Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts

Sunday, 31 January 2016

Janvāris.

Laimes dalīšana.
Kur man likt visu šo laimīti? Kaklā iekārt? Iebērt burkā, vai pienaglot pie sienas, lai neaizbēg?
Vēlos jums visiem novēlēt šo laimi, jo kur gan es viens pats ar tik daudz laimi likšos? Man nav vietas, kabatas plīst jau pušu. Un es gribu, lai visiem tiek neliela laimes kripatiņa. Gribu, lai katram tiek lērums laimes, lai iemirdzas prieks, vēl gaišāks kā Ziemassvētku brīnums. Es gribu iekrāsot pasauli vēl neredzētos toņos. Gribu, lai cilvēki redz, ka patiesai laimei vajag ļoti, ļoti nedaudz. Un vajag, lai ir grūti, lai katru dienu ir par ko cīnīties, jo tas dod vēlmi novērtēt visu labo, kas tev ir. Es tā gribu, lai tu saproti manu domu - lai nepārproti mani. Nekad nebūs viegli, ja gribi patiesu laimi, tev tā ir jāizprot un jānovērtē. Citādi, tā kā smiltis izskries caur pirkstiem.
Viss, es eju būt laimīgs.

Monday, 3 August 2015

How I Realized that I Enjoy Life

Life is beautiful and I like it. It's my one love that will be with me till the end.


This post comes as a surprise to myself (and maybe some others). I look sad, and my mind tends to be on a very strange vibration. I am somewhat masochistic, I like pain and suffering. But why?
Pain in beautiful. I like it because it makes me feel alive. It makes makes me appreciate the times when I don't suffer.

Back to the point. How I came to realize that I enjoy life. I like people, I don't, but I do. I manage to find something good about everyone and I concentrate on those things. That's why I can't say that I hate anyone. Some would call that being an ass-kisser. But I don't care. I believe that everyone has their pros.

People are not the only things that I can always view in a positive light. That happens to everything. Yes! Everything is beautiful. When ever people ask me about my favourite things (music, city, county, city, food, drink, pass time....) I always say that either I like a lot of things or I name a few. Why, because everything has it's good part. For example, favourite dish, I love food and I enjoy all kinds of flavours, how can I pick just one dish? 

So I've realized that there is always something good and positive, no matter what the thing, idea, situation .. is. And I see it because I enjoy viewing life from a genuine viewpoint. Of course I see bad things all the time, but if I concentrate on them more than the good things I will end up being sad and radiating negative energy.

I've said it. Life is beautiful. And I have no shame of saying it now when I am at an extremely low point in life. Because pain too can be beautiful, and knowledge that it will be better makes me happy.


Keep on livin' homies.

Monday, 29 June 2015

Nothing is Everything

I know it's bad to write ideas that are difficult for people to comprehend. Such as, nothing is everything. It confuses people and so they feel foolish or dense. As a result they choose not to read the thing and then they forget about it. Maybe they really are foolish for fooling themselves so easily. But there are some rare souls who don't mind the feeling of being tricked. They want to read on the to make some sort of sense out of it. They might not get the idea, but they will get something out of it, because we always see what we want to see and what we want to believe.

And I believe that I am not a people's person. Sure I can smile, say that I'm doing just fine. I will ask you how you're doing, and I will listen in delight.
But real relationships aren't my cup of tea. After the big listening I'll sympathise with your situation, but that's where it stops. I am unable to maintain any real relationship with the people that actually matter to me. I lack that skill.
Maybe I never really tried to develop it. But here I am, with no one I can call my buddy. In an odd way it's soothing. However, sometimes I really wish I had put in some effort to be better at this. Sometimes I do wish to not be a rock. But luckily, that's just sometimes. Mostly I like being a lone wolf.

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

Where Did Viola Go?

As of January 7, 2015 I am no longer Viola, now I am Marta.
Why Marta, obviously because that is my real name. I have been living in some places online as Violeta Viola. But it's time I face the world as real me.


ALSO, of course, Happy New Year! :)

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

You Want to See More

So now I have created a new blog where you will see some things from our trip.

