Showing posts with label par daudz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label par daudz. Show all posts

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

State of Mind of Travel

Makes almost zero sense, the title I mean. BUT, as there always is a but, I am almost certain that I can explain what I mean.
There are several categories of travellers. But firs let's make general classifications. There's people who hate to travel, people who simply hate the idea of travelling, they feel safe and comfortable where they are, and travel causes them stress, discomfort, disorientation and general confusion. Unless necessary for survival, they choose to stay put in their space. Now I used to think that this is closed mindedness; I used to think that people who dislike travelling are simply too cool to see beyond their white-picket fence. However, I've met people who are well-educated about the world, people who do see the world beyond, but simply don't want to go there. They see it through history, through books, magazines, internet, TV, even from people who travel to them.... etc. And a wise person can get the gist of what a place is like by actually collecting information from various sources, and that is as far as their curiosity goes.
(As for me, the more I learn about a place the more tempted I am to see it in person!)
It used to be difficult for me to think that there are people who don't like travelling, since I want to see every corner of this world and even beyond. But a little questioning and inquisition gave me some insight in their way of thinking; to my surprise I can even understand it.
However, I can't skip the fact that there are people who don't travel because they are stubborn, and they refuse to even acknowledge that there is life beyond their corner of this universe. In my opinion, I can just let them be, because that kind of mind set is difficult to influence. But who knows, maybe it is healthier to not be curious about the world...never know.
Then there is the occasional traveller. They will travel once in a few years or once a year, and it will most likely be to visit old friends or distant relatives. They go to pretty much the same places, book the same airline company, already have the necessary currency from five years ago, when at the destination they see the same places and comment on how much it has or hasn't changed, they eat at the same restaurants as previous time, and they even order the same food. This is because they have been there, done that, there is plenty of certainty and they don't have to step outside their comfort zone too much. I will also place the all-inclusive type of travellers in this category. While they might go to some new places, they still travel occasionally and the comfort zone too is not flexible. They love the idea that you pay one fixed price, and you are pretty much carried from home to hotel and back. All they have to remember is to go relieve themselves when necessary. Also under this category I'll place the tag-along type of people. Someone invited them on a trip because they had a free spot, or had no one else to go with.. or a similar story. Now this category is most likely to complain if something is not as they expected, or something is different than it was. They hate surprises, they want it they way it was listed out for them/ the way they expected it to be.
There is the chance travellers. Their day-to-day schedule is so flexible that they could run away at any time of the day for any duration of time. Personally, I envy these type of people. While I myself am pretty flexible, there are certain things I can't run away from. So I can not always buy tickets one day before departure. These people have their e-mails full of news letters form various travel sites and airline companies. They find deals online, or from some place they are a member of. Maybe their friend had a free spot for a weeks long trip down South to go sunbathing, or to go up North to watch the Northern lights and chill in sauna for countless days. They are definitely not afraid to say YES! to any offer that flies at them. They have magical source of income, and all you see/hear is that they are yet at another corner of the world doing yet another random activity.
Then there is the party travellers, they don't care when they go, where they go, or who they go with, as long as there is booze, music, and maybe some other unknown substances, they will go there. They pack light, but they might have too much alcohol in their pannier and the other substance hidden in their shoes. You should be careful if you choose to travel with this type of person. He/she might cause you unnecessary troubles. Best solution would be to pretend to not know this person while going through airport security. Be even more careful if there's a dog or two with he guards. But on the location these peeps are loads of fun, they attract the best people in the area (best people for partying that is), and they somehow end up at the best places where to chill out all night long. Then they crash where-ever so you end up not spending a dime for accommodation. They will drain all your energy and you will be thankful for it.
There is also the solo-traveller, He/she can be a bit of everything, they might be in it for the fun, for new sightseeing places, for museums and galleries, or to meet local people they have never met before (and probably will never meet them again after their encounter). They don't mind travelling alone, quite the opposite, they love the freedom it gives. No need to arrange plans or argue about what to see next. They are flexible in a way that they will arrange the vacation so it is convenient for them, and why not, right?

