Pilsonis

Mēs katrs dzīvojam ar sava veida abziņu, piemēram, es esmu latvietis. Nu redz, gandrīz mēnesi būšo nomācījusies Latvijas Univeristātē. Tas ko māca LU ir, ka tu, es, viņš un viņa, mēs visi esam Eiropas iedzīvotāji. Nepareizi, ne Eiropas, bet gan Eiropas Savienības (ES) pilsonis. Man tas šķiet nedaudz jancīgi, es tomēr jūtos vairāk kā Latvietis. Un nākamais līmenis, es esmu pasaules iedzīvotājs. Viss tomēr ir šobrīd un uz doto brīdi. Labi, Latvija ilgi nepastāvēs. Un Eiropas Savienībā arī nebūs uz visiem laikiem, mūžīgi mūžos enter. Jā, pasaule ar nebūs mūžīga, bet jebkurā gadījumā tā pastāvēs ilgāk. Un tas tomēr nav godīgi vērtēt Eiropas Savienības valstis augstāk par citām pasaules valstīm.
Man arī neliekās, ka citās ES dalībvalstīs izglītības iestādēs tik ļoti skalo smadzenes par ES.

Personīgi, man liekas, ka mēs (Latvija) paliekam pārāk atkarīgi no ES. Kādu dienu, kad tā sabruks, vai atbalsts vienkārši vairs nebūs, mēs jutīsimies kā pamests zīdainis.

Kāpēc Latvijai mūždien jābūt no kāda atkarīgai? Kāpēc esam tik vāji???

Am I Alone?

I feel as if I'm the only one who thinks as I do. I am alone, in my mind, in my thoughts, and in my behaviour and actions, I'm always alone. I'm lucky if I'm able to keep up a conversation for more than ten minutes. Usually my mind drifts off into a totally different direction, and most are never able to follow my train of thoughts.
I can't talk about myself for long, and I can't talk about someone else for long either. People bore me, I find human lives boring, repetitive, blank, empty, predictable, just BLAH! Humans are like a worn out sock - smelly.. and everything but desirable. 

Culture, places, travel, history, future, traditions... etc on the other hand are things that are worth spending words for. Those are things that I like to talk about, and even more so, I love listening about these things. They are rich and mind fulfilling.

For instance, I was talking to some peeps at university, and from our study subjects we fast moved to talking about other peeps in our group. And one sentence was enough, I was lost in the conversation. I mean, who the f*** (excuse my language) cares what the girl with black hair was wearing the other day??? I mean, seriously??? Do people really inspect such things?? I don't mind saying nice things though, you know, if someone looks really nice, as in WOW nice, then it is ok to point it out. But if some other person is wearing something you don't like, there is no need to advertise it to other people. What is even more annoying, the people who have zero own opinion will automatically agree with you (or so they will say). There is another things, people should grow some balls, really, grow a pair, and make up your own opinion.

3. marts

Šodien ir trešais marts, Martam šodien vārda diena. Vai tu pazīsti kādu zēnu vārdā Marts? Es nē. Bet būtu forši kādu zināt. "Marta satika Martu," jeb arī "Marts satika Martu." Tev taisnība es te galīgi sviestā runāju. Atceros, ka daudzkārt cilvēki domājuši, ka man martā ir vārda diena. Es pati savu vārdu nekad neesmu asociējusi ar marta mēnisi. Es jau sāku putroties pa martām un martiem. Viss.

Vakar uznāca nostaļģija par visu kas bijis. Sarakstīju veciem draugiem vēstules. Šodien ar vēl pāris uzrakstīju. Kas zin, atbildēs vai nē, bet nu uzrakstīts ir. Ir grūti izdomāt ko rakstīt, kad sen neesmu sazinājusies ar konkrētiem cilvēkiem. Tā pat gibas, lai abild, nu vismaz vienu vēstulīti. Gan saproti mani (?).

Par nostaļģiju. Domāju par vecajām skolām, gaiteņiem, skolotājiem, klases telpām, klases biedriem.. Par pārtraukumiem, par mācīšanos, un nemācīšanos... Par ballītēm, nogurumu, eksāmeniem.. Pat par krītu un flomasteriem. Par teju visu iedomājos.

Tad prātā iečāpoja atmiņas par Straupi. Biči rauda uzmetās.. Bet tad armiņu jūra. Šūpoles, Džimis, siena kaudzes, zemenes, kazees, arbūzi.. Brasla, zivis, makšķerēšana, Dzirnavnieks, grāvis, ..BLĒŅAS! . naglas, dēļi, sarūsējuši darbarīki, Pelīte, veikals, pietura, bedre uz kaimiņu pusi, slota, metāla bļoda, virpa, mušu pletne, televīzors, sērkociņi, zole, cepumi, podziņas, vasara, ogu lasīšana, ĀBOLI, gliemeži, smilšu kaste, burkāni, kalna 'nometne', tēja, piparmētras, vērmeles, pulkstens, bēniņi, Miki pele, žurkas, pagrabs, bietes un kartupeļi, saldējums, vārda diena, Jāņi, Līgo vakars, lietus, dārzs, ... atmiņas.

