Friday, 5 February 2010


Why do some people promise, but never keep what they have said?

My mind is blank, and so is my life. I don't know where i am heading, but i know for sure that where ever i end up it will not be the place where i want to be.

At this point my life is pretty much screwed up more then You (or me myself) can imagine, comprehend... Impossible. And even though i have come to some kind of epiphany, it is too late.
About two weeks too late.

It was painful, i cried. I hadn't done that miserable thing for too long, so the strangeness of this activity made more pain (and disappointment). I felt pathetic, more then other days. I was a step away from begging, but i just didn't have the power. So now i have nothing, just the impossible dream that i will never have to face any of this again. (Though i know that the whole things still needs to be done.)
I just don't have the strength.

And it is not only school.

As i mentioned already at the beginning, he PROMISED that he would call, but didn't. It is the second time. I don't have the nerves to think about him any longer.

And the other fella. Oh, thats a funnier story, he "threw the ball in my court", it was with me for two nights and when i finally decided to call him and give it another shot. He didn't pick up. So he got the "ball" right back. Bastard. Why did he ask me to think about it and then not answer the phone?

I hope neither of them will try to contact me. No more. I need something that has more potential since i have none. I need to feed off of someone. Like a carnivore on a fresh capture.

Meanwhile i shall shrink to the size of an unlucky, sad, miserable being that can hardly remember to breath.

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