Here is where the state of mind comes in. Almost 24/7 I think about travelling. I think about future travels, passed travels, possible travel plans, about types of travellers, about what kind of traveller I am, about the best way to travel, about special deals, about who to travel with.... etc.
Some people think of money, of work, of school, of family... my mind is primarily occupied with thoughts about travel. That's all for now. There is a good chance that I will post more about this.

The more I travel - the more I want to travel.

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Don't Wake Me Up

If I actually do fall asleep in September, make sure to not wake me up.
I can't think straight. I honestly need some REAL rest from everything, yes - every fucking thing. I'm way too exhausted to be functioning as a real human being. I am physically and emotionally tired. I need space. I need time. I need to manage my time, so I can rest.
I have to decide what to do...

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

SONGS I

There is so much that needs to be said, there are things that are burning inside of me, and they are eager to burst, to see the light of truth. But no! I don't want to share, because not always is sharing caring. There are words, even sentences ready to be born, but I don't let them, I keep them trapped inside. All this because I know that most things are best left unsaid. It's moments like this that I want to shut down and just exist without thinking, without worry. In moments like this I stay silent even if I know it's not the right things to do.
However, when the right moment comes, the right things will be done.

It's sleeping time, but insomnia has taken over. That's why I have spent the last few hours going through songs that for some reason have been close to my heart at one or more moments in my life.
Here is  a list in no order what so ever!

Ben Howard - Promise
Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man
David Lynch & Lykke Li - I'm Waiting Here
Example - Changed the Way You Kiss Me
Foo Fighters - The Pretender
George Thorogood - Bad To The Bone 
Wintersleep - Smoke
Wintersleep - Weighty Ghost
Wintersleep - Orca
Morgan Page feat Tegan and Sara - Body Work
Tegan and Sara - Where Does the Good Go
Tegan and Sara - Hello
R.E.M. - Leaving New York
R.E.M. - Losing My Religion 
Simon & Garfunkel - I am a Rock
Simon & Garfunkel - Sound of Silence
Simon & Garfunkel - Leaves that are Green
Simon & Garfunkel - Cecillia
Passenger - Feather on the Clyde
Passenger - Let Her Go
Jaymes Young - Northern Lights  
Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come To An End)
Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
Willie Nelson - On the Road Again 
Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe  
Eminem feat. Rihanna - Love the Way You Lie 
Flo Rida feat. Sia - Wild Ones
Don Omar feat Lucenzo - Danza Kuduro
Pitbull feat Chris Brown - International Love
Marc Anthony - You Sang to Me
Peter Gabriel - My Body is a Cage
King Charles - Mississippi Isabel
The Beatles - Yellow Submarine
The Coral - Dreaming of You 
Ylvis - The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)
VAST - Pretty When You Cry
Gary Jules - Mad World
Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
Lenka - The Show
Placebo - Pure Morning
Katzenjammer - Tea With Cinnamon
Katzenjammer - Le Pop
Auburn - Perfect Two
Juanes - La Camisa Negra
Cyndi Lauper - Fearless 
3 Doors Down - Kryptonite
Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight
Ricky Marin - Livin' la Vida Loca 
Rihanna - Unfaithful
Rihanna - Man Down 
Eminem feat Nate Dogg - Till I Collapse
Eminem - Lose Yourself
Kanye West - Homecoming
Kanye West - Heartless 
Nine Horses - Wonderful World
Nine Horses - The Banality of Evil
Billy Joel - Piano Man  
Sting - Shape of my Heart
Stevie Wonder & Paul McCartney - Ebony and Ivory
Jona Lewie - You'll Aways Find Me in The Kitchen at Parties
Gregory and Hawk - Oats We Sow
Yolanda Be Cool - We no Speak Americano
Men at Work - Down Under
The xx - Friction
The xx - Crystalized
Bob Marley - Buffalo Soldier
FUN - We Are Young
P!nk feat. Nate Ruess - Just Give Me a Reason
P!nk - Try
The Kelly Family - Flip a Coin
Tiziano Ferro - Rosso Relativo
Michel Teló - Ai Se Eu Te Pego
Swedish House Mafia - Don't You Worry Child 
Zucchero feat. Ronan Keating - Il Volo (The Flight)
The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
Lighthouse Family - High
Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
Coldplay - Fix You
Gotye feat. Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know





Le LIST goes on and on, but now I really have to get going.