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Wake Me Up When September Ends

September has floated away, it poured through the capsule of time like a raging waterfall. Seems that yesterday it begun and tomorrow's already October. The leaves are turning into countless unnamed colours. The sky is filled with clouds. Darkness falls in way too soon in the evenings and leaves much too late when the mornings come. At times I feel that the sun is playing an impossible game of hide and seek; there's no way of winning. I want to stop the time, if just for some seconds. I need to catch a breath. So many things happening all at once, like life is just flying right passed me. At some moments life seems like a train. My train is running in front of my eyes, and I'm not even on it! Can someone pull the emergency brake so I can hop on? Don't I have to be on the ride that's called "My Life"?


Now Playing: James Blunt - Tears and Rain

 


What is your soul made of? How far can someone go? How deep can one dig to find the truth? It scares me, it scares me that I might live just the one layer of this life, just the basic path to the grave. The idea of it makes me want to run free, run like a wild animal. I want to be able to think like a regular human being. Sometimes. Just sometimes I want to be like the rest of them. But the rest of the time I simply enjoy the complexity of it, makes me feel ... happy. (It's funny, because the exact same thing used to make me terribly sad.)

Bam! Too much thinking. Back to the basics - September's gone. This one, at least. Start of uni's over, birthday has passed, Scotland stays as a part of UK, war-like situation in Ukraine, utter shame on humanity in the Middle East... Ah, list goes on and on, September has been fairly eventful this year. Let's see what Mr October has in store for us!

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

State of Mind of Travel

Makes almost zero sense, the title I mean. BUT, as there always is a but, I am almost certain that I can explain what I mean.
There are several categories of travellers. But firs let's make general classifications. There's people who hate to travel, people who simply hate the idea of travelling, they feel safe and comfortable where they are, and travel causes them stress, discomfort, disorientation and general confusion. Unless necessary for survival, they choose to stay put in their space. Now I used to think that this is closed mindedness; I used to think that people who dislike travelling are simply too cool to see beyond their white-picket fence. However, I've met people who are well-educated about the world, people who do see the world beyond, but simply don't want to go there. They see it through history, through books, magazines, internet, TV, even from people who travel to them.... etc. And a wise person can get the gist of what a place is like by actually collecting information from various sources, and that is as far as their curiosity goes.
(As for me, the more I learn about a place the more tempted I am to see it in person!)
It used to be difficult for me to think that there are people who don't like travelling, since I want to see every corner of this world and even beyond. But a little questioning and inquisition gave me some insight in their way of thinking; to my surprise I can even understand it.
However, I can't skip the fact that there are people who don't travel because they are stubborn, and they refuse to even acknowledge that there is life beyond their corner of this universe. In my opinion, I can just let them be, because that kind of mind set is difficult to influence. But who knows, maybe it is healthier to not be curious about the world...never know.
Then there is the occasional traveller. They will travel once in a few years or once a year, and it will most likely be to visit old friends or distant relatives. They go to pretty much the same places, book the same airline company, already have the necessary currency from five years ago, when at the destination they see the same places and comment on how much it has or hasn't changed, they eat at the same restaurants as previous time, and they even order the same food. This is because they have been there, done that, there is plenty of certainty and they don't have to step outside their comfort zone too much. I will also place the all-inclusive type of travellers in this category. While they might go to some new places, they still travel occasionally and the comfort zone too is not flexible. They love the idea that you pay one fixed price, and you are pretty much carried from home to hotel and back. All they have to remember is to go relieve themselves when necessary. Also under this category I'll place the tag-along type of people. Someone invited them on a trip because they had a free spot, or had no one else to go with.. or a similar story. Now this category is most likely to complain if something is not as they expected, or something is different than it was. They hate surprises, they want it they way it was listed out for them/ the way they expected it to be.
There is the chance travellers. Their day-to-day schedule is so flexible that they could run away at any time of the day for any duration of time. Personally, I envy these type of people. While I myself am pretty flexible, there are certain things I can't run away from. So I can not always buy tickets one day before departure. These people have their e-mails full of news letters form various travel sites and airline companies. They find deals online, or from some place they are a member of. Maybe their friend had a free spot for a weeks long trip down South to go sunbathing, or to go up North to watch the Northern lights and chill in sauna for countless days. They are definitely not afraid to say YES! to any offer that flies at them. They have magical source of income, and all you see/hear is that they are yet at another corner of the world doing yet another random activity.
Then there is the party travellers, they don't care when they go, where they go, or who they go with, as long as there is booze, music, and maybe some other unknown substances, they will go there. They pack light, but they might have too much alcohol in their pannier and the other substance hidden in their shoes. You should be careful if you choose to travel with this type of person. He/she might cause you unnecessary troubles. Best solution would be to pretend to not know this person while going through airport security. Be even more careful if there's a dog or two with he guards. But on the location these peeps are loads of fun, they attract the best people in the area (best people for partying that is), and they somehow end up at the best places where to chill out all night long. Then they crash where-ever so you end up not spending a dime for accommodation. They will drain all your energy and you will be thankful for it.
There is also the solo-traveller, He/she can be a bit of everything, they might be in it for the fun, for new sightseeing places, for museums and galleries, or to meet local people they have never met before (and probably will never meet them again after their encounter). They don't mind travelling alone, quite the opposite, they love the freedom it gives. No need to arrange plans or argue about what to see next. They are flexible in a way that they will arrange the vacation so it is convenient for them, and why not, right?

