Sanity

 I think you misplaced my sanity, and now I cannot find it.

We live in an ambiguous reality that is very likely to collapse any minute. We live in a world that, at best, sounds like a poem written by an old, drunk man. We cannot measure the time slipping through our fingers as we go about our mundane routine. We do not see the sun rise or the sun set. We do not get fazed by the moon phases. We're lost without even realising that the path that we're on is circular. We drive cars that drive themselves. They drive us down a cliff. We buy houses to live in, but spend our precious days at the office. We talk about love and respect while conveniently forgetting what's truly important. We dive into our socials as if they have the answers, but they only make us numb. We get so dissociated that we do not even realise we're no longer questioning anything. We become blank pages, we become nothing. If our lives were to be printed, they wouldn't even be white; they'd be see-through, not even tangible. 

I've stopped fighting. You may keep my sanity. I wasn't using it anyway. 

P.S. Isn't it Your birthday today? 

What am I doing?

HOW I FEEL - ALL AT THE SAME TIME:

 

AND THIS: 

It's March!

Well, well, well.

Time sure flies. So many things have been going on, I don't even know where to start.
First, last month my first niece was born (after four nephews you'd think it's about time!), and that has been on top of my happy list lately.
I also begun my driving theory classes, so far they've not been awesome. I am learning things, but the dude teaching me and le group is some old fart who has zero faith in young people and he thinks that Latvia's current president is the only decent president he's seen in office ever. (To put in in a perspective, the current president has the worst rating off all the presidents we have had.)
But lucky for me that I study from books, and it's basically just memorizing so I don't really have to give a damn about what he says or doesn't say. Just have to be at the class twice a week.
Later this month I'll be going to Portugal again! I can't wait. I am so excited, I just want to make flips like a small puppy, but then I realize that I can't do that.
My friend has moved into a flat, and her boyfriend has arrived, and to be honest I am jealous of her. But she knows it. :D
And I have a job interview next week, and I am so worried, but it's good that I've not quit my current job, so I don't have to panic too much.
Life is moving forward at a speed that I can't really follow along to, just keep playing catch-up with it. I've also been sick for two weeks or so. Bad cough, had high temperature and the past two days my head just keeps aching. Oh well.

Work has become really dull. I'm at work now and I seriously can't be bothered to do much. Blah! Have to reply to yet another complaint, people are just ridiculous!


Also winter was gone all February, ha, I've even forgotten what snow feels like. Winter was gone before it actually got here. The migratory birds have started to come back. The pussy willow has begun to bloom. The sun leaves later and comes right back up around the time I get up from my sleep. The lights in the city dim off soon in the morning. People seem to ditch their warm coats, hats and mittens. I guess spring is here.

Ideally

In an ideal word, this is what is going to happen:
I will write my essay tonight.
Then I will do the things I have to do at work.
Then I'll perfect my essay.

In the morning I will get home, do some exercise.
Have some rest.
Go to the concert with my mom.

That's all in an ideal world.
I could challenge myself to actually follow through with it.
I could promise myself that I'll do what needs to be done.

Or I could just leave everything last minute.
Have no sleep.
Live with stress.
And skip exercise.

Well.
I don't know how things will play out.
But I do have a bad feeling about this. 

P.S.

Some good things are coming up,

this month and next month.

So, yeah, I'm happy. 

TWO

Because one big trip in one summer is not enough, I'll be having another one. This time I'll be using a different mode of transportation, hitchhicking. It shall be yet another great adventure. Also, this time I will not be travelling alone. Next Friday we begin our trip, and it will take about three weeks. I'm very excited, but I have a lot to do before next Friday, hope I manage most of it!!!

Off to work tomorrow, so I should get to bed... at one point. :D

Day by Day

We all have different times in life. We have the ones where we are down, sad, and feeling anything but useless. Times when we can't help others. Then, what is even more pathetic is that we can not even help ourselves. Right now my life feels like it's at a stop. Well, picture this, life is a bus ride. We ride from one end to another. So, taking this analogy, my life is at a bus stop. I am not entirely sure if I am a late bus, or if I am running ahead of the schedule, since there really is no schedule, but I AM AT A BUS STOP. I do not know where my bus is going, or where from it is coming, but I am here now, and to be honest, I am taking a lot out of it. I am at a bus stop of ignorance, of laziness, of parties, of the crazy-youth-days kind of things. And yeah, I am in a way jealous of my friends (a.k.a. ex-friends) that are at uni, studying, and pursuing their dreams, and developing their skills. But when I look at it from another perspective, when else will I be able to be stupid, and reckless? I believe it it possible to do all at once, but I really love not caring about consequences (well, in the short run anyway). Of course I too have a line, that I will never cross (i.e. braking the law, for instance). But for now, it is all right to party all night long, then go to work, then party the following night as well. It is fine because my job is shit (what else could it be), I care very little for it. People that I party with (at least most of them) are shallow pigs (yeah, i have learned to be a hypocrite) and I couldn't care less for what they think of me, since I will be leaving this god damned city anyway. Of course, the question is WHEN will I be leaving and to WHERE.

Anyway, for now I will be rude, mean, stupid, prudent, crazy, dumb, all-over-the place, careless.....etc.

But, hey, don't you worry, some day I will grow up. Just now yet, not yet. :P

Now Playing: FUN - WE ARE YOUNG

1st of May

It's yet another month of 2012. It would really be a pain in the arse if the world would end this year, though I would not be surprised. :D

My mom came to visit for a few days. That was very nice since I don't get to see her all that often. You know, me living in a different country and all. So we spent some time together, I skipped work, called in sick. Feel a bit bad for it, but my flat mate claims that I shouldn't be so worried, two days isn't the end of the world. She probably is right. However, I do not like this idea. People know that I would go to work unless I really was sick, that's probably because I was in work some weeks ago when I had a terrible, beyond terrible cold. But really, in the end of the day, it is none of their business why I wasn't at work. Maybe I have mental problems. LOL

Right not I'm having a five minute brake from writing another short story for my new blog. I like the idea that has grown in my head, but it isn't really coming out as it sounds in my head. That only indicates one thing - PRACTICE. I need to write, yup, just keep writing kiddo. Hehe.