From Here to There

November finally arrived. But before that end of October happened. On the last Wednesday of October I went to "trim" my hair. It is now half the length it was. (It is still long though!)

On Thursday it was a tough day at uni. But after that I had a nice lunch with a couple of my friends. Then later, in the evening, I was visiting my brother for his birthday dinner. It was great to see my niece again. She is growing rapidly. We stayed there till late and were home a bit after midnight. It ended up being a long night with packing, shower, doing laundry, and tiding up the mess I had produced in the last few months. I got to bed at six in the morning. My alarm was set for 7:30. I woke up 5 minutes before it went off.

Now it was Friday, the very day that I was patiently waiting for. That's the day when, what should be the greatest trip if my life so far, was about to begin. I flew to Lisbon to see my boyfriend. He was waiting for me at the arrivals, with a flower! :) We seized the last bit of the day we had by going a bit out in the city. Again, arriving after midnight home, we started packing, this time Pedro's things. It went a bit hectic, but by four in the morning we were fast asleep.

With most things packed we let ourselves sleep so we would be somewhat rested for our first flight together. With everything ready to go, bags and bikes packed, Pedro went to get his father and then we drove to the airport. At the check in we had a bit of a scare, the lady at the Emirates desk said that I could only get a 15 day visa for our final destination, so she could not. Check us in because we had our return flights only in 5 weeks. But luckily we had purchased another flight for us for while on the trip, so we had theoretical proof that we'll be leaving Thailand before the 15 days expire. With all that settled we now had to pass our bikes through the oversized luggage scanner, and help the woman working there bring the bike boxes to the other side. :D  We then bought some wine and headed for our gate. The flight was long, more than seven hours. And at Dubai we were not able to land because the airport was busy, so we took an extra minutes just circulating above Dubai. We landed passed two at night local time. Luckily our CS host Jihad was still waiting for us at the airport to take us to his place. With him was another surfer, Vaidas. This guy is from Lithuania, but has also lived in Norway, and in Canada for several years. Now he was on his journey to see every country in the world!! At our host's place we had a quick chat but soon went to sleep. It had been a long day!

We all slept in even though that was not the plan. We planned to leave the apartment by 10, but Jihad had to be in work. He had called work that he would be late, but because he sounded ill, his colleague said to stay home for the day. So now he was our awesome "sick" driver and tour guide. He really turned out to be one of the best hosts ever! Impressive!
We got to see some of Dubai. Before our flight we met an old colleague of Pedro's, had a nice quick dinner. And then our host drove us to the airport. We found our terminal, our boarding gate, and we were ready to take off for Bangkok!

And that is where we are right now. :)

