Dialogs ar sevi.

-Ko tu dari?
-Es nezinu.
-Kāpēc tu tā dari?
-Es nezinu.
-Ko tu centies panākt?
-Gribu nepatikšanas. 

Vēlētos satikt īsto Mazo Princi un Pieradināto Lapsu!

This.

Letter

Dear,

It's hard to be here so far away from you. I am distancing myself, it's a defence mechanism, there is nothing I can do to stop it. When I'm with you, I'm there 100% and more. When we're together I embrace every second I'm there. I smile at you so much it hurts my cheeks. The day blends together with night, there is no time; it's just moments we get to spend together. 

I go through my day thinking about you. I wonder what I would be telling you now, or how I'd be playing with your hair. I fly away remembering how beautiful your kisses feel.

But then I trail away to reality - I'm here, and you're there - far away. And I wonder what you are doing, what you are not telling me, and what you are telling me. I wonder how tough is work for you, and how evil your boss is this day. I wonder how your family is doing. I wonder if all the things you tell me are true. I wonder about when I might see you again.. That is, of course, if I ever will see you again. I wonder how badly I want to see you smile. And then, again, I wonder if all that is the truth. 

I want to quit, and I want to leave it be. But then again, I don't want to hurt you (that is, if all what you say is the truth). I thought I could handle this, I thought it would be so much easier, but it's not. And as time goes by, it only becomes harder to bare. I want to smile when I think of you, but yet there is this tiny tear that meets the corners of my eyes. I dream for all the adventures we might be going on, but then I think of how I will back out on the last moment. I dream. Yes, lately you've even showed up in my dreams, and then I wake up all rested in the morning. I wake up well, but then I open my eyes and you're not there next to me. You're far, far away. 

I wish I had the strength to tell you this, because there are so very little things that are left unsaid. I feel well with you, and I feel like I can actually trust you. But then there are moments when doubt arises and it brings me to tears. Everything is so uncertain. 

But I will stay here, at times I'll be all for you, but other times I'll let a call from you go astray, even though hearing your voice is like a raindrop in a desert.

I'm here now, 

but I believe it will not be for long,

truly yours... 

Where?

Bare hands. Bare soul. I am naked and I don't know where I'm standing. I feel raindrops climbing down my nude body. There is nothing to share, there is nothing to hide. I am here, no more, no less. What you see is all you get - no secrets. I am exposed to all that comes to me, and there is no place to hide. This is it... This is what I've been waiting for. I never wanted this to happen, but I knew it had to happen, it had to be this way, things had to change some day.

With nothing to give, with no excuses, with the most basic elements missing, I am lost and yet there where I have to be. I have the opportunity to start anew. I am on a new journey and I am not turning back. There is no point in turning back as at any moment I can take a turn. Yes, a simple turn. And that I will do, I will go right and left, left and right, I shall take many different paths on a journey that has no end.

I am gone. I am here.

Jau atkal jauns blogs!

Čau tauta. Ko klusē?

Es šodien paveicu noziegumu. Beidz man kost, tas notika netīšām (protams). Šis ir Limited time only blogs. Tas tiks slēgts, noņemts no saraksta, izsvītrots, vai gluži vienkārši pamests jau pēc mēneša. Bet var būt, ka es to pēc tam pārveidošu, lai var izmantot. Ta manīs.

Blogs ir, lai motivētu mani nomest svaru līdz izlaiduma ballei (here we call it Prom). Help me fly away ir bloga nosaukums. Tas ir pliks un nabags, ja neskaita puskailu meiteņu Slide showu bloga apakšā. Te es izmantošu tagu you can, ja kādreiz to atkal pieminēšu.

Saldu dusu mīļumiem.

THREE days, People

Exams start this Friday. I hate repeating myself, but really, I CAN'T WAIT!

Today I wanted to talk about the people who you sometimes say "HI" to when You pass them in the hall. Though most of the time you wish you hadn't seen the person. In some cases you actually ignore them and pretend to not have seen them. Ever been in my shoes? Well, I have.
It gets even worse when i get on a bus and one of these people happen to be on that bus. In that case there are several things that can be done. First, ignore them, if they come by and say hi, then say "oh, where you on this bus all this time?". Second, say a vague HI of just smile at the person, what ever You do do not sit beside him/her. Third, go and talk to the person, these conversations usually turn out a waste of own thinking time. They screw you, literally. So most of the time i choose the second option. It does not make You bitchy and you also don't have to make a canadian out of your self by asking things like "How are you?" or "I like your jacket, where did you get it?" Grrr.. I just hate those conversations.

Yeah... thats about it for now.. I think.
Except. Not that You care, but i had some fun times at omegle.com. (don't ask me why i even went there, cuz i don't know myself)

As well as, the thought of yesterday: "Krievs iespļauj mīļā bērna sejā."

