Drama Queen

Burn the last eclipse,
Let the odd flies bully your dreams,
Believe in the lost treasures,
Deny the truth when confronted.

Swallow swards, break your bones,
Win the first place,
Sell the gold that you've won,
Stay disabled for the rest of your life.

York Street and Graduation

I am officially a graduate of secondary school. Yeah, I have a diploma now!


ugh. ill finish this tomorrow. or the day after that. or ... some other day. but i really have loads to say! :)

How to live in a Drama

Life is a bitch! A big ass Drama. But in a polite language, it is never easy. And You know what? The best part of life is the fact that it is never easy! If it would be easy then there would be no big point of living it. Right? Of course I'm right.
This week is bringing me down. Well, first, I have found the reason why for the last two years I have been terrible in school. Here it goes...
The semesters are too long! Yes it is that simple. I get going every semester with an awesome start, great marks, impressive attendance and a 100% effort. But then when about one third is left I bake down. How did I not see it before? No the next step is to come up with a solution! (Even though now it is a little too late!) Anyway.
As a person who need diversity, what can I do to not make one semester seem so long? What about little changes? (Well those are the only things I can do!) First I have to fix my bike, or start walking to school. Not only a change, but a good and healthy change. Yeah, I don't think I will have the will to walk to school in the mornings, I could handle the after school walks home. The weather now is gorgeous and the sun is very, very generous lately. Getting back to the topic, things I could change. I could move to a different seat in classes where it is possible. I could buy (another) new bag. (Thats what I did at the start of the second semester...now that I think about it, that was the reason why I got the bag; I wanted something new.) Or a new pencil case ZĀBAKS is too old and makes me ill when people ask me what it means. Or I just need something that would make me happy /mind interrupts: money, money, money and more money/ or in other words, shopping! I am sorry, but I can't help it, love of shopping is like a curse to almost every girl.

I will think about that and see what comes of it. Mean while, I really wanted to tell You that this week are our drama shows on! Yeah! Haha, we worked hard (did we?) and tomorrow is our first show! I am stressing out like a teen going on his first date and am unable to pull myself together. But I will. I have to. Then we have another show on Thursday and then we will be done with this /my mind: Yes! No more Bitches!!/ Can't wait for it to be over.

Esmu tas kas tu neesi

Un tā jau ir ka katrs esam kaut kas kas otrs nav. Un kā gan teātrī mēs varam būt kaut kas kas patiesībā neesam? Un vēl jo vairāk, kā mēs varam būt kaut kas, kas mēs nevaram būt? Tāpēc jau aktiermāksla ir tik ārprātīgi sarežģīta. Vai nu mums jāveic neiespējamais, vai nu jāizveido kaut kas, ko neviens cits iepriekš nav nav veidojis. Mums ir jārada pavisam jaunas lietas par kurām skatītājs vien brīnās, jo neko citu gluži vienkārši nevar izdarīt.

Eh, nu labi, tad darām to neiespējamo.
Es nemāku!

Par savu režisēto gabalu esmu tīri priecīga. Skolotājs atzina, ka bija viena no labākajām kuri viņš pats bij skatījies. Man prieks. Vispār līdz šim likās, ka tas skolotājs mani zināmā mērā nicina. Tā šķita, jo viņam patīk tikai tie, kas ir lecīgi. Esmu teātra cilvēks. Tāds, kas daudz nelecās. Man piekāst vai kādam tas patīk vai nē. Vispār vēl joprojām šķiet, ka viņam īpaši nepatīku. Bet man po! ;D

Here You go, pick one.

Today was the last show night! It was great! All the plays were so fabulous..
I sort of want more, but at the same time.. isn't that what makes it special, that it came, and now is over..? Yeah, i think so. It was a unique week and most of the people involved will probably not forget that they participated in this.
Tomorrow we are having a Backstage Party at Zoe's house. Almost all the backstage people are going to be there. Can't wait.

I'm still sick. Its not getting any better and makes me wish i was in coma or something. Plus there is Saturday school. I gotta catch up on some homework. Slacked off all week. Yeah. I do that all the time.

Should i go to the party?

The second choice. It was a friends birthday this Wednesday. He turned 19. Good for him! :D Well first he is going to this awesome hotel party that my friend is having, and then they are going clubbing. I was invited too.

Now I don't know what to do. Two parties one better than the other and vice versa. Or I should just stay home since I am still a little sick?

I don't know.

Songs:
Apocalyptica - Fade to Black
All For You - Janet Jackson
Chris Brown - Run It
Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror

personality & career

Izrādās, ka esmu ideāliste.

