the begining of the year I was still living in Canada. I had applied to universities in December and I wondered if I'd get accepted. I was very frustrated about school because of upcoming exams. However, i was pleased that the second semester would start within a month.

I don't think I ever even pictured myself at a university. Yes, of course, i had the thought, and hope that i will be, but the image in my head never reached beyond a piece of paper that would say that I'm in.

Feels so weird how much life can change in one year. I was hoping i'd be able to explain, but i can't find the right words.

So I plan on having an unforgettable last day of the year. I have a secret. You guessed it, i'm not gonna tell you.


Blah, today words are not being my friends.

So, do look back on the things that have changed. Take a bow, yet another year well played. The curtain closes and quickly the set is changed. Light and sound operators are ready, actors in places, director's palms are getting sweaty, the audience turns to quite as the room sinks into darkness. The stage crew re-open the curtain as sound operator hits PLAY - a brand new theme song is on. Light operator turns on the fifth knob to full brightness, it's a spotlight on you.
Let the play begin.



Ay, happy new year my dear imaginary friends!




P.S. I might change the title from "i'm like a dragonfly" to "i am a dragonfly."

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

6 Words

NaBloPoMo:
Describe what happiness means to you using just six words.

Me:
Happiness - biking when it is raining.

Monday, 27 December 2010

It's in Your Hands

Feels like my hands are growing bigger. I wash my face with water of rain. It stings. Small drops run down my face. I feel them tickling my neck and I can't help but to smile.

My arms are getting bigger - I'm able to hold my own head. Feels like an absolute mystery. Can you imagine how it is to have your own head in your hands, and have full control over it? It almost feels like a dream, like flying in clouds. And then you want to hold on, but there's nothing solid. It's the sky. So I just keep holding my own head, I can't let it fall.

It's not really a story. More like a confession you see. My arms are eager to hold the entire world. I know I'd trip and drop it on the ground. It would brake into billion pieces and I'd feel like the one who drove the earth over a cliff. I'd have an unbearable feeling of guilt. So I always choose not to take the risk.

I'm too coward.

The rain hits a pause button and my face slowly drys off, while my arms begin to shrink. And the next thing I know, there's surface beneath my feet, and no longer am I holding my head.

Why did I have to let go?

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Kam negadās

Zinu, zinu, ka nēsmu rakstījusi katru dienu. Tā nu sanāca, ka blogi galīgi izkrita no prāta. Pat biju piemirsusi par Song of the Day blogu un četras dienas no vietas nebija jauna dziesma. Šausmas!

Bet es tiku tam pāri un tagad viss ir labi! Nē nu patiesība jau vienmēr viss ir labi, bet dažkārt ir labi to uzsvērt.

Svētdien tiku izbraukt no pilsētas. Tas bija atsvaidzinoši. Kaut ko savādāku vajadzēja. Vairāk jau tāpēc, ka "lielo" sniegu dēļ sanāca sēdēt istabā teju vai visu nedēļu, jo univeristāte taču bija slēgta.

Rit pēdējā nedēļa pirms Ziemassvētku brīvlaika. Jauki! :)

Pagājušajā nedēļā arī pirmo reizi cepu zemesrieku svieta cepumus. Sanāca ļoti gardi!!! Un biju mīļa un padalījos ar dzivokļa biedrenēm. hehe

Bučas mīlīši!

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Ļoti netīšām.

Nezin kāpēc atminējos kādu savdabīgu blēņu kuru pastrādāju 2007. gada vasarā. Pat nevaru īsti saprast kādēļ šis nedarbs atausis prātā. Visnotaļ savādi.

Tas atgadījās iepriekš minētā gada augustā, kad biju tanī dīķa pusē. Neatminos kādēļ, bet es meklēju savu dzimšanas apliecību (vai pasi). Kamēr meklēju netīšām uzodu kaut ko, ko nevajadzēja, un es pamanījos ieurbt savu degunu tā ne pa jokam. Diemžēl nedrīkstu neko stāstīt, jo nevienam tā arī neatzinos par to ko biju uzrakusi. Bet es jutos nelāgi par to, ka biju pārlieku ziņkārīga.

Tā lūk, tagad jūs zinat pusi no noslēpuma kuru nekad nevienam nebiju klāstijusi.


Rīt universitāte vaļā, bet man piektdienās lekciju ņau. Murr. Visu nedēļu sanāca gurķi laist.
Bet nu, protams, es turpinu cītīgi atbildēt uz Yahoo jautājumiem. Njā, visai skumji....

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

here

"Men are made of disappointment."
/22.11.10/


I still can't figure out what women are made of..

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

TWO YEARS ON BLOGGER!!

Well hello my dear imaginary friends. Today was a lazy day.

My uni was closed today, and it will be closed tomorrow as well. This is due to the extreme weather conditions. I'm having a great laugh at this. They get a little snow and close down almost everything. Seems so odd after living in Canada. Bad news is that i'm not sure how they expect us to hand in our essays if the university is closed. I sent an e-mail, so i hope to get things clear.


As the title of the post states, today, seventh of December, is my first blog's two year birthday!!! And, yes, i'm like a dragonfly is my first one. So happy birthday to my favourite blog. Today I was trying to remember what the title of it was when I created it, i did remember, it was "Sviesta pika". This blog has been changed around so many times that even I can't remember them all.

I can sure say that I know much, much more about blogging than I used to. In fact, two years ago I wasn't really sure what a Blog is. Hehe.

+one thing to be happy about: my blog!

Life is getting better, for now. (:


Time to sleep now!

Monday, 6 December 2010

Yahoo!

For the past three weeks or so I've been addicted to Yahoo Answers. I can't help it. I'm enjoying answering questions knowing that I'm helping some one. It might be surprising, but I've also learned some new things. So I think it's a good addiction. Maybe not to an extreme as mine, but still.
If you do undertand anything about Yahoo Answers, I can tell you that last week I got close to six hundred points. And this week (which is just Monday) I have about one hundred fifty points, but that's also because today they give double points for answering questions (i.e. 4 points for each answer). Also, three weeks ago I had 14% best answers, today I've got 18%. Hehe.

I better get some sleep now.

Sweet dreams my dear ones.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

Tas ir izlemts

Rīt iešu uz veikalu notērēt pēdējās divas mārciņas. Pirkšu raugu un vīnogu sulu, un cerams, ka sanāks kapeika kādam balonam. Un tad es mēģināšu pagatavot alkoholisku dzērienu.

Jā, es zinu, ka atkal esmu sagājusi galīgā sviestā.

Friday, 3 December 2010

How much more?

You don't understand, you never have, and you never will.

How much more do you expect me to pretend? When will you realize that I'm not as strong as it seems? I can't always be there for everyone, I can't always be the shoulder that everyone can cry on, I can't keep drinking everyones sorrow. I've got so much in me, I want to be able to burst. I want you to see how weak I really am. How can you not see that I'm the one who needs help? I need to be able to let it all out. It's burning and it hurts, it hurts more than anything ever has.

I need you to help me to stop this pain. Please, please, open your eyes. I can't pretend to be strong forever.

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Inspire

I need more sources of inspiration in my life.

Just saying.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Be a Monster if You Have To

I'm extremely tired due to the messed up sleep pattern that I've had this week. Most of all it's due to my constant procrastination. It's back, and I'm working hard to fight it.

December's here, and I'm feeling depressed. The snow and the cold aren't helping. I really do not understand why I'm in such a state of mind.

I have a nonstop feeling that there is something missing in my life. This too is bringing me down.

But lately I've been enjoying some music in my own kind of way. This is what I do: put on my sweatpants and my sports bra. Then I set my slippers aside, leaving my feet bare. I plug earphones in my mobile phone. The volume is turned up so that all I hear is music. And then I "dance"/workout in my room. The light is off, and it helps me to go crazy. :)
This seems to be the only source of happiness in my life at the moment. I do this for hours!

Bye now.

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

NaBloPoMo: November Conclusion

So here goes the last post of November! Can't belive I actually followed through with this. I'm so proud of myself! You might think that's not right to feel this way. But I hadn't been actively psoting on this blog for such a long time. And I'm thankful to NaBloPoMo for strengthening my relationship with this blog! Loads of love between us, just like in the good old days. I'm very, very, very, very happy. I can't stop expressing my joy!

It's snow outside. I dislike the snow more than anything. Not usually but for now. One of our uni's campuses was closed today due to the snow. Too bad it wasn't mine. Haha. But the attendence was so bad though. Very few people came to the lecture, and there were only six of us in the seminar. Was so boring, and no one was up for any discussions. Our teacher got kinda mad and she said that she would understand that our brain was frozen outside because of the weather, but it's warm inside. It was funny, suposably, since we all laughed a little. But, to be honest, i do feel like my brain in frozen. Either that, or it's just shut down, simply refusing to function.

I'm at uni now, so I'll head home and do some work. Meanwhile I'm debating whether or not to blog every day in December as well.

Monday, 29 November 2010

LaikaM

Īsti nezinu ko šodien stāstīt.

Ārā sniegs, un šad tad tiek piegādāta jauna deva. Šodien ārā negāju. Nebija īsti jēga nekur doties. Un ārā tomēs auksts, ietves kā slidotavas, un pa malām mētājās bērneļi. Skoti teic, ka parasti te daudz nesniegot, bet ir novembra nogale un viss baltā tērpts jau trīs dienas no vietas. Parasti mani priecē raibās sezonas, bet šogad baigi negribas septiņās jakās tīties un staigāt apkārt tontona paskatā.

Adventes vainags man nav. Sveces ar nav. Es tik sagriezu papīra lapu četrās daļās un pielīmēju pie sienas. Vienai strēmelei nedaudz nolociju dibenu un augšpusē piestiprināju oranžu papīra liesmu. Ar to man pietiks šim gadam.

Novembris teju iztecējis. Katru dienu kaut ko nopublicēt ir nogurdinoši, bet tomēr lepojos ar sevi, ka būšu turējusi savu vārdu.

Labi, es nu iešu kaut ko padarīt.

Sunday, 28 November 2010

I'm Sorry

I have to learn to forget. It's been days, and weeks since we last met. And as I left you sitting there my heart was filled with joy. You sat there all alone with so many thoughts left unsaid.

Now I've learned that the most heart-breaking thing anyone could say is "I don't care." But I didn't know it back then, it didn't occure to me, even after you warned me. It's too late now, as I said, I'll not change my mind.