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

To Build

I've realized one thing, and I know it's true. While I thought that my life was empty in Glasgow, it was the exact opposite. I had a real world, I had a life. I built so much and never realized it. I wanted more, and didn't even know what. I wanted something, while I had so much. I built a real life and then I simply left it all behind with no regrets, no nothing; I stood up and left to never look back. But here I am now realizing that I had more than I knew. How do I see it now? Because here I am on a blank page, and I'm realizing that I have to build everything anew, EVERYTHING! New job, new memories, new friends, new school, new relationships, new ideas, new ideals, new hobbies...... NEW FUCKING EVERYTHING!!!! When I think of all the time and effort I put into my previous life, I come to think if i will even have the strength to make it all happen. The environment here is very hostile, I thought I was coming home, but it doesn't feel like it. I have zero sense of belonging, I feel like in the wrong place... I feel like I'm just passing by, that this is not what I left everything behind for. This just can't be it. I'm paralysed, confused, out-of-space, I'm just not here; mentally I'm else where and I don't know where. I don't know where I belong, or even if there is a place where I belong.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Tell You Something

Thought about tweeting this, but I couldn't formulate it the right way. I'll try again, since here I have more characters to spare.

You've been on my mind almost all the time now. I think about you when I go to sleep after reading your good night message, and i think about you in the morning when i open my eyes and remember the dream where you played the protagonist. You come across my mind when my day's been a hell, because the thought of you makes me smile despite everything that goes wrong. Don't worry, I also think of you in the happy moments, like when I see the sun up hight, and the clouds parting. I alslo think of you when I see the stars during night.

And to be honest, right now all i want is to kiss you. And when ever I get to see you, I can't stop wondering when will be our next kiss. I always want to just grab you and kiss you, and for you to never let go.

And if you ever do not text me for a whole day (oh god, the Friday was a nightmare!) I feel like my day isn't complete.

But i'll keep back despite this all. You know i can't tell you how I feel. Or do you?? I'm loving the pase we're going at, I wouldn't change a thing.... If only you could sneak in a little more kisses.. That would be like heaven.

Hahaha.

ALRIGHT, and now back to reality. I've got loads to do today. And i'll keep you in my mind, as always. Right now i just need to sort out my priorities, they're getting mixed up, sadly. Hang in there. I hope to see (a.k.a. KISS) You soon..


Oh, and the good old phrase "This is where I shut up!" comes in right here, and now the curtain falls. Bye, bye..

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Lasāmās domas.

Šodien ir starptautiskā domu lasīšanas diena. Mēs drīkstam kaimiņiem zagt kleitas, un atpakaļ ar nav jāatdod. Toties drīkst pārdod, pat par zemāku cenu. Ja aptrūkstas naudas, tad tas pat ir ieteicams. Muzejā ieeja bez maksas. Tas tāpēc, ka visi melo. Melo ari ekspozīcijas suņi un garmatainie metālisti. Mājās pārnāk agros rītos. Līdz pusdienlaikam varētu būt iespēja tos satikt, un aprunāties, bet viņi slēpjas pagultēs un arā lien tikai tad, kad vakars ir klāt. Gluži kā vampīru jaunā paaudze, kas ap kaklu sudraba rotas nēsā. Tā leģendas gremdēt nemāk vēl neviens. Man pēc diviem simt gadiem beigsies derīguma termiņš, tas kāpēc pasaulei nepienāks gals divi tūkstoš divpadsmitajā. Pie iestāžu jumtiem pienaglota mīļāko apakšveļa. Naglas izkausējušas caurumus, lai nekad vairs neviens neiedomātos neko atpakaļ grābt. Jāstaigā kailiem. Ziemu nomaina vasara, un vasaru nomaina tavas iemarinētās zeķes. Pēkšņi pienāk laiks vārīt gudrības zobus. Vai zināji, ka dūmu desas nesamazina krunku skaitu?

Nu viss, tagad gan būs gana daudz domas izlasītas.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

no wonder people believe in the story of God

Hi my fellow worriers.
Life is life and it is so hard to realize that millions of lives can be in the hands of one single person.

