Showing posts with label youtube. Show all posts
Showing posts with label youtube. Show all posts

Thursday, 22 May 2025

Infinite sadness

There is this vast abundance of sadness. It's overwhelming; it has filled my soul, overflowing and taking over my life. I can no longer function, even on autopilot; I exist no more. 

I can taste the pain on every cell of my tongue. It tastes like blood gushing so fast that I'm drowning in it. I don't know what happiness feels like anymore. I don't want to know what happiness feels like anymore. An undiscriminating numbness has set in. I have lost what I once used to be. 

This sadness tastes so bitter of lies and distrust. It's sour like a funny-smelling milk, not funny like a comedy. Funny, like the joke my life has been these years. It leaves my eyes in tears, my jaw in trismus, my palms in fists. 

It feels like burnt lips and a bitten tongue. It feels like sharp pain, like sharp needles hitting every nerve in my body. It feels like despair. It tastes like despair. It is gruesome, it is chilling, it is earth-shattering sadness and pain.  

Isn't it ironic how someone you used to love more than yourself can hurt you more than you could ever think to hurt another human being? Isn't it ironic how such love and loyalty can be faced with deceit, lies and duplicity?

This is how love moulds into hate and remorse.



Now Playing: Damiano David - Perfect Life

Monday, 4 April 2016

This Song

Some weeks ago I came across this song. I think it was playing in a shop or some pub. It washed over me like a wave. I know this song! I looked it up by the lyrics I heard. I was able to find the song, however where ever I was, the connection was very poor. So I took a cheeky screen shot on my phone. And today I came across this picture as i was browsing old stuff on my phone.
It's a song from 2005 by Röyksopp, a duet from Norway. This song gives me a magical sense. It touches the memory pearls like a mother would touch her newborn child. These memories are not tangible, but they are there, I just can't really see them. But i feel them. I feel a sense of wonder, and most definitely heavy nostalgia. It doesn't weigh me down, it leaves me wondering, as if I am in a fairy-tale. All this mystery makes me love this song. It's going on repeat.



Now playing: Röyksopp - What Else Is There

Thursday, 10 September 2015

Le Birthday's Approaching

These days nothing really comes as a surprise, it's been a while since I felt really surprised about something.
Life is changing, a lot. The passed few months have really been a roller-coaster with some real bad downs and some fascinating ups. It's been difficult to stay positive at times, but with the right attitude and while keeping great people close to me, I have managed to come to where I am at now. September, it has arrived. Yet another September. While in school, it used to mean a new beginning. But this time I am having a new beginning without having to go to school. It's ANOTHER start. It's yet another section starting.
I've had more fresh starts than many people combined. Maybe that's what is my thing, starting things anew. Heck knows.

And yes, birthday is approaching, it will be next week. This year it will be a bit special. ;)

Well. My thoughts are still a mess, but some things I am more certain about than others, so that's marvellous.


Song for the mood these days: Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know? 
"'Cause there's this tune I found
That makes me think of you somehow

And I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep"

Monday, 25 August 2014

This is That

I came across this song on another blog, there's something to it that caught my ear:



Or, as the person in THE blog calls it - 3 flops in a row.

Saturday, 7 June 2014

Multiple Universes

We live in multiple universes, in multiple realities. That is the truth! We each see the world via a different lens. It's strange when you really wrap your head around it. You suddenly feel all alone, because the truth is, you are alone in your own world. Earth, most literally, becomes a scary place to live in. Like back when you were a child, even closing your eyes was scary. When you come to think about it, the earth really is just like a dream world. We each live in our own, and somehow assume that everyone else lives in the same one, or some place similar to it. Further more, we tend to fool ourselves that we can relate (or better yet, understand) how the other person is experiencing life.
The truth is, there are countless realities, parallel realities, if I may. They co-exist because the choice is not that big, they just have to co-exist.








 Now Playing: Lorde - Royal


Monday, 28 April 2014

SONGS II

In the past few weeks (ever since I puplished SONGS I) I have been compelling a list of songs that bring back good memories, or songs that I simply like a lot. So here is what I have for now minus the ones I have already posed in SONGS I.
Again, there will be no order to them, just a list of songs.