I just wish I could tell you that I'm sorry for all the things I said, without you expecting anything else. I'm sorry. So please don't come to say hi if you see me. Don't remind me about yourself with random calls on the weekends. Please walk out of dreams.

I must forget but you're making it too hard.

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Campaign

Today I went to Activist Development Day for some workshops about campaigning. It was quite interesting and I did learn something new.


P.S. I'll try telling the truth more often. However, it's not a promise.

Friday, 26 November 2010

!

Man nav naudas. Neko citu negribu teikt.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

sleepless celery

Vakar nopirku seleriju. Šodien apēdu vienu. Bet man ļoti, ļoti negaršo selerija. Šī ir trešā reize manā mūža, ka izdaru tādu muļķību. Gudra neesmu.

Dienas atkal jaucās ar naktīm. Jādodas būtu gulēt, bet es graužu seleriju. Kad devos šorīt četros gulēt aizmigu sekundes laikā. Labi gan, ka jau pirms tam bij uzlikusi modinātāju. Cēlos agri, ļoti negribēju, bet nācās.

Gribu piedzīvojumu, ko neaizmirstamu.

Un vēl es gribu gulēt.

Vēlos pateikt arī to, ka man ļoti žēl, ka divi cilvēki kuri dikti labi sapas nevar būt kopā. Just saying.

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

i'm talking about being bad

Oh yes, it's on, the time of the year when almost half of the people at the party leave around midnight because something is due tomorrow before 3pm. Assignments come like a storm, at first you get one. As a warning for what's about to come. Then two weeks later - BAM!!! One assignment after another, two to be done this week and even more the following one. So why not wait till the night before to finally finish them? Meanwhile, of course, partying or simply doing anything BUT the course work.


Being a student has never been easy, and no one ever said that it would be. And although you have been warned that the professors will not care that you just HAD to go to a party, you still belive that it's a reasonable excuse. Not that you're going to tell them, but in your own head it's a perfectly fine excuse. It might be alright for the moment, but in the long run - definately not!

So guess what, it's almost 1am, I just got back to my room from a friend's birthday party, and I have to finish some campaign essay and do some statistics calculations. That is to be handed in tomorrow (that is today, i just still have Ottawa's time zone on Blogger, and i'm not even planning on changing it).

So good dreams to you, but it's study time for me.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

four walls

On the second they I got here I wrote on sticky notes this: "You can do anything if you put your mind to it." One letter per one note, and sticked them to a wall. Soon they started falling of and I was forced to come up with something new. So I got a table cloth and permanent markers, and wrote the sentence on it in huge letters. Now along with that I wrote out some lines from songs that I like. Looks cool.

I have 26 stars all around my room, they glow in the dark. I've also put up small flyers of past parties up on my wall. I stole a bigger party poster from down stairs. It's for this weeks party, they'll be having a Scottish international party. I also put up my grad hat. There is a picture of my family that no one knows I have.
And I put up a post card that my dad sent to me, it has several places from my city on it.

That's all my walls are holding at the moment, hopefully there will be more posters to put up as time goes by.

Monday, 22 November 2010

Saturday, 20 November 2010

just talk ?

I was homesick all evening. It sorta killed me, not everything, but a tiny, tiny part of me definately died. I wrote a poem that made me cry when I read over it. It starts off with anger, anxiety, then fast transforms into pain. Not the one you get now and then, but the pain that sits inside all the time and never leaves. And the pain becomes real quiet as the last line concludes, but it's still there, never letting go.
I cried because it starts of so strong, as if I've got the whole world in my hands, but going through the pain the poem becomes powerless, as if there's nothing that can be done to reduce the pain. I cried because it shows how I feel every now and then, it made me sad. I try not to think that way, but I'm never able to control it, not all the way.


I went to a party at the student union today (yesterday that is). I'm pretty sure it wasn't the best thing to do, but hey, better than sitting all alone in my room. None of my friends were there, at least none of those that I say are my friends. So I went there alone hoping to meet someone I'd know. I met my flatmates and their friends. I know they dislike me, but I joined their circle anyway. There can't be anything worse than dancing alone at a party, in my opinion. So right away I start searching for a cute guy. There were a few whom I had noticed previous weeks, but none were good enough. (Ok, there was one, but he already had a girl around his neck.) Quite a few Scottish guys tried some lame pick up lines, and really bad dance moves. Good try, NAT!


There was this really nice guy that I met though. He's Scottish as well but we started dancing together because my flatmates had went for a drink, and everyone else was elsewhere. So for several times during the night we just sticked together so to say. He tried to get me to dance with him, kinda form one of those couples that you see by the end of every party. I said i just wanted to dance, i didn't however mention that I refused his invite due to the fact that HE was the one inviting. We went outside for a smoke. That was him smoking, me just admitting that I had cigarettes with me, just in case I feel like having one, but I stayed off of them and tried to understand what he and and another guy were talking about. (Yeah, the accent is still sometimes a barrier when communicating with people who have never ever lived outside of Scotland.) I found out that he plays in the american football team (so did the guy that I nicknamed Dog, the first one I went to a date in this country). As it turns out there's about 45 of them. And the cute guy with the gal around his neck is in the team as well. Bullocs ? I think so.


I left the party at about 20 minutes before 3 am (the party ends at 3, and it's always good to leave right before everyone does). By now the dance floor had several 'party couples' but not as many as other nights. The room smelled of sweat and upset men. Most of them were still trying to hunt down some gal. I wanted to leave, the image of the place was sad. Very sad, in any possible way. And the worst part was that I was there, a part of the picture. I found my jacket and in no time I was on my way to the student residence. I allowed myself to have one cigarette. Sew me, i don't care, i'm still a non-smoker. I just have a cigarette or two (or more) on days when I'm kinda depressed, or just drunk and stupid. This was a combination of both.

On my way I was thinking, again, about how sad such parties are, so degrating. And I wondered, all this time I've been going to them. Same agenda: drinks, party, dancing, men, dancing, more drinks, maybe a decent guy, getting back to the rez late, hangover next morning. The SAME every friday. Why had I stayed to the same routine almost every weekend since in Scotland. Why? A thrill, meeting new people, drinking, but the main reason was letting all out on the dance floor. Just enjoying the sounds of music and dancing. Just dancing! Yeah, that's why I go back. (Haha, now I know!) So I was walking all alone and thinking, and I realized what I want. The perfect situation that could be. This is what I came up with: I want to talk. Talk with a person who would listen, a person who I would want to listen to. And just say EVERYTHING, that comes across the mind. We'd be sitting on a bench during fall or spring. The weather would be not too cold, but we would have our jackets on. We'd talk in a fairly late evening, the sun would set soon. In front of us would be a view of a city. Any city, but we'd have a wonderful view, just to make it more perfect. We would talk for hours, days if we had to. I really want that to happen, I want to talk, cry if I must, and laugh, of course. Yes, I want to talk, but most importantly I want to find someone to talk to.


I got to my room and drank some water. Had a kit-kat break, hehe. Went to bed and begun writing this post. When I was describing the party, guess what happened. The fire alarm went of. I was considering staying in my room, but the sound was capable of murdering, I had to go outside. Very upset I got on some clothes and was outside. I treated myself with a cigarette, and I apollagized my self when I was done. "Sorry," I whispered. It was cold outside and now the alcohol was no more warming me up. It was about half part four in the morning. I could see in other people faces that I wasn't the only one mad about this.


I'm back in my room now and I think I should get some sleep.


Sweet dreams to all.

Friday, 19 November 2010

Piektdiena kā jau piektdiena.

Vakar nopirku kaut ko ko nevajadzēja, bet nu jau par vēlu, nauda iztērēta, tagad tik jaiezlēdz pozitīvisms un jādoma cik labi, ka tā izdarīju.
Ai, ko es te pārdzīvošu, viss būs labi tik un tā.

Nē, es tā nemāku. Šodien man slikts garīgais un viss, nekas nespēs to pieveikt. Ļoti ceru, ka vakars šodien būs labs. Tam taču jābūt labam, šodien piektdiena. Jāaiziet mājas kaut kas jāpadara, citādi daudz nepadarīti darbi krājas. Sestdien arī plānoju mācīties, lai gan varētu jau aizbraukt kopā ar draudzenēm uz Glāzgovu jaunāko Hariju Poteru noskatīties. Vēl nezinu.

Principā ceru satikt kādu lādzīgi cilvēku ar kuru varētu aiziet uz krogu iedzert alu.

Man napatīk negācijas, tāpēc vairāk nerakstīšu. Pietiek.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

18. novembris

Jau kārtējo reizi ir pienākusi tā diena, kad mīļā Latvija atzīmē savu dzimumdienu! Man ar dikti gribas kādu pasācienu, salūtu un, protams, sarkanbaltsarkano. Bet man tiek tikai lekcijas. Neko darīt. Tas toč, ka septiņos pēc vietējā laika es dziedāšu HIMNU! Lai ar es dziedu tā, ka tiem, kas dzird ausis krīt ciet, šodien es nevienu nežēlošu! Lai manas dzīvokļa biedrenes domā, ka esmu jukusi, man vienalga, es dziedāšu Latvijas valsts himnu un VISS! Tas ir izlemts. *Tagad šis spītīgais bērns paņem telefonu un uzliek atgādinājumu!*
Viss.

Baigi forši, ka tomēr vienu dienu visā gadā latvieši atceras, ka esam īpaši, un, ka mūsu zemīte ar ir viennozīmīgi skaistākā pasaulē. Žēl, protams, ka citās dienas tas aizmirstās, bet šodien laikam nevajag žeēloties. Hehe. Baigais prieks, ka valsts svētku diena ir novembrī, jo tas skaitas drūmākais mēnesis gadā. Te nu mēs iesperam/iekožam visiem, kas tā saka, jo par spīti drūmajam gada posmam ir jāsvin dzimšanas diena. Vai tur lūzt, vai plīst, mēs to svinam godam, un tā allažiņ.

Latvijai vēlu, lai tā mūžīgi silda mūsu sirsdis drūmajos novembros, un, lai nekad nezaudē spēku, kas nepieciešams, lai veidotu gaišāku rītdienu.

Šodien sūtu jums diplomatiskas bučas, katram pa vienai. Dari ar to ko sirds kāro! ;)


P.S. Ja esi tvīterī, tad neaizmirsti pievienot #Latvia1918! Lai pasaule zin, ka šodien atzīmējam dzimšanas dienu. /// If You are on twitter, please add the tag #Latvia1918 to celebrate Latvia's birthday!