A few days ago i went through my biggest "box of memories". It is nothing special, just a shoebox filled with little things (like tiny notebooks, CDs, floppy disks, pins, buttons, name tags, beer caps, etc). Each of these has a shorter or longer story behind it. This post is going to be about a CD that I have from my photography class that I took at the School of the Photographic Arts: Ottawa, the class was called "Youth Perspective". The CD was given to each of the students by the teacher. In there are pictures that changed the world, or pictures that teach a good lesson, or pictures that teach tips and tricks about photography. There is a Power Point presentation that teaches that Plastic Bags are bad and damage the world. There also were a few songs, and also a few links that either teach photography, or have some amazing photographies, or are simply good, there is other stuff too, but I haven't got to that yet. I needed to share this with You!

What I did was I marked all the files in there and pressed "open". Of course the computer was a little upset that it needed to open 74 items all at once, and so was I, but we got through it. At start it launched the Power Point presentation. Pretty impressive, quotes, and, of course, images. Powerful. Then i begun going through the links that opened up. Ok, i'll just add a list of them here. (Not all, since some were NOT FOUND)


These are in no order, but You should be able to tell which one is a teaching site and which one is a COOL site to look at (they all are but anyway..).

The one in bold is where i found a video. This video is really heart wrenching and I feel like I need to share with it. Everyone in the world should see this video. (It is a flagged video, so You have to be 18+ to view it, just saying)



It is painful to watch and personally makes me extremely mad!

Referring to the title, it comes to the fact that our lives depend on so much that i start to have a better view on people who believe in a higher power. I don't want to fall there. So I say as long as I have some control over what I do, I will do what ever I can to make this world a better place.

Thank You!

Friday, 5 February 2010

Promise(?)

Why do some people promise, but never keep what they have said?

My mind is blank, and so is my life. I don't know where i am heading, but i know for sure that where ever i end up it will not be the place where i want to be.

At this point my life is pretty much screwed up more then You (or me myself) can imagine, comprehend... Impossible. And even though i have come to some kind of epiphany, it is too late.
About two weeks too late.

It was painful, i cried. I hadn't done that miserable thing for too long, so the strangeness of this activity made more pain (and disappointment). I felt pathetic, more then other days. I was a step away from begging, but i just didn't have the power. So now i have nothing, just the impossible dream that i will never have to face any of this again. (Though i know that the whole things still needs to be done.)
I just don't have the strength.

And it is not only school.

As i mentioned already at the beginning, he PROMISED that he would call, but didn't. It is the second time. I don't have the nerves to think about him any longer.

And the other fella. Oh, thats a funnier story, he "threw the ball in my court", it was with me for two nights and when i finally decided to call him and give it another shot. He didn't pick up. So he got the "ball" right back. Bastard. Why did he ask me to think about it and then not answer the phone?

I hope neither of them will try to contact me. No more. I need something that has more potential since i have none. I need to feed off of someone. Like a carnivore on a fresh capture.

Meanwhile i shall shrink to the size of an unlucky, sad, miserable being that can hardly remember to breath.

Monday, 11 January 2010

Tik Daudz

Sēžu un mirkšķinu acis kā tikko no ūdens izlīdusi žurka. Kas zin, varbūt esmu arī (te kāds budists varētu iemest, ka iepriekšējā dzīvē arī biju). Pār iemigušo prātu vien skalojās viss tas, kas vēl jāpadara.
Ja man būt spēka, es skaļi, jo skaļi iečukstētu nākamā autobusa šoferim, ka darba laiks beidzies, pilsēta guļ. Šoferis aizdomīgi uz mani noskatītos un pēc tam, kad būtu palūdzis man atstāt braucošo dotos tālāk ceļā, atkārtojumā. Luksofora pievērtās acis sajukumā vairs nerādīs pat pusgaismas, apjuks šoferis, bet turpinās ceļu..
Bet man spēka nav.
Gar tastatūras melnajiem burtiem top mana dzīve. Jau uzrakstīta? Jau kāda cita sacerēta? Viss viens? Viens scenārijs ar vienādu sākumu un galu?
Ekrāns aiz stikla sienas klusē. Klusē. Klusē un neizmoka ne burtu no atbildes, .. jau uzrakstītās.
Noslēgta skaņa, aizslēgtas ausis, aizšūtas lūpu žāvas. Miegā kaut kas nobirst un tas arī viss. Vairāk šodien nepateiks.
Blakus pārrakstītām lapām, citās krāsās, citās formās, citā rokrakstā viens pēc otra autori skrubina domas. Kā nobeigt pasakas tēlu. Kā gaišāk pasacīt. Viss.
Sasiekaloti dzerokļi, dzīvnieki, un visbeidzot, ekrāns. Bet ko tad viņš?
Es jau esmu tā, kas aiz stikla sienas slēpjas!