Atcerējos Itāliju.. Marmora grīdas, skola, uniformas, pokemoni, reksis, eglīte, Kolizejs, vasara, Vatikāns, ūdens krāni, dators, papīra lidmašīnas, blēņas, zobi, asaras, Līgo pantiņi, lazaņa, tira mi su, miegs, sarkana gulta, kaila glezna, lielais galds, biļete, jūra, viļņi, saule, metro, tramvajs, nogurums, ah-kleita, tirdziņš, persiki, arbūzi, zaļumi, zivis, somas, lakati, Trevī, SALDĒJUMS, pica, šauras ielas, grāmatas, tūristi, Jaunais gads, policisti, priesteri, māsa, šampanietis, ciemiņi, vilšanās, mašīna, ceļojums, Kapri, šokolāde, kaktuss, konfektes, gada grāmatas, angļu valoda, WWF, tirdziņi, Angelo, mīkstās futbola bumbas, čells, dejas, brilles, dzimšanas dienas, dāvanas, zinātne, uzlīmes, gotiņas, spēles, burtnīcas, zīmuļi, lidmašīnas, autobus, Varšava, miegs, zvaigznes, nakts, kalendārs, vēstules, kartiņas, ROMA, ... ...

Atcerējos arī par daudz ko citu, bet man liekas, ka nav veselīgi pārāk daudz domāt par bijušo.

Tagad jāmācas, jādomā par tusiņiem un puišiem, un jādomā par mācībām, par darbu nobeigšanu, par ēst gatavošanu, un par daudz, daudz ko citu... Es tač jau pirms mēneša atvadījos no pagātnes tomēr. ;]


Es iešu kaut ko padarīt. Paka.

York Street and Graduation

I am officially a graduate of secondary school. Yeah, I have a diploma now!


ugh. ill finish this tomorrow. or the day after that. or ... some other day. but i really have loads to say! :)

All Too Much

Hi.

Many things have happened recently, and I will try to cover as much as I can. I don't have much time, so I will just go fast through things.

First I would like to let You know that I have finished school. I will be getting my diploma this Friday, but I had my last exam last Friday, so I am done! About that, though I am done, I signed up for summer school. I will be doing to two courses to increase my mark in English and Biology, all to get into my first choice University: Glasgow Caledonian. If I don't get in there then I will be probably going to Dundee University. We shall see how things work out. I am applying to live in Glasgow Caledonian residence, I just need to finish the application and send it to them (along with several other things). So yeah, basically there is a lot of things to do.

Other thing that I wanted to talk about was the past weekend. Friday night we (me, mom and Tašpuks) went to Zemgālija. It was so relaxing and, and.. I had a great time there. I would go into to details, but as I said, I am in a rush. The next morning we went to Canada's Tērvete for the Līgo celebration. That included folk dancing, singing, and, of course, beer drinking. It was supposed to be more fun, but one of my good friends left early that night, but my other friend, who said she would be there was no where to be found. But it was alright. The next morning we were on our way back to Ottawa. But we didn't stay home for long. We had to get dressed and leave for this church thing, blah, blah, blah (I just don't know what it is called in English) and after that we went to celebrate at this families place. They live by the lake and there was a great view, fancy dinner and a lot of fun with other people. And it was probably the last time I will ever see Edijs, a guy who claims that I am his favourite girl. How cute is that? Haha.

And this week is busy as hell. Today I have to clean up the house, and then I'm going to the movies with Rebeka, that should be fun. I might be sleeping over at her place, and that should be fun as well. (Yeah, not so good on synonyms today). Tomorrow is Thinh's and Sunny's birthday party, and I still need to get presents for them. Wednesday there is a plan to celebrate Līgo (again) and if not, then I will go clubbing. Thursday I have to go to a dinner that my friend's family is organizing. And Friday, as I already mentioned, is the commencement at our school, so all the grads of 2010 will be getting their diplomas in a very uncool, formal, unpersonalized, "american movie" fashion. Yeah, yeah, we will be wearing the gowns and the funny hats.  After that we (my mom, Tašpuks and I) will be going to a sushi place to celebrate the whole thing in a more personal and cozy atmosphere. Saturday is FREE. But I am sure that during the next few days I will fill it up with something (actually I have a feeling that I already have something to do, but I just don't recall it). And Sunday there is a concert at the Latvian place, some guest artists playing. Next Monday, so in a week, will be the Prom day. I will not be going to the official prom (buūuuuu). But I will go to an alternative version of it, and later to another alternative after-prom. That should be loads of fun!!!

That is my plan for the next week. So bye for now.
I miss You much but there is so little time!!!!

Viss tač tas pats. Is that so?

I don't know what is up with me and questions lately. All I do is ASK, ASK, ASK, ASK, but no one is giving me the answers (that's probably because I ask my self, not other people, yup, never smart). Todays question, as You can see in the title is Is that to? Now, You might me wondering what exactly I am talking about, since it can get REALLY annoying when people go on and on about WHO KNOWS WHAT! So, for the first time (I think, the first time) I will get straight to the point. (HAHAHA, FAIL, straight to the point would be me finishing by now.) Either way, I am talking about the topic that I fear to even think about, UnIvErSiTy.
As I expected my marks did not stay on the ball. (Remember, I told You that the semesters are too long, so I lose motivation and the willingness to try by the time there is about one third of the semester left?) Unless universities practice the method It's ok, we don't care I am pretty much doomed to not get into the university that I wanted to get into so badly. But since I try to live a positive life, (Yeah, right, that's why I am so depressed. Gosh, i make no sense.) I understand that I still can get in the other university that required lower marks. Which is ok, after all it was one of my choices.

