skyping

I had an hour long call on skype in the middle of the night with one of the best people in the whole world. I miss him much. Since it is night time here, and my family is sleeping there was more talking on his side, and more laughing and listening at mine. But he did have more to say seeing he did move to his residence not more than a moth ago. He says that everyone there is smart. He isn't really happy with all the crazy parties, and insane course load, but I'm sure he will manage it. He is the most awesome guy in the world. He is the first guy to whom I said "I love you" and actually said the truth.

I love my friend, and I miss him even more ♥

P.S. My flight is this Friday, in two days, no wait, I skipped the night, so my flight is tomorrow. Finally leaving for university! I'm scared and excited at the same time.

September already!

This happened yesterday (no, Monday). I knew I would feel depressed seeing my brothers leave in the morning to go to university. But never did I know that it would bring me down THIS much. Nothing can be told about my future. We stand still. I stand still. I can wait. I can prepare for what might come. I can remain calm, and I can also panic. I can sit home and get well. I could run around like a mad person and get even more sick.

But really, there is only one thing that I SHOULD do, and that is that I need to get real.

i don't know

STOP.

I keep yelling that to myself all the time. I want me to stop, so I can think. I want to be able to think like a decent person. 
Guess what! Yet again it is the time that is killing me. I don't even want to know what is going to happen in the following month. I hope for the best. I try. And yet it is not enough. 

SHUT UP! (period)

This is What I Wish to Give to You ..

Ever heard of something called nothing?! Well, that is what I am going to give You. Don't be upset, it is nothing personal. Let's face it - I have no idea who You are and I have not even a clue of where You are. So there is no chance of me giving You anything at all. I am very sorry for that.

You see my life has been changing so much that I can't even tell You it all. First I know when I will be leaving Canada. That will be happening very soon. Too soon. But before that comes, there will be goodbye parties, thankfully. Also, I still have to finish my summer school classes. Yeah, I might have never mentioned that before. I am taking summer school to boost up my average, so that I can get into the University.

Now a while ago, I graduated. Yeah, I managed and I survived (as You can see). Many of my friends have left already and it makes me sad to my guts and I feel like crying when ever I think of it. My best friend in Canada left last week, I never realized how good friends we were until the last few times that we met. It is almost insane, unimaginable, but true. I am gonna miss him so much. [See, my eyes are filled with tears now!! :'(] But we had some great times together and I will never forget it all.

The other day I found a letter that I wrote for myself at the beginning of my last school year (to be precise, 8th of September, 2009). I started this tradition on the February of 2007 when I wrote one that had to be read on the December of 2007, but I only read it in 2009 September. The last letter was to be read now, or in June. It described how my life was then and what I think of the thing that were happening. To keep the tradition rolling, I wrote a new letter. That one has to be read no earlier that 2011 August. I wrote some bullshit there, but I might blog about it, when I read it.

I still have so much to do in a very short time period. I have to pack, not only to go to Latvia, but also pack ALL my stuff. I have one suite case that I will have with me when I go now, while all my other things will be travelling only in November. Other than that I still have loads of stuff to do regarding to my education. As I mentioned, I still have to finish summer school. The last day is Monday the 26th of July, so only a week left. Exams are on this Friday. All I can think about is how I can kill myself before Friday (joking, I do not want to kill myself)! As summer school will be done, my next BIG step will be university, but I still have some things to sort out regards to that, send in applications to live in residence, as well as get in the university (since I got a conditional offer from two universities). I am scared that I will not get into my first choice, but I really want to, so let's keep our fingers crossed.

One more thing. Saying goodbye is so hard!! Yeah, I have done that before, but as I get older it gets harder since that bond I create with people is much stronger and way more meaningful. It pains me so badly that sometimes I cry only because of the idea that I will never ever see them again. Oh well.

So goodbye for now, but I promise You will hear form me again some time. I know I have become a lazy blogger lately, but I barely can find any time or inspiration to write anything, so please forgive me.

Oh and by the way, I hope You all are very into my SONG OF THE DAY blog. I have not ditched that one, not yet!

York Street and Graduation

I am officially a graduate of secondary school. Yeah, I have a diploma now!


ugh. ill finish this tomorrow. or the day after that. or ... some other day. but i really have loads to say! :)

All Too Much

Hi.

Many things have happened recently, and I will try to cover as much as I can. I don't have much time, so I will just go fast through things.