Here is where the state of mind comes in. Almost 24/7 I think about travelling. I think about future travels, passed travels, possible travel plans, about types of travellers, about what kind of traveller I am, about the best way to travel, about special deals, about who to travel with.... etc.
Some people think of money, of work, of school, of family... my mind is primarily occupied with thoughts about travel. That's all for now. There is a good chance that I will post more about this.

The more I travel - the more I want to travel.

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Don't Wake Me Up

If I actually do fall asleep in September, make sure to not wake me up.
I can't think straight. I honestly need some REAL rest from everything, yes - every fucking thing. I'm way too exhausted to be functioning as a real human being. I am physically and emotionally tired. I need space. I need time. I need to manage my time, so I can rest.
I have to decide what to do...

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

You Know Who You Are

I love you because you are awesome,
..you are awesome because I love you!




If I could build a fortress with my bare hands. If I could build a whole palace, just me all by myself.. Would I?
There are infinite questions, and just as many answers (if not even more). But which answer belongs to witch question? I wonder if it is even possible to build a whole fortress by myself.
Would I have enough strength? Who would sponsor it? Would I have to earn it all, just me? Wouldn't I have to learn about building, construction, architecture and all that jazz?

Or could I just get up, take all I need form where ever it can be found, and start building it where ever I feel like doing so?

When you break every day things into tiny details, into steps, when you elaborate the seemingly simple things, it becomes clear that it is not really as simple as might look.

We're not always allowed to do the things we desire just because we desire them. We are forced to think of the other factors. We are forced to think of consequences. We have to think about the others, what will happen to them, how will a certain action affect others.

And sometimes it isn't so easy to just say/write I don't care.
Surprise, surprise. 
I suppose that there are times when I do care.



I'm too tired to think.
I'm too lazy to be bothered to pre-read this post before posting.
I should, since I wrote it over a course of several hours,
but don't want to.
Bite me! 

Monday, 28 April 2014

SONGS II

In the past few weeks (ever since I puplished SONGS I) I have been compelling a list of songs that bring back good memories, or songs that I simply like a lot. So here is what I have for now minus the ones I have already posed in SONGS I.
Again, there will be no order to them, just a list of songs.

