Man sāp tava galva.

I was going to write in English today, but this title "Man sāp tava galva" doesn't really translate into English well. Best I could think of is "Your head hurts mine," maybe you have a better suggestion?

I'm going to try and be as honest as my fingers and mind will let me. 

I just realised that I haven't changed my facebook profile picture since January of this year. It lead me to thinking why so? and the immediate answer is that I like to change it after I've travelled somewhere new. But the truth is travel hasn't really been feasible this year. 2019 has had immense ups and downs.. Where to begin?

A couple of good friends left work earlier this year, and I got to step into one of their shoes - I got promoted. I had been looking for such change for a while now as I had hit a wall in a sense that responsibilities had become dull.

I signed up to continue studies at OU.

My amazing boyfriend popped the question, and we're getting married next year.


I went to see ENT doctor as my referral from mouth doctor finally came through. Many tests and scans later ....
Tuned out that the lump that had been growing in my neck for years was cancer, or as doctors like to call it carcinoma. Whatever, I call it The C word as the other two arise awkwardness in people. But that's just the beginning! Thyroid cancer is fairly rare. There are four main types, papillary (8 out of 10 cases), follicular (1 out of 10 cases), medullary (1 out of 10 cases) and anaplastic (very rare, more aggressive 1 in 50 cases). While thyroid cancer is more common in women, that is the case only for the first two types. The other two affect men and women equally. The one I had/have is medullary. As the cause and location of the four is different, so is the treatment. However, the primary treatment is surgical removal of the carcinoma. So I was scheduled for that and it was done in May. Medullary thyroid cancer doesn't have specific treatment afterwards as it will differ from case to case. For me, they will monitor calcitonin and CEA levels in my blood forever and if/when they go too high they do something about it. According to the doctor this will happen relatively soon, but they can't know when or where. Then it's either further surgery and/or trial drugs that seem to be doing wonders, but then again, who knows? As the reason for my C is a genetic condition these new drugs should work as they target the RET gene.

So, yes, as it turns out I have an extremely rare genetic mutation (it is hereditary, however I am a de novo case as neither of my parents have it). It is called MEN2B (or MEN3) - Multiple endocrine neoplasia tybe 2b. MEN has different types, and, of course, I have one of the rare ones, because if I have a very rare genetic mutation, why not make it the super rare one? Well, funnily enough this explains ALL the weird things about my body now and while I was growing up. I won't go into them just now, but I would like to finish on a slightly more positive note.

Knowing that I have this rare condition has given me some sort of peace. It explains literally everything that has made me feel like an outsider all my life, and reading all those symptoms has made me feel like I belong somewhere. So through facebook I have found different groups and people; and even people with the same condition. Yes, they are across the world, but I have people to chat to that understand me, and I can understand them.

My now fiance has been my Rock, and my family have been amazingly supportive! ❤

Well this has been me procrastinating, back to the books!

Publish? save.

I don't make stuff up (aka sources)

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/thyroid-cancer/

https://www.cancer.org/cancer/thyroid-cancer/about/what-is-thyroid-cancer.html

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/thyroid-cancer/understanding-cancer/types-of-thyroid-cancer/medullary-thyroid-cancer.html#12767

https://www.cancer.net/cancer-types/multiple-endocrine-neoplasia-type-2

Kur paliek tās dvēseles, kas apmaldās?

Šķiet, ka pagājusi mūžības laika tiesa kopš pēdējo reizi te kas rakstīts. Kā gan dzīvē tā gadās, ka neilgā laika posmā viss šķiet pavisam savādāk. Kas tā bija par meiteni, kas te gadiem ilgi bārstija savus domu graudus? Kur gan noklīdusi viņas dvēselīte?

Ir vērtības, kas no tiesas nemainās. Tēja, kā vienmēr, patīk vairāk remdena kā verdoša. Ceļošanai parasti nav nepieciešams nekas daudz vairāk par ērtiem apaviem un pasi. Kaķi ir forši. Mūžīgi mācos.
Bet ir dziļš dvēseles miers, tas Violai, Lolai, Lanai (..) nekad nebija. Viņa nesaprata kā ir, kad ir forši pat tad, kad liekas, ka visa pasaule brūk un jūk. Viņa uztraucās par to zemi zem kājām, kas grima, bet ne par debesu loku, kas pēkšņi pavērās, kad uzplauka spārni. Viņai tie spārni laikam vēl nebija. Tie nāk ar gadiem.
Vienmēr ir tāds nemiers prātā un garā, bet es zinu kur atrodas labie emociju viļņi.