~Your Personal Bug! ;D

stolen.

I crumble in my own little shell. Throw out all the left memories and keep my self locked in the blossoms of darkness. In a tiny frame my soul is trapped. I trapped in myself. Cancelled all days and all nights; they are blended together. I would skip all holidays and miss every single celebrating day. This needs to be stopped. Stolen goods from the poor and misread letters from your and mine Buda. Never will i thank You for what you have done. Never again will i be able to appreciate the good things they have done for me.
I don't exist, not in the form that i used to.

words to live by

"No man is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry."

"I Listen to the Wind, to the Wind of My Soul"

“I’m not a good dancer. But hey...what I’ve learned is that no one’s really watching.”

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

“Law students, especially, are very interesting. Because they think that they know everything. It’s like: 'You kids have no idea.'”

“If you really want to do something, I fully believe—and this has been explained to me over and over and over again—that you make time to do it. Things that I really want to do, I make happen.”

“This can be heaven on earth or it can be, you know, hell, no matter how you look at it.”

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

"Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have."

"Sometimes you have to stumble in the dark to find the light."

"A real friend will tell you when you have spinach stuck in your teeth."

"I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect."

"If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it."

" There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works."

"Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it."

"[My] mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely."

"Seen it all, done it all...........can't remember most of it."

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff."

"A real friend is someone who you can sit in complete silence with and still walk away feeling like you just had the best conversation of your life."

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."

'I never thought that i could lose one more soul...Nor did i know that i had two.'

"tavas tintes traips"

TAVAS TINTES TRAIPS
(jeb ttt)

Šis ir mans otrais blogs. Iepriekš to sauca "empty for now".
Bet tagad tajā nu jau ir sarakstīti daži dzejoļi. Šeit ar laiku salikšu visus savus dzeļojus. Salasīšu no malu malām un tad visi būs vienu viet. Tas protams nebūs tik ātri. Pirmkārt laika taču nav, otrkārt, man ir diezgan daudz dzejoļi, kas ir rakstīti ar roku.
Blogs ir angļu/latviešu valodā. Tas tāpec, ka nevaru izlemt kādā, tāpēc nolēmu, ka būs abas. Labi jau tas nav, bet man tā gribās un viss. Noņēmu datuma opciju, jo rakstīšu pamazām. Un datumu rakstīšu pati, kā jau to esmu darījusi līdz šim. Un blakus "RIVER OF TAGS" varēs aplūkot gadus, mēnešus un datumus, kā arī citas etiķetes.
Ceru, ka drīz, jo drīz varēšu jau jums lielīties, ka blogā ir salikti visi dzejoļi no malu malām.
Bloga adrese arī ir ļoti vienkārša:
dzejo.blogspot.com

ps. Jauno blogu dēvēšu par ttt

personality & career

Izrādās, ka esmu ideāliste.

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials. Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things. Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds. Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers. Idealists at Work Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job. Conscience looms large for you; in almost any situation, you feel compelled to measure yourself, other people, and the conditions of the environment against your personal morality. You have a tendency to perceive questions of meaning in even trivial matters and to worry about far-flung consequences of your actions. In your ideal job, you are free to pursue depth rather than breadth and quality rather than quantity. You feel rewarded when your projects and daily tasks allow you to immerse yourself in your process as deeply as you "need to" in order to satisfy your inner standards of quality. You are uncomfortable with the notion of authority per se and may avoid leading, as well as being led, either consciously or unconsciously. As you experience them, adhering to fixed roles and rules amounts to an abdication of your responsibility to exercise your conscience.

Savukārt cits personības tests sacīja, ka man vajadzētu strādāt darbā, kur cilvēkiem nākas uz mani paļauties un, kur spēju būt izpalīdzīga, jo tas ir laikam, tas, kas man patīk. No apmēram desmit izmestajām profesijām, visvairāk mani piesaistīja assistant director un stage manegment. Jo teātris viennozīmīgi ir man mīļa lieta.

Tad kāda citā mājaslapas career test rezultāti vēstīja, ka "Career choice often are: Editor, Journalist, Teacher, Strategic Planner, Consultant, Performing Arts, Marketing, Communications, Research and Development." Un skaitos, ka cilvēks plānotājs.