Evanescence - Bring me to life
Daft Punk - Get Lucky
Harry Nilsson - Put The Lime In The Coconut
Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera - Moves Like Jagger
Robin Thicke ft. T.I., Pharrell - Blurred Lines
ABBA - Mamma Mia
Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)
Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi
Avril Lavigne - Complicated
Anastacia - Left Outside Alone
Flo Rida - Good Feeling
Ugly Kid Joe - Cats In The Cradle
Katzenjammer - A Bar In Amsterdam
Lori Liberman - Killing Me Softly With His Song
Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer
Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me
Prince - Purple Rain
UB40 - Red Red Wine
Eminem - Superman
The Police - Every Breath You Take
Guano Apes - Open Your Eyes
Marc Cohn - Walking In Memphis
Toy-Box - Tarzan & Jane
Shakira ft. Alejandro Sanz - La Tortura
Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)
Takida - Curly Sue
John Legend - All Of Me
Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made for Walkin'
Status Quo - In The Army Now
Alice Cooper - Poison
B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams - Airplanes
No Doubt - Don't Speak
Antonio Banderas & Los Lobos - Canción Del Mariachi
Joan Osborne - One of Us
Madonna - You'll See
Roxette - Queen Of Rain
Roxette - Real Sugar
The Cheeky Girls - Take Your Shoes Off
Toni Braxton - Un-Break My Heart
Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood
ABBA - Take A Chance On Me
Sinéad O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2U
Björk - It's Oh So Quiet
Vengaboys - Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!
Hoobastank - The Reason
Alien Ant Farm - Smooth Criminal
Spice Girls - Wannabe
Britney Spears - Oops! I Did It Again
Annie Lennox - No More 'I Love You's'
Whitney Houston - I Have Nothing
Ruslana - Wild Dances
Loreen - Euphoria
R.E.M. - Orange Crush
OK Go - Here It Goes Again
Kings Of Leon - Sex on Fire
The Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love?
Robbie Williams - Feel
John Lennon - Imagine
Mary J. Blige, U2 - One
Europe - The Final Countdown
Gareth Gates - Anyone Of Us (Stupid Mistake)
Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - I Love Rock N Roll
Avicii - Hey Brother
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Alanis Morissette - Ironic
Labrinth ft. Tinie Tempah - Earthquake
Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts
Evanescence - My Immortal
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony
Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness 
Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer - Give Me Everything 
Modestep - Sunlight
Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar
Sean Paul - She Doesn't Mind
Rihanna Ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella
Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man
Lady Gaga - The Edge Of Glory
Stings - Fields Of Gold
Smash Mouth - All Star
Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya, Pink - Lady Marmalade
Adele - Chasing Pavements
Etta James - I Just Want To Make Love To You
Imagine Dragons - Radioactive
OneRepublic - Counting Stars
OneRepublic - Stop And Stare
Shakira ft. Rihanna - Can't Remember to Forget You
Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding - I Need Your Love
Johnny Cash - Hurt
Johnny Cash - Ring Of Fire
David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj - Turn Me On
Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull - On The Floor
Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris - We Found Love
Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al
Spin Doctors - Two Princes
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
Amy Macdonald - This Is The Life
Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX - I Love It
Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Owl City - Fireflies
Ed Sheeran - Lego House
Tim Berg - Seek Bromance
Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over
LMFAO - Sexy And I Know It
Adele - Rolling In The Deep
Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You
Christina Perri - A Thousand Years
Swedish House Mafia ft. Tinie Tempah - Miami 2 Ibiza
Justin Timberlake - Mirrors
Flo Rida ft. David Guetta - Club Can't Handle Me
O-Zone - Dragostea Din Tei
Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock
Rihanna - Diamonds
Rihanna - Pon The Replay
Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Californication
King Charles - Love Lust
Queen - Bicycle Race
Flobots - Handlebars
Sting - Englishman In New York
Natalie Imbruglia - Torn
Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It
Scorpions - Wind Of Change
Eagles - Hotel California
Bryan Adams - Summer of 69
Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
Michael Jackson - Man In The Mirror
Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger
The Script ft. will.i.am - Hall Of Fame
Mattafix - Big City Life
Coldplay - Paradise
Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight
Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning
Oasis - Wonderwall
Lenny Kravitz - American Woman
The Beatles - Yesterday
John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane
Ray Charles - Hit The Road Jack
Slash ft. Fergie - Beautiful Dangerous
Terrorvision - Tequilla
K'Naan - Wavin' Flag
Depeche Mode - Free Love
Matchbox Twenty - How Far We've Come
Shakira - Waka Waka
Los Del Rio - Macarena
Loona - Bailando
Crazy Frog - Axel F
Fall Out Boy - My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)






Thant's all --- For now! ;)









Wednesday, 2 April 2014

I can feel myself going crazy

I feel my brain melting to bits, day by day it decays.