State of Mind of Travel

Makes almost zero sense, the title I mean. BUT, as there always is a but, I am almost certain that I can explain what I mean.
There are several categories of travellers. But firs let's make general classifications. There's people who hate to travel, people who simply hate the idea of travelling, they feel safe and comfortable where they are, and travel causes them stress, discomfort, disorientation and general confusion. Unless necessary for survival, they choose to stay put in their space. Now I used to think that this is closed mindedness; I used to think that people who dislike travelling are simply too cool to see beyond their white-picket fence. However, I've met people who are well-educated about the world, people who do see the world beyond, but simply don't want to go there. They see it through history, through books, magazines, internet, TV, even from people who travel to them.... etc. And a wise person can get the gist of what a place is like by actually collecting information from various sources, and that is as far as their curiosity goes.
(As for me, the more I learn about a place the more tempted I am to see it in person!)
It used to be difficult for me to think that there are people who don't like travelling, since I want to see every corner of this world and even beyond. But a little questioning and inquisition gave me some insight in their way of thinking; to my surprise I can even understand it.
However, I can't skip the fact that there are people who don't travel because they are stubborn, and they refuse to even acknowledge that there is life beyond their corner of this universe. In my opinion, I can just let them be, because that kind of mind set is difficult to influence. But who knows, maybe it is healthier to not be curious about the world...never know.
Then there is the occasional traveller. They will travel once in a few years or once a year, and it will most likely be to visit old friends or distant relatives. They go to pretty much the same places, book the same airline company, already have the necessary currency from five years ago, when at the destination they see the same places and comment on how much it has or hasn't changed, they eat at the same restaurants as previous time, and they even order the same food. This is because they have been there, done that, there is plenty of certainty and they don't have to step outside their comfort zone too much. I will also place the all-inclusive type of travellers in this category. While they might go to some new places, they still travel occasionally and the comfort zone too is not flexible. They love the idea that you pay one fixed price, and you are pretty much carried from home to hotel and back. All they have to remember is to go relieve themselves when necessary. Also under this category I'll place the tag-along type of people. Someone invited them on a trip because they had a free spot, or had no one else to go with.. or a similar story. Now this category is most likely to complain if something is not as they expected, or something is different than it was. They hate surprises, they want it they way it was listed out for them/ the way they expected it to be.
There is the chance travellers. Their day-to-day schedule is so flexible that they could run away at any time of the day for any duration of time. Personally, I envy these type of people. While I myself am pretty flexible, there are certain things I can't run away from. So I can not always buy tickets one day before departure. These people have their e-mails full of news letters form various travel sites and airline companies. They find deals online, or from some place they are a member of. Maybe their friend had a free spot for a weeks long trip down South to go sunbathing, or to go up North to watch the Northern lights and chill in sauna for countless days. They are definitely not afraid to say YES! to any offer that flies at them. They have magical source of income, and all you see/hear is that they are yet at another corner of the world doing yet another random activity.
Then there is the party travellers, they don't care when they go, where they go, or who they go with, as long as there is booze, music, and maybe some other unknown substances, they will go there. They pack light, but they might have too much alcohol in their pannier and the other substance hidden in their shoes. You should be careful if you choose to travel with this type of person. He/she might cause you unnecessary troubles. Best solution would be to pretend to not know this person while going through airport security. Be even more careful if there's a dog or two with he guards. But on the location these peeps are loads of fun, they attract the best people in the area (best people for partying that is), and they somehow end up at the best places where to chill out all night long. Then they crash where-ever so you end up not spending a dime for accommodation. They will drain all your energy and you will be thankful for it.
There is also the solo-traveller, He/she can be a bit of everything, they might be in it for the fun, for new sightseeing places, for museums and galleries, or to meet local people they have never met before (and probably will never meet them again after their encounter). They don't mind travelling alone, quite the opposite, they love the freedom it gives. No need to arrange plans or argue about what to see next. They are flexible in a way that they will arrange the vacation so it is convenient for them, and why not, right?

Here is where the state of mind comes in. Almost 24/7 I think about travelling. I think about future travels, passed travels, possible travel plans, about types of travellers, about what kind of traveller I am, about the best way to travel, about special deals, about who to travel with.... etc.
Some people think of money, of work, of school, of family... my mind is primarily occupied with thoughts about travel. That's all for now. There is a good chance that I will post more about this.

The more I travel - the more I want to travel.

Letter

Dear,

It's hard to be here so far away from you. I am distancing myself, it's a defence mechanism, there is nothing I can do to stop it. When I'm with you, I'm there 100% and more. When we're together I embrace every second I'm there. I smile at you so much it hurts my cheeks. The day blends together with night, there is no time; it's just moments we get to spend together. 

I go through my day thinking about you. I wonder what I would be telling you now, or how I'd be playing with your hair. I fly away remembering how beautiful your kisses feel.

But then I trail away to reality - I'm here, and you're there - far away. And I wonder what you are doing, what you are not telling me, and what you are telling me. I wonder how tough is work for you, and how evil your boss is this day. I wonder how your family is doing. I wonder if all the things you tell me are true. I wonder about when I might see you again.. That is, of course, if I ever will see you again. I wonder how badly I want to see you smile. And then, again, I wonder if all that is the truth. 

I want to quit, and I want to leave it be. But then again, I don't want to hurt you (that is, if all what you say is the truth). I thought I could handle this, I thought it would be so much easier, but it's not. And as time goes by, it only becomes harder to bare. I want to smile when I think of you, but yet there is this tiny tear that meets the corners of my eyes. I dream for all the adventures we might be going on, but then I think of how I will back out on the last moment. I dream. Yes, lately you've even showed up in my dreams, and then I wake up all rested in the morning. I wake up well, but then I open my eyes and you're not there next to me. You're far, far away. 

I wish I had the strength to tell you this, because there are so very little things that are left unsaid. I feel well with you, and I feel like I can actually trust you. But then there are moments when doubt arises and it brings me to tears. Everything is so uncertain. 

But I will stay here, at times I'll be all for you, but other times I'll let a call from you go astray, even though hearing your voice is like a raindrop in a desert.