Pilsonis

Mēs katrs dzīvojam ar sava veida abziņu, piemēram, es esmu latvietis. Nu redz, gandrīz mēnesi būšo nomācījusies Latvijas Univeristātē. Tas ko māca LU ir, ka tu, es, viņš un viņa, mēs visi esam Eiropas iedzīvotāji. Nepareizi, ne Eiropas, bet gan Eiropas Savienības (ES) pilsonis. Man tas šķiet nedaudz jancīgi, es tomēr jūtos vairāk kā Latvietis. Un nākamais līmenis, es esmu pasaules iedzīvotājs. Viss tomēr ir šobrīd un uz doto brīdi. Labi, Latvija ilgi nepastāvēs. Un Eiropas Savienībā arī nebūs uz visiem laikiem, mūžīgi mūžos enter. Jā, pasaule ar nebūs mūžīga, bet jebkurā gadījumā tā pastāvēs ilgāk. Un tas tomēr nav godīgi vērtēt Eiropas Savienības valstis augstāk par citām pasaules valstīm.
Man arī neliekās, ka citās ES dalībvalstīs izglītības iestādēs tik ļoti skalo smadzenes par ES.

Personīgi, man liekas, ka mēs (Latvija) paliekam pārāk atkarīgi no ES. Kādu dienu, kad tā sabruks, vai atbalsts vienkārši vairs nebūs, mēs jutīsimies kā pamests zīdainis.

Kāpēc Latvijai mūždien jābūt no kāda atkarīgai? Kāpēc esam tik vāji???

Teletūbijs.

Šodien dabūjām atpakaļ savus mikroekonomikas kontroldarbus. Klases vidējā atzīme esot bijusi 58 procenti. Man bija labi virs vidējā. :) Baigais prieks. Šito jāpatur atmiņā, ka kārtīga mācīšanās atmaksājas.

Bet tas manī smaidu ilgi nenoturēja, jo esmu forši saslimusi. :( Viss pēc pilnas programmas, galvas sāpes, klepus, iesnas, un balss nedaudz aizsmakusi. Lieliski.

Āā, šodien pirmais aprīlis, bet man garīgais nenes uz jokiem. Un šaubos vai es šodien došos ballēties. Zinu, ka vajadzētu, bet nav jau spēka. Varbūt pagulēšu, un jutīšos labāk. Un vēl varbūt jānoņamma kāda ķiplok maizīte.

Eh, es eju pukstēt.

Laika trūkums organismā??

Kā jau minēju iepriekšējā rakstā, šodien bija ekonomikas kontroldarbs.

Jāteic, biju dikti uztraukusies, jo pagājušajā nedēļā profesors mūs pārsteidza ar 'iesildīšanās' versiju. Mums tika dota stunda, lai to pabeigtu, bet man ar to nepietika. Līdz ar to domāju, ka šodien ar nebūs gana daudz laika. Pēdējās nedēļas laikā es, brīnumainā kārtā, patiešām mācījos un atkārtoju visu vielu kā normāls zubris. Draugiem jau bija līdz kaklam mana atruna: 'Sorry, i have to study'. Vakar nomācījos zaļa, un, kad KĀDS teica, ka esot neliela sanākšana, (t.i. ballīte), es nodomāju, ka tas ir tieši tas ko man vajag. Manas smadzenes bija jau apkaltušas. Hahaha. Bija tiešām jauki uz brīdi nedomāt par ekonomiku (elasticity of demand, supply, demand, taxes, subsidies, cieling price, positive economics, normative economics, marginal costs, deminishing law of returns.... UTT).

Aizgāju vēlu gulēt. No rīta mana dzīvokļa biedrene smagi rosījās, bija pieci no rīta. Trokšņu dēļ pamodos un nevarēju vairs aizmigt. Pavadīju pāris stundas gultā ausoties mūziku. Nu un, protams, ka sāpēja galva, kā jau tas pienākas. Pēc dušas jutos jau daudz labāk, un brokastu gurķmaizītei ar nebija ne vainas.

Devos uz semināru, tas sākās deviņos. Es cerēju, ka varēsim pavaicāt pēdējos neskaidros jautājumus (divas lietas man vēl bija biči neskaidras..).. Bet citiem bija debīli jautājumi. Man vispār aizdomas, ka liela daļa neko nesajēdza no tā kas bija kontroldarbā. Āāa, un skoti mani jau atkal pārsteidza ar savām izcilajām matemātikas zināšanām. Skolotājs uz tāfeles rēķināja piemēru. Tad parādījās 'ir apmēram vienāds ar' zīme (man telefonā nav šī zīme, bet nu zinat tak, vienādības zīme (=), bet augšējās svītras vietā vilnītis (~)). Un viena meitene paziņoja, ka šādu zīmi redz pirmo reizi mūžā!!! .... Mjāā... no comment.