I can't wait for school to be over. There are 8 school days left. Then there will be the exams ANT then I will be done with school! :D It all sounds good, but then I think about taking summer school to improve my English mark and it makes me feel more depressed than I was in December 2008. (Those were bad times.)

Sorry, I can't stop babbling about school. But You gotta understand me, at least try to!

Life.. Life is all the same. As I read on someones blog a few minutes ago: "Same shit, different day." So give the pile of shit, I can hold it without braking, trust me. I mean, i haven't failed for the last 18 years of my life. The difference now is that I understand more than I did yesterday. (Or do I?)

With all the love I can possibly share right now,
Marta Viola.

P.S. Having friends over tomorrow, well, today, since it is past midnight. We plan to have a lot of fun! If You know where I live (OMG, please say You don't), You are welcome to join, but give me a heads up! ;D

Memory to Memoir

The past weeks in writers craft we have been writing memoirs. The first one was just like a intro, so we get the just of it and how it is done. It had to about three childhood smells. As it is writers craft, memoirs too are all about using imageries and other literary devices that make the text more delightful. The second memoir is a bigger and longer piece and can be written about any memory, or series of memories. Right now i am in the rough copy one stage. Can't wait for it to be done, but more excited i am for the process it self.

Smile.

Wish me a relaxing March Brake!!! ;D

Esmu tas kas tu neesi

Un tā jau ir ka katrs esam kaut kas kas otrs nav. Un kā gan teātrī mēs varam būt kaut kas kas patiesībā neesam? Un vēl jo vairāk, kā mēs varam būt kaut kas, kas mēs nevaram būt? Tāpēc jau aktiermāksla ir tik ārprātīgi sarežģīta. Vai nu mums jāveic neiespējamais, vai nu jāizveido kaut kas, ko neviens cits iepriekš nav nav veidojis. Mums ir jārada pavisam jaunas lietas par kurām skatītājs vien brīnās, jo neko citu gluži vienkārši nevar izdarīt.

Eh, nu labi, tad darām to neiespējamo.
Es nemāku!

Par savu režisēto gabalu esmu tīri priecīga. Skolotājs atzina, ka bija viena no labākajām kuri viņš pats bij skatījies. Man prieks. Vispār līdz šim likās, ka tas skolotājs mani zināmā mērā nicina. Tā šķita, jo viņam patīk tikai tie, kas ir lecīgi. Esmu teātra cilvēks. Tāds, kas daudz nelecās. Man piekāst vai kādam tas patīk vai nē. Vispār vēl joprojām šķiet, ka viņam īpaši nepatīku. Bet man po! ;D

turns out

A few days ago i was viewing my blog from a different computer and i found out that there are people out there who can not see the third column of my blog. Lame. But i figured that i will not change anything, because after all i write for myself not for people with old computers!

But really, if You are one of them, i am very sorry, but i can assure You that You are not missing out on much!

This morning i woke up coughing and i still feel sick. I will be drinking tea all day and i shall be ready to party when the sun will go down! God dammit, i brought a new dress just so i can go.

My bro has been writing an essay for his science class proving that global warming is not affected by people. He then states that the planet earth is in a cycle (well i love cycles, i do believe that everything in bigger and smaller scale is just repeating, i mean now i am here, again..) where it gets colder, then hot again. Of course this is big time scale like millions of years. And now we are in the warm part of the cycle. He says that what human species does affects very little, that there are natural gasses that form the greenhouse effect and that how much we drive our cars and how much we burn fossil fuels will not affect anything on the bigger scale.
Just something to think about. I mean the cycle part! I think about it a lot. That's why i love the book Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett.

Esmu kolosāli satriekta par to kā izrīkojies ir mans teātra skolotājs. Nepietiek ar to vien, ka viņš mani pirmajā grupu darbā ievietoja grupā ar cilvēkiem kuriem iepriekš nekad mūžā nebiju runājusi. Tagad viņš mani salika kopā ar augstprātīgāko būtni pasaulē. Nu bļins. Goda vārds. Es mierinu sevi, pēc nedēļas viss būs cauri!

Rakstīšu šodien par smaržām, jo prātā tas vien virmo. Rakstīšanas klasē tagad mācāmies par memuāriem un to rakstīšanu. Nodaļas galā mums būs jāraksta savs izcilais memuārus, bet līdz tam mēs rakstām par smaržām, smakām un visu citu, kas spēj iekāpt nāsīs (nē, to nu gan es muldu). Viss šis pasākums dzen atmiņas kā nelabu dūšu, kāpj un kāpj. Kas zin cik tālu spēj uzkāpt? Man nepatīk atcerēties to kas bijis, man nepatīk atminēties bērnību. Lielākā daļa bērnības smakas man atgādina Straupi, kas man atgādina vecotēti, kurš nomira astotā gada decembrī. Vēl joprojām esmu liekulīga un nespēju tā pilnībā to pārdzīvot. Bet tā ir ar mani, es nekad neko līdz galam nepārdzīvoju, vienmēr kaut kas paliek sēžam, kāda rūgta lāse tup. Tāpēc jau paliek grūtāk. Un kurš gan var pilnībā palaist vaļā, lai mūk? Un varbūt, ka tomēr ir labāk paglabāt tos mīļos, nav jau tā, ka es tikai nelāgo glabāju. Pamatā jau mostas veci smaidi, tā kā viss jau ir labi.