Monday, 31 March 2014

Nenogurt

Kā zvaigžņota lupata man virs galvas plešas debesu valstība. Es esmu aizkustināta. Ir vēss, piebrieduši krūšu gali un es viegli, jo viegli teku pār lauku. Kājas basas, rasa dzeļ pēdās, bet es tik gaisīgi nesos, gandrīz kā lidojumā. Man nav kurp skriet, nav laika, sen iztecējis, vai varbūt nekad tāds nemaz nav bijis. Es esmu vienīgā dambretes dāma - karaliene pati savā pļavā, un neviens man pāri nodarīt nevar. Es elsoju klusi, jo klusi; ir nogurums no nemitīgās dancošanas, bet es nevaru stāties. Es negribu stāties. Man uzsmaida mēness gaišā puse, vai tas ņirgājās, vai patiesi smaida, nezinu. Bet ko gan tas maina? Es esmu karaliene pati savā pļavā. Ir robežas, sēta laikam arī kaut kur ir, bet es nezinu cik tālu. Bieži šķiet, ka teku pa pļavu, kas ir apaļa kā lode, bez malām, bez gala.

Thursday, 27 March 2014

No Boundaries

Have you ever taken a look at the world map and felt like there is virtually nothing holding you back from just picking a spot and going there? Well, things are the way they are at the moment, and I truly feel that some time this year I will be able to go to a random place on this planet Earth.
That is, of course, if everything goes as planned.
Right now I'm looking at life through the simplicity lens, and I can't say that it's bad. It isn't always easy, but in the long run it is definitely better than complicating things and assuming that everything is impossible, too complicated, or too difficult to achieve.
Life is tough, and maybe that's why it's worth living.

Friday, 20 December 2013

I miss you

It seems like all I do my whole life is I miss people. I am so used to this empty space in me, just every day I can count so many people that would want to see. It's like, when someone asks: "What do you do?" the reply would always be "I miss people." What is even worse is that you don't get used to it, not in a good way I mean, you don't adjust to it. It just hurts, sometimes less, sometimes more, it carves your soul like a child would carve a pumpkin on Halloween. Plus there is the factor that I can't really do anything about it. It's not like hate that you can consciously decide to let go. It's not like falling in love, that over time can fade away. They are memories and feelings, a combinations of so many things, and also, of course, the fact that you don't want to let those feelings leave. I don't want to not miss all those people. Of course, it is amazing to have so many awesome people to miss, but it truly hurts that most of them are so far away. Sometimes I think about what we'd be doing if we were side-by-side. And then in some cases so many years have passed since I last saw the person, it's like I don't actually know them. I knew them, and that's the image that's drawn in my mind, the old one. We all change, but in some ways we remain the same, at least in certain memories. I will not lie, I have tears in my eyes. I am very lost at the moment (not literally), and I have no idea which way to go.

Anywho, missing people is beautiful, but at the same time it can be very sad.
Meh, that's all.


Oh, and also, side note, 5 years ago on 7th of December, I joined Blogger.com (blogspot.com). WOW! 5 years! And this is still the first blog I made, and still the one where I post most often.

Monday, 16 December 2013

This Image

Someone posted this image in Facebook, and it pretty much sums up how I feel.


Sunday, 15 December 2013

Say What?

My head feels like exploding. I don't know how to turn it off! It keeps thinking and over-thinking, and thinking about over-thinking. I can't take it any more! Why can't I just do what has to be done and that's it? Why do I have to complicate my life so much?!

I want to come clean, I want to tell everyone the truth, I want to tell everyone what I'm thinking.. and what's even more absurd, I want everyone to understand. I want this burden to go away. I want to be able to sincerely smile again. I don't know what is going on in my head. I know what I want, but I am unable to go for the things I want. I've lost my motivation. I've lost any sense that I deserve anything. I am a terrible person and I truly believe that I deserve nothing good.

I don't know what's the right path to take right now.



Sunday, 8 December 2013

Future tense

I am in the future, in the day that will come someday, and I am thinking: "Now what?" And there is no answer, there is no one there to hear my question, and I know for a fact that no one will be able to answer my question. So I ask now,  so I don't have to stay in confused silence in the future. I ask now, because I am aware that no one is listening. And now I know it is for the best, I know that it is better to keep still in the mist of silence. One day there will be zero safe spots on this earth, there is going to be nothing but betrayal.

