One-Way Track

I've been on this trip for almost a month now. I'm sad that it will be over. This time has allowed me to think, think so far out of the box, so far from what I had been used to..
Often I think about the choices we make in life. We make them every second of every day, even in our dreams we still make choices. Then we see the outcome. We buy a new shirt, and we see that it looks good on us, and people like it. We say something controversial and someone in the crowd reassures that that is a great way of thinking. We decide to speak to a stranger, and he turns out to be a wonderful person. We take no umbrella when the weather-man said it will rain, and it turns out to be sunny all day. We decide to cross the street on a red light because we see no cars around. .. But what is the choices we make bring bad consequences? WHAT IF the shirt we got will look bad on you? What if no one back up your opinion? What if the stranger turns out to be a psychopath? What if it starts raining cats and dogs on a day when you don't take the umbrella? What if a car comes from around the corner and doesn't see you when you cross on that red signal?

Life is so trivial, so fragile, the smallest things can change who you are and what you will do. But how can you know if you make the right choices in life? By trying of course, you should always try new things, take the risk. You will either succeed or you will gain experience and some sort of perspective. You will then try again, try something different, or try a different approach. But what if it is too late? What if the choice we made is there for good, can't be undone, or altered? What if we make the wrong choice and see it when it's already too late? We go down a one way track and there is no way back.

I like to think that there is a way out - through different doors. I believe it's important to not get stuck, there is always a way out. There is always new things to try, new journeys to be made. So it comes down to DOING things, to stay out of the comfort zone, to try new things, taking risks. It comes down to changing yourself by yet another gram. One day I will not know who I was, I will be a different person. This journey has changed me a lot, it has proved to me things I never knew possible, it has showed me how possible it is to do something when you actually get up and try. It has given me hope about people and myself. Most importantly, it has risen doubts about things I always was very certain of.

Honesty

To all the haters and non-believers.
There is no such thing as impossible. That's what winners call giving up. "Quitters never win, winners never quit." You can all tell me otherwise. You can keep calling me crazy, because that's what I am.

But it's hard to always stay strong. It's hard to stay positive when no one has the courage to back me up and believe in me. It's hard that instead of supporting me, helping me you do the exact opposite.

For every gram of strength I gain, there is someone who hatefully takes it away. I need all support possible, but even the people who I expect it from are simply not there for me.
"The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay."
I'm trying so hard to transfer all that negative energy into more will power.

Despite you all, I still believe in myself, and there is no way you can take that away from me. You can try, and it ill only make me stronger. "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

One day this will all be gone and I will remember that I did something that others would never even think of doing. I am, and will be different. I will succeed.

I remain as the girl that said goodbye before saying hello. I will be gone and most of them will not even remember my name or my face. But I'd like to think that they will remember something, a small thing I did or said. Everyone I've met has helped me to form the person I am today, they all have made changes, alterations, if you will. Some for better, some for worse, either way I am here now the way I am. And I'm happy not because I like my life or everything around me. But I'm happy because of the way I can make people feel. It is power, it is a special trait. I know I've made people feel bad, but I've also made people feel good. It is a conscious choice how you treat people. It doesn't just come as an instinct. It is your choice how you make others feel. It is your words and your action that matter. You simply have to pick the right people, you simply have to pick the right people..


So here I am now, ready to yet again say goodbye. I'll put on that smile. I will walk tall. I will make you all believe that I am happy. But it's important that the message is out there I will miss these days, I will miss the people, and the comfort I am in. I am scared for it all, and I know things will be tough. I know I will struggle during the journey and after it. Couple of very hard months are coming right up. But I know that I will be proud of myself. And in the end of the story called life, it will all be worth it. "Nothing worth having comes easy."

I'll prove them all wrong!