"Shhh" said the cannibal

Viena no manām visu laiku mīļākajām filmām ir "Jēru klusēšana" (jeb The Silence of the Lambs"). Ģeniāla filma. Teksts ir vienkārši biedējošs, bet tik ārprātīgi ideāls. Ir bez maz vai tā, ka katra nākamā rindiņa nonāvē iepriekšējo, jo ir vismaz desmit reizes labāka. Man kā skatītājai tas liek justies tā it kā esmu nagla, kas ar vārdiem tiek dzīta dziļāk un dziļāk zeme (līdz ar to, kad filma ir galā esmu pilnībā zemē iedzīta). Tas tāpēc, ka katra lieta, kas tiek pasacīta ir tik ārprātīga un negaidīta, ka sirds sāk trīcēt.

Hannibal Lecter: Tell me, Senator: did you nurse Catherine yourself?
Senator Ruth Martin: What?
Hannibal Lecter: Did you breast-feed her?
Paul Krendler: Now wait a minute...
Senator Ruth Martin: Yes, I did.
Hannibal Lecter: Toughened your nipples, didn't it?
Paul Krendler: You son of a *****!
Hannibal Lecter: Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?

Vot šīs rindas gluži vienkārši sakož, nē saplosa kā izsalcis suns.
Es ļoti ceru, ka es kaut kad sameklēšu laiku un gribas spēku, lai atrastu grāmatu pēc kuras filma veidota un to izlasītu.

Šodien klasē iegāju tieši pirms zvana. YES(!), paspēju!
Semestra statistika līdz šim:
Skolas dienas bijušas: 15
Skolas dienas apmeklētas: 14
Neierašanās iemesls: Ķīmijā apmeklējām Univ. laboratoriju
Klases, kad ierados kavējot: 2
Kavēšanas iemesli: Palaidu autobusu gar ausīm & gluži vienkārši izgāju no mājas par vēlu.
Uzskatu, ka līdz šim viss ir diezgan pieņemami.

Getting it Back

Trieka smilšu pulkstenim, nav kas glābj, aiztek projām laiks.

Atmodusies es atkal par vēlu. Nē, atmodusies nav pareizais vārds. Neesmu normāli gulējusi nu jau pārāk ilgi. Kļūst jau par zināmu pataloģiju, jo normāli cilvēki taču tā nedarot. Bet pasaki man, vai kāds maz ir normāls? Tas ir gluži kā sacīt, ka esi dzirdējis kā adata nokrita zālē. Protams.

Vakar rakstīju eseju priekš rakstīšanas klases. Izvēlējos skribelēt par to, ka jāizvēlas vietējas preces. Brīdī, kad rakstīju melnrakstu man blakus šķīvītī stāvēja skaisti sagriezts apelsīns ievests no ASV. Tā nu viņš ir.

Tagad es tipa rakstu gala eseju. Aha, kā tad es rakstu!

Bloga jaunais izskats ir tīri apmierinošs. Esmu priecīga. Visai noteikti ir labāks par iepriekšējo, lai gan nebija jau tas tik slikts.

Skolā. Kā man skolā klājas? Vienā teikumā: parasti izdodās neaizmigt. Nopietni. Ķīmijas klase ir nāve. Es zvēru. Kā var neaizmigt? Visu klasi to vien kā daram kā rakstam, man smadzenes automātiski ieiet autopilotā. Un ko dara autopilots, ja benzīna nav? Uzpildās. Es gan ne, es tik turpinu braukt. Jūtu ka tas tā būs līdz es vienkārši sabrukšu, tobiš butriski sabrukšu. Tas noteikti būs iespaidīgs skats! Nē, bet es mācos. Man par pārsteigumu es tiešām cenšos pievērt klasēs uzmanību. Ar mājas darbiem,.. ir tā kā ir, bet nu ir labāk kā pagājušajā semestrī, kad vārdu savienojums 'mājas darbi' pat nēksistēja. Tas ir cits stāsts, tad man nekādi darbi nēksistēja. Biznesā vienīgi grūti, jo man tā skolotāja pilnīgi nagus liek asināt stundu laikā. Es nevaru viņu ciest. Skumji ir tas, ka nav jau viņa slikta skolotāja, bet laba ar nav. Nu bet nemāca viņa labi. Teiksim šodien (nu jau vakar) mēs pavadījam pusi no stundas atzīmējot 15 valstis kartē, un ar to viņa mums vēlējās iemācīt, ka jāzin pasaules ģeogrāfija. Paldies, es to nezināju. Un tad atlikušo stundu mums nācās vienkārši norakstīt pierakstus vai nu no tāfeles, vai no PowerPoint prezentācijas. Viņa allaž tā skrien, ka visi viņai lūdz paiet uz iepriekšējo slaidu. Nu gan sieviete.
Un teātrī. Šogad pirmā nodaļa ir par režiju, sadala grupās pa 3-4 kur ir 2-3 aktieri un viens režisors. Sākumā mēs apguvām kas un kā jādara (bija arī kontroldarbs) un tagad jārāda ko esam iemācījušies. Es tagad esmu režisora lomā un saku, ka ir tieši tas pats, kas bija kad režisēju priekš Backstage to lugu tikai tagad ir jāstrādā ar mazāk cilvēkiem un tikai nedēļas laikā ir jābūt gatavam priekšnesumam.
Labi. Man laikam tomēr tā eseja jānobeidz. Tagad drīz būs četri no rīta. Atkal neizgulēta nakts. Fui!