I'm here now, 

but I believe it will not be for long,

truly yours... 

This is Rubbish

This will be me ranting, consider yourself warned. 

I'm at work now.
This place is seriously starting to get on my nerves. I don't even know where to start.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but I work at a hotel as a receptionist. I've been here since end of summer. The job is really fine, I have a list of responsibilities, not just one task to do over and over again. During night shifts I also have to prepare the breakfast. I also have to work in the restaurant as a waitress. And when there is no chef in, then I also have to make food for people. Now this is where the rant starts. Two people went to the restaurant, I tell them that there is no chef in, however, I can prepare something for them form the weekend menu. Now they make a face that makes me think that I've told them something so offensive that they are about to get up and walk away without saying a thing. But no, they just sit there with their... unhappy eggplant faces and unwillingly start to view the Weekend menu. Why the un-satisfaction is aimed at me? Is it my fault that the hotel is low on money? Is it my fault that they can't afford a chef for all times? Is it my fault that due to lack of clients it is inefficient to have the chef in? Yeah, I didn't think so!
Meanwhile I'm hoping they don't pick something that we don't actually have available. In a lucky case, they do pick something I have in the kitchen. Then I ask for drinks. There can be various scenarios;
1) They ask for beer, I ask what kind of beer. Many of them then ask something that they know (example, Carlsberg) - sorry, we don't have that, I can offer you some Latvian beers. - Emm, ok. - Then I usually ask if the want dark or light, and they usually don't know what they want. Other times they ask for draft beer, which is also something we don't have. Then often I bring them the first beer (the brand doesn't matter, as tastes vary from person to person), and they don't like it, and ask something different next time. And then for the third beer they go back to option one, assuming that every next beer I'd offer them would be worse and worse.
2) They ask for coffee or tea. That's not as difficult. The tea simply takes more time, as I need to boil hot water. But then there is no tea that they want. Then they say they don't want sugar, but turns out they wanted it after all, same story with milk.
3) They ask for something that I don't have (and that isn't even in the menu) - for example - fresh juice - any juice other than apple or orange - smoothies - ice cream cocktails - some other random drink.
4) They ask for spirit with something. Well, I am still not aware as to what goes in what glass. Then there is also the issue of lack of right sized glasses. I believe there is about two glasses that fit a shot with a full small glass bottle of coke in it - and they are always dirty. Same thing with G&T, I know I should pour the two together, but I don't have such a glass that fits it all!!!
5) They ask for just water, I believe that in any normal place they'd bring water for no charge, but we give the small bottles, there is 300something ml (or 400somthing, I don't care TBH), and then sometimes they are unhappy that I charge them for water.
6) Cola! Yeah, the cola problem is that about 50% of the time there is no coca cola available, because it is the most requested drink and finishes very fast once delivered. So here the question is, why not order more?? You gain more in the long run!!!
So then they pick something to eat, salad, soup or some hot dish, what ever it is, I have to go and make it for them. But wait! Who's doing my real job? Who's working at the reception, you may wonder! It's me! I'm supposed to be everywhere doing everything.
Now here is more bullshit - the reception is open 24/7, for guests that is ideal! But for us, not so much. There is a lot to do in the morning, and a lot in the evening. But middle of the night and middle of the day are usually quiet and there is nothing to do. So you sit on your ass for some hours and then you have to run like a horse for the rest of the time.
I often get comments form the guests asking/wondering how it is that I am all alone and have to do all the tasks. Well, I wonder too!

And who knows? Maybe it's time to get a new job?! I work hard, and I really try to do things well, but the thing is that nobody cares, no one seems to notice that you do so much. And the salary is an absolute joke! It's like a spit in the face. I can't imagine how I'd survive if I was living all by myself. It would be a nightmare.

Anyway, my shift is over in ten minutes. Then I'm going home for some sleep, since I've not had a normal night sleep for a week now. Oh, my colleague will be late, isn't life great?!

Fuck weekends. Fuck work. Fuck men. Fuck people. Fuck music. Fuck the sunlight. Fuck the moon and the tides. Fuck the polluted oceans. Fuck life and fuck death. Fuck all this bullshit.

I'm not satisfied with life today and everything seems to be wrong, everything makes me sad.
I don't even want to apologize for all the swearing.

--Basta.

