Real Eyes

This is what the Lisboa (Lisbon) streets teach nowadays.

Real Eyes Realize Real Lies
Lisbon

I Believe In..

One day I shall write about my life. And then I shall decide where to start and where to end the story. However, until then I have decided to change my life (again), not crucially, but just a bit. Today I shall post about the things I believe in. Yes, I will not cram about the things that I dislike, or things I don't believe in. I will try to list some things, and then write what I mean by that.
Before I do that I'd like to state a stupidity that I have committed. I always wait for the dude to send me a text message. And it used to be that I was so silly and answered right away, and so placing myself in the same situation - the waiting area. But lately things have slightly changed. I still wait for the guy to send a message, but when he does, I ignore it. I knew I would ignore it in the first place, but I still wait for a something. Last night (a Friday, as you could have guessed anyway) one guy sent a text message. Quite frankly I didn't even see that one coming. But then somewhere between 3 and 4 am GUESS-WHO called. Of course I did not pick up. Was he trying to get back at me for that one time....... Or was he trying to get back at me for not replying to his last two messages? OR was he actually hoping to see me?? Either way, I am not going to do anything about it.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, I can list some things that I believe in.

First, and far most important thing, I believe in my twin brother. You'd maybe expect me to write family and friends or something of that sort. And you are probably wondering why I am picking out just one person of this so-called group. The reason is that I don't believe in nor my family, nor my friends. However, I do believe in my twin bro. Not because he has trouble believing in himself, but because I really think that he can do more that what he is doing right now. I believe in him because I know what kind of a person he is, and I know that when someone wants something real, real bad, they can achieve it. He simply has not understood what it is that he wants to aim for. It is possible that I believe in him just to some how keep believing in myself; all because at some level we are in the same place. And who knows, maybe it is cuz we are twins, or maybe it's the upbringing, or maybe it's all the possible factors added together. But we are both struggling, each due to different list of things.. And gosh, I know this person, I know the deepest corner of his heart. I know he is strong. I know he leads his life with love and passion (gosh, this sounds lame).. But that is the truth.

So we lead in to the next thing: I believe in the GOOD. Yes, the good. I believe that there are people on this planet who are not entirely self centered. I believe that some people in the world would die to save another being. Of course, there isn't only back and white (sometimes I forget this), we all have our vices, and our falling point. But some people simply care less about themselves and more about others (or someone else in specific). It really doesn't matter, as long as the person doesn't spend his/her entire life just concerning about himself/herself.. I lost the train of thought... OOooppsss. I believe in Santa Claus. :D

I believe in art, all forms of art really. Painting, sports, photography, dance, singing, cooking, crafts, visual arts, modern art, art of design, art of work, art of structure, art or anything a person can be good at, anything  that a person can do so good that it can be admired.

(I need to remember how to project my thoughts into decent sentences and paragraphs.)

I could list some more things, but I'll just go with one more.

I believe in good night sleep. ;)

All this is mine

Every time I come in my room, I get a weird feeling. I think to my self: "All this stuff is mine." That's my bicycle standing right across of me. I have my laptop, my camera. I've got an exercise ball that I almost never use. That I almost never use. Most of the stuff that I have is things that I simply own, I just have them. I have books that I haven't even read. I have clothes that I have not worn in months. There's just too much  of everything. Too much. What for? What is stuff for? It makes me sick. It makes me sick to every pore of my body. I get goosebumps when thinking of this. What makes it even worse is that I can't throw things away. A part of me says that I will need this again some day. And, to be fair, I'm probably right. But who knows when that day will come. I have things. It makes me sick. I don't need most of them. What makes me sick even more is that there's people who haven't got a thing. There's people who wish they had a bed and clean bed sheets to sleep at night. There's pretty little girls and women in the world that would die to have at least one piece of jewellery, so that they could wear it to feel special. But do they need it? No. It is not a live-or-die necessity. Do they feel special anyway? What makes them feel special? Family? God? Religion? Traditions? Children? Money? Job? What makes YOU feel special? When was the last time you felt special?

I wish I had more. Not stuff, but wisdom. I wish I had the strength to be who I could be.

Not sure where I was going with this. Basically, I want to be able to stop buying material things.





All that aside, I believe I have decided what I want to do for my one-a-moth thing for June. The idea is to buy a big canvas, or just a simple BIG piece of paper (big meaning something like 2-3 m squared). Then buy some paint, some cheap stuff. AND then paint this big piece of space by using feet and hands. You know, kind of like letting things out of my system in a creative sort of way. Then I could stick this thing to a wall, or to the ceiling in my room. Or toss it out. It is the process that will matter. In most things in life the process is more important than the actual final result. Just something I like to think about.


Lately I've been thinking too much, again. About so many things that it would be even impossible to write it all down, not even in point form. Yeah.. So many things racing through my head all the time. I'm morally tired.