"Good Morning"

No, of course it is not the morning! Fooled You didn't i? No? Oh well.
As You can see, i did as i said i would, changed the template of this sad little blog. The poll went very sadly and i received only 3 responses. Thank You, if You did vote! Really appreciated it. Aside form the poll, i asked in person to some of my fellow people which they thought was the pretties one. The flower template got the most votes in total, so that is the one i chose.

But if You could even imagine how much trouble i went through to Upload it! At first, when i uploaded it Blogger asked me if i wanted to keep my previous gadgets, to which i obviously clicked to keep them, but then to my surprise i got some things in double. Such as the blog title field, the posting field.. And i was unable to remove the double, it didn't even offer such an option. I was unsure what to do. For one second i actually thought to just choose a different template. But, no, no, no, i am not that kind a girl that gives up easily. And so i copied all the HTML codes of all my gadgets, so that when i try to re-upload the template i would choose not to keep the gadgets. This was a pain in the ass. I totally forgot that i had gadgets not only on the sidebar, so now i don't have pages at the bottom, but i think i might be able to live without them. What do You think? Should i renew them? I don't remember where i found it. I probably forgot some other gadget, but at the moment i can not recall.

I changed some stuff here and there. Not perfect, but i sorta like it.

School was dreadful. I spent up the whole night writing my essay for writers craft and answering questions on yahoo.com answers. I swear, it is addictive.

I had a nice nap once i got home from school. Now i just gotta do my homework.

Oh, not sure You noticed, but i created Badges for my blogs. I feel really proud of that, since i have been willing to do this for a very long time now.

And, news that are on the top of the list (not sure why i'm putting them in as last..). I created a new blog! Yes! I did! It is called Song of the Day. (Well the "title is ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪", but really...not) Any who, the title is self explanatory. Yes? No? Every day i will be posting up a new song. I will try to pick songs that are of a different kind and not very popular. The goal really is to explore world music, to see what is out there. As for here, i will use the tag music dose if i am ever to mention it again.
Go ahead, visit it and listen to the first songs and You are more than welcome to be a follower, then You will get a new song for every day! Cool, don't You think?

Atzīšanās

Bez emocijām un bez naida iemidzināsim tos, kas par daudz jau bilduši, lai pie vārda tiek klusētāji. Kā tur bija, klusie ūdeņi ir tie dziļākie.

Man nav viegli. Nekad nav bijis .. Nav viegli man atzīt, ka esmu nedaudz par vāju, lai stātos pretī puskaru vējam, vai pat tik acu apmānu robiem.

Uzspiesti jauni likumi bez atbildēm, jo jautāt ir liegts.

Tik grūti izkulties no nejaukiem, veciem ieradumiem un kaut pamazām sākt rakt sevi laukā no bedres. Lāpsta plīst pušu. Acīs pūš vējš, kož kā ērkšķi - liedz redzēt. Mirkstu starp pazemes drupu vieglajām elpām. Gribu ceļot pagātnē, un, ja Tu man ļautu es ceļotu tālāk par savu ēru.

Nē, nē, nē - gribu prom no pagātnes auklām, nē virvēm, kas vilkdamas atpakaļ dzen. Turos pretī, bet tomēr grūti rast spēkus.

"Valentine's Day", the movie

Aside form my extra busy schedule in school and everywhere else in life i managed to go to a movie. Not on a date, but with my friends. It was fairly pleasant since i don't get to see these people in everyday life. The movie was Valentine's Day. A cheesy, no, no, very cheesy movie. The plot was pretty empty and had a very weak theme/message. Pretty much none at all. The little things that got mentioned included the ideas that one must love not only the good things, but also the bad (not so good) things about their loved one. It also touched the idea that marrying a friend is a terrific plan. This is where they did not think it through. I disagree with this almost one hundred per cent. Why would anyone ruin the one thing they have for sure? I feel that that is wrong. One of my friends recently told me that he likes me, as in "has feelings" to me. I can only assure to you that that is not right.

Also, wanted to say a word about the Olympic games. It really (and i mean REALLY) pisses me off that Canadians think that they are THE BEST! They spend money on commercials such as (uh, personal "favourite"), a number of Canadian hockey players state that they are here for gold and that they will be disappointed if they do not get the first place. First, who the hell pays for that?? Second, guys, don't get your hopes too high up there, the world will have a nice laugh at you once you lose.

Life Just Goes On

Lately i have been trying my best to find the most appealing Template for my blog. So far i have found nothing that would make my heart race faster then of those who are in love. But this one was pretty close, so i have decided to quit searching. For now. Maybe i will sometime else, but now i am just tired of the templates stuff. I like that this one kinda smiles at You when You open my blog. And at the same time it is a little sad, since the majority of the blog is black. I think it is too black, but the top part (the place where title is) is so pretty that it is worth to keep this one. At least for a while. Also, i have been going crazy "Dropping" on blogs. Do You see on the very right column at the top there is a featured blog? Well it is this add campaign thing, You put the widget on Your blog advertise your blog elsewhere and get more traffic and more followers. I am not REALLY sure why i'm willing to put much work in to just advertising this blog. I say it is because i like it too much and i want more and more people who might be reading the jazz that i right.