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials. Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things. Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds. Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers. Idealists at Work Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job. Conscience looms large for you; in almost any situation, you feel compelled to measure yourself, other people, and the conditions of the environment against your personal morality. You have a tendency to perceive questions of meaning in even trivial matters and to worry about far-flung consequences of your actions. In your ideal job, you are free to pursue depth rather than breadth and quality rather than quantity. You feel rewarded when your projects and daily tasks allow you to immerse yourself in your process as deeply as you "need to" in order to satisfy your inner standards of quality. You are uncomfortable with the notion of authority per se and may avoid leading, as well as being led, either consciously or unconsciously. As you experience them, adhering to fixed roles and rules amounts to an abdication of your responsibility to exercise your conscience.

Savukārt cits personības tests sacīja, ka man vajadzētu strādāt darbā, kur cilvēkiem nākas uz mani paļauties un, kur spēju būt izpalīdzīga, jo tas ir laikam, tas, kas man patīk. No apmēram desmit izmestajām profesijām, visvairāk mani piesaistīja assistant director un stage manegment. Jo teātris viennozīmīgi ir man mīļa lieta.

Tad kāda citā mājaslapas career test rezultāti vēstīja, ka "Career choice often are: Editor, Journalist, Teacher, Strategic Planner, Consultant, Performing Arts, Marketing, Communications, Research and Development." Un skaitos, ka cilvēks plānotājs.

Vēl career planner apgalvo, ka esmu INTP. Nezinu īsti, kas tas ir, bet ieliku aprakstu. (Kā piemēri tika minēti Einšteins un Ņūtons. /chuckle/)

INTP's are described as:
Introverted and reserved.
Enjoys spending time alone more than meeting new people.
Prefers to have a few close friends rather than a large number of friends.
In a room full of strangers will tend to be more quiet.
Typically avoids being the center of attention.
Hard to know what they are thinking. You will have to ask them what they are thinking.
Intuitive and imaginative.
Big picture oriented, does not enjoy details.
Prefers dealing with theory, concepts and the abstract.
Tends to focus on the future and what is in their minds rather than what is happening around them in the present.
Typically does not pay much attention to what their five senses are telling them i.e. hearing, seeing etc.
Likes to see patterns and the underlying meaning of things.
Enjoys mental and cerebrial activities over physical activites.
Good memory for concepts and theories but not good at remembering details and numbers.
Thrives on ambiguity and the unknown.
Objective, logical and analytical.
Can be impersonal at times, can appear cold and uncaring.
Thick-skinned, not very sensitive.
May be hard to get to know.
More concerned that things make logical, objective sense than what other people think.
More concerned with logic and what makes sense than what people say is right or wrong.
Being organized is not all that important.
Experiencing as many things a possible is extremely important.
Plans, schedules and goals are sometimes useful but not critical for enjoying life.
Being flexible and adaptable is critical to enjoying life.
With so many things to do, projects usually don't get finished until the last minute.
Life is a continuos, flowing process.
Description of INTP's:
INTP's are known as the "Engineers" or the "Architects" of the 16 personality types
They live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into.
They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations.
They are easy going, flexible and adaptable.
INTP's usually prefer not to have to lead or manage people.
INTP's thrive when there are few rules, guidelines and restrictions. They need freedom.
Their internal world is highly structured and logical and does not need structure imposed by the external world.
Being introverted, reserved, objective, and logical, they may appear cold and hard to get to know.
INTP's prefer careers where:
* Management allows people to be self directed.
* There are several opportunities to demonstrate competence.
* The culture appreciates fair but tough decision making.
* The work offers the opportunity to rapidly change direction and to respond to problems as they arise.
* The work is fun and allows for some spontaneity.
* You can apply your natural ability to focus and concentrate, rather than multitasking.
* The environment allows for freedom and flexibility and is loosely structured without too many rules.
* The environment, culture and pace allow you to consider things fully before having to respond.
* The work allows you to work at a careful steady pace.
* The work involves theory and speculation.
* The work allows you adequate private time to work alone and to concentrate.
* The work involves creativity, imagination and a creative approach to problem solving.
* The work involves looking beyond the present i.e. future possibilities, future products, future actions.
* The work is not limited to what exists today but involves "what may be" and "what could be".
* The work allows you to utilize your natural ability to analyze and make objective, logical decisions.
* The work allows you to utilize your natural ability to provide others with direction and supervision.
* The environment is more structured and disciplined, being on time and following procedure is considered important.

Vēl Bez visa tā pēc viena testa viena no ieteicamajām profesijām bija izmeklētājs. (Kad es biju, laikam, piektajā klasē, biju iespiedusi paurī, ka gribu būt izmeklētājs. Tā domāju apēram divus gadus, bet neatminos kāpēc, šī doma tika nolikta maliņā.

Bet, runājot PAVISAM arklāti mana sapņu profesija ir būt spiegam, bet tas laikam nesanāks.

P.S. Liels paldies 'manam mīļajam googlam'

blondais skrienošais

Par nometni nerunāšu!!!

("Signs that said no friends allowed"*)

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Šodien atbraucām no Talsiem! Laiku pavadījām lieliski un Žuža bija ļoti, ļoti viesmīlīga un vispār bija ĻOTI forši! And when i say VERY, then i mean VERY!! Nepārtraukti bija kaut kas ko darīt un kompānija arī bija lieliska. Dažos vārdos: pogas, krāsas, riteņi, bumbieri, kartupeļi, pankūkas, nivea, ugunskurs, desas, brauciens, tornis, pelde, smiekli, skriešana uz busu, upenes, saldie sapnīši...

Šodien vakarā bijām uz 'Zilākalna Martu'. Izrāde bija laba. Kopš pati skolā mācos teātri es uz šādiem priekšnesumiem raugos pavisam savādāk. Stāstīt jau varētu, bet nenes. Bet nu aktieru darbs bija profesionāls un šur tur pār maliņām lija Hermaņa izcilā režija.

Latvijā būšu vēl tik dažas dieniņas. Visu laiku līdz šim man nebija vēlme braukt atpakaļ. Vēl ne. Mēnesis taču ir TIK maz. Un tomēr, nav jau gluži izvēle. Laiks ko pavadījām Latvijā bija nedaudz nogurdinošs. Jā, es izbaudīju dažas no savas dzīves labākajām dienām (līdz šim), bet tikai viena diena no visām bija tāda, ka neizgāju vispār no mājas un nebija ieplānots nekas. Tikai viena diena no apm. trīsdesmit. .. Tā ir viennozīmīgi laba statistika.

Šodien ceļā uz mājām iegājām rimītī, tad devāmies mājās. K gan ne. Tad nu mājās čāpotāji bijām trīs. nolēmām, ka svētdien cepsim picas, bet tas ar vēl nav 100%.
Nu jā,...
Ejam, ejam, ejam, ejam.. Nav vēl vēls un cilvēku plūsma ar vēl nav apšņikāta līdz unīkajiem nakts tipiņiem. Ja nebūtu acis tumsā varētu pat šķist, ka ir diena. Garām paskrēja puisis. Viņam mugurā bija vēsi brūna jaka, lai gan vakars bija pārsteidzoši silts. Kājas slēpās gaišās, brīvās džinsās un virs zeķes bija tumsnēji apavi. Mati bija pārsnieguši stadiju, lai sauktu tos par īsiem. Blondi. Likās, ka skrien, lai paspētu uz kādu tūlīt aizbraucošu trolejbusu, lai gan tuvumā nebija manāms neviens sabiedriskais transports. Bet viņš tomēr skrēja, un nebija būtiski uz kurieni. Brīdī, kad viņa ķermenis aizšāvās garām manējām, viņa lūpas bija savilktas. Caur tām ar spēku tika grūsts laukā gaiss, lai nākamajā brīdi atkal ieviltu jaunu elpas vilcienu. Puiša ritmiskā elpošana man atgādināja dienas, kad pati biju skrējusi. Kad bija izdevies kādā agrā rītā uzvarēt slinkumu. Kad par spīti migpilnajām acīm pati cēlos un vilku virsū apavus ar kuriem maigāka skriešana. Tos rītus, kad pēdas godīgi sitās pret rīta klusumā sēdošo asfaltu. Un ar vienu skrienošu blondu puisi pietika, lai pierunātu mani, ka es tomēr gribu atpakaļ. Gluži kā jebkuram citam nožēlojamam pasaules iedzīvotājam man pietrūkst ikdienas rutīnas.
Un re, man pietrūkst pamosties manas istabas četrās sienās. Man pietrūkst steiga, kas dzina uz skolu. Man pietrūkst sajūta, ka var būt labāk, lai gan ir jau gana labi. Man gribās, lai 12. klase ātrāk sākās, lai tā varētu ātrāk beigties.

Un nav tā, ka tur būtu kā mājās. Es gan te, Rīgā, gan tur, pārnākot mājās sev dažkārt saku, ka gribu mājās. Lai gan zinu, ka atbilde ir, ka īstas mājas nav un viss, es tik un tā gribu, bet pārdomājot visu ciemos ir pienākusi skaidrība. Es nemaz negribu ilgoties pēc tādām vienām mājām. Man patīk būt ceļotājam, kas par mājām nesauc kādu konkrētu stūrīti.. Man mājas ir Rīga, mana Rīga. Visa pilsēta ir mans sapņu būris, te es varu atgriezties, kad tīk un justies labi. Lai arī kur es šajā pilsētā būšu, es jutīšos kā mājās.

Viss... es te jau aizšļūcu nez kur. Jauku jums dienu.

Dziesmas (tādas kopā salikt drīkstu tikai es):
Aerosmith - Crazy
*The Puppy Song

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