I am wrong because I am right. I should not tell you what I think, I should shut the fuck up. And so I do! I can't tell them what I think, how I feel, and what I do. I say so much that it is hard to realize how much I actually do put out there. And at the same time I am mute. I have no words, and I have no language. I have no alibi, I have no soul. I am a liar, I am a fool.

Thursday, 5 December 2013

Riga!

In the past week or so I have been contemplating about my relationship with Riga. Yes, you understood that correctly! I feel like I have a love-hate things going on here, and I hope to tell you why it is that I feel this way.

When I returned home this summer, I thought that it is the absolute right thing to do, that it will make me and my friends and relatives happy. And so it did! But there is more to this seemingly simple skit. To begin off, I want to make it clear that I am happy to be able to see people whom I didn't see when I was abroad, I am happy to hear Latvian language on the streets, I am happy that I have a sense that I am where I belong, I am happy to play with my nephews, I am happy to roam the streets of this city of wonders.

And yet, there is a feeling of eternal sadness to this place. I was on the bus to work this evening and I was thinking about how it is possible to have such mixed feelings about a city (or anything really).

Why is it my home? It is where I was born, and raised as a child, at least most of my childhood. It is the place where I learned the primary human skills, walking, reading, loving, caring, language .. It is where I begun school. It is where I had my first boyfriend. Riga has always been the place where I can return, it was always the place where I was from, and there would always be things waiting for me. Almost every block in this city brings up countless memories that have made me who I am today. There have been sad days, events, happening, and quite the opposite. I have attended celebrations here, I remember that when I was a kid I was dragged through the old town on the 18th on November to see the fireworks. I recall drawing chalk drawings on the pavement in the park. I remember the adventures I had as a kid with my brothers, water-gun wars with other neighbourhood kids, playing in the backyard of our house, building snowmen in the winter, collecting  chestnuts after kinder garden, we did all kinds of pranks at home, and pissed off our parents. Oh, and how I loved playing with dolls and getting mad at my brother We had our first pet, we wanted one so badly, and then one end of summer there was a small kitty waiting for us at home. Then we grew, I grew, and the city grew as well. Things changed, and doing silly pranks was no longer timely, we had "bigger" and "better" things to do. School got more serious, friendships got more valuable, parents got wiser. Then came the first parties, first experiments, and serious things, like making science projects, attending extra curricular activities, etc.

And then I was gone for seven years, and during all this time Riga was my home, it made me proud to say that that is where I come from. So naturally it became more and more dear to, it was a special place, where everything would be great! That is why I returned here this summer, I returned here to stay here for good. But over this roughly half a year that I've been back I have realized something, the city isn't what I thought it was. It is a sad place, it grows memories like mushrooms. This made me wonder, how many memories can one place hold? I have a feeling that I have made myself believe that Riga is the place to be, but in reality, it isn't so, not at all. It is my personal pit hole, my doom. I want it to be more, I hoped and dreamed that it was bigger that it actually is.

Let's face it, Riga is just another city in the game of globalization, it is a small, tiny piece of the puzzle called world. It is hard to believe that I have fooled myself to believe that is is a magical place.

This is where the two world collide, this is where I do not know how much I really hate or love this city, my city. I get confused and it makes me frustrated.

Either way, I am here now, but as people have told me along the way, there is a huge possibility that I will not last here for long, I will want to run away again.

Thursday, 28 November 2013

Torn

I am torn between two entities. I can not make up my mind.
So badly I want to risk and go all in, but at the same time I get a feeling that it will not be worth it. I want to be happy, really, it's that simple.

Saturday, 16 November 2013

Odd. I'm happy.

Life is coming over me like a waterfall. There are so many things happening that I don't even have time to really absorb each moment. But in a good way, of course! Life is happening, and this is very much like what I wanted. When I decided to move back to Latvia, I was afraid that because of how long I'd been way, I would find myself doing nothing. So when I got back my ultimate goal was to keep busy, as busy as humanly possible, to have very little free time. And here I am - doing things all the time. I am running out of hours, I wish a day would be longer, and I wish a week would have another day.

But still. Wish all the ups come downs, and right now they all even out perfectly. The ups are more, so I'm happy. Yup, I'm happy!

I have gained confidence, a lot of it! I don't know if it comes with time, or it came after my big cycling trip. But I truly feel more like a person, like an individual.
I feel good. Bite me. c: