Let's Go For a Swim

How much would you be willing to give away for the one thing you want the most?
Your money, home, freedom, health, friend, family, happy moments, memories, time, ...
Does that not make you question the things you truly want? Don't you have the things you really "want"?

It's like wanting to know how to swim only when you're in water. It's like being able to talk when you have an important message to tell. It's like being able to run when you need to catch that last bus.

But, hey, why bother to appreciate your swimming skill when clearly you're always on the shore, right?

..or maybe..

Say What?

My head feels like exploding. I don't know how to turn it off! It keeps thinking and over-thinking, and thinking about over-thinking. I can't take it any more! Why can't I just do what has to be done and that's it? Why do I have to complicate my life so much?!

I want to come clean, I want to tell everyone the truth, I want to tell everyone what I'm thinking.. and what's even more absurd, I want everyone to understand. I want this burden to go away. I want to be able to sincerely smile again. I don't know what is going on in my head. I know what I want, but I am unable to go for the things I want. I've lost my motivation. I've lost any sense that I deserve anything. I am a terrible person and I truly believe that I deserve nothing good.

I don't know what's the right path to take right now.

Now playing:  Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me

Future tense

I am in the future, in the day that will come someday, and I am thinking: "Now what?" And there is no answer, there is no one there to hear my question, and I know for a fact that no one will be able to answer my question. So I ask now,  so I don't have to stay in confused silence in the future. I ask now, because I am aware that no one is listening. And now I know it is for the best, I know that it is better to keep still in the mist of silence. One day there will be zero safe spots on this earth, there is going to be nothing but betrayal.

I am wrong because I am right. I should not tell you what I think, I should shut the fuck up. And so I do! I can't tell them what I think, how I feel, and what I do. I say so much that it is hard to realize how much I actually do put out there. And at the same time I am mute. I have no words, and I have no language. I have no alibi, I have no soul. I am a liar, I am a fool.

Leave It On

I tried for a second to live without a mask. I mean, not entirely, I took it off partly. People did not understand. They don't want to understand. They don't care.

"Smile. No one really cares how you feel."

Colours of the Rainbow Shine on You

It's all lies. No matter what I say, I can never tell 100% truth. I don't trust anyone, I don't trust you. It's funny how people always think that you have to pick one side in everything in life. Well here goes the truth, there isn't just black and white. Life is like a rainbow. There is no pure evil, or pure angels on this planet. We all have some things we'd rather not share with anyone, and we all have things that we are proud of. We just have to make sure that the wrong people never find out about certain things.

So let's have a drink for the stories that can not be told.

How much more?

You don't understand, you never have, and you never will.

How much more do you expect me to pretend? When will you realize that I'm not as strong as it seems? I can't always be there for everyone, I can't always be the shoulder that everyone can cry on, I can't keep drinking everyones sorrow. I've got so much in me, I want to be able to burst. I want you to see how weak I really am. How can you not see that I'm the one who needs help? I need to be able to let it all out. It's burning and it hurts, it hurts more than anything ever has.

I need you to help me to stop this pain. Please, please, open your eyes. I can't pretend to be strong forever.