No Boundaries

Have you ever taken a look at the world map and felt like there is virtually nothing holding you back from just picking a spot and going there? Well, things are the way they are at the moment, and I truly feel that some time this year I will be able to go to a random place on this planet Earth.
That is, of course, if everything goes as planned.
Right now I'm looking at life through the simplicity lens, and I can't say that it's bad. It isn't always easy, but in the long run it is definitely better than complicating things and assuming that everything is impossible, too complicated, or too difficult to achieve.
Life is tough, and maybe that's why it's worth living.

It's March!

Well, well, well.

Time sure flies. So many things have been going on, I don't even know where to start.
First, last month my first niece was born (after four nephews you'd think it's about time!), and that has been on top of my happy list lately.
I also begun my driving theory classes, so far they've not been awesome. I am learning things, but the dude teaching me and le group is some old fart who has zero faith in young people and he thinks that Latvia's current president is the only decent president he's seen in office ever. (To put in in a perspective, the current president has the worst rating off all the presidents we have had.)
But lucky for me that I study from books, and it's basically just memorizing so I don't really have to give a damn about what he says or doesn't say. Just have to be at the class twice a week.
Later this month I'll be going to Portugal again! I can't wait. I am so excited, I just want to make flips like a small puppy, but then I realize that I can't do that.
My friend has moved into a flat, and her boyfriend has arrived, and to be honest I am jealous of her. But she knows it. :D
And I have a job interview next week, and I am so worried, but it's good that I've not quit my current job, so I don't have to panic too much.
Life is moving forward at a speed that I can't really follow along to, just keep playing catch-up with it. I've also been sick for two weeks or so. Bad cough, had high temperature and the past two days my head just keeps aching. Oh well.

Work has become really dull. I'm at work now and I seriously can't be bothered to do much. Blah! Have to reply to yet another complaint, people are just ridiculous!


Also winter was gone all February, ha, I've even forgotten what snow feels like. Winter was gone before it actually got here. The migratory birds have started to come back. The pussy willow has begun to bloom. The sun leaves later and comes right back up around the time I get up from my sleep. The lights in the city dim off soon in the morning. People seem to ditch their warm coats, hats and mittens. I guess spring is here.

Lost!

I feel very, very lost right now. More than ever I feel like I have no home, like there is no place where I belong. There is nothing holding me to one place, and I want to be gone again. It's a daunting feeling of empty. It is eating at me, inside and out. I feel like a broken piece of nothing. There is nothing that makes me feel fulfilled.

Last weekend I had the best time of my life! It was so pure and beautiful. Imagine if I had to live only three days in my life, I would live those three days. I would want to go back and relive those days over and over again.

Till I Collapse

I'm short of breath. Something terrible has happened and I don't know how to deal with this. I am 100% to be blamed. But I simply can't wrap my head around this. I do not know how to pass this forward. I don't know what comes now? What happens now?
Life seemed so great! Just .. most things were going well. But now .. now, there is no now.

Till I collapse. I've collapsed. I am so happy for my next weeks adventure. But I don't deserve it. I really don't. What now? I can't not take this trip, because that's not fair to others. But taking this trip is not fair to me, because I don't deserve this. I deserve nothing and I am a terrible person. I have no heart. I do, but I don't.

What now?
How do I tell the truth?
What happens now???

God damn, I feel dizzy, all the thoughts are overwhelming. My head is spinning!
What's the right thing to do?
There is no good way to do bad things.
And yet, they have to be done.

Please.
Stop.

Now Playing:  Eminem feat. Nate Dogg - Till I Collapse

I want to see the world

My problem is that I dig holes and then I fall in them. Then I try my best to get out, and once I do bring myself up I end up falling in yet another hole.
But I have this very strange feeling. I feel happy, I should not be, I should be, but no - I don't know. My head is a very confusing place. There are people in my life that make me happy, there are people in my life whom I want to make happy. There is a shy piece of joy in my life, it's not big, but it's there; not visible most of the time, but I can feel it racing in my heart at times.

I was planning to change the text that's along my profile from "The girl that said goodbye before saying hello." to "I want to see the world."

But then, maybe not yet, maybe that doesn't sum up my "profile" 100%. So I'll leave it at that, for now at least.

But either way, I have recently learned that old is not better, not always. And sometimes it is better to let go of the old for new things to come in life. So here I am, I have made up my mind, I have decided to let a part of the good old to go, I have decided to set myself free.

Now playing: Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood