SONGS II

In the past few weeks (ever since I puplished SONGS I) I have been compelling a list of songs that bring back good memories, or songs that I simply like a lot. So here is what I have for now minus the ones I have already posed in SONGS I.
Again, there will be no order to them, just a list of songs.

Evanescence - Bring me to life
Daft Punk - Get Lucky
Harry Nilsson - Put The Lime In The Coconut
Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera - Moves Like Jagger
Robin Thicke ft. T.I., Pharrell - Blurred Lines
ABBA - Mamma Mia
Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)
Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi
Avril Lavigne - Complicated
Anastacia - Left Outside Alone
Flo Rida - Good Feeling
Ugly Kid Joe - Cats In The Cradle
Katzenjammer - A Bar In Amsterdam
Lori Liberman - Killing Me Softly With His Song
Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer
Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me
Prince - Purple Rain
UB40 - Red Red Wine
Eminem - Superman
The Police - Every Breath You Take
Guano Apes - Open Your Eyes
Marc Cohn - Walking In Memphis
Toy-Box - Tarzan & Jane
Shakira ft. Alejandro Sanz - La Tortura
Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)
Takida - Curly Sue
John Legend - All Of Me
Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made for Walkin'
Status Quo - In The Army Now
Alice Cooper - Poison
B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams - Airplanes
No Doubt - Don't Speak
Antonio Banderas & Los Lobos - Canción Del Mariachi
Joan Osborne - One of Us
Madonna - You'll See
Roxette - Queen Of Rain
Roxette - Real Sugar
The Cheeky Girls - Take Your Shoes Off
Toni Braxton - Un-Break My Heart
Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood
ABBA - Take A Chance On Me
Sinéad O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2U
Björk - It's Oh So Quiet
Vengaboys - Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!
Hoobastank - The Reason
Alien Ant Farm - Smooth Criminal
Spice Girls - Wannabe
Britney Spears - Oops! I Did It Again
Annie Lennox - No More 'I Love You's'
Whitney Houston - I Have Nothing
Ruslana - Wild Dances
Loreen - Euphoria
R.E.M. - Orange Crush
OK Go - Here It Goes Again
Kings Of Leon - Sex on Fire
The Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love?
Robbie Williams - Feel
John Lennon - Imagine
Mary J. Blige, U2 - One
Europe - The Final Countdown
Gareth Gates - Anyone Of Us (Stupid Mistake)
Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - I Love Rock N Roll
Avicii - Hey Brother
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Alanis Morissette - Ironic
Labrinth ft. Tinie Tempah - Earthquake
Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts
Evanescence - My Immortal
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony
Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness 
Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer - Give Me Everything 
Modestep - Sunlight
Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar
Sean Paul - She Doesn't Mind
Rihanna Ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella
Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man
Lady Gaga - The Edge Of Glory
Stings - Fields Of Gold
Smash Mouth - All Star
Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya, Pink - Lady Marmalade
Adele - Chasing Pavements
Etta James - I Just Want To Make Love To You
Imagine Dragons - Radioactive
OneRepublic - Counting Stars
OneRepublic - Stop And Stare
Shakira ft. Rihanna - Can't Remember to Forget You
Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding - I Need Your Love
Johnny Cash - Hurt
Johnny Cash - Ring Of Fire
David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj - Turn Me On
Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull - On The Floor
Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris - We Found Love
Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al
Spin Doctors - Two Princes
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
Amy Macdonald - This Is The Life
Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX - I Love It
Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Owl City - Fireflies
Ed Sheeran - Lego House
Tim Berg - Seek Bromance
Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over
LMFAO - Sexy And I Know It
Adele - Rolling In The Deep
Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You
Christina Perri - A Thousand Years
Swedish House Mafia ft. Tinie Tempah - Miami 2 Ibiza
Justin Timberlake - Mirrors
Flo Rida ft. David Guetta - Club Can't Handle Me
O-Zone - Dragostea Din Tei
Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock
Rihanna - Diamonds
Rihanna - Pon The Replay
Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Californication
King Charles - Love Lust
Queen - Bicycle Race
Flobots - Handlebars
Sting - Englishman In New York
Natalie Imbruglia - Torn
Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It
Scorpions - Wind Of Change
Eagles - Hotel California
Bryan Adams - Summer of 69
Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
Michael Jackson - Man In The Mirror
Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger
The Script ft. will.i.am - Hall Of Fame
Mattafix - Big City Life
Coldplay - Paradise
Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight
Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning
Oasis - Wonderwall
Lenny Kravitz - American Woman
The Beatles - Yesterday
John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane
Ray Charles - Hit The Road Jack
Slash ft. Fergie - Beautiful Dangerous
Terrorvision - Tequilla
K'Naan - Wavin' Flag
Depeche Mode - Free Love
Matchbox Twenty - How Far We've Come
Shakira - Waka Waka
Los Del Rio - Macarena
Loona - Bailando
Crazy Frog - Axel F
Fall Out Boy - My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)






Thant's all --- For now! ;)

It's March!

Well, well, well.

Time sure flies. So many things have been going on, I don't even know where to start.
First, last month my first niece was born (after four nephews you'd think it's about time!), and that has been on top of my happy list lately.
I also begun my driving theory classes, so far they've not been awesome. I am learning things, but the dude teaching me and le group is some old fart who has zero faith in young people and he thinks that Latvia's current president is the only decent president he's seen in office ever. (To put in in a perspective, the current president has the worst rating off all the presidents we have had.)
But lucky for me that I study from books, and it's basically just memorizing so I don't really have to give a damn about what he says or doesn't say. Just have to be at the class twice a week.
Later this month I'll be going to Portugal again! I can't wait. I am so excited, I just want to make flips like a small puppy, but then I realize that I can't do that.
My friend has moved into a flat, and her boyfriend has arrived, and to be honest I am jealous of her. But she knows it. :D
And I have a job interview next week, and I am so worried, but it's good that I've not quit my current job, so I don't have to panic too much.
Life is moving forward at a speed that I can't really follow along to, just keep playing catch-up with it. I've also been sick for two weeks or so. Bad cough, had high temperature and the past two days my head just keeps aching. Oh well.

Work has become really dull. I'm at work now and I seriously can't be bothered to do much. Blah! Have to reply to yet another complaint, people are just ridiculous!


Also winter was gone all February, ha, I've even forgotten what snow feels like. Winter was gone before it actually got here. The migratory birds have started to come back. The pussy willow has begun to bloom. The sun leaves later and comes right back up around the time I get up from my sleep. The lights in the city dim off soon in the morning. People seem to ditch their warm coats, hats and mittens. I guess spring is here.

I miss you

It seems like all I do my whole life is I miss people. I am so used to this empty space in me, just every day I can count so many people that would want to see. It's like, when someone asks: "What do you do?" the reply would always be "I miss people." What is even worse is that you don't get used to it, not in a good way I mean, you don't adjust to it. It just hurts, sometimes less, sometimes more, it carves your soul like a child would carve a pumpkin on Halloween. Plus there is the factor that I can't really do anything about it. It's not like hate that you can consciously decide to let go. It's not like falling in love, that over time can fade away. They are memories and feelings, a combinations of so many things, and also, of course, the fact that you don't want to let those feelings leave. I don't want to not miss all those people. Of course, it is amazing to have so many awesome people to miss, but it truly hurts that most of them are so far away. Sometimes I think about what we'd be doing if we were side-by-side. And then in some cases so many years have passed since I last saw the person, it's like I don't actually know them. I knew them, and that's the image that's drawn in my mind, the old one. We all change, but in some ways we remain the same, at least in certain memories. I will not lie, I have tears in my eyes. I am very lost at the moment (not literally), and I have no idea which way to go.

Anywho, missing people is beautiful, but at the same time it can be very sad.
Meh, that's all.


Oh, and also, side note, 5 years ago on 7th of December, I joined Blogger.com (blogspot.com). WOW! 5 years! And this is still the first blog I made, and still the one where I post most often.

Riga!

In the past week or so I have been contemplating about my relationship with Riga. Yes, you understood that correctly! I feel like I have a love-hate things going on here, and I hope to tell you why it is that I feel this way.

When I returned home this summer, I thought that it is the absolute right thing to do, that it will make me and my friends and relatives happy. And so it did! But there is more to this seemingly simple skit. To begin off, I want to make it clear that I am happy to be able to see people whom I didn't see when I was abroad, I am happy to hear Latvian language on the streets, I am happy that I have a sense that I am where I belong, I am happy to play with my nephews, I am happy to roam the streets of this city of wonders.

And yet, there is a feeling of eternal sadness to this place. I was on the bus to work this evening and I was thinking about how it is possible to have such mixed feelings about a city (or anything really).

Why is it my home? It is where I was born, and raised as a child, at least most of my childhood. It is the place where I learned the primary human skills, walking, reading, loving, caring, language .. It is where I begun school. It is where I had my first boyfriend. Riga has always been the place where I can return, it was always the place where I was from, and there would always be things waiting for me. Almost every block in this city brings up countless memories that have made me who I am today. There have been sad days, events, happening, and quite the opposite. I have attended celebrations here, I remember that when I was a kid I was dragged through the old town on the 18th on November to see the fireworks. I recall drawing chalk drawings on the pavement in the park. I remember the adventures I had as a kid with my brothers, water-gun wars with other neighbourhood kids, playing in the backyard of our house, building snowmen in the winter, collecting  chestnuts after kinder garden, we did all kinds of pranks at home, and pissed off our parents. Oh, and how I loved playing with dolls and getting mad at my brother We had our first pet, we wanted one so badly, and then one end of summer there was a small kitty waiting for us at home. Then we grew, I grew, and the city grew as well. Things changed, and doing silly pranks was no longer timely, we had "bigger" and "better" things to do. School got more serious, friendships got more valuable, parents got wiser. Then came the first parties, first experiments, and serious things, like making science projects, attending extra curricular activities, etc.

And then I was gone for seven years, and during all this time Riga was my home, it made me proud to say that that is where I come from. So naturally it became more and more dear to, it was a special place, where everything would be great! That is why I returned here this summer, I returned here to stay here for good. But over this roughly half a year that I've been back I have realized something, the city isn't what I thought it was. It is a sad place, it grows memories like mushrooms. This made me wonder, how many memories can one place hold? I have a feeling that I have made myself believe that Riga is the place to be, but in reality, it isn't so, not at all. It is my personal pit hole, my doom. I want it to be more, I hoped and dreamed that it was bigger that it actually is.

Let's face it, Riga is just another city in the game of globalization, it is a small, tiny piece of the puzzle called world. It is hard to believe that I have fooled myself to believe that is is a magical place.

This is where the two world collide, this is where I do not know how much I really hate or love this city, my city. I get confused and it makes me frustrated.

Either way, I am here now, but as people have told me along the way, there is a huge possibility that I will not last here for long, I will want to run away again.

Change, Change, Change, and Again CHANGE

I'm not talking about the change you get when you pay with a bill for something that is worth less and then you get change back. And I am not talking about me changing, I've talked about that a lot before, but not now...well not really.

Summer has just slipped through my fingers. It was so much to hold, so much to bare, and so much to live with (now). But now summer is over. It is over length wise, since I've been celebrating summer ever since I quit my job in Scotland. And if anyone knows, that happened at the near-end of May (!!!).

I then had my amazing cycling trip, which has so far been the best choice I've made in my life. I gained more than I ever expected to gain from such a trip. Some things to mention, I challenged myself; it was a real physical and mental challenge. I met some really amazing people, and a great diversity of people. I got to stay with people and see how things differ between neighbouring countries in Europe. I had plenty of me-time, I had time to think, I had time to worry, and most important, I had time to be happy!

Once I arrived home I had to change my point of view, I had to change who I was. I had been living totally independently for the last two years, and I had been living away from everyone I knew for three years. So now I had to adjust to a different life, I was (am) now dependant on other people, and as I am present here I have much different expectations from other people. I celebrated Latvian midsummer, got to see Song and Dance festival events, I met people that I hadn't seen in a while, I went places where I hadn't been, I got a job in a hotel... AND I signed up for university and luckily got accepted into Sociology!

Then August came and I was yet again set free (by none other than myself) to go on another trip. This one was of a much different nature, and I did not travel alone. I went with a friend-of-a-friend and we went on a hitchhiking trip through several countries. We begun our trip by taking a plane to Milan. From there we went to Slovenia, Austria, Slovakia, Hungary, Ukraine, Poland, Lithuania, and eventually back to Latvia. This trip took us two weeks and two days. It was, again, a really nice trip. I got to see places where I had been when I was younger, I got to see places where I had not yet been, and I got to see roads that I had cycled not too long ago. It was a diverse trip, we had ups and downs along the way, but all in all, we were happy. We had no terrible accidents along the way, and no life threatening situations. We met some folks that we might see again someday.

When I arrived back to Riga, I hosted some people from couch surfing. That, of course, again, was new for me, a very interesting experience to be the host, not the surfer. I showed people the city, we had some drinks, and I cooked some meals. I also met a special person that changed a part of me, or should I say he changed the way I see certain things. It was a very happy and sad encounter - an all-in-one, if you may.. It was great! I got back to work, went to theatre, met people, went out of the city couple of times, participated in Latvia's Universities student celebration...

And now it is September. I have yet again begun school. It has just begun and I feel like I'll like it, I might even love it! I know how to manage my time, and I know what to do to get good grades, and how to learn as much as humanly possible.. now it is simply up to me to use all the previous experience and knowledge for my own advantage, and then things will keep up, things will be good again. I'll be a busy bird, and in my experience, the more I have to do, the more I get done. So yeah, you want me to do something, sure, no probs, BRING IT ON!!!


So that's my amazing summer in a summary... but I could honestly write an entire book about the last few months! 

Honesty

To all the haters and non-believers.
There is no such thing as impossible. That's what winners call giving up. "Quitters never win, winners never quit." You can all tell me otherwise. You can keep calling me crazy, because that's what I am.

But it's hard to always stay strong. It's hard to stay positive when no one has the courage to back me up and believe in me. It's hard that instead of supporting me, helping me you do the exact opposite.

For every gram of strength I gain, there is someone who hatefully takes it away. I need all support possible, but even the people who I expect it from are simply not there for me.
"The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay."
I'm trying so hard to transfer all that negative energy into more will power.

Despite you all, I still believe in myself, and there is no way you can take that away from me. You can try, and it ill only make me stronger. "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

One day this will all be gone and I will remember that I did something that others would never even think of doing. I am, and will be different. I will succeed.

I remain as the girl that said goodbye before saying hello. I will be gone and most of them will not even remember my name or my face. But I'd like to think that they will remember something, a small thing I did or said. Everyone I've met has helped me to form the person I am today, they all have made changes, alterations, if you will. Some for better, some for worse, either way I am here now the way I am. And I'm happy not because I like my life or everything around me. But I'm happy because of the way I can make people feel. It is power, it is a special trait. I know I've made people feel bad, but I've also made people feel good. It is a conscious choice how you treat people. It doesn't just come as an instinct. It is your choice how you make others feel. It is your words and your action that matter. You simply have to pick the right people, you simply have to pick the right people..


So here I am now, ready to yet again say goodbye. I'll put on that smile. I will walk tall. I will make you all believe that I am happy. But it's important that the message is out there I will miss these days, I will miss the people, and the comfort I am in. I am scared for it all, and I know things will be tough. I know I will struggle during the journey and after it. Couple of very hard months are coming right up. But I know that I will be proud of myself. And in the end of the story called life, it will all be worth it. "Nothing worth having comes easy."

I'll prove them all wrong!

Go Up

Everyone is vulnerable, weak, pathetic. We take what is given to us, and very few of us aim, strive for more. We are selfish and naive. There is no person that is a saint.

But when you get too used to all the crap that people send your way, you get tried of turning the other cheek. You simply have no more soul left to punish. You become empty. All the scars are as deep as they can be. So every hurtful thing is like yet another raindrop in an ocean. It gets old. It gets to be the reality.

I am so weak that I can not be wounded any more.
As they say, you have to hit rock bottom to go up, and I've experienced this so much since here in Scotland, that I have to go up now, because there is no other way.

We Were The Best

I don't know why someone would choose to end what we had. We were great friends, and if we all were to meet again, great stories would be born, just like in the olden days. Life changes so quickly, people come and go. While you could not care less for others, some you wish you could keep. Some are awesome, like a rare pokemon card that you simply can not exchange or loose, it is priceless. It brings tears in my eyes to think that some things will never be the way they were. Makes me wonder why? Why is it that some people come in our lives and leave such a footprint that you cannot erase it. Not that I would ever want to erase them, no, but it's also painful to think of how great times were, and now the good things are gone.. And not-so-good things come in place. Eh, friends, such a simple, but complex system. :)

Let Go Your Heart, Let Go Your Head

I simply like the fact that if I keep things up the same way, you will never be able to fully understand what I'm thinking.

Who am I?

It's the End of the World as We Know It

Every day a piece of You dies. A little, tiny piece of you suffocates, then disappears to never return again. About 50% of the time you die with it, and the idea that a part of you is gone brings you down. It keeps you back, it holds you behind and doesn't let you succeed, progress. So we end up as failures, as the injured souls, as the ones who lost the fight, when there wasn't one to begin with. It's much like a chicken - egg situation, or the nature-nurture debate. Despite what you want (or, in fact, what you need), a piece of you dies, and you are forced to accept it no matter what. If you don't, you're the loser!
The other 50% of the time it's a good thing that a part of you dies. We take it as a hint to move on, and so we do that. Often it might be something we were trying to get rid off in the first place, there fore you are satisfied and are able to move on. Either way, you must learn to leave certain things behind. In life everything changes. A wise guy once said that the only thing that is constant is change.

And so, because this is MY blog, and I WANT it to be all about ME! This is where I can be as selfish as I want and there ain't anyone who can judge me for it.. AND SO, my problem is that I'm scared to leave certain things of the past behind. I want to hold on to things as a security kind-of thing. I need my past to reassure that even when I fail miserably, I'll have my rescue boat right by my side. I'm a coward.

When I talk to You, I feel like I'm talking to a stranger. Suddenly everyone is a stranger. I'm a stranger to myself. I can't seem to put things together. I refuse to accept the reality.

I don't know how to live, I've lost it.

I exist.

Atkal par laiku.

Es noteikti jau rakstīju par šo, kad pirmo reizi skatījos filmu par Bendžaminu. Vispār nē, es uzrakstīju dzejoli, kas līdz šim ir viens no maniem mīļākajiem pāšrakstītājiem dzejoļiem. To apskatīt var TE.

Katrā ziņā, šī filma liek domāt par laiku un kā cilvēki uz to raugās. Nekad nevar zināt, kas gaidāms rīt vai parīt. Arī šodiena nav nemaz tik sataustāma. Bendžamins aug jauns. Un tad pazūd, vai kļūst par spermu, vels zin, kas ar viņu notiek. Tas esot skumji, jo tad jāraugās kā mirst tuvie cilvēki. Tad cilvēks iemācās kā tas ir, kad kāds ļoti pietrūkst. Tā man ir zināmā sajūta. Bet ko gan var padarīt? Pietrūkst visi neatkarīgi no tā cik tuvu vai tālu šie ir. Pasaule ir baigā kaza par to, ka tik sasodīti liela.

Es tik dzeru. Dzeru melisas tēju. Jādzer tač kamēr vēl ir. Pēc brīža nebūs. Kas ir brīdis?

Starpcitu, Bendžamins arī dzēra tēju.


Tagad skan: Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go

"You may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one."

Es dzīvoju pati savā aizspogulijā. Manis nav. Mani var nemeklēt.

Esmu nozidusi, pazudusi, neesoša. Turos pie nekā. Krītu, un ceru neapsist galvu. Tā pat jau skaidrs, ka esmu galīgi sviestā sagājusi, bet negribu krist nezinot, ka būs vismaz matracis zemē novietots.

Man vajag apdrošiāt dzīvību. Nē, ne dzīvību, bet gan dzīvi. Es negribu zaudēt to, kas jau mūk no rokām laukā.

Gribu visu sev; savas atmiņas, un draugus, lai viss paliek nemainīgs. Un, kad tas viss būs nostiprināts ar spējīgiem jūrnieku mezgliem, tad es varbūt iemācīšos dzīvot. Varbūt iemācīšos lidot.

How much more?

You don't understand, you never have, and you never will.

How much more do you expect me to pretend? When will you realize that I'm not as strong as it seems? I can't always be there for everyone, I can't always be the shoulder that everyone can cry on, I can't keep drinking everyones sorrow. I've got so much in me, I want to be able to burst. I want you to see how weak I really am. How can you not see that I'm the one who needs help? I need to be able to let it all out. It's burning and it hurts, it hurts more than anything ever has.

I need you to help me to stop this pain. Please, please, open your eyes. I can't pretend to be strong forever.

happy weekend

Had a great FOUR day weekend. Awesome people, fantastic places, and some beer to top it all of. I'll tell you more tomorrow when I get to a PC, since now i'm bloging from my phone again.

Just one thing before I cut off this short post: siblings are the one thing that you can't choose but they are so precious that you just gotta keep them close. They are the people who we fight with as we're younger, and the people we care about, and who care about us, at any stage in our lives. In other words, they're pure gold; can't recognize their value at first, but later, so expensive that you'll never be able to replace them. So keep them dear and safe.

Radio Head

"What's the biggest sacrifice you've ever made for another person? Was it worth it?" NaBloPoMo's question(s) for today.

I'm going to answer this the way I see it.
I don't sacrifice anything for anyone. I just do what I choose to do. Maybe it's the word 'sacrifice' that I simply dislike. Because I love helping others. (Yeah, I don't do that 24/7, but I do every now and then.) Most are small things.
I don't sacrifice anything but time. Sometimes more than just time, I've given up a guy for a friend, twice. Never a good thing. What does it change if in the end it is your heart or your friends heart that breaks?
I've moved a party a day before an exam just because my friend was leaving on the day of my exam. I haven't seen my friend since. I left before she was back. (As a matter of fact, she still isn't back.)
I got the best birthday presents for my twin brother when we turned 18, but never got a present back (unless you call a grasshopper covered in chockalate a present, Oh, but you find out it's a grasshopper only once you've already eaten it).

I'm that lame.



I've been listening to radio all night. A very gay station. Most songs are so bad that I simply take the earphones out of my ears. If you know me, than you know that usually i wouldn't do that, so you can only imagine how bad some of the songs were. I also nuplugg my ears when they talk. It's so ridiculous, I do not care if you found a Christmas song CD in your messy car. I also couldn't care less if you've slept all week, or if you haven't slept for twenty hours. Gee! They don't have much advertisement, i'd put that as a pluss. However, to be honest, i'd rather listen to a cheerfull phone companies add then listen to their news. It's a recorded one minute long news script. I don't want to be sarcastic, but playing over and over again about a director who has died is a little unethical. Maybe I'm wrong, but for gods sake, it's an invitation to attend a dead persons funeral not Lady Gaga's performance. Now all this made me wonder why the hack am I listening to this station. And it wasn't hard to understand. I'd listen to an other station, but the choice is really narrow, practically nothing to choose from. AND I'm very tired of the songs that I have on my phone.
Therefore I listen to this station, because they do put some OK songs every now and then.

I should get out of my bed and start doing something, but more sleep sounds much more tempting.

Eyes

This is going to sound redicilous, but is true 100%.

EVERY guy that I have been to at least one date (which are most of the cases, but that's not what the story is about) say that "there is something" in my eyes. Really?! Is it like a thing all guys say to all girls, and I justs didn't know it? It's weird because they never say it as the 'typical' pick up line. They say it while actually meaning it.
It leads me to question what the hell is wrong with my eyes?

I mean, if it is some standard line, please tell me, because I just need to know that.



As for the NaBloPoMo question of the day: "What do you *really* wish you were doing right now, and how soon do you think you can make it happen?"

REALLY I wish I was with my two best friends partying all night long. No, not just the night, partying uncountable days adn nights in a row.
But that will NEVER happen because my two best friends don't even know each other. They both live on different parts of the world (and neither of them are with me in this country where I am at the moment).
So, to be honest, sometimes life sucks, not only because You see it that way, but because it actually does suck.


Good evening for You all.

skyping

I had an hour long call on skype in the middle of the night with one of the best people in the whole world. I miss him much. Since it is night time here, and my family is sleeping there was more talking on his side, and more laughing and listening at mine. But he did have more to say seeing he did move to his residence not more than a moth ago. He says that everyone there is smart. He isn't really happy with all the crazy parties, and insane course load, but I'm sure he will manage it. He is the most awesome guy in the world. He is the first guy to whom I said "I love you" and actually said the truth.

I love my friend, and I miss him even more ♥

P.S. My flight is this Friday, in two days, no wait, I skipped the night, so my flight is tomorrow. Finally leaving for university! I'm scared and excited at the same time.

"I'll Miss You! ♥"

I'm too lazy to search for a quotation that would say something about time, but You can just imagine I have a quotation here to start of my today's writing. I do realize that I have been writing about time too much, but it is something that I don't get enough of. Alright, instead of writing a quotation about time, I can insert a quotation about friendship. Ok? Sounds better already, doesn't it?

It takes a long time to grow an old friend.
/John Leonard/

I'm leaving the following Thursday. I am happy because I will see my friends and relatives in Latvia, but I am sad because I have to say goodbye to all my friends here. I still can not swallow the fact that I will most likely never see my Canada friends ever again. I can not imagine a day when I would want to chill with them and would not be able to meet up in a few hours. I can't believe there will no more be drunken nights with tons of booze and ridiculous conversations that somehow end up involving my boobs (don't ask :D) or other just as random topic. I refuse to accept that there will no more be emotional dramas and fake meanassness, lateness and evil prank calls, and other even more unforgivable actions. I simply can't imagine not tweeting about how I feel when with them. So there will no more be greedy eye glazes, and fighting about things I should be thankful existed. No more dancing at clubs where all you hear is the TOP 50 chart songs and so are able to sing along to every song, no scratch that, yell along to every song. There will not be any "mystery guests" at parties, and no more dares like making a girl turn on a gay guy. There will never be a group of people who comprehend jewish and black, and communist jokes on the level that we do,  nor will there be any new retarded inside jokes (I guess this is where the boob thing comes in).

This is THE END to an era, but as the old times go, new ones are about to unfold. And even though it is extremely sad to leave everything behind and move on, I am looking forward to the future.

But for now, let's forget about the past or the future. I adore this moment and there is no way I will give it away. so... LET'S LIVE IT UP!!

This is What I Wish to Give to You ..

Ever heard of something called nothing?! Well, that is what I am going to give You. Don't be upset, it is nothing personal. Let's face it - I have no idea who You are and I have not even a clue of where You are. So there is no chance of me giving You anything at all. I am very sorry for that.

You see my life has been changing so much that I can't even tell You it all. First I know when I will be leaving Canada. That will be happening very soon. Too soon. But before that comes, there will be goodbye parties, thankfully. Also, I still have to finish my summer school classes. Yeah, I might have never mentioned that before. I am taking summer school to boost up my average, so that I can get into the University.

Now a while ago, I graduated. Yeah, I managed and I survived (as You can see). Many of my friends have left already and it makes me sad to my guts and I feel like crying when ever I think of it. My best friend in Canada left last week, I never realized how good friends we were until the last few times that we met. It is almost insane, unimaginable, but true. I am gonna miss him so much. [See, my eyes are filled with tears now!! :'(] But we had some great times together and I will never forget it all.

The other day I found a letter that I wrote for myself at the beginning of my last school year (to be precise, 8th of September, 2009). I started this tradition on the February of 2007 when I wrote one that had to be read on the December of 2007, but I only read it in 2009 September. The last letter was to be read now, or in June. It described how my life was then and what I think of the thing that were happening. To keep the tradition rolling, I wrote a new letter. That one has to be read no earlier that 2011 August. I wrote some bullshit there, but I might blog about it, when I read it.

I still have so much to do in a very short time period. I have to pack, not only to go to Latvia, but also pack ALL my stuff. I have one suite case that I will have with me when I go now, while all my other things will be travelling only in November. Other than that I still have loads of stuff to do regarding to my education. As I mentioned, I still have to finish summer school. The last day is Monday the 26th of July, so only a week left. Exams are on this Friday. All I can think about is how I can kill myself before Friday (joking, I do not want to kill myself)! As summer school will be done, my next BIG step will be university, but I still have some things to sort out regards to that, send in applications to live in residence, as well as get in the university (since I got a conditional offer from two universities). I am scared that I will not get into my first choice, but I really want to, so let's keep our fingers crossed.

One more thing. Saying goodbye is so hard!! Yeah, I have done that before, but as I get older it gets harder since that bond I create with people is much stronger and way more meaningful. It pains me so badly that sometimes I cry only because of the idea that I will never ever see them again. Oh well.

So goodbye for now, but I promise You will hear form me again some time. I know I have become a lazy blogger lately, but I barely can find any time or inspiration to write anything, so please forgive me.

Oh and by the way, I hope You all are very into my SONG OF THE DAY blog. I have not ditched that one, not yet!

York Street and Graduation

I am officially a graduate of secondary school. Yeah, I have a diploma now!


ugh. ill finish this tomorrow. or the day after that. or ... some other day. but i really have loads to say! :)