Letter to me

 Radio Edit 

Hello, dear Dragonfly, 

It's me, Dragonfly. If you're reading this, then things may have gotten worse. 

I need you to remember that walk we shared in the big park back home. I need you to remember that feeling you had when sitting on the pier. Remember the warm, peaceful wind running through your hair. Remember the birds singing. Remember the sun softly burning your skin, piercing your eyes. Remember the sound of the small waves crashing in. Remember the smell of the air, how it so easily filled up your lungs. Remember how you could take a breath that felt like could last you forever. Just remember that sense of peace. That sense of time standing still. Just remember how we sat there together and the rest of the world did not matter. Take that deep breath. Take in that feeling of freedom and peace. Never let go of that feeling, it is what keeps us alive. 

May, Wait, What, June?

Ok, if I was to have a child now I'd call it June, because it came unexpectedly.

Ha, bad humour stops here.

Dear Bob,

I own you an apology. I know it's been a while, but they say it's better late than never, so here is my apology. Bob (if that even is your real name), we met a very long time ago. Some years back. It was when I was still living in Ottawa. You most likely don't recall but we met in Rideau Center shopping mall in the food court. That day we both were there to attend an improv-everywhere event, the banana war. Remember now? Yes, it was funny, hilarious even. Random people shooting each other with bananas.

And so I found it, your iPod. Yes! It was me, I took it home, I could have went looking for you, Bob, but I didn't. I just swiftly put it in my pocket.
For four years I never touched it, never even tried to switch in on. And then one fine day, thousands miles away from Ottawa, I charged that little thing, and now it's me who is listening to all those songs on your list.

I bet you went looking for it on that day. But I want to apologize. And I want to thank you, Bob! Yeah, I like the small blue thingy, I think it will become a good friend of mine, and my laptop. Yeah, we'll all be good friend. But not you, only a tiny ghost of you remains.

But Bob, why is the memory space so small, huh?

Never yours,
me.

P.S. Clearly, I won this banana war.

Letter

Dear,

It's hard to be here so far away from you. I am distancing myself, it's a defence mechanism, there is nothing I can do to stop it. When I'm with you, I'm there 100% and more. When we're together I embrace every second I'm there. I smile at you so much it hurts my cheeks. The day blends together with night, there is no time; it's just moments we get to spend together. 

I go through my day thinking about you. I wonder what I would be telling you now, or how I'd be playing with your hair. I fly away remembering how beautiful your kisses feel.

But then I trail away to reality - I'm here, and you're there - far away. And I wonder what you are doing, what you are not telling me, and what you are telling me. I wonder how tough is work for you, and how evil your boss is this day. I wonder how your family is doing. I wonder if all the things you tell me are true. I wonder about when I might see you again.. That is, of course, if I ever will see you again. I wonder how badly I want to see you smile. And then, again, I wonder if all that is the truth. 

I want to quit, and I want to leave it be. But then again, I don't want to hurt you (that is, if all what you say is the truth). I thought I could handle this, I thought it would be so much easier, but it's not. And as time goes by, it only becomes harder to bare. I want to smile when I think of you, but yet there is this tiny tear that meets the corners of my eyes. I dream for all the adventures we might be going on, but then I think of how I will back out on the last moment. I dream. Yes, lately you've even showed up in my dreams, and then I wake up all rested in the morning. I wake up well, but then I open my eyes and you're not there next to me. You're far, far away. 

I wish I had the strength to tell you this, because there are so very little things that are left unsaid. I feel well with you, and I feel like I can actually trust you. But then there are moments when doubt arises and it brings me to tears. Everything is so uncertain. 

But I will stay here, at times I'll be all for you, but other times I'll let a call from you go astray, even though hearing your voice is like a raindrop in a desert.

I'm here now, 

but I believe it will not be for long,

truly yours... 

Lemonade!

2013 has just begun, and it's already been quite a journey. Problems keep appearing, some out of nowhere. Other problems I seem to fetch out of thin air. You know how I am, I like complicating everything. 

But I've decided to make some lemonade. You know, when life gives you lemons.. ;)

Gotta take what ever I can, and the past few days have been a nightmare, to say the least. So very few good things are happening. None. Zero. Close to zero. Just because I'm positive. And I shall keep this attitude no matter what.

Oh, I just remembered, I've gotta read my letter to myself. And write a new one for the future me. :D

Hehe, maybe I'll do that when things settle down. Now life seems to be a bit of a chaos.

P.S. Is it ok to be an ass to people for own benefit? I don't really do that often, so feels a bit odd. But this person has been an ass to me, so he deserves it. FUck. I don't care. :P