Vēl career planner apgalvo, ka esmu INTP. Nezinu īsti, kas tas ir, bet ieliku aprakstu. (Kā piemēri tika minēti Einšteins un Ņūtons. /chuckle/)

INTP's are described as:
Introverted and reserved.
Enjoys spending time alone more than meeting new people.
Prefers to have a few close friends rather than a large number of friends.
In a room full of strangers will tend to be more quiet.
Typically avoids being the center of attention.
Hard to know what they are thinking. You will have to ask them what they are thinking.
Intuitive and imaginative.
Big picture oriented, does not enjoy details.
Prefers dealing with theory, concepts and the abstract.
Tends to focus on the future and what is in their minds rather than what is happening around them in the present.
Typically does not pay much attention to what their five senses are telling them i.e. hearing, seeing etc.
Likes to see patterns and the underlying meaning of things.
Enjoys mental and cerebrial activities over physical activites.
Good memory for concepts and theories but not good at remembering details and numbers.
Thrives on ambiguity and the unknown.
Objective, logical and analytical.
Can be impersonal at times, can appear cold and uncaring.
Thick-skinned, not very sensitive.
May be hard to get to know.
More concerned that things make logical, objective sense than what other people think.
More concerned with logic and what makes sense than what people say is right or wrong.
Being organized is not all that important.
Experiencing as many things a possible is extremely important.
Plans, schedules and goals are sometimes useful but not critical for enjoying life.
Being flexible and adaptable is critical to enjoying life.
With so many things to do, projects usually don't get finished until the last minute.
Life is a continuos, flowing process.
Description of INTP's:
INTP's are known as the "Engineers" or the "Architects" of the 16 personality types
They live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into.
They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations.
They are easy going, flexible and adaptable.
INTP's usually prefer not to have to lead or manage people.
INTP's thrive when there are few rules, guidelines and restrictions. They need freedom.
Their internal world is highly structured and logical and does not need structure imposed by the external world.
Being introverted, reserved, objective, and logical, they may appear cold and hard to get to know.
INTP's prefer careers where:
* Management allows people to be self directed.
* There are several opportunities to demonstrate competence.
* The culture appreciates fair but tough decision making.
* The work offers the opportunity to rapidly change direction and to respond to problems as they arise.
* The work is fun and allows for some spontaneity.
* You can apply your natural ability to focus and concentrate, rather than multitasking.
* The environment allows for freedom and flexibility and is loosely structured without too many rules.
* The environment, culture and pace allow you to consider things fully before having to respond.
* The work allows you to work at a careful steady pace.
* The work involves theory and speculation.
* The work allows you adequate private time to work alone and to concentrate.
* The work involves creativity, imagination and a creative approach to problem solving.
* The work involves looking beyond the present i.e. future possibilities, future products, future actions.
* The work is not limited to what exists today but involves "what may be" and "what could be".
* The work allows you to utilize your natural ability to analyze and make objective, logical decisions.
* The work allows you to utilize your natural ability to provide others with direction and supervision.
* The environment is more structured and disciplined, being on time and following procedure is considered important.

Vēl Bez visa tā pēc viena testa viena no ieteicamajām profesijām bija izmeklētājs. (Kad es biju, laikam, piektajā klasē, biju iespiedusi paurī, ka gribu būt izmeklētājs. Tā domāju apēram divus gadus, bet neatminos kāpēc, šī doma tika nolikta maliņā.

Bet, runājot PAVISAM arklāti mana sapņu profesija ir būt spiegam, bet tas laikam nesanāks.

P.S. Liels paldies 'manam mīļajam googlam'

Bez maksas.

Lai no cietuma palaiž asākos nažus
un ar dūri pret sāpēm triecas kārtējais naids.

Smaidam zem smaida parādīsies naidīga dvesma,
spekulantus notrieks ar dzelzs kāpurķēdēm apbruņotiem ratiem.

Mirs tikai tie, kas savā arodā vāji,
stiprākiem būs lemts dzīvot un jaunas spekulācijas radīt.

Panīks vasaras svīstošā saule,
un katram melim izgrebts tiks jauns deguns.

Nebūs būtiski, kurš maksājis vairāk un kurš nemaz,
jo barbariskie krāsas atšķirt nemāk tik un tā.

Aplaudēts tiks pēdējā priekšnesumā,
lai gan pats mākslinieks pat zin, ka nav vērts.

Tad kā no pieneņu pūkām aizvērsies priekškars,
zālē iemājos klusums un nokusīs pēdējās gaismas.

Tad arī pelēko mākoņu koris sāks spert,
tik, cik varenās balsis tiem ļaus.

Iestāsies asiņainas domas mīlnieku prātos
un viens aiz otrā rindā stāvās ļaudis pie karātavām.

Par mums uzņems dokumentālo filmu,
jo citi rindā stāv biļešu kasēs.

Bet šeit un tagad mēs nāvējam par brīvu,
lai nav pašam jācilā savi niecīgie graši.

Jo ikkatrs jau zin, cik lepni mēs esam,
pat par zārkiem jāmaksā nav.

Slinkums ved slinkumā audzētos rudzus,
es tikai nezinu, kas karātavas jaunas auklas sien(?)

dienas dziesma: Sinead O'Connor: Nothing Compares 2 U

man.