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

I am here

Today NaBloPoMo asked: "How did you end up where you're living right now? What factors will help you choose the next place you live?"

I'm living in Scotland now. I moved here on the first of October this year. I moved from Canada, spending two months in between in Latvia. I'm here for University, and will stay here for four years. I do hope to spend a year somewhere else, studying abroad. After that I hope to live somewhere else, who knows where, a new country hopefully. When I'll be done with my education I will stay in Latvia, of course.

Anyway, You all knew that already, so nothing too interesting. Right?
I'm really lazy today, so don't expect me to write more.
As a matter of fact, my job here for today is done.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Nogale

Nedēļas nogale bija sasaudīti gara un aizraujoša. Negribējas, lai nāk otrdiena, bet tā, (maita), atnāca. Veikli aprakstīšu ko kurā dienā darīju un kur biju.

Tātad, piektdien ilgi gulēju. Kad cēlos, sakārtoju istabu un veicu citas saimnieciskas darbības (tā teikt). Vakarā sanāca dzert daudz alu. Sākumā dzērām citā dzīvoklī kojās, tusējām un plāpājām. Vēlāk gājam uz Studentu Savienību uz ŪSU balli. Jā, jā, bija man arī ūsas, bet manas bija tik ideālas, ka es tās nosaucu par neredzamajām ūsasm. Ar flomasteru uzzimēju tās uz pirksta, un, kad vajadzēja parādīt kādam cik man asprātīgas ūsas, tad tik atlika pirkstu uzlikt virs lūpas. Te sanāca ilgi tusēt un galvā bij daudz, daudz alus. Tusējām līdz trijiem, bet ar tādu kompāniju mājas nonācu tikai neilgi pirms četriem no rīta.

Sestdien, kā jau noprotams, gulēju ļoti ilgi. Pamodos, sāpēja galva un lielāko dienas daļu pa gultu vien vaļājos. Vakara pusē nācas savākties un sakopties, bija ieplānots randiņš. Domājām iet uz kādu bāru iedzert alu, bet beigās sarunājam, ka paliksim vien manā dzīvoklī un dzersim alu tā pat. Dzēram manā istabā (diemžēl), jo manas dzīvokļa biedrenes bija sāicinājušas veselu baru cilvēku. Negāja labi, lai gan sarunas raisījas diezgan veiksmīgi un vienu brīdi pat dejojām. Alus palika, bet sanāca tā, ka gribēju, lai viņš dodas prom. Mājienus saprata. Bija jau diezgan vēls un tad arī devos gulēt.

Svētdien atkal pamodos visai vēlu. Ap vieniem. Bija jābrauc uz Glāzgovu satikt brāli Jāni. Bija ārprātīgi foši viņu satikt. Pavadīju dienu ar viņu un viņa paziņu. Vakarā cerēju saskrieties ar draudzenēm, kas ar bija līdz Glāzgovai atkūlušās, lai ietu uz kīno, bet viņām nebija ieplānots tusēt pa pilsētu. Tad nu sazinājos ar kādu draugu un satikos ar viņu. Gājām uz kādu krogu kur viņš ar saviem draugiem bieži ejot. Vakaru pavadījam pļāpājot. Viņš ierosināja, ka jāiet uz klubu kaut kad vakarā, bet es viņam atgādināju, ka man jānoķer pēdējais vilciens, kas attiet pusstundu pirms pusnakts, bet pirmais no rīta ir tikai īsi pēc pieciem. Turklāt viņam nākamā dienā bija kaut kada prezentācija, kas vēl bija līdz tam jānobeidz. Izlēmām to darīt kādu citu reizi, kad būšu pilsētā. Tiku līdz mājas un bija jau vēls, devos čučēt.

Nākamā rīta (pirmdien) modos ap desmitiem, un neilgi pirms pusdienas laika biju jau atkal Glāzgovā. Atkal satiku bračku un viņa paziņu. Apmetām loku ap pilsētu paskatījāmies šo un to. Laiks bija izcils, sākumā. Vēlāk uznāca lietus un paspējām pārlīt ceļā atpakaļ uz centru. Paēdam, iegājām pāris veikalos, tad es devos māajas, bet viņi uz koncertu. Mājas biju savlaicīgi, bet ļoti pārgurusi es laicīgi devos uz čučumuižu.

Šodien otrdiena, politikas dienas. Līdz ar vēl septiņiem jauniešiem tapu par savas klases pārstāvi (i.e. class representative). Biči forši, ne? :P
Tagad sēžu skolā pie datora un gaidu, kad varēšu doties uz politikas semināru, kas jau atkal būs ļoti garlaicīgs, bet obligāts pasāciens.

Šonedēļ šis tas jāpadara sakarā ar rakstu darbiem, lai nebūtu sekojošajās nedēļās viss jādara pēdējā brīdī.

Pagaidām beigšu. Bučas visiem.

Kopsavilkums: Alus ir labs, Glāzgova ir forša, un satikt brāli Jāni ir vēl foršāk.

Monday, 15 November 2010

happy weekend

Had a great FOUR day weekend. Awesome people, fantastic places, and some beer to top it all of. I'll tell you more tomorrow when I get to a PC, since now i'm bloging from my phone again.

Just one thing before I cut off this short post: siblings are the one thing that you can't choose but they are so precious that you just gotta keep them close. They are the people who we fight with as we're younger, and the people we care about, and who care about us, at any stage in our lives. In other words, they're pure gold; can't recognize their value at first, but later, so expensive that you'll never be able to replace them. So keep them dear and safe.

Sunday, 14 November 2010

sing along, dance tonight

Last night I had a very bad date. Actually the passed two weeks have been disasterous if we are talking about men. Gotta get back in the groove, don't know how though.
So last night was BAD, but good for me that the beer was great.

I don't think I ever have posted lyrics of any song on my blog. Oh no, I did, a very long time ago. I'm pretty sure it was Orca by Canadian band Wintersleep.
But that I posted because the song and the lyrics were simply too good to not share.

This is a little different. The song isn't unbelievably awesome, but the melody is catchy and some lines are great. I'll leave it up to you to decide which lines are better than the others. I've suggested this song in a post some time ago, but now it's back in my head and it won't leave. The song is Crystalized by none other than The XX.


You've applied the pressure
To have me crystallized
And you've got the faith
That I could bring paradise
I'll forgive and forget
Before I'm paralyzed
Do I have to keep up the pace
To keep you satisfied?
Things have gotten closer to the sun
And I've done things in small doses
So don't think that I'm pushin you away
When you're the one that I've kept closest
You don't move slow
Taking steps in my directions
The sound resounds echo
Does it lessen your affection? No
You say I'm foolish
For pushing this aside
But burn down our home
I won't leave alive
Glaciers have melted to the sea
I wish the tide would take me over
I've been down on my knees
And you just keep on getting closer
Glaciers have melted to the sea
(Things have gotten closer to the sun)
I wish the tide would take me over
(And I've done things in small doses)
I've been down onto my knees
(So don't think that I'm pushing you away)
And you just keep on getting closer
(When you're the one that I've kept closest)
Go slow
Go slow
Go slow
Go slow
Go slow

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Home+Sick

A fragment of a dialogue between me and myself:
-I think I'm homesick.
-But you don't know where home is.
-I try to understand. Is it not the place where your loved ones are?
-Yeah, but your loved ones are scattered around the world.
-Are you saying that the whole world is my home?
-I guess I am.
-Then why don't I feel like i'm home?

Friday, 12 November 2010

Radio Head

"What's the biggest sacrifice you've ever made for another person? Was it worth it?" NaBloPoMo's question(s) for today.

I'm going to answer this the way I see it.
I don't sacrifice anything for anyone. I just do what I choose to do. Maybe it's the word 'sacrifice' that I simply dislike. Because I love helping others. (Yeah, I don't do that 24/7, but I do every now and then.) Most are small things.
I don't sacrifice anything but time. Sometimes more than just time, I've given up a guy for a friend, twice. Never a good thing. What does it change if in the end it is your heart or your friends heart that breaks?
I've moved a party a day before an exam just because my friend was leaving on the day of my exam. I haven't seen my friend since. I left before she was back. (As a matter of fact, she still isn't back.)
I got the best birthday presents for my twin brother when we turned 18, but never got a present back (unless you call a grasshopper covered in chockalate a present, Oh, but you find out it's a grasshopper only once you've already eaten it).

I'm that lame.



I've been listening to radio all night. A very gay station. Most songs are so bad that I simply take the earphones out of my ears. If you know me, than you know that usually i wouldn't do that, so you can only imagine how bad some of the songs were. I also nuplugg my ears when they talk. It's so ridiculous, I do not care if you found a Christmas song CD in your messy car. I also couldn't care less if you've slept all week, or if you haven't slept for twenty hours. Gee! They don't have much advertisement, i'd put that as a pluss. However, to be honest, i'd rather listen to a cheerfull phone companies add then listen to their news. It's a recorded one minute long news script. I don't want to be sarcastic, but playing over and over again about a director who has died is a little unethical. Maybe I'm wrong, but for gods sake, it's an invitation to attend a dead persons funeral not Lady Gaga's performance. Now all this made me wonder why the hack am I listening to this station. And it wasn't hard to understand. I'd listen to an other station, but the choice is really narrow, practically nothing to choose from. AND I'm very tired of the songs that I have on my phone.
Therefore I listen to this station, because they do put some OK songs every now and then.

I should get out of my bed and start doing something, but more sleep sounds much more tempting.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

Eyes

This is going to sound redicilous, but is true 100%.

EVERY guy that I have been to at least one date (which are most of the cases, but that's not what the story is about) say that "there is something" in my eyes. Really?! Is it like a thing all guys say to all girls, and I justs didn't know it? It's weird because they never say it as the 'typical' pick up line. They say it while actually meaning it.
It leads me to question what the hell is wrong with my eyes?

I mean, if it is some standard line, please tell me, because I just need to know that.



As for the NaBloPoMo question of the day: "What do you *really* wish you were doing right now, and how soon do you think you can make it happen?"

REALLY I wish I was with my two best friends partying all night long. No, not just the night, partying uncountable days adn nights in a row.
But that will NEVER happen because my two best friends don't even know each other. They both live on different parts of the world (and neither of them are with me in this country where I am at the moment).
So, to be honest, sometimes life sucks, not only because You see it that way, but because it actually does suck.


Good evening for You all.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

happy dance

As I was walking back to my residence after my Sociology seminar today, I walked by a group of four guys. One of them was looking at me and said: "Hey, you look happy." A few steps later I turned and looked back at the guy and replied: "It's because I am happy!"

The smile on my face grew a little more, and then I resumed my trip.

Yes, at the moment I feel happy. It's official. This almost NEVER happens, so you all are more than welcome to join me as I celebrate by doing THE HAPPY DANCE!!!

Eh, too bad I can't tell you why I'm in such a mood. But either way, I wish you all a great evening.

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

VOVA, jau atkal

Esmu atgriezusies VOVAS stadijā. Nav ne jausmas kas tas ir vai no kā tas radās. Bet zinu, ka kaut kad jau bija man tāds dumjais VOVAS posms. Vai kāds nepieprot hipnozi? Varbūt varētu izdzīt no manis un beidzot noskaidrot, vai tas ir kas pozitīvs, vai nē. Mēģinu atrast sakritības starp pirmo, un šo VOVAS brīdi, bet neko nespēju izfunktierēt. Tiešām, pat ne mazākās jausmas. Izklausās jau diezgan debīli, bet es ZINU, ka VOVA kaut ko slēpj, bet nesaka, ko.

Šodien jāraksta tipa par mīļākajām dziesmām. Ja godīgi, jau kādu nedēļu nespēju atrauties no Eminema. Jā, atkal. (Tas man ar jau kaut kad sen, sen bij uznācis.) Šī brīža mīļākās dziesmas nav, bet, ja dikti seko maniem rakstiem (tāda noteikti nav neviena), tad zini, ka ir trīs dziesmas, kas man allažiņ būs mīļas (linkus nelikšu, man slinkums, dikti gribās, gan pats sameklēsi):
REM - Losing My Religion
Wintersleep - Orca
Gary Jules - Mad World


Pagaidām viss. Došos rakstīt eseju, tas kā uzrakstīju Politikas eseju vakar nebija pieņemami, pat ne biči ne. Tāpēc jāsaņemās un jāuzraksta Socioloģijas eseja daudz prātīgāk.

Monday, 8 November 2010

fine day Monday

Lately I've been too excited for weekends that I had forgotten how great all the other days of the week are. You think I'm joking right?

I don't know if I am. But I really wish I could appreacheate all days, not just Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. Just because they are the official party days doens't mean that they are the only ones, further more, the best ones.


My dream home? To be honest, I wish I didn't have a home. I wish I had nothing, as a matter of fact. Imagine how grat it would be if You didn't have to care about anything AT ALL! I really wish that I could go out on the street now. Wearing what I'm wearing now, taking nothing with me; and say THIS IS ME, no strings attached.

Damn, I hate having responsibilities, but at the same time I love them. I love having people to care about. And a warm cosy bed that I can spend the night in.

Sunday, 7 November 2010

confused

I know that it's wordless weekend, but I just need to give a hint of how I feel. At the moment I'm very confused and I don't know what's going on in my head. Things are getting more and more complicated.

I keep pushing him away, but at the same time I wish there was a missed call or a text message from him.


image source: zparks.lv/images/text/W880_01.jpg

Friday, 5 November 2010

What makes you notice someone?

Are You thinking what i'm thinking? Is this a question as in what i notice in the opposite sex or what do i notice in people in general?

Well, i've had more that enought of the GUYS lately, so i will assume that we are talking about people in general. I notice anything that is out of the ordinary. For example, if a person if wearing slippers in winter, i will definatelly notice it. I also notice eyes. Mostly I notice them in guys, but I notice eyes almost always. While some people remember names, i can distinguish a person by looking at their eyes. I'd say it's a skill. Hehe.


I finally put the NaBloPoMo badge in the sidebar. Yeey.

Friday today, so i'm going to party wild tonight. That's the plan at least. Wish me luck.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

UGLY

I'd rather be wealthy and ugly than dumb and sexy, or sickly but wise. There are several reasons why i would make such a choice. First, it mentions nothing about intellect, so i am the one who determines that. And, besides, the more money i have, the more access to better education. Second reason is really obvious, why would i not take money? Even though people say that money can't buy happiness, it has been proved (sorry, i will not search for references) that to a certain extent money CAN bring happiness. So, show me the money. :P
Third, this one as well does not require lots of thinking. I'm ugly already, so it would make no difference to me. And now that i would be rich i could spend as much money as i want to fix my ugly teeth, and get plastic surgeries to fix anything else. (Ha, you all probably know my view on plastic surgeries (in case if you don't, i support such surgeries only if they are needed from the medic perspective, NOT if some celebrity hates her/his nose or old face), but you gotta admitt that it's a good point that i got there). So that's my choice and i'll have it stay as my choice.

Other than that...
Life in Scotland is going fine. Yes, i'm using this word for a reason, because in this context it has somewhat negative connotation. There have been some issues with me getting my time well spent, but i'm working on it, at some level. Ok, i hate complaining, so let's assume that i'm in a great mood, shall we!
Yesterday i walked into a sports store. I went in looking for running shoes. There were so many to choose from, and the prices as well had quite a variety. I was looking for dark, preferably black inexpensive shoes. I found ones that i really liked and i almost got them, but then i decided to wait for about two days. Maybe i will find something better, and i wanted to try them on with a decent sock (i had on the thin female sock at that time). Today i didn't have time to get there, since all stores here close up real early, but i'm thinking that i will buy them tomorrow or on Saturday.

Cheers.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

books?

Describe the plot of the next book you want to read, even if the book doesn't exist yet.

That's what NaBloPoMo said on Twitter.
Really??? Come on, everyone knows I don't read. If i do read then it must be a damn good book, or some muSt read for a class of mine. YeS, i know that reading is good, and, yes, i am very ashamed that i'm not a big fan of reading. So be it.

I choose the option where the book that i would want to read does not yet exist. The book would have a dark, dark green cover. It would be in the size of a dictionary. Well, no, how about it will be a dictionary? I like that. Maybe a dictionary that has a synopsys of every book in the world. Or maybe a japanese - latvian dictionary. One that includes every word, every phrase used in Japanese. Yeah, this book would be gigantic. Hehe. And you know what is the best part of it? I don't have to read it. Didn't see that one coming, did you? Yeah, this book reads itself, and then somehow i just know everything thats written in it. I'm so proud of how clever i am.

Ok, enough of this rubbish, I have a letter to finish. Yes, I don't read books, but i do write letters. That's how cool i am.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Jewelry

The theme for today is to write about a piece of jewelry that we own, one that has a story behind it. I have a few pieces that come from as presents, as brought just because i liked it very, very much, some are even found. But the only one that has a story worth to tell is one that a very good friend of mine gave me for my names day a few years ago.

It was during a camp, and I happened to have my names day in the few days during it. The person who I mentioned as my friend once actually used to be my dance teacher. Folk dancing. I haven't talked to her, due to certain reasons (suspicion actually, but that's a different story). Anyway, so at the camp, as a camp, we went places, and did things (yeah, i know, ppl do that everywhere..gee, my writting has came down to a very low level latelly, so please firgive me). So one night a few friends were going down to a some lake not far away and asked me if I wanted to come along. And, of course, I said that I do want to. I grabbed my swimsuite and my towel, hoped in the car with them and we were on our way there. When I was changing, I also took of my new necklace, because I didn't want to lose it while swimming. I put it in my short pocket. So we had a great time down at the lake. Got out the water, quickly got dressed and left soon after. It was cold so we wanted to get back to our accommodations as fast as possible. As we were driving back I realized that my necklace wasn't in the pocket anymore. I searched all over the car, but soon I understood that it must have fallen out when we were rushing to get back. I was really dissaponted in myself. How could I take so little care for this precious gift? Now the lake was just lika any usual lake in Latvia. Had grass, sand, bushes, tress, and all that. And going back to find it was redicilous, especially since it was dark already. I had to tell myself to let go. I told my friend of what had happened, and I felt so terrible.

The next day, however, we happened to go to the same lake. It was daytime now, and the sun was at it's fullest. We were enjoying the day. We spent a lot of time there, had our lunch, played games, and all the other stuff that people do at camps. When we were leaving, and I was stepping into the car, I noticed a little shiny thing not far from the car. I got out; everyone else was eager to leave and couldn't understand why I would suddenly get out. And there it was. My necklace. I was so glad that I found it. Even since I have never been carefree with my jewelery, since it always is very dear to me.

So what's the lesson of the day? Take care of the things that mean a lot to You, because You only really know what You've got when it's already gone. Be nice kids. Take care. HAHA!

Monday, 1 November 2010

NaBloPoMo

Once again i will try to post something every day for the whole month. And there is no theme in November this time, AND i can put an image or a video on the weekends. I'll put the badge in the sidebar tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, seeing that i am posting from my phone again.

I don't have much that i would be dying to tell you, but i think that this joke will do the job.

You might not like it, but i sure found it funny.

3 guys are in a cafė.
One says: I've got the smallest arm in the world!
An other says: I've got the smallest head in the world!
The last one says: I've got the smallest penis in the world!
The 3 guys go to Guinness World Records.
The first one goes in first and returns happy: I've really got the smallest arm in the world!
The second returns happy as well: I've really got the smallest head in the world!
The last one returns angry and screams: WHO THE FUCK IS JUSTIN BIEBER?!

Now i'll go and read some articles for my politics class, but You better go and save the world. ;D

Thursday, 28 October 2010

mēģinājums numero seis

Tad nu šī sanāk sestā reize, kad mēģinu uzskribelēt rakstu no telefona. Cerams, ka izdosies.

Sākšu ar to, ka esmu apslimusi un pēdējo divu dienu laikā palicis tikai sliktāk. Šobrīd pat neesmu pārliecināta vai rītu došos uz Halovīnu balli. Tērps ar vēl nav sagādāts, tā kā liela bēda nebūs. Nu tad jau manīs ko līdz rītdienas vakaram izgudrošu.

Vakar no rīta satikos ar savu personal tutor. Ļoti forša sieviete! Uzzināju, ka nākamgad viņa ar ģimeni emigrēs uz Kanādu. Man tas šlķita nedaudz ironiski ņemot vērā, ka es tieši gribēju prom no Kanādas un atpakaļ uz Eiropu. Mēs nedaudz par to paklačojām. Mēs par daudz ko runājām. Viņa man arī sacīja, ka uzrakstīs ieteikuma vēstuli, ja būs nepieciešama, lai dabūtu darbu. Nu forši!

Šodien izdevās nokārtot dažus svarīgus papīrus sakarā ar universitāti. Iegriezos arī skolas ofissā, tanī, kas palīdz studentiem darba meklējumos. Un uz pirmdienu sarunāju konsultāciju, lai palīdz ar CV nobeigšanu/uzpucēšanu.

Problēma ar zēniem, t.i. vienu zēnu, ar laikam nokārtojusies! Padomā tik, pa visu dienu ne vienu reizi zvanījis nav! Žēl, ka man nav šampanietis, lai varētu nosvinēt.
Es jums biči paskaidrosu, kas par situāciju bija izveidojusies. Biju uz randiņu ar vienu čali. Lieta tāda, ka šajā pirmajā randiņā viņš man paziņoja, ka mani mīlot. (!?) Bija arī citas tā teikt, problēmas ar šo vīrieti. Es biju nolēmusi, ka vairāk satikt viņu nevēlējos. Nākamajā dienā viņš man atstāja 10 neatbildētus zvanus,tad es neizturēju un pacēlu. Skaidrā valodā pateicu, lai vairāk nezvana. Bet līdz šodienai viņš zvanīja un sūtīja isziņas ik dienu. Bet šodien beidzot nekā; esmu ekstāzē. Baigais prieks!!

Virtuvē gan nav sanācis neko ekskluzīvu uzmeistarot. Lai gan, vakar es aso mērci tzsildīju un klāt piemetu ēdamkaroti cukuru. Kad cukurs bij izkusis, tad savu sweet and spicy mērci ēdu ar makaroniem un krāsnī sildītām saldētām sēnēm. Nebija ne vainas, bet vēlreiz tādu nedomāju gatavot,nebija manā gaumē.

Tagad centīšos laicīgi iet gulēt, jo pēdējās trīs naktis neesmu gandrīz vispār gulējusi.

Bučas? ;)

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Blogging time!

Tik sen nēsmu raktījusi sakarīgu rakstu, ka pilnīgi kauns. Jātzīst, ka pāris dienas atpakaļ uznāca liela kāre kaut ko uzrakstīt. Sāku baigo rakstu ar baigo domu, bet telefons nočakarējas un iedvesma līdz ar to.

Tikko nāku no Politikas lekcijas. Jaunais profesors dikti jautrs, lai gan nedaudz kaitina tas, cik zemu viņš vērtē savu ex-sievu un ģimeni kā institūciju vispār. Ko padarīs, katram savi uzskati.

Man pietrūka mans blogs. Bet tā nu bija sanācis, ka neko nerakstīju. Iemesli bija daudz un dažādi, un esmu tajā posmā, kad tos var rast vēl un vēl. Esmu nolēmusi atsākt rakstīt. Nebūs protams tik bieži, ka tais dienās, kad blogs tapa (t.i. vismaz viens raksts dienā). Bet būs biežāk kā divi, trīs mēnesī. Tā lūk esmu apņēmusies.

Dzīve Skotijā ar katru nedēļu kļūst ar vien sarežģītāka, un es rodu jaunas problēmas katru dienu. Žēl, ka risinājumi gan tik viegli nenāk. Esmu izmēģinājusi daudz ko jaunu. Visu gan nestāstīšu, bet izklastīšu nedaudz par gastranomiskajām izvirtībām.

Sākušu ar to, ka kāds džeks mani iepazīstināja ar HP mērci. (Es nespēju atturēties un to nenosaukt par Harija Potera mērci, nu COME ON, ir taču smieklīgi!) Tās pamatā ir etiķis, un man etiķis riebjas. Tā vismaz man likās. Bet es paņēmu un nopirku Harija Potera mērci un kādas dienas trīs gandrīz nevienu ēdienu neēdu bez tās. Tagad esmu mazliet norimusi. Hariju Poteru aizstāja visu slavenais Heinz ar savu izcilo kečupu. Nopirku lielo pudeli (debīla atruna, bet nu bija uz atlaidi un viss) sestdien. Šodien ir otrdiena un pudele ir pusē! Bet, kad ēdu šī rīta cepto olu, sapratu, ka arī man garša var apnikt. Labi, gana par to.
Draugiem.lv recepšu domubiedru grupās meklēju lētas receptes, jeb receptes studentiem. Bija tur šis tas interesants, bet lielākajai daļai nepieceišamas daudz sastāvdaļas, ka normalam civēkam mājas būtu, bet man vēl nav savācies kaut kā. Viena recepte gan šķita ĻOTI vienkarša un izklausījas interesanta. Recepte tāda: ņem tortermaizes šēli un izņem vidiņu (mīkstumiņu) un nedaudz apgrauzdē uz pannas. Tad tajā tukšumiņā iešķeļ olu! Tā aizpilda caurumu un sacepas kopā ar maizi. Pievieno sāli, piparus, un ko nu kurš parasti olai met klāt. (Es virsū uzgāzu Heinza kečupu.) Un WA LĀ! Pirmajā reizē tā maize man drusku apsvila, tāpēc, kad mēģināju atkal maizi ar tukšo vidiņu nevis apcepu pirms tam, bet gan iemetu tosterī uz ļoti īsu brīdi. Tad uz pannas, un uzreiz tad to olu arī. Nu dikti vienkārši, bet gardi gan!!
Lieta tāda, ka tagad atļaujos eksperimentēt uz nebēdu! Nav jāuztraucās, ka kādam nepatiks, jo vienīgā, kas to ēdīs būšu es. Izvēlīga nēsmu, ja sastāvdaļas ir labas, tad gan jau gala rezultātu apēdzīšu arī tad ja garša nebūs pārāk lieliska. Vakar izmēģināju ko jaunu. Atradu, ka virtuves skapīti ir kāda tvaicējamā katla aukšējā daļa. To paņēmu un uzstutēju uz kāda katla, ka derēja gluši kā uzliets. Satvaicēju zaļumus. Tikmēr pannā sagrauzdēju nelielu saujiņu tīrītas saulespuķu sēklas. Tad, ka tvaicēšana gandrīz galā nedaudz apcepu plānas šķēlītēs sagrieztu papriku, pieliku klāt eļļu un garšvielas. Tad pieliku tvaicētās lapas. Nedaudz apcepu. Tad es piemetu pāris karotes mērci (to nopirku priekš maizēm kā piedevu, bet man tā nedaudz par asu, garša jau nav slikta, un smaršo ar jauki). Samaisa, pacep un liek uz šķīvja. Virsū sabēru apgrauzdētas sēkliņas, dažas sķēles svaiga gurķa (man vienkārši prasījās kas tāds). Un man liekas, ka lielisks garšu savilkums. Nākamreiz pieliksu klāt citu mērci, varbūt Hariju Poteru! Hehe.

Drīz jāskrien uz Politikas semināru. Bez tā man beidzot japabeidz rakstīt CV (jeb Resume (jeb sviests)). Vēl vajag nopirkt zābakus, jo apnīk jau, ka kājas gandrīz visu laiku slapjas (un man sķiet, ka kurpes ar sāk ost! FUI!).

Lai gan sakāmā man vēl ir daudz, un vienmēr būs, pagaidām ar to es beigšu.

Bučas mīlīši.

Sunday, 24 October 2010

i want life to be simple, period.

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Oh boy, NO boy!

When i don't want to talk to you (i.e. I answer to your lame questions with one word and don't ask a SINGLE question back) and when i avoid eye contact, and i do not want to be in a picture with you, AND i try to avoid dancing with you, IT MEANS THAT I'M NOT INTERESTED. Who do You think you are? A prince on a white horse? A horse maybe, but not the prince. It's messed up that when i'm obviously not interested, you pull me away from my friends and tell me not to be shy. REALLY, WTF?!

Other than that the "Wear it PINK" party was just fine. Although we had to leave early because a friend of my friend was not feeling well. I would have liked to stay longer maybe just to get to know at least the name of the cute guy who i bumped into twice. Both times i was coming back from buying a drink. I wonder how many drinks i would have had to get in order to get you to ask me to stick around for a chat. Oh well, flirting is good and healthy anyway.

Can't wait for next weeks HALLOWEEN PARTY!!!

Cheers now.

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

just to see if this works

writting from and to
an e-mail. Have to
see if this works like
i think it does..

Saturday, 9 October 2010

scotland.

And so finally I'm in Scotland. I thought that this time would never come. I've been here for 8 days now. The first week had its ups and downs. The first day was painful. I was walking around with my suitcase and my bag searching for university and later for the residence. The next day my arm muscles hurt as if I had been at the gym (and everyone knows that I haven't been there in ages, haha).
Anyway, in university the first week was a mess. Finding everything was devastating. Now all I know is that there is a lot to learn and a lot to read.
Yesterday I went to a party at the Student Union. Now that was fun!!!
The plan for the weekend is to relax.
Love You all, but you all ready knew that. :)

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

skyping

I had an hour long call on skype in the middle of the night with one of the best people in the whole world. I miss him much. Since it is night time here, and my family is sleeping there was more talking on his side, and more laughing and listening at mine. But he did have more to say seeing he did move to his residence not more than a moth ago. He says that everyone there is smart. He isn't really happy with all the crazy parties, and insane course load, but I'm sure he will manage it. He is the most awesome guy in the world. He is the first guy to whom I said "I love you" and actually said the truth.

I love my friend, and I miss him even more ♥



P.S. My flight is this Friday, in two days, no wait, I skipped the night, so my flight is tomorrow. Finally leaving for university! I'm scared and excited at the same time.

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

.

It's autumn here, so please down't fall in the pattern of the season.

That's what SHE said.

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

September already!

This happened yesterday (no, Monday). I knew I would feel depressed seeing my brothers leave in the morning to go to university. But never did I know that it would bring me down THIS much. Nothing can be told about my future. We stand still. I stand still. I can wait. I can prepare for what might come. I can remain calm, and I can also panic. I can sit home and get well. I could run around like a mad person and get even more sick.

But really, there is only one thing that I SHOULD do, and that is that I need to get real.

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Lasāmās domas.

Šodien ir starptautiskā domu lasīšanas diena. Mēs drīkstam kaimiņiem zagt kleitas, un atpakaļ ar nav jāatdod. Toties drīkst pārdod, pat par zemāku cenu. Ja aptrūkstas naudas, tad tas pat ir ieteicams. Muzejā ieeja bez maksas. Tas tāpēc, ka visi melo. Melo ari ekspozīcijas suņi un garmatainie metālisti. Mājās pārnāk agros rītos. Līdz pusdienlaikam varētu būt iespēja tos satikt, un aprunāties, bet viņi slēpjas pagultēs un arā lien tikai tad, kad vakars ir klāt. Gluži kā vampīru jaunā paaudze, kas ap kaklu sudraba rotas nēsā. Tā leģendas gremdēt nemāk vēl neviens. Man pēc diviem simt gadiem beigsies derīguma termiņš, tas kāpēc pasaulei nepienāks gals divi tūkstoš divpadsmitajā. Pie iestāžu jumtiem pienaglota mīļāko apakšveļa. Naglas izkausējušas caurumus, lai nekad vairs neviens neiedomātos neko atpakaļ grābt. Jāstaigā kailiem. Ziemu nomaina vasara, un vasaru nomaina tavas iemarinētās zeķes. Pēkšņi pienāk laiks vārīt gudrības zobus. Vai zināji, ka dūmu desas nesamazina krunku skaitu?

Nu viss, tagad gan būs gana daudz domas izlasītas.

Saturday, 28 August 2010

Dance

If I could I would learn how to dance salsa, I would dance all night long. The rain drops would fall and cover the ground. I'll be bare foot, and so will be you. There would be live music. The notes would invade our souls and we would forget that there is anything else in the world, but me and you, and the infinite sounds that make us dance. The moon would be full, so there wouldn't be fake lanterns above our heads. The wind would be calm and gentle. Our hands would touch, would fit like two pieces of a puzzle. We would never let go. I would be in a dress. While I would dance with you, the dress would dance with the rain. There would be only the two of us and yet there would be way more than that.

But when the morning will come, the musicians will stop. The sun will come up and brighten the streets. You will go back to where you came from. I will stay in the rain. 

Monday, 23 August 2010

i don't know

STOP.
I keep yelling that to myself all the time. I want me to stop, so I can think. I want to be able to think like a decent person. 
Guess what! Yet again it is the time that is killing me. I don't even want to know what is going to happen in the following month. I hope for the best. I try. And yet it is not enough. 

SHUT UP! (period)

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Pa latviski

Beidzot pēc, šķiet, gadiem simt esmu nolēmusi uzrakstīt arī latviešu valodā. Esmu izsecinājusi, ka esmu baigā maita. Esmu maita pret sevi un pret citiem, un mani tas sāk tracināt. Nemanot esmu iekritusi vecā rutīnā. NEGRIBU!
Jāsamaksā par daudz lietām, bet naudas nav. Makā stāv 50 santīmu. Vajag ... (rēķinu) ... gandrīz divtūkstoš reižu vairāk.

Nu ja. Bez visa tā, es arī nesaprotu kā būt labam draugam. Kā jau minēju, esmu maita. Un es nezinu vai tas tāpēc, ka neesmu labs cilvēks, vai arī neesmu labs cilvēks, jo esmu maita. If that even makes sense. Kā jau zināt, man pietrūks visi draugi, kas palika Kanādā. Man sanāk pat nedaudz paraudāt par to šad un tad. Tā nav godīgi! Nu labi, es paklusēšu. Man jau laikam nav ļauts runāt.

Gribās TIK daudz, un tanī pat laikā negribas neko. Runāju par pilnīgi visu, kas vien nāk prātā, gan taustāmām, gan netaustāmām lietām.

Es labāk tiešām vairs nerunāšu.

No tiesas ceru, ka jums iet labāk. Tiešām, es ļoti ceru, ka neviens nejūtas kā es, vai sliktāk.

Vēlot visu to labāko,
(Viola).

Friday, 6 August 2010

I SAW A DRAGONFLY TODAY!!

Well hello there my wonderful world. The past few days have been great. Really. I know You don't hear this from me offten, but it is the truth. I will not go into details, since I am a very closed off person and all (gotta keep it up). HAHA

Spent a few days with Arita in Talsi. Well two of the days we were at the beach and it was raining all the time. Boo, and it is very, very hot now.. UGH.

Anyway, today I am in the city Saldus, in Kurzeme. Blah, blah, blah.. and we (my two brothers and I) were walking back to the house and my twin (Tašpuks) saw a dragonfly on a bridge we were crossing. I figured it got hit by a car since it looked week, but still alive. It was so pretty, and You can't imagine how glad I was to see it. (Me and dragonflies are like sisters.) So we took the poor thing and put it in the grass to recover. I hope it got it's strength together and managed to survive. I believe it did.

And just to tell you how much I love dragonflies I will put up a picture that i took with the camera that has no display.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

Savādi Gan

I'm in Latvia now. I will stay here only for a month though. I flew in Friday, but just now did I change my facebook current location from Ottawa to Riga. Not for long though. 
Anyway. I was so excited to hear Latvian in public from people that I do not even know. After all, I haven't been in Latvia for eleven months, so don't blame me, blame the time (yeah, the time is always guilty). However, I was very disappointed to hear some of the conversations. The worse one was when I was in Origo with a friend of mine and one cashier was talking to the other. They both were young women, a few years older than me. They both were wearing shirts of the store they worked in, it said that there is a summer sale (or something along those lines). One was blond, while the other had darker hair that was tied in a pony tail. The dark haired one said to the blonde one: "So you really see yourself working and living abroad?" To which the blonde one said that she does not see any other choice. I was saddened, but it was the truth.
The situation in Latvia is really worse than I thought. Everyone sees money as a priority. Businesses are barely functioning. While people look like worn out clothes. I feel like things have gone so low that it is impossible to pull it all up. 
I was sitting with my friends at a fast food place (hahaha, I guess I can not blame the time here, but only myself), and my brother had bought fries along with other saturated fat foods. And I, as a person with hight demands asked if he had brought the sour cream sauce for the fries. He then went to get two packs, one for me and another for one of my friends. And then my friend said, something like, right, there are still some nice people in the world. Yeah, she probably didn't mean it the way I am interpreting it, but still, he bought something, and that is what made him a good person(?). Is that really and indication of a good person? I don't think so. Not only does this show in buying foods. How about cards, or ticket for the trolleybus? Is it the "good" person who buys things, or is it the "generous" one, or is it the one who simply has the money to spare for it. Further more, the city public transportation.. This was a very unpleasant surprise. As most of you know, the prices have raised dramatically for the public transport, and the whole system, has changed as well. What I have observed was that very few people actually pay for their trip, no matter if it is one bus stop, or seventeen. Very few people pay the price/ticket. Why? Too high prices? Maybe. Or is it the control and the effort that is put in to control this? Yeah, I guess it takes money to hire people who go around and check, but isn't it worth it? The fines are ridiculous as well - 5Ls. That is the most hilarious thing ever. One ticket is one tenth of the fine. So, if you don't get caught after cheating ten times you are pretty much saving money. AND since people probably do not get caught often, they are saving money. AND saving money is not only cool, it is also very useful, especially now!
The next thing ties in with the money. While very, very few businesses might be experiencing good times, tons are failing. Today I was riding home and I saw a good store that I liked close. It looked like it had been closed for several months now due to the wood that was nailed to the windows and the sad, grey worn out façade was falling down and creating debris piles. The other day I saw that the kiosk on Avotu and Čaka street intersection has been removed as well. Why? Why? I had known the existence of this kiosk ever since I can remember myself. This whole situation is erasing my childhood memories. How can I prevent this? Huh?
I also noticed that most stores are empty, except for the ones that sell used clothing. At all the stores that are still functioning people are crowded around the "last sale" stands. People are eager to save, to spend less, and to get the best deals in town. This is devastating. It takes up time and effort to find these deals, it takes away from the time people could be thinking of how to spend time with their families, or being happy about a national success in a sport discipline. It is very depressing to walk around when everyone is so determined to save, save, save. Why don't they go ahead and save themselves rather than money? Yeah, money is important and all, but it isn't the most important thing, that's for sure. 
I have been ditching Latvia to the most now, and all I really know is nothing. I am scared to look in deeper. I am seeing an iceberg, where the most is underneath the surface, but before I dive, I have to learn how. So that is why I am studying outside of the country. There I will get to have an education. I will develop my personality and dinf out how people live in another culture. I will then get to compare the one in Canada to Latvia, and to Scotland (not even mentioning the many things I know about other cultures around the world). This is really why I like social psychology, it is not the data, but the actual behaviour of people groups that fascinate me.
Chance can be done! :)
Now, yeah, people are very much money motored now. It is simply the way people have learned to adapt to the current situation. However, I have noticed some positive change, the TV has some positive shows and commercial. There are many events and concerts around the country, many of which are free or inexpensive. I have also learned that there is a huge growth in tourists since last summer, which means that the Latvian currency has some buyers. It also means that there are some businesses that are not failing. I also love that there are nice people, who remember to be polite and nice. There are pros and cons to everything, but it takes some effort to not only see the pros, but also bring them out more than the cons. 
I'm off to bed now, so take care. Meanwhile, I will try to wrap my head around everything once again. 

Sunday, 25 July 2010

"I'll Miss You! ♥"

I'm too lazy to search for a quotation that would say something about time, but You can just imagine I have a quotation here to start of my today's writing. I do realize that I have been writing about time too much, but it is something that I don't get enough of. Alright, instead of writing a quotation about time, I can insert a quotation about friendship. Ok? Sounds better already, doesn't it?
It takes a long time to grow an old friend.
/John Leonard/
I'm leaving the following Thursday. I am happy because I will see my friends and relatives in Latvia, but I am sad because I have to say goodbye to all my friends here. I still can not swallow the fact that I will most likely never see my Canada friends ever again. I can not imagine a day when I would want to chill with them and would not be able to meet up in a few hours. I can't believe there will no more be drunken nights with tons of booze and ridiculous conversations that somehow end up involving my boobs (don't ask :D) or other just as random topic. I refuse to accept that there will no more be emotional dramas and fake meanassness, lateness and evil prank calls, and other even more unforgivable actions. I simply can't imagine not tweeting about how I feel when with them. So there will no more be greedy eye glazes, and fighting about things I should be thankful existed. No more dancing at clubs where all you hear is the TOP 50 chart songs and so are able to sing along to every song, no scratch that, yell along to every song. There will not be any "mystery guests" at parties, and no more dares like making a girl turn on a gay guy. There will never be a group of people who comprehend jewish and black, and communist jokes on the level that we do,  nor will there be any new retarded inside jokes (I guess this is where the boob thing comes in).

This is THE END to an era, but as the old times go, new ones are about to unfold. And even though it is extremely sad to leave everything behind and move on, I am looking forward to the future.

But for now, let's forget about the past or the future. I adore this moment and there is no way I will give it away. so... LET'S LIVE IT UP!!

Sunday, 18 July 2010

This is What I Wish to Give to You ..

Ever heard of something called nothing?! Well, that is what I am going to give You. Don't be upset, it is nothing personal. Let's face it - I have no idea who You are and I have not even a clue of where You are. So there is no chance of me giving You anything at all. I am very sorry for that.

You see my life has been changing so much that I can't even tell You it all. First I know when I will be leaving Canada. That will be happening very soon. Too soon. But before that comes, there will be goodbye parties, thankfully. Also, I still have to finish my summer school classes. Yeah, I might have never mentioned that before. I am taking summer school to boost up my average, so that I can get into the University.

Now a while ago, I graduated. Yeah, I managed and I survived (as You can see). Many of my friends have left already and it makes me sad to my guts and I feel like crying when ever I think of it. My best friend in Canada left last week, I never realized how good friends we were until the last few times that we met. It is almost insane, unimaginable, but true. I am gonna miss him so much. [See, my eyes are filled with tears now!! :'(] But we had some great times together and I will never forget it all.

The other day I found a letter that I wrote for myself at the beginning of my last school year (to be precise, 8th of September, 2009). I started this tradition on the February of 2007 when I wrote one that had to be read on the December of 2007, but I only read it in 2009 September. The last letter was to be read now, or in June. It described how my life was then and what I think of the thing that were happening. To keep the tradition rolling, I wrote a new letter. That one has to be read no earlier that 2011 August. I wrote some bullshit there, but I might blog about it, when I read it.

I still have so much to do in a very short time period. I have to pack, not only to go to Latvia, but also pack ALL my stuff. I have one suite case that I will have with me when I go now, while all my other things will be travelling only in November. Other than that I still have loads of stuff to do regarding to my education. As I mentioned, I still have to finish summer school. The last day is Monday the 26th of July, so only a week left. Exams are on this Friday. All I can think about is how I can kill myself before Friday (joking, I do not want to kill myself)! As summer school will be done, my next BIG step will be university, but I still have some things to sort out regards to that, send in applications to live in residence, as well as get in the university (since I got a conditional offer from two universities). I am scared that I will not get into my first choice, but I really want to, so let's keep our fingers crossed.

One more thing. Saying goodbye is so hard!! Yeah, I have done that before, but as I get older it gets harder since that bond I create with people is much stronger and way more meaningful. It pains me so badly that sometimes I cry only because of the idea that I will never ever see them again. Oh well.

So goodbye for now, but I promise You will hear form me again some time. I know I have become a lazy blogger lately, but I barely can find any time or inspiration to write anything, so please forgive me.

Oh and by the way, I hope You all are very into my SONG OF THE DAY blog. I have not ditched that one, not yet!

Friday, 25 June 2010

York Street and Graduation

I am officially a graduate of secondary school. Yeah, I have a diploma now!


ugh. ill finish this tomorrow. or the day after that. or ... some other day. but i really have loads to say! :)

Monday, 21 June 2010

All Too Much

Hi.

Many things have happened recently, and I will try to cover as much as I can. I don't have much time, so I will just go fast through things.

First I would like to let You know that I have finished school. I will be getting my diploma this Friday, but I had my last exam last Friday, so I am done! About that, though I am done, I signed up for summer school. I will be doing to two courses to increase my mark in English and Biology, all to get into my first choice University: Glasgow Caledonian. If I don't get in there then I will be probably going to Dundee University. We shall see how things work out. I am applying to live in Glasgow Caledonian residence, I just need to finish the application and send it to them (along with several other things). So yeah, basically there is a lot of things to do.

Other thing that I wanted to talk about was the past weekend. Friday night we (me, mom and Tašpuks) went to Zemgālija. It was so relaxing and, and.. I had a great time there. I would go into to details, but as I said, I am in a rush. The next morning we went to Canada's Tērvete for the Līgo celebration. That included folk dancing, singing, and, of course, beer drinking. It was supposed to be more fun, but one of my good friends left early that night, but my other friend, who said she would be there was no where to be found. But it was alright. The next morning we were on our way back to Ottawa. But we didn't stay home for long. We had to get dressed and leave for this church thing, blah, blah, blah (I just don't know what it is called in English) and after that we went to celebrate at this families place. They live by the lake and there was a great view, fancy dinner and a lot of fun with other people. And it was probably the last time I will ever see Edijs, a guy who claims that I am his favourite girl. How cute is that? Haha.

And this week is busy as hell. Today I have to clean up the house, and then I'm going to the movies with Rebeka, that should be fun. I might be sleeping over at her place, and that should be fun as well. (Yeah, not so good on synonyms today). Tomorrow is Thinh's and Sunny's birthday party, and I still need to get presents for them. Wednesday there is a plan to celebrate Līgo (again) and if not, then I will go clubbing. Thursday I have to go to a dinner that my friend's family is organizing. And Friday, as I already mentioned, is the commencement at our school, so all the grads of 2010 will be getting their diplomas in a very uncool, formal, unpersonalized, "american movie" fashion. Yeah, yeah, we will be wearing the gowns and the funny hats.  After that we (my mom, Tašpuks and I) will be going to a sushi place to celebrate the whole thing in a more personal and cozy atmosphere. Saturday is FREE. But I am sure that during the next few days I will fill it up with something (actually I have a feeling that I already have something to do, but I just don't recall it). And Sunday there is a concert at the Latvian place, some guest artists playing. Next Monday, so in a week, will be the Prom day. I will not be going to the official prom (buūuuuu). But I will go to an alternative version of it, and later to another alternative after-prom. That should be loads of fun!!!

That is my plan for the next week. So bye for now.
I miss You much but there is so little time!!!!

Monday, 7 June 2010

Tu jūti?

Nu un ko. Kolekcionēt ir forši. Es vācu atmiņas mazās kastītēs. Četri reiz četri - kantainās, citas tādas nesimetriskas, citas ar velna raksties virsū. Bet lielākā daļa kārbu noputējušas pagrabu bēniņos stāv.

Vakar uzgleznoju raibu aitu. Nē, es meloju. Bet tik ļoti gribējās man uzgleznot raibu aitu. Ar spodri tīrām stikla ačelēm un mēli izkārtu līdz zāles stiebru saknēm. Zaļa. Ne zāle, bet mēle. Zālei krāsas nebūtu, jo kam tad vairs rūp?

Aplami es muldu. Man patīk muldēt. It sevišķi tad, kad grūti saprast kur pakārts veselais saprāts. Laikam atstāju uz plauktiņa, pirms došanās uz zemes virsu. Ko lai saka? Nemelošu, man te patīk. Un ļoti pietrūks, kad būs jākāpj atpakaļ gaisa kuģī, lai dotos turp, kur palicis veselā prāta pūrs (un tas arī, pieputējis).

Un tad man pēkšņi visi pietrūkst. Tik ļoti, ka elpa aptrūkst un ķermenim par maz skābekļa tiek. Plaušas sāk kost sānos, jo nezin kā strādā bez algas. Sažņaudzās neesošais ādamābols, tādā mezglā, ka pat jūrnieks atsiet nevarētu.

Ne no kā man gribās uz Romu un pie Venēcijas smirdīgajām ielām.

Un gribās man mājas.

Kur ir mājas?

Es vakar uzzīmēju raibu aitu. Tai mēle stiepās pāri ceļu galiem, aplīdusi man apkārt kā pāraugusi sēne. Tā (mēle) līda tālāk un tālāk un es nezinu kur tā stāsies. Pelēka zeme raudzījās manās zaļajās acīs. Spalgi iekliedzās mirstošās vārnas un acu vietā iedzēla plūdi. Aizskaloja manu aitu.


Un tagad bez krāsas, bez mēles, bez prāta, un ar aizelsušos elpu es tupu blakus mirušajām vārnām, jo nekā cita jau man nav.

Friday, 4 June 2010

Viss tač tas pats. Is that so?

I don't know what is up with me and questions lately. All I do is ASK, ASK, ASK, ASK, but no one is giving me the answers (that's probably because I ask my self, not other people, yup, never smart). Todays question, as You can see in the title is Is that to? Now, You might me wondering what exactly I am talking about, since it can get REALLY annoying when people go on and on about WHO KNOWS WHAT! So, for the first time (I think, the first time) I will get straight to the point. (HAHAHA, FAIL, straight to the point would be me finishing by now.) Either way, I am talking about the topic that I fear to even think about, UnIvErSiTy.
As I expected my marks did not stay on the ball. (Remember, I told You that the semesters are too long, so I lose motivation and the willingness to try by the time there is about one third of the semester left?) Unless universities practice the method It's ok, we don't care I am pretty much doomed to not get into the university that I wanted to get into so badly. But since I try to live a positive life, (Yeah, right, that's why I am so depressed. Gosh, i make no sense.) I understand that I still can get in the other university that required lower marks. Which is ok, after all it was one of my choices.

I can't wait for school to be over. There are 8 school days left. Then there will be the exams ANT then I will be done with school! :D It all sounds good, but then I think about taking summer school to improve my English mark and it makes me feel more depressed than I was in December 2008. (Those were bad times.)

Sorry, I can't stop babbling about school. But You gotta understand me, at least try to!

Life.. Life is all the same. As I read on someones blog a few minutes ago: "Same shit, different day." So give the pile of shit, I can hold it without braking, trust me. I mean, i haven't failed for the last 18 years of my life. The difference now is that I understand more than I did yesterday. (Or do I?)

With all the love I can possibly share right now,
Marta Viola.

P.S. Having friends over tomorrow, well, today, since it is past midnight. We plan to have a lot of fun! If You know where I live (OMG, please say You don't), You are welcome to join, but give me a heads up! ;D

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Yēēy to rain.

My profile update in facebook was updated at 1:30, it was simple, but perfectly expressing my feelings: "rain! ♥" Soon it was liked by my a relative of mine and I felt like I am not alone. Though I like feeling alone, sometimes it is nice to feel like there is someone else out there who agrees, at least a little.

School is coming to an end. There are 10 school days left and I can't wait any longer. My hands get all shaky and my head can no more think straight when I think about how soon school is going to be over. This is officially the last month! Exams start on the sixteenth and Prom is on the twenty-eighth.

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Jau atkal jauns blogs!

Čau tauta. Ko klusē?

Es šodien paveicu noziegumu. Beidz man kost, tas notika netīšām (protams). Šis ir Limited time only blogs. Tas tiks slēgts, noņemts no saraksta, izsvītrots, vai gluži vienkārši pamests jau pēc mēneša. Bet var būt, ka es to pēc tam pārveidošu, lai var izmantot. Ta manīs.

Blogs ir, lai motivētu mani nomest svaru līdz izlaiduma ballei (here we call it Prom). Help me fly away ir bloga nosaukums. Tas ir pliks un nabags, ja neskaita puskailu meiteņu Slide showu bloga apakšā. Te es izmantošu tagu you can, ja kādreiz to atkal pieminēšu.

Saldu dusu mīļumiem.

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

He wants to make love fuck, I want to chop his balls off!

I knew this would get Your attention! (And boys probably thought to themselves how cruel and inhuman that would be.) I don't want to know.

I wonder if it is a bad thing that I keep flirting with him when all I can think about is how I will make him fall. Or should I just forget about him? Naa, I want to see him in pain. Yeah. I am a very, VERY sadistic person, but I simply can't help it.

To be honest, it is hard to stop thinking about him. Why? Maybe I lie and the truth is that I want what he wants. Honestly, even I don't know the truth!

P.S. Don't freak out! I am not being serious about the ball chopping!

Monday, 24 May 2010

Haven't we all wanted to become dancers?

Long weekends are devastating. I am tired and I shouldn't be. It is Sunday. NO! Long past that; five and a half hours past that. I need to sleep. I hate that I am such a terrible procrastinator. I really do. I ate too much during the last two days and I decided to punish myself for that. I was cleaning the house for about six hours straight. I figured, OK, I need some exercise and I know that cleaning is a very good type of exercise since it allows to move different types of muscles. Aside from making myself my own slave (now I realize how dumb it sounds) I also drunk about six liters of tea. Sri Lanka tea. I love it and that really helped to me drink that much of it. It is Victoria day in Canada (hmmm, I don't think Quebec cares much about Victoria, will have to check that). So it is a national holiday, meaning all (fine, fine, almost all) the stores are closed and school is off, therefore we had a three day long weekend. Any other time I would be overwhelmed with joy, but for an unknown reason, this time I wish it was the regular two-days-off weekend.

I am a loser in every one of my worlds. Just had to say it, so it is said.

We teased a friend the other day, he mentioned that most male dancers are homosexuals, to which we had a sweet laugh at referring to the fact that a week earlier he told us that when he was a kid he wanted to be a dancer. I know You don't care. At all. But HEY, I DO! :P

Just to not get You confused, I am not suggesting that we all are homosexuals. The title of the post was for a totally different reason. I just put the anecdote in because it was a thing to laugh at, and I like laughter, since I don't have enough of it lately ever. The same dude told us that he gave up on his dream to become a dancer because his mom had told him that he would not be successful, (I don't remember, but something along those lines). This idea made and eruption in my mind. How many of us have given up on a dream because we were discouraged by someone whose opinion we valued? For some reason I feel like calling this kind of act as illegal and punishable by law. People need each other to survive through the rough days (that are ironically caused by other people), we need each other when everything seems lost and when we need a small push so we can keep on going.

How many people have the access to this kind of support?

How many of You know that YOU need to support someone as well?



P.S. I have to tell You that MuffinGoddess found the song of the day for the 19th of May. (It was You by Breaking Benjamin)

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

How to live in a Drama

Life is a bitch! A big ass Drama. But in a polite language, it is never easy. And You know what? The best part of life is the fact that it is never easy! If it would be easy then there would be no big point of living it. Right? Of course I'm right.
This week is bringing me down. Well, first, I have found the reason why for the last two years I have been terrible in school. Here it goes...
The semesters are too long! Yes it is that simple. I get going every semester with an awesome start, great marks, impressive attendance and a 100% effort. But then when about one third is left I bake down. How did I not see it before? No the next step is to come up with a solution! (Even though now it is a little too late!) Anyway.
As a person who need diversity, what can I do to not make one semester seem so long? What about little changes? (Well those are the only things I can do!) First I have to fix my bike, or start walking to school. Not only a change, but a good and healthy change. Yeah, I don't think I will have the will to walk to school in the mornings, I could handle the after school walks home. The weather now is gorgeous and the sun is very, very generous lately. Getting back to the topic, things I could change. I could move to a different seat in classes where it is possible. I could buy (another) new bag. (Thats what I did at the start of the second semester...now that I think about it, that was the reason why I got the bag; I wanted something new.) Or a new pencil case ZĀBAKS is too old and makes me ill when people ask me what it means. Or I just need something that would make me happy /mind interrupts: money, money, money and more money/ or in other words, shopping! I am sorry, but I can't help it, love of shopping is like a curse to almost every girl.

I will think about that and see what comes of it. Mean while, I really wanted to tell You that this week are our drama shows on! Yeah! Haha, we worked hard (did we?) and tomorrow is our first show! I am stressing out like a teen going on his first date and am unable to pull myself together. But I will. I have to. Then we have another show on Thursday and then we will be done with this /my mind: Yes! No more Bitches!!/ Can't wait for it to be over.

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Who likes perfect?

Last night was a blast. I wasn't going to write about that. At all. But then just now i decided that I want to. A little. Me and four of my friends had decided to go and see Iron Man 2. We were going to go yesterday (a Tuesday) since it is the half a price day, but when we got to the movies we found out that all the tickets were sold out. Then we quickly drove to a different one, and that one was all sold out as well. We were upset. (As you can probably imagine) And right by just happened to be an LCBO store. The plan was born right there and then. We all kinda contributed to it and I must say, it was an awfully random idea, great, but also not very smart. Anyway, so went in the LCBO got coolers and went to one of the guys house. HA HA! He had a bottle of tequila. And his brother had a HUGE collection of alcohol. He just kept bringing bottles out: Cognac, Mojito mixes, vodka, etc. Then he left saying: "Have fun!" And, yes, we did! :D

...

Now back to what I was going to talk about. Perfect.
I was busing to school today, to my last class. (Yeah, we stayed at that guys place for a sleep over) And I saw an interesting guy on the bus. (Didn't see that one coming, did You? Ha Ha) We had the stare-stare thing and then I had to get off. I thought about how cute the whole thing was. I smiled to myself. He was so imperfect. He was nervous just from the gazing in to each other eyes. His palms were sweating, I could tell it because he was rubbing his palms against his jeans. He had a cheap haircut, the regular short hair type a thing, and a simple sweater. Perfect? No! But he looked so good. He had a pretty face, his lips were a little dry and he had dark, shiny eyes. I wished I wasn't running late for the last class that I really wanted to go to, I wished I could have stayed on the bus for more stops so he could hopefully start talking to me. But there just wasn't enough time. (Uh, TIME, never enough TIME.) Then after school, after the extra drama rehearsals I was busing, this time home, I was a "perfect" couple outside walking down the street. Since there was traffic, I got to see this couple a few times. The girl was wearing a black skirt that had a golden stripe along the bottom of it. The skirt stopped right above her knees, one could see her fit, tanned legs. Then she was wearing a white shirt and a spring jacket. Her black hair was covering half of her back, they were trimmed in a straight line and dyed in one shade of dark brown (or maybe it was her real colour, I don't really care). She was wearing very little make-up, that's what it looked like, but her eyes were highlighted so well, that i do not believe she had little make-up. Her lips were glossy pink. She was holding her French manicured hand with her boyfriend. He was wearing designer jeans. I could tell it. I simply could. His feet were wrapped in converse shoes. He had a leather jacket that had two pockets on each side. He had a fresh looking spring scarf around his neck and sunglasses on the top of his head. (Let me guess, those were designer too.) They were so perfect, waling down the street and smiling.

I came to thinking. Who likes perfect? Do You? Isn't perfect boring? Do the perfects like perfects?
WHO IS PERFECT?

...

We decided to go and see Iron Man 2 next Tuesday, if it will be still playing.

Sunday, 9 May 2010

I LOVE YOUR BLOG!

Hello my dear friends. This post is only for You!
A while ago one of my other blogs won a "I Love Your Blog". I was nominated by Dieter and his wonderful blog is Confessions of a Wannabe Writer. He has a really grate blog and I suggest You check it out NOW. Yes now! Don't worry You can finish reading after. I can wait! (Just click on the title, i linked it)

So, now that You are back and hopefully have subscribed to Dieter's blog, we can go on and talk about the award. Here is what Dieter wrote:
The rules of accepting this award, as explained by Catherine, are as follows:

* Put the logo on your blog or within your post
* Pass the award onto 15 bloggers
* Link the nominees within your post
* Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog
* Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award

Alright, let's do this!

Logo:

Here is the moment we all have been waiting for - the list of 15 nominees, (please remember, it was not easy to pick the top 15; and, Dieter, Your Blog would be there too, but You already got the award!):

Alright, now that I have nominated 15 unique blogs I will let them all know about this!

Be kind and look at them, they really are worth Your time. :)

Friday, 7 May 2010

Good old

As maybe some of you know. Oh no, wait. You don't know. (Blame it on silent April)
My phone has gone under construction several times now. The last time was very, very unpleasant. I ended up losing the original buttons replacing those with pieces of cork and taping them to the phone. Now I am embarrassed to take my phone out when in public. So now I have found my old phone. It can not be charged, but since it both of the two phones are Sony Ericsson, i can switch them all the time. It is also very slow. I don't understand why because I have deleted a bunch of files. And, of course, the graphics of the old phone are terrible. I guess we get too pampered with all the new technologies. But i think it is acceptable when living in this painful to watch society. The old phone is also bigger and .. how do i say this.. old!
And i can't get my contacts from one phone to the other. Well. I might just stick to the taped pain in the butt.

It is Saturday night and I am sitting at home. I will go to sleep soon, since i didn't sleep last night.
Or will I? I still have to finish my homework for Spanish class.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Stars

On the past weekend my mom decided to clean the basement form all the crap and all the stuff that has been piling up there. I found one thing that I liked. It was a small white plastic bag. It had a simple knot at the and so it could be easily opened. Inside there were stars. Yes stars.

Oh, just before I talk about my stars. A month or two ago I tweeted that i miss stars. Just so You can better understand how exciting this is for me. I love stars. I love stars. I enjoy glaring at the night sky and thinking about almost nothing at all.

Well these stars are the ones that glow in the dark once they have been in light for a while. And i put them up in my room on the ceiling. And last night i slept under the stars!



Here is something cool, just wanted to post it, so i have it and i don't lose it. And yes, you are allowed to check it out. Tattoo locations.