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Balts

Turpinu ausīties Rosso Relativo. No rīta pamodos raizēs par to kur nozudis mans telefons. Nogāju līdz datoram un atminējos, ka biju aizmigusi kamēr dators kārās un uzlīdu augšā pus guļā. Bija palikušas vaļā visas lapas, kur meklēju kādu ļoti interesantu, mazu, skaistu, elegantu twitter "follow me" piespraudīti blogam. Un re šodien atradu. (Tas foršais pelēkais putniņš kreisajā pusē!) Tad domāju, nē, man nepatīk kā te viss ir un nomainīju Bloga izskatu un izdzēsu arā loti daudz ko. (world news, subscribe, tags, puķe, google search my blog, badge from prankesters, 2010. gada apnemšanas (tās es ieliku vienā rakstā), gan jau vēl kaut ko, bet nu es vairs neatceros..)
Man visu to šturnu te jau sen bij par daudz, bet es tik metu klāt un klāt. Palika (kā jau variet redzēt) laiks, dienas citāts, vēsture, profils, jaunais twitter, apakšā arī noslēpts skaitītajs, un, protams, mani mīļie sekotāji, ka nu bez tiem. Tos vajadzētu pie goda sienas, bet nav man tādas. (Hmm... or maybe hi hi)

Krītu panikā, jo neesmu izpildījusi nevienu mājas darbu skolai. Pirmdiena būs kā nāve! Par to es arī sevi ienīstu. Nopietni. Es vispār jūdzos.

Paldies par uzmanību.

Šodienas dziesma tā pati, kas vakar tikai šoreiz spāņu valodā.
Tiziano Ferro - Rojo Relativo

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Kleopatra un ne pavisam.

Ārā gar logu glīti snieg pārslas un zem vilnas zeķēm paslēpušies visi nervu gali. Man šodien ir nedaudz, pavisam nedaudz silti. Paplakusi ir pašas sirds un prātu moka sabiedriskas raizes, personīgās jau sen noskalotas un atrodas jau tur kur ūdeni laiž uz otro pusi.
Labvakar vai labrīt nodzied panīkum putni. Vai tā tam ir jābūt?

Piektdiena. Pēdējā skolas diena pirms brīvlaika. Nē, nu labi, rīt ir sestdienas skola, bet tik un tā.
Ar dunci rokā es kā maniaks brutāli nogalēju savas brīvdienas.
FUCK IT!

Nu labi, lai jau. Eju nedaudz pagulēt tad uz skolu.
Ir nakts vidus.
3 no rīta.

Es gribu mācēt pasmaidīt, kaut nedaudz.

Monday, 7 December 2009

PAR SPĪTI. Visam par spīti. Vakar visu nakti mana sirds tupināja pukstēt nomodā. Stunda pēc stundas. Es skaitīju brīžus, kas ritēja kopš brīža, kad šķīrāmies mēs. Bet par spīti visam. Par spīti apskāvieniem tuviem un acu skatiem gausiem es nespēju turpināt tā kā līdz šim. Man sāp, sāpēja un sāpēs. Agri no rīta ar vecu, neizgulētu miegu acīs es pierakstīju, lai atminētos: "..man Tevis pietrūkst. Šodien man Tevis oficiāli pietrūkst." Un viss. Es nespēju vairāk. Nebirt ne asaras žēlas, ne palīgā kliedzieni. Man nav vairs spēka,
jo sāp.
VISS.