Today had a field trip to a universities lab. Chemistry, all Chemistry. We did a laboratory work something about iron concentration in a Pro Lab! Was pretty cool, since i don't plan to study chemestry once i graduate it was once a lifetime experience. Once the lab was done we had an hour for lunch and after that we went to an auditorium with university's first year chemistry student and listened to one lecture. This was the first out of five about acids and bases, don't mean to insult anyone, but it was all grade 11 review for all of us. So that part of the field trip was not exciting. Not at all.

Then i got home and never received a call from Mrs. B (I call him Visvaris, not important why). The conclusion is that i hope i shall never see either of them ever again. Yup! As i said after last saturday, i was happy the way it was, even with them not contacting me. Btw, i kinda hate how much males fale at communication. It kinda brings me down, but i don't let it, so i'm alright!
(And, just to let You know, i met A yesterday, a complete disaster, with a hint of the worst seasoning there is, and Bull Shit as a side dish.)

As well as wanted to let You know that my TTT (Tavas Tintes Traips) blog has been renamed, now it is "Growing Words", but knowing me, it might be changing. I really love the blog description line: "·¼ of my life·". And even though it is no more TTT, i will still be calling it TTT, since that is the Label that i used for it and i just like it! ;P

School tomorrow. Friday is PD (professional development), a day when only teachers have to go to school and learn new ways, strategies, tips in teaching, while we (students) have a day off! I am not complaining about that! School is just not for me, not any more!

I really want to be "Outta Here" [here being my school].

Kisses. Wet and ugly, and yet filled with all the love i can possibly give right now.

Promise(?)

Why do some people promise, but never keep what they have said?

My mind is blank, and so is my life. I don't know where i am heading, but i know for sure that where ever i end up it will not be the place where i want to be.

At this point my life is pretty much screwed up more then You (or me myself) can imagine, comprehend... Impossible. And even though i have come to some kind of epiphany, it is too late.
About two weeks too late.

It was painful, i cried. I hadn't done that miserable thing for too long, so the strangeness of this activity made more pain (and disappointment). I felt pathetic, more then other days. I was a step away from begging, but i just didn't have the power. So now i have nothing, just the impossible dream that i will never have to face any of this again. (Though i know that the whole things still needs to be done.)
I just don't have the strength.

And it is not only school.

As i mentioned already at the beginning, he PROMISED that he would call, but didn't. It is the second time. I don't have the nerves to think about him any longer.

And the other fella. Oh, thats a funnier story, he "threw the ball in my court", it was with me for two nights and when i finally decided to call him and give it another shot. He didn't pick up. So he got the "ball" right back. Bastard. Why did he ask me to think about it and then not answer the phone?

I hope neither of them will try to contact me. No more. I need something that has more potential since i have none. I need to feed off of someone. Like a carnivore on a fresh capture.

Meanwhile i shall shrink to the size of an unlucky, sad, miserable being that can hardly remember to breath.

Craft of Writing

Hi my LOVES! I missed You more then a mother has ever missed her child. Really. Missed in the literal meaning and i can't express the layers of happiness over my heart.

Life is OK. I guess. Have two important things to catch up on: Letters!!!! and Ottawa Youth For change meetings and volunteering. Have done nothing about that lately so i have to catch up on stuff since the events are approaching fast. And i have a LIST of people who i own letters, messages and e-mails to.. so i really hope they can be a moment more patient.

A few days ago i started to write a post about my last exam and about a movie i saw: AVATAR! Everyone is screaming about it! Ha ha. At first i was really not willing to see it, come on, some movie about weird blue people, but after hearing SO many good references and comments, i decided that i should see it after all. Yeah, so i did. Went with a friend and saw it on IMAX 3D! It really was incredible. Though as a person who likes to pay attention to details i could say some stuff that was not top noch, but hey, in general, it really was one of the best movies i have ever seen. After all they were making it for several years!


Second semester has begun! The first day was normal. You know, get to know the teachers and stuff. The second day...more in the ups and in the downs. Writers Craft was amazing, we had 10 minutes to write about ANYTHING. and then the teacher asked if anyone wants to read theirs, and i kinda liked mine, so i read it to the class... People liked it and it made me kinda feel like there is something that i CAN do! But then as i was walking to my next class i talked to one of my classmates and she said that after hearing my piece she did not feel like reading hers. I totally discouraged my classmates!!! Can't believe i was the evil person!! Grrr...
and math... oh math... the teacher did not give us a lesson, we had to work on hand outs. The sad thing here is that everyone (!!) found the tasks easy while i was struggling to even understand what i was asked to do. I felt sad. I really need to work on my math... but there is a problem, ..this is previous course stuff and it is not included in this textbook. eh...... i'll figure out something! You know i will! ;D

About 10 minutes ago i received a missed call... I checked my phone before seven minutes and called back. (...This number was not in my contact list)..

i guess i have a date, tonight! :) (kk, i don't guess, i know!)


With more then enough Love, always Yours, Marta!
(i am starting to learn to write my name with the capital "M", not easy..)

Special Thank You kisses to Muffindoddess!
And a extremely nice "Hi" to Lācis!
Who knows, maybe they will peak their pretty noses in here too!

this is where if i was a kid i would go to my mommy and cry my eyes out

No one has ever been against the fact that exams are not an easy thing and not everyone has the privilege to always do good on them (even though this depends on so many (too many) external factors). (Fine, yeah, there are people who disagree, but you get my point.) Days and nights are messed up again and i know for sure that i am still tired and that i do need more sleep before my next exam, (but forget about that).

World issues was a pain in the big intestine and the retina of my right eye. No jokes. (Fine, the intestine part is not true.) I was scheduled to write the exam in room 211 (just like one half of our class). In the same classroom the other half class was a grade eleven Biology (ohh sweet irony). It was the same class where i wrote my English exam last week on Friday and our class was in almost the same rows, and i ended up sitting it the same place as Friday, sweet, don't You think? The teacher who was supervising was not good at what she was doing, but who am i to judge(?) (examples would be that she did not tell the kiddos that they can't have their pencil cases on the table). I was in my exam mood and had just begun the first part of the exam and then out of nowhere (actually not out of nowhere, but from the hall) came a grade eleven guy (no surprise! (no sexism intended)) and said out loud "oh, i guess i'm late" causing a small wave of laughter in the Bio rows (HA HA HA, VERY FUNNY, NO GO AND SIT DOWN!). Well that wasn't enough. An other girl this time, but she was blond (i did not notice the hair colour on purpose, it just stared at me, and no discrimination intended, i'm blond too!), came in the class late. She distracted the exam mood by her funny laugh (yeah, funny.... guess who thought that.. yup, the Bio kids, and one guy specifically, dude, get a room!) that she probably caught from her friend who was even more late for her own exam. So i was extracted. Twice. (DO YOU NEED A SEA OF APPLAUSE BEFORE YOU FIND YOUR SEAT?) After the girl finally sat down i was able to get back to paying attention to my matters.

The exam consisted of four parts. The first was 30 multiple choice questions that were pretty tricky and i needed more time for them then i had thought. The second part was short answer. We had a choice. They gave us a list of 19 terms and we had to pick 10. The short answer had to include what the thing is and how it is important, and mention an example. The third part was (You guessed it) long answer. Again we had a choice (oh, sir, you are fabulous). There where ten quotes accompanied by a question or two (or three). We had to answer four of the ten. Last, BUT not least essay question. Where there is a long question and we had to answer in an essay format (You know, the good old, introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion).

I was back in my writing mood and still on the first half of the multiple choice questions and i felt it coming. There i was in the first half an hour of the exam with a migraine. I wished, i begged it to go away, but it became worse and worse. I asked to go to the washroom (that happens as following, the supervisor teacher calls another teacher that will walk with you to the washroom and back, good they don't actually come in and hold my willy (TAKE A PAUSE FOR THE LAUGH ;D )). The teacher watched me wash my hands and rinse my face. Then we went back to the class (oh how i wish i could have ran away). For a second it really did feel better, i tried to keep my cool hand to my forehead where the pain killed the most. But then it got even worse. It felt like most of the time i had kept my teeth so tight together that they started to hurt. I kept saying myself that i have to finish the exam and then i can go, finish and go, finish and go, finish and go. Soon it had replaced every single thought in my head, even the unconscious thoughts that control the breathing and the common sense. So now i had to remind myself to inhale and exhale. Finish and go, inhale, finish and go, exhale, finish and go, inhale, finish and go exhale. The patterns was extracted by the curiosity of the time. I still had more then one and a half hours till the end. Finish and Go! I started the essay after sitting in my chair and going nothing but holding my head. Thoughts just wouldn't come to my mind even if i pleased them with the idea that this would not continue long. I begun writing it and had to pay attention to every letter, every line i drew. I couldn't. The last pages in my exam where a mess. If one was to find all pages separate, no one could tell that the first page was written by the same person as the last page. I wrote something. No paragraph in my essay contained more then five sentences. But it was done, in this exam i could not have left it blank, it is impossible to not come up with some answer. I did not care about the length (though it did peak in my mind), the structure, the content. All that mattered was that it was done. I put all the papers together handed it in and marked the time when i left, it was two minutes past eleven. I had finished the exam in two hours and seventeen minutes. Just like that another part of the semester had concluded. I went to my locker, got my jacket and boots and left to the bus stop.

It was not too cold outside, but the snow flakes where hitting my brows and melting faster then i could think of them. The wind was blowing in my face. I let it get me colder and colder. I was hoping that the cold could take away the headache, freeze it away. It did, for about one second after that i just felt more pain due to the extreme dose of the cold. The two buses got me home and without thinking i was in my bed. Took me about 40 minutes to fall asleep. Once i woke up the headache was not gone, but i did feel better.

..and the exam just felt like a dream.



Now i was thinking to apply to another university. But i shall see, let's not forget that i still have Biology exam at 8:45 and i have to be in school at least 30 minutes before. It is almost five in the morning now.

I know, i am not a smart person. Tell me something i don't know.

P.S. Hope that the sarcasm along the way did not distract You, but rather enriched the time You spent here.

Passion of Skating with the Love of Fun

Shuuuu-upa. So.
English Exam was OK. I suppose. Well i think (at least i suppose that is what people call thinking) that it was not too hard. Our teacher really helped us to get ready and we went through examples from previous years and all that jazz. She told us what to expect and what the questions are going to be. Not exact. but as much as she was allowed to tell us. The exam is in two parts, a sight passage and an essay. Since it is a Board wide exam every grade 12 student in Ottawa-Carleton District School Board who had English in the first semester was writing this exam at the very same time as me and my class mates. The exam begun at 8:45 in the morning on Friday and we had two and a half hours to finish it (it was suggested that you spend 60 minutes on the sight passage and 90 on writing, planning and reading over your essay). In the first part there was a short written text that had to be read and then there where 5 questions. The first question on these exams is always to restate the writers thesis. Our teacher told us that they are looking for two ideas. The first is more broad and the second is more specific. The second question had a choice. There were four methods of development and you had to pick two, state the definition, find an example in the text and then state how that is the correct example. In this one i did good since in the last couple days of school our teacher gave a list of literary terms and told us which ones are more likely to be on the exam. In the third question we had to choose one of three given stylistic devices, and then the same as previous - definition, example, and why it is a good example. This i did well too. The next question had two parts to it. The first was to find one or two specific words that state the diction in a specific paragraph or sentence and the second part was to state the tone and, of course everything had to be proven. The last question was a personal response question. There was a choice of two sentences from the text and we had to choose one of them, say what the authors point of view is (in own words) and then say if we agree or disagree, and say why our opinion is as it is with examples and personal experience. I was done with this within an hour (just as was recommended). Then there was the second part. They gave us 4 essay prompts and by using one work studies in this year (for me the choice was, Brave New World, The Wars, Waiting for Godot and King Lear). I wrote about Brave New World. Chose the first prompt and it was something about how societal norms cause a character to struggle as reaching for his/her goals. Wrote about Bernard Marx. I wrote it in no time. Then read over it and was done within two hours in total. Then i left the room and felt sorta good.

Today i was planning to be on time to my Spanish class. It starts at 9:00 in the morning and it would take me about half an hour to get there, buts since buses don't come on request to get there before nine i have to leave at 8:15. My alarm (my silent alarm) was set on seven in the morning, since i was planing to take a shower before leaving. I woke up at half past eight. Was 20 minute late and came in to realize that there was a test today. I am 94% sure that i failed this one. I wasn't there last week, so i had no idea we were having a test. In today's class we (surprisingly) did not do too much. First the test, it took more time then the teacher though. Then he gave us a short lesson (do not remember on what it was). Then we listened to two songs and translated the lyrics. And the last thing we did was listened to two chapters of the book we are reading.. Then the bell rung. I got home, changed, ate (it took me two minutes to heat the lunch and two to eat it). Got my stuff together, went downstairs to the basement to get my skates and was on the go to the canal.

Tashpuks organized this because he was planning that the girl he likes will be there. At last minute she had called that she can't come. They met up at one in the after noon and went to the canal together. I was still on my way home at that time so i went and was planning to catch them. After skating for about half an hour i sent a msg to Tashpuks asking how far are they. He did not know (what a surprise -.-). After taking to him and another fella i analyzed the situation and figured that i am way past them. S now i was going back and searching for white coat and a face that i would recognize. There they were. Only four of them. It was two of the three "Russians" (yeah, Plaknis was there too), Tashpuks and the best friend of the girl Tashpuks really likes. Finally found them i was pleased. Skating alone might be fun, but i was not in the lonely mood (i know, not common :D). So now it was taking, laughing and, most importantly, skating with the Love of Fun in our eyes. We skated for quite a while. We got to the big lake thing and then went back. On my way i fell three times. The first was nice, like a dive on the ice. The third time i was not really moving fast and i just fell on my knees. The third time was a pain. Yup, a pain. It was in the last stretch, I was tired, but going pretty fast and then my skate met a big, nasty crack on the ice. I fell on my knees and slid for a little on the ice. This was not like the first one, since i was going much faster. There i was. Flat. At first i didn't really feel any pain. But as i begun to skate my knee was yelling a silent scream and begging me to stop and move no more. I didn't listen. We were almost done. Once we got to the end i dropped dead in the snow. Got off my skates and put my boots back on. Felt odd at first because this was the first time this winter i got on the ice. I was happy it was done. My red cheeks were freezing, but my hands were not, even though i had given my gloves to the other girl, she was freezing all this time. I was not. It was just my face that felt the need to get a hot chocolate. We went up to Rideau center. This is where Plaknis said he had to go. He shook hands with the guys and then.. HE GAVE ME A HUG.
HE GAVE ME A GOODBYE HUG! I felt like making a WTF face, but i didn't. What was he thinking? He had never hugged before, not even on my birthday.
He left and then the four of us went to the food court. Tashpuks and i were drinking hot chocolate and the other two were eating. I was not hungry, my body was still fighting with the two minute meal that it got earlier, before leaving the house. After a while we spent in the food court (i was watching the street outside getting darker and darker and the number of people that depended on how many buses had passes by) they decided to go and play pool. I was tired, exhausted, begging for home, and with a hurting knee so i said goodbye and went home. The bus ride was messed up because there was a black guy (no intention to be racist) sitting next to me who was reading his news paper all over the place. At one point my ribs got bugged by his elbow and at other points the news paper was in my face. I was happy that i lived down town (i mean, very close to it). I got of the bus and tackled the death ice eight in front of the door. I got in and was greeted by a MIaW by Giotto and a dinner that my mom had prepared earlier that day. It was delicious. I watched the cartoon movie about the chicken Running away (forgot the name of it) and now i am here.

I am very hard working on the new years resolutions. I plan to put them back in the side bar. I am trying to eat less carbs. I am trying to learn new things. Actually i have learned two already, now i know what i.e. and e.g. stand for. Do You know? ;D

Fine my love birds. I have two exams next week and a lot of Spanish homework for next Saturday. I plan to do NOTHING tomorrow. Well, maybe i will clean up my room, time will tell. But now i am craving for my soft pillow and comfy night shirt.