Evanescence - Bring me to life
Daft Punk - Get Lucky
Harry Nilsson - Put The Lime In The Coconut
Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera - Moves Like Jagger
Robin Thicke ft. T.I., Pharrell - Blurred Lines
ABBA - Mamma Mia
Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)
Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi
Avril Lavigne - Complicated
Anastacia - Left Outside Alone
Flo Rida - Good Feeling
Ugly Kid Joe - Cats In The Cradle
Katzenjammer - A Bar In Amsterdam
Lori Liberman - Killing Me Softly With His Song
Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer
Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me
Prince - Purple Rain
UB40 - Red Red Wine
Eminem - Superman
The Police - Every Breath You Take
Guano Apes - Open Your Eyes
Marc Cohn - Walking In Memphis
Toy-Box - Tarzan & Jane
Shakira ft. Alejandro Sanz - La Tortura
Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)
Takida - Curly Sue
John Legend - All Of Me
Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made for Walkin'
Status Quo - In The Army Now
Alice Cooper - Poison
B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams - Airplanes
No Doubt - Don't Speak
Antonio Banderas & Los Lobos - Canción Del Mariachi
Joan Osborne - One of Us
Madonna - You'll See
Roxette - Queen Of Rain
Roxette - Real Sugar
The Cheeky Girls - Take Your Shoes Off
Toni Braxton - Un-Break My Heart
Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood
ABBA - Take A Chance On Me
Sinéad O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2U
Björk - It's Oh So Quiet
Vengaboys - Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!
Hoobastank - The Reason
Alien Ant Farm - Smooth Criminal
Spice Girls - Wannabe
Britney Spears - Oops! I Did It Again
Annie Lennox - No More 'I Love You's'
Whitney Houston - I Have Nothing
Ruslana - Wild Dances
Loreen - Euphoria
R.E.M. - Orange Crush
OK Go - Here It Goes Again
Kings Of Leon - Sex on Fire
The Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love?
Robbie Williams - Feel
John Lennon - Imagine
Mary J. Blige, U2 - One
Europe - The Final Countdown
Gareth Gates - Anyone Of Us (Stupid Mistake)
Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - I Love Rock N Roll
Avicii - Hey Brother
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Alanis Morissette - Ironic
Labrinth ft. Tinie Tempah - Earthquake
Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts
Evanescence - My Immortal
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony
Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness 
Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer - Give Me Everything 
Modestep - Sunlight
Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar
Sean Paul - She Doesn't Mind
Rihanna Ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella
Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man
Lady Gaga - The Edge Of Glory
Stings - Fields Of Gold
Smash Mouth - All Star
Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya, Pink - Lady Marmalade
Adele - Chasing Pavements
Etta James - I Just Want To Make Love To You
Imagine Dragons - Radioactive
OneRepublic - Counting Stars
OneRepublic - Stop And Stare
Shakira ft. Rihanna - Can't Remember to Forget You
Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding - I Need Your Love
Johnny Cash - Hurt
Johnny Cash - Ring Of Fire
David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj - Turn Me On
Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull - On The Floor
Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris - We Found Love
Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al
Spin Doctors - Two Princes
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
Amy Macdonald - This Is The Life
Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX - I Love It
Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Owl City - Fireflies
Ed Sheeran - Lego House
Tim Berg - Seek Bromance
Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over
LMFAO - Sexy And I Know It
Adele - Rolling In The Deep
Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You
Christina Perri - A Thousand Years
Swedish House Mafia ft. Tinie Tempah - Miami 2 Ibiza
Justin Timberlake - Mirrors
Flo Rida ft. David Guetta - Club Can't Handle Me
O-Zone - Dragostea Din Tei
Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock
Rihanna - Diamonds
Rihanna - Pon The Replay
Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Californication
King Charles - Love Lust
Queen - Bicycle Race
Flobots - Handlebars
Sting - Englishman In New York
Natalie Imbruglia - Torn
Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It
Scorpions - Wind Of Change
Eagles - Hotel California
Bryan Adams - Summer of 69
Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
Michael Jackson - Man In The Mirror
Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger
The Script ft. will.i.am - Hall Of Fame
Mattafix - Big City Life
Coldplay - Paradise
Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight
Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning
Oasis - Wonderwall
Lenny Kravitz - American Woman
The Beatles - Yesterday
John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane
Ray Charles - Hit The Road Jack
Slash ft. Fergie - Beautiful Dangerous
Terrorvision - Tequilla
K'Naan - Wavin' Flag
Depeche Mode - Free Love
Matchbox Twenty - How Far We've Come
Shakira - Waka Waka
Los Del Rio - Macarena
Loona - Bailando
Crazy Frog - Axel F
Fall Out Boy - My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)






Thant's all --- For now! ;)









Tuesday, 18 March 2014

SONGS I

There is so much that needs to be said, there are things that are burning inside of me, and they are eager to burst, to see the light of truth. But no! I don't want to share, because not always is sharing caring. There are words, even sentences ready to be born, but I don't let them, I keep them trapped inside. All this because I know that most things are best left unsaid. It's moments like this that I want to shut down and just exist without thinking, without worry. In moments like this I stay silent even if I know it's not the right things to do.
However, when the right moment comes, the right things will be done.

It's sleeping time, but insomnia has taken over. That's why I have spent the last few hours going through songs that for some reason have been close to my heart at one or more moments in my life.
Here is  a list in no order what so ever!

Ben Howard - Promise
Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man
David Lynch & Lykke Li - I'm Waiting Here
Example - Changed the Way You Kiss Me
Foo Fighters - The Pretender
George Thorogood - Bad To The Bone 
Wintersleep - Smoke
Wintersleep - Weighty Ghost
Wintersleep - Orca
Morgan Page feat Tegan and Sara - Body Work
Tegan and Sara - Where Does the Good Go
Tegan and Sara - Hello
R.E.M. - Leaving New York
R.E.M. - Losing My Religion 
Simon & Garfunkel - I am a Rock
Simon & Garfunkel - Sound of Silence
Simon & Garfunkel - Leaves that are Green
Simon & Garfunkel - Cecillia
Passenger - Feather on the Clyde
Passenger - Let Her Go
Jaymes Young - Northern Lights  
Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come To An End)
Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
Willie Nelson - On the Road Again 
Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe  
Eminem feat. Rihanna - Love the Way You Lie 
Flo Rida feat. Sia - Wild Ones
Don Omar feat Lucenzo - Danza Kuduro
Pitbull feat Chris Brown - International Love
Marc Anthony - You Sang to Me
Peter Gabriel - My Body is a Cage
King Charles - Mississippi Isabel
The Beatles - Yellow Submarine
The Coral - Dreaming of You 
Ylvis - The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)
VAST - Pretty When You Cry
Gary Jules - Mad World
Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
Lenka - The Show
Placebo - Pure Morning
Katzenjammer - Tea With Cinnamon
Katzenjammer - Le Pop
Auburn - Perfect Two
Juanes - La Camisa Negra
Cyndi Lauper - Fearless 
3 Doors Down - Kryptonite
Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight
Ricky Marin - Livin' la Vida Loca 
Rihanna - Unfaithful
Rihanna - Man Down 
Eminem feat Nate Dogg - Till I Collapse
Eminem - Lose Yourself
Kanye West - Homecoming
Kanye West - Heartless 
Nine Horses - Wonderful World
Nine Horses - The Banality of Evil
Billy Joel - Piano Man  
Sting - Shape of my Heart
Stevie Wonder & Paul McCartney - Ebony and Ivory
Jona Lewie - You'll Aways Find Me in The Kitchen at Parties
Gregory and Hawk - Oats We Sow
Yolanda Be Cool - We no Speak Americano
Men at Work - Down Under
The xx - Friction
The xx - Crystalized
Bob Marley - Buffalo Soldier
FUN - We Are Young
P!nk feat. Nate Ruess - Just Give Me a Reason
P!nk - Try
The Kelly Family - Flip a Coin
Tiziano Ferro - Rosso Relativo
Michel Teló - Ai Se Eu Te Pego
Swedish House Mafia - Don't You Worry Child 
Zucchero feat. Ronan Keating - Il Volo (The Flight)
The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
Lighthouse Family - High
Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
Coldplay - Fix You
Gotye feat. Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know





Le LIST goes on and on, but now I really have to get going.

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Till I Collapse

I'm short of breath. Something terrible has happened and I don't know how to deal with this. I am 100% to be blamed. But I simply can't wrap my head around this. I do not know how to pass this forward. I don't know what comes now? What happens now?
Life seemed so great! Just .. most things were going well. But now .. now, there is no now.

Till I collapse. I've collapsed. I am so happy for my next weeks adventure. But I don't deserve it. I really don't. What now? I can't not take this trip, because that's not fair to others. But taking this trip is not fair to me, because I don't deserve this. I deserve nothing and I am a terrible person. I have no heart. I do, but I don't.

What now?
How do I tell the truth?
What happens now???

God damn, I feel dizzy, all the thoughts are overwhelming. My head is spinning!
What's the right thing to do?
There is no good way to do bad things.
And yet, they have to be done.

Please.
Stop.





Now Playing:  Eminem feat. Nate Dogg - Till I Collapse


Wednesday, 25 December 2013

It's THAT time of the year

They say it is the most wonderful time of the year, the season to be merry and jolly, time to praise the big fat man called Santa or the God and his son Jesus, which ever tickles your fancy. It is time to give and receive.


Heck with it all, this so called magical time of the year is all in your head, it's all in the shop windows, it's in the silly feeling that last year around the same time you and the society made you produce the feeling of joy. To hell with it all. And then because there has to be balance of joy in the world, the sad become even more sad, depressed and lonely. Yes you understood me correctly, all forces in the world have to add up to be even. (Hence, when the rich become richer, the poor become more poor.) So when ever you are full of happiness for a longer time you are making someone's life miserable.

This year I have very little Christmas spirit in me. It is dormant for some years now. You can blame me, or you can blame the world. But I will just embrace it. I shall use this time to do things I dare not say out loud.

Despite it all, I did enjoy a lovely Christmas eve with my dad, and got some phone calls, and messages that made the festive feeling.

This all is fiction, maybe not. Maybe you'll think about it, maybe not.
Things are as they are.. Right?



Now playing: I want a Hippopotomous for Christmas, because well, it's self-explanatory, isn't it?


Sunday, 15 December 2013

Say What?

My head feels like exploding. I don't know how to turn it off! It keeps thinking and over-thinking, and thinking about over-thinking. I can't take it any more! Why can't I just do what has to be done and that's it? Why do I have to complicate my life so much?!

I want to come clean, I want to tell everyone the truth, I want to tell everyone what I'm thinking.. and what's even more absurd, I want everyone to understand. I want this burden to go away. I want to be able to sincerely smile again. I don't know what is going on in my head. I know what I want, but I am unable to go for the things I want. I've lost my motivation. I've lost any sense that I deserve anything. I am a terrible person and I truly believe that I deserve nothing good.

I don't know what's the right path to take right now.



Saturday, 16 November 2013

Odd. I'm happy.

Life is coming over me like a waterfall. There are so many things happening that I don't even have time to really absorb each moment. But in a good way, of course! Life is happening, and this is very much like what I wanted. When I decided to move back to Latvia, I was afraid that because of how long I'd been way, I would find myself doing nothing. So when I got back my ultimate goal was to keep busy, as busy as humanly possible, to have very little free time. And here I am - doing things all the time. I am running out of hours, I wish a day would be longer, and I wish a week would have another day.

But still. Wish all the ups come downs, and right now they all even out perfectly. The ups are more, so I'm happy. Yup, I'm happy!

I have gained confidence, a lot of it! I don't know if it comes with time, or it came after my big cycling trip. But I truly feel more like a person, like an individual.
I feel good. Bite me. c:




Saturday, 26 January 2013

A Week Ago

It's been a week since I moved. And just about yesterday I realized that I've lived in four places in the last 12 moths. How crazy is that? It's a rhetorical question, no need to answer. It seems like all I've been doing is looking for a new room to rent.
Anywho, I really hope that this place will be satisfying enough to not have to move again any times soon. At least not while I'm in this city.
I moved to a place where I was least likely to move to. A flat on the other end of the city, meaning I have to take public transportation in the morning to get to work. (I am a person who can not stand crowded buses!!!) Before I used to walk almost everywhere, but now I have a bus pass, so I choose to take the bus even if for a short distance.
Second is that I live with one person, a guy, from a different ethnic background. While originally I was looking to live with more than one person, since I've always believed it is more fun to live with more people. While I don't necessarily like people with me all the time, i like knowing that there is someone in the house. And well, I chose a flat that is not very cheap, the rational part of me would have gone with a not-so-good flat with cheaper rent.
So I contradicted myself in every way, chose something that I was least likely to choose. This surprised not only me, but people around me as well.

Last Saturday I was out with some friends, and got home at around 3 am. I had to be in work on Sunday, so I went straight to bed to get at least a little sleep. At 7 am there were police officers banging at the door (welcome to the neighbourhood), they had received a call from my flatmates cell phone, and they had come here to check if everything was ok. However, my flatmate wasn't home, so it was quite frustrating. The police, and I called him several times, but he refused to share his location. It was so confusing!!!
But in the end everything turned out well, and I even made it on time to work.
On Monday was poker night, but Bar 10 was closed and no one had been informed that it will be shut for the night. So we all just went to a casino to play poker there, but i had little luck and lost soon. Played some Blackjack, that turned out to be fun, since I got some money out of it! :P
Rest of the week went by pretty well. Work is like usual, just getting to it is a hassle, ..no it's not a hassle, but ugh, i just dislike going to work by bus. When it's time to get home, it literally takes ages. OK, NO it does not, but it takes long. I don't like this. But I'll get used to it.
On Thursday I bought pizza. Had watermelon for dessert. And topped the evening with loads of Youtube videos (enjoyed the unlimited wi-fi).
Friday I went out with two gals. The club was alright, but one of the girls got sick soon, and started disappearing on us. So we found her and had to call it a night a bit earlier than expected. By the time I got home I too got a bit sick. Probably because too much drinks had been mixed (wine, champagne, gin, apple sourz....). And today I had a bad hangover, I don't usually get that.. It was not a pleasant morning. Spent rest of the day watching Big Bang Theory and Bones.
My life really seems empty at the moment, maybe I need a new hobby, or just pick up an old one...?

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

TenMinMix - something i like

I bumped into this song, i don't remember when and where, but then i sorta liked it. So now, a few days later, i have decided to share it with you too!
Enjoy!