Bezmiegā mokās mana miesa. Ko nu? Es zinu ko gribu, bet man pietrūkst spēka. Man nav gana drosmes. Lai cik ļoti es palīgā sauktu, es zinu, ka nenāksi Tu; nenāks neviens. Pārskaitļu pakāpēs mani moka rūgtā sirdsapziņa. Apbērta as saldām cukur lauskām, izkusušām. Nav prieka, nav jēga.
N Ē -
IR. nav. IR. nav. IR. nav. IR. nav. IR. nav.
Kūst viss. Nav spēka. Ko spēju es, kad doma vairs nav tieša. Man atbilde ir, uzrakstīta, bet NAV spēka to nolasīt. Es sameklētu visu. VISU. Bet man vajag, man vajag kā bērnam mātes pienu, man vajag Tavu palīdzību. Vai aļņi ar ragiem vai šallēm. Jā, visam sava vieta.
Tu man tā arī nepasacīji kāpēc!

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

life IS a bitch

someone should slap me, atleast ten times!!!!
Please!

I think i should just leave it as it is..
but there is just too much to do. ..
AND
next weekend Canadians have thanksgiving, so its a long weekend + friday is a P.D. day (=no school). So we will have 4 days off. Friday going to Carleton University day, signed up today for some social science workshops. Saturday it is going to Clare's birthday party!!! can't wait. Sunday... hmm.. we shall see about that. And i should find some place to go on thursday after school!! And Today was first day of backstage, tomorrow , second day. But at lunch - first improv meeting of this school year! (hope i can get the lunch time free, so i can go.. i REALLY want to!!!) Wednesday it should be all about singing, but it is not going to be, because we will be deciding on backstage cast. .. I could go ON and ON about how much needs to be done..

Songs:
The Beatles - Blackbird
&
Sting - Fields of Gold


Izmest
Uz baltas papīra lapas
Uztriept paša jūtas.
Bez līnijām vai rūtīm,
Samaksāts par izrādi,
Vēro publika aizvilktos aizkarus.
Slīpāk un slīpāk svītras veido
neizteiksmīgus burtus.


Tuesday, 22 September 2009

multitasking

Nu tā. Orģināli bija domāts, ka 'New Post' būs par to kā labāk un efektivāk darīt vairākas lietas vienlaicīgi. To mūsdienās spēj izdarīt ar vien vairāk un vairāk cilvēki. Šobrīd fonā skan faking Eminems (es tiešām neiznu kāpēc!!), ziņas (vajag priekš World Issues mājas darba), tam paralēli cenšos spēlēt zynga pokeri, runāt pa skype, meklēt info Can Fam projektam un, protams, rakstīt šo te, (tas viss ir neskaitot to, ka blakus stāv vēl dzimšanas dienas kūkas gabaliņš, bet to nedrīkst teikt, jo esmu pie mammas datora).
Manu prāt, labi tas nav, jo akurātāk lietas var izdarīt tikai, tad, ja nokoncetrējās tikai vienai lietai. Un tā visas pēc kārtas. Mans minējums ir, ka gala rezultāts būs daudz, daudz labāks un kvalitatīvāks.

Gribēju vēl šo to raktīt, bet es jau vairs neatminos ko..
Tad nu viss, pagaidām!


Monday, 16 March 2009

fakts

___________
es esmu slima.
vienmēr esmu bijusi.
tagad jauna depresijas blakusparādība - Kompulsīvā Pārēšanās.
Par šo parādību uzzināju pavisam netīšām.
Tātad,
sāka biedēt tas, ka tā vietā, lai iešana uz zāli vestu pie kg zaudēšanas es kļuvu smagāka un smagāka. Pēdējo ~divu mēnešu laikā esmu pieņēmusies svarā par kādiem astoņiem kg...
sākumā kāpjot uz svariem teicu, ka tas ir dabīgi.. (jo normāli, kad atsāk fiziskās aktivitātes, tad dabīgi pieaug ēstgriba, tā man jau ir bijis).. Bet vēlme kaut ko apēst nezuda. Tad nu es pievērsu uzmanību tām entajām domubiedru grupām (draugiem.lv) par dietām un notievēšanu un meklēju diskusijas- "Kā mazināt apetīti?" "Kā atturēties no saldumiem"...utt. Vienā diskusijā meitene (sieviete) atklāti pasacīja, ka ēd tad kad pat negribās. Un nevis vnk ēd, bet saldumus un treknumus. Vot, ir īstais. Izlasīju trīs lapas ar komentāriem un sapratu, ka man ir tieši tāda pati problēma. Citi teica, ka ēdot, jo tā ir bauda, un tad nav jādomā par visām raizēm, kas mācās virsū ikdienas dzīvē. ..
Protams, normāli tas nav, ka man dienas laikā svars ir pamazinājies par 2kg, bet tas ir tikai tāpēc, ka es aizvakar apēdu pēdējo kūkas gabaliņu, kas vēl bija palicis (tas nozīmē, ka ne vakar ne šodien pie kūkas netiku) ..
nu jā, vismaz tagad saprotu, kas ar mani notiek un zinu, ka tāda neesmu vienīgā.
šodien vairākas reizes izdevās ēdiena vietā izdzert glāzi ūdens, un tagad košļāju košļeni, lai tik nemestos pa taisno uz virtuvi. es nezinu cik ilgi es spēšu stāties prētī virtuves kārdinošajai aurai..
bet es izdomāšu.. Protams visu dienu esmu pārēdusies kā tāds Homērs Simpsons! :o
eh, man kaut kas jāizgudro. Bet kas?
ieteikumi?
___________
BAUDU BRĪVLAIKU SLINKOJOT!
IEKOD MAN! :D

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

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Izsmelti novalkātie krēsli
Nav kur atspiest šīs dienas nogurumu,
Nav kam uzvelt visus vecos melnrakstus.

Ledus, kūstot pamests pusceļā,
Sniegs to atkal bezkaunīgi apsedzis
Nav pat ne smaka no saules vaiga

Aizsegts ar siltu plaukstu,
Lai gan pretī kāds sēž,
Ir grūti tik un tā, jo visu izsēdēt nevar

Esmu teikusi Tev daudz,
Un vēl nav gana
Tev nekad arī nebūs

Tas tāpēc, ka mēs ar zeķēm kājās
Pa pavasara nenogatavojušos lauku lēcām,
Par vēlu attapt, ka par agru bija

Pļavas tālumā vizēja kāds sols
Vai antīka atzveltne no krēsla,
Bet skrējām par lēnu

Kavēklis bijām katrs sev
Un viens otram uz zeķēm minām
Būtu basām skrējuši mēs

Bez aizspriedumiem taviem
Un manām ledainajām bailēm
Kopā, ne kā divi būtu bijuši mēs

Vecajā drukā uz tējas pleķu lapām es rakstīju,
Ka saule riet daudzkārt,
Vajag tikai rietu sagaidīt spēt.



Tuesday, 17 February 2009

atgriezies

Es bravūrīgi atskatos uz notikumiem,
kas tagad šķiet tik ļoti sveši.
Manī rodas neizsakāms spēks,
kas cilā veco naidu pret visu.

Man vairs neiet pie sirds.
Protams, pateicos tev
par cigarešu dūmi vīteņiem,
kas ik rītu tīro matu spraugās veras.

Manī vēl mitinās neizsūktais naids,
par mainīgajiem šoferu žestiem.
Ne saprast var, ne pavaicāt.
Es pat virsū neskatos.

Man kauns. Es sāku būt kā tu.
Un jūtu, ka drīz sevi nīdīšu,
par ikdienas apģērbu prasto
un neskaitāmajām sarunām svešām.

es atkal jūtos kā pa vidu iespiesta.
starp diviem klavieru taustiņiem, kur vietas nav itin nemaz.
Man pietrūkts intīmie noslēpumi mani,
es pati sev uzticēties atturos.

Un, lai cik skaista tu man esi,
lai cik tava krāsu palete bijusi raiba
un neizprotamu vārdu virknēm vīta,
es pret tevi nejūtu neko, jo atgādini man raizes.

Kā mironis piecēlies, tās mani dzenā.
Pie māju jumtiem turoties,
es bēgu, un dūmeņi slēpj manas pēdas.
es neviļus atgriežos pamestajā realitātē.