Pēc semināra bija stunda brīva. Es nopirku lielo kafiju (bija tā vērts, tomēr nebiju daudz gulējusi, un ne jau katru dienu ir ekonomikas kontroldarbs) un pārlasīju šo to no pierakstiem.

Stunda paskrēja ļoti veikli, devos uz lekcijas zāli.

Blah, blah, blah..

Beidzot sākām kontroldarbu. Pirmo daļu izpildīju ļoti aši, jo zināju, ka nevar pārāk daudz laika pavadīt pie dažiem jautājumiem. Tas ķēros pie 'rēķināmās' daļas. Un tas viss. Es pabeidzu apmēram 35 minūšu laikā! Atbildēju uz visiem jautājumiem, un nekur nenācās prātot, vai ir pareizi vai nē. Darbu pārlasīju, pārbaudīju divas reizes, un iesniedzu pirms stunda bija galā. Man bija liels prieks, ka kontroldarbs no tiesas nebija sarežģīts. Bet varbūt, ka tas, ka mācījos atmaksājās? :)

Devos uz skolas interneta kafejnīcu, lai izprintētu šo to otrdienas kontroldarbam. Un no zila gaisa uzradās KĀDS. Tad mēs kopā devāmies atpakaļ uz kojām. ;))

Paēdu pusdienas, tagad rakstu šo te, varbūt izmazgāšu drēbes, tad pačučēšu, lai vakarā ir spēka ballēties.

Esmu dzīva, pagaidām.

Rīt atkal pārslēgšos uz mācīšanās režīmu, lai arī socioloģijas kontroldarbā labi sokas.

Atā, lai jums raibs piektdienas vakars.

Party Test

-We're having a little gathering.
-What kind of 'gathering'?
-Like last thursday. [it was st. Patrics day, i.e. lots of beer]
-So there's going to be drinking?

....

Yes, of course i went to the get together! Majour test coming up in a few hours. Maaaan this was so worth it. Just hope i will not have a bad hangover tomorrow.

Good night (good night, good night, good night, good night, good night, good night, good night.....)

And, no, i do not have your slipper. (Don't worry, it's an inside joke, you're not supposed to get it (just like the 'good night' thing).)

Yes, sorry, i'll shut up now.

Will it be an 'A'?

I'm in a good mood today despite everything else. :D

Today was the first assesment at uni this trimester. It was a group presentation for 'Reflections on Social Science' module. It will determine 50% of the final mark for this class. So guess what, it was a damn important presentation.

I was in a group with four guys. And, of course, i was really happy to work with guys, because i think guys can do better... But i could be wrong... I simply feel that i work better with guys then with girls.

We had to explore and research to answer the question ''Does social class matter?'' (Of course it does!)

Anyway. Today we met up at 9am at our uni's library and worked on the presentation ALL day, until 4pm. It sure was a long day, and I hadn't slept much, and was really tired. And, needless to say, i didn't have much to eat for breakfast. I was really glad to know that everyone had done research for the examples, and social class theories. You know, group work really is where the statement ''You're as strong as the weakest link'' applies. Can't express the joy that everyone did something.

So we worked on this thing for a long, long time (and, unfortunatelly, we did not go to the lecture, instead we kept working on putting together the whole thing).

We were the third of four groups to present. It went fairly smooth, other than the fact that one guy went into too much detail about Marks and Weber, and Functionalism. We went a bit over time, but no one cared. The tutor had only two criticisms for the whole thing. And at the end of the workshop he came up to us and said that we'll probably get an A for the presentation. Needless to say, we were the best of the four groups.

So then we decided to go to the Union to celebrate the Scottish style, with a pint (or more) of beer. Yeah, it was not late, and i think it was the first time i had beer so early in the day (oh no it wasn't, my bad hahaha). Btw, call me cheap, but the guys payed for my beer. What ever. Guys are an awesome species sometimes. LOL

Now that we've done celebrating, i'm back to stress about Friday's and Tuesday's tests. But i think i'll take a break today and study all day tomorrow. I'm just exhausted.

Peace yo. :D

Poker Face

It's Monday today. Wait. Let me say that again. It's Monday today.

Hmmm..interesting, my brain seems to hafe died(?) Alright, one more time. Ready?

Today's Monday! Monday! Monday! Monday! It's Monday you fool.

This can't be good. My brain is not responding to this.

Neh, forget about Monday. What really matters is that yesterday was Sunday.

I was at the Latvian poker tourney thing yesterday. It went much better than last time. Don't know if I mentioned, but two weeks ago there were 12 players, and I, sadly, placed 8th. Of course it's grwat that I wasn't the first one to fall out, but that's not a really good place, if you ask me. Though there's aanother factor to it. Last time was theirst time I played poker with these people. My main goal then was to get to see what it looked like, how it, was, and what sort of people were playing. Yesterday I went to Glasgow with the last bit of cash I had. I didn't pay for the train (yeah, the first time ever, and i feel bad for it, i'll try my best for it to not happen again!). There was a 5 pound by-in for the tourney. For a person who has roughly around 8 pounds, that's more than half of what i have. I got one beer, just because we're at a pub and not getting anything didn't seem right. It was the cheapest thing there, and was 2 pounds. Now i've got around one pound in my pocket. This means that I don't even have enough to get home.

Remember when I said that I need to figure out my priorities, this was what I was talking about. I go to Glasgow so I can play poker while, and at the same time, I eat legit shit (excuse my language), and cancel dates with the guy that I really, really like. There must be something wrong with my head!

Well this time I figured that if I want to get home by bus (the trains don't go so late anymore), then I HAVE to, at least, get in the third place at this poker tourney. This time there were 10 people playing. 5 pounds from each person. The first three places divide the money, this time it was, £5 for 3rd place, £15 for 2nd, and £30 for the winner. If i'd at least get the third place, i'd get back the five that I had to pay in, and i'd be able to get home.

We begun by playing at two tables, 5 players at each one. Then the guy who got the first place last time was the first one to lose. It was ironic. To make it better, the second to lose all his chips was the one who was second last time around. Now that there was 8 people left, we all came in to play at one table. I had just lost a hand, so it was pretty sad, since now there were more people to compete against.

Fast forward. >>

Now there's five people left at the table. Some of the people who lost were still sticking around to chat, play poker amongst themselves, and to see how the game would end. The person who had won last time and lost this time was talking to me, and he asked me how will it go. To which I said that this week i'm here to win, and I said that i'll either be first or second. I could see that he was thinking that I just talk much. He asked me if I was sure and I told him that i came with this thought me in my head. He asked if i was thinking the same last time, and i said 'no, last time I came to see what this whole thing is like'. Right at that time i lost a fairly big pot. And he said 'Salielījies?' (showed off too much?). I explained to him that it was just one hand. It went bad for a few hands. I called someone's all in, and lost. Don't forget that now the blinds are getting bigger, and bigger, so it's a serious business. Haha.

Then the guy who was the chip leader started to play way too loose, and ended up losing. It was four of us now. Two guys, and two girls (there's only three girls playing by the way). One of the guys had way less chips. The other girl had most chips since she had called the all-in of the 5th place. While I was, chip cound wise, the third. We playes a lot of hands, and then finally the guy with least chips lost. Well guess what, this meant that i'll be able to get back to my student residence - joy! But the game doesn't end there. I still said that i'd get the second or first place. So here I was, i had the least chips. The only guy left kept going all in, though he had a lot of chips. Then the other girl finally called, and ended up losing most of her chips. And in not many hands she lost. Two plaers left. Chips were around equal count now, wellI had a bit more. Needless to say, the guy kept going all in, and I kept folding. Then I got a good hand, an ace and a queen, and called. He had a weaked hand, but he won the pot with two pairs. I had almost lost. I went all in three times in a row, and won. But the forth 'all-in' ended the game and thd guy won. :D

So now I had my money for the bus and I had my pride, for I had gotten in the second place. I think that's a win-win position.

Anywho. After the pub i texted my imaginary friend, the laserman. And, luckely he was still up. (Was close to midnight.) And he had remembered that I had a poker night, which for me was a big surprise. So we texted back and forth. Then i met a friend on the bus. I got back to my room, and texted laserman.. Soon enough I got my 'good night' message, and then I was off to sleep.

But it's Monday today. I'm off to eat something, and then i'll go to the library - research time.

i'm talking about being bad

Oh yes, it's on, the time of the year when almost half of the people at the party leave around midnight because something is due tomorrow before 3pm. Assignments come like a storm, at first you get one. As a warning for what's about to come. Then two weeks later - BAM!!! One assignment after another, two to be done this week and even more the following one. So why not wait till the night before to finally finish them? Meanwhile, of course, partying or simply doing anything BUT the course work.


Being a student has never been easy, and no one ever said that it would be. And although you have been warned that the professors will not care that you just HAD to go to a party, you still belive that it's a reasonable excuse. Not that you're going to tell them, but in your own head it's a perfectly fine excuse. It might be alright for the moment, but in the long run - definately not!

So guess what, it's almost 1am, I just got back to my room from a friend's birthday party, and I have to finish some campaign essay and do some statistics calculations. That is to be handed in tomorrow (that is today, i just still have Ottawa's time zone on Blogger, and i'm not even planning on changing it).

So good dreams to you, but it's study time for me.