First I would like to let You know that I have finished school. I will be getting my diploma this Friday, but I had my last exam last Friday, so I am done! About that, though I am done, I signed up for summer school. I will be doing to two courses to increase my mark in English and Biology, all to get into my first choice University: Glasgow Caledonian. If I don't get in there then I will be probably going to Dundee University. We shall see how things work out. I am applying to live in Glasgow Caledonian residence, I just need to finish the application and send it to them (along with several other things). So yeah, basically there is a lot of things to do.

Other thing that I wanted to talk about was the past weekend. Friday night we (me, mom and Tašpuks) went to Zemgālija. It was so relaxing and, and.. I had a great time there. I would go into to details, but as I said, I am in a rush. The next morning we went to Canada's Tērvete for the Līgo celebration. That included folk dancing, singing, and, of course, beer drinking. It was supposed to be more fun, but one of my good friends left early that night, but my other friend, who said she would be there was no where to be found. But it was alright. The next morning we were on our way back to Ottawa. But we didn't stay home for long. We had to get dressed and leave for this church thing, blah, blah, blah (I just don't know what it is called in English) and after that we went to celebrate at this families place. They live by the lake and there was a great view, fancy dinner and a lot of fun with other people. And it was probably the last time I will ever see Edijs, a guy who claims that I am his favourite girl. How cute is that? Haha.

And this week is busy as hell. Today I have to clean up the house, and then I'm going to the movies with Rebeka, that should be fun. I might be sleeping over at her place, and that should be fun as well. (Yeah, not so good on synonyms today). Tomorrow is Thinh's and Sunny's birthday party, and I still need to get presents for them. Wednesday there is a plan to celebrate Līgo (again) and if not, then I will go clubbing. Thursday I have to go to a dinner that my friend's family is organizing. And Friday, as I already mentioned, is the commencement at our school, so all the grads of 2010 will be getting their diplomas in a very uncool, formal, unpersonalized, "american movie" fashion. Yeah, yeah, we will be wearing the gowns and the funny hats.  After that we (my mom, Tašpuks and I) will be going to a sushi place to celebrate the whole thing in a more personal and cozy atmosphere. Saturday is FREE. But I am sure that during the next few days I will fill it up with something (actually I have a feeling that I already have something to do, but I just don't recall it). And Sunday there is a concert at the Latvian place, some guest artists playing. Next Monday, so in a week, will be the Prom day. I will not be going to the official prom (buūuuuu). But I will go to an alternative version of it, and later to another alternative after-prom. That should be loads of fun!!!

That is my plan for the next week. So bye for now.
I miss You much but there is so little time!!!!

Viss tač tas pats. Is that so?

I don't know what is up with me and questions lately. All I do is ASK, ASK, ASK, ASK, but no one is giving me the answers (that's probably because I ask my self, not other people, yup, never smart). Todays question, as You can see in the title is Is that to? Now, You might me wondering what exactly I am talking about, since it can get REALLY annoying when people go on and on about WHO KNOWS WHAT! So, for the first time (I think, the first time) I will get straight to the point. (HAHAHA, FAIL, straight to the point would be me finishing by now.) Either way, I am talking about the topic that I fear to even think about, UnIvErSiTy.
As I expected my marks did not stay on the ball. (Remember, I told You that the semesters are too long, so I lose motivation and the willingness to try by the time there is about one third of the semester left?) Unless universities practice the method It's ok, we don't care I am pretty much doomed to not get into the university that I wanted to get into so badly. But since I try to live a positive life, (Yeah, right, that's why I am so depressed. Gosh, i make no sense.) I understand that I still can get in the other university that required lower marks. Which is ok, after all it was one of my choices.

I can't wait for school to be over. There are 8 school days left. Then there will be the exams ANT then I will be done with school! :D It all sounds good, but then I think about taking summer school to improve my English mark and it makes me feel more depressed than I was in December 2008. (Those were bad times.)

Sorry, I can't stop babbling about school. But You gotta understand me, at least try to!

Life.. Life is all the same. As I read on someones blog a few minutes ago: "Same shit, different day." So give the pile of shit, I can hold it without braking, trust me. I mean, i haven't failed for the last 18 years of my life. The difference now is that I understand more than I did yesterday. (Or do I?)

With all the love I can possibly share right now,
Marta Viola.

P.S. Having friends over tomorrow, well, today, since it is past midnight. We plan to have a lot of fun! If You know where I live (OMG, please say You don't), You are welcome to join, but give me a heads up! ;D

this is where if i was a kid i would go to my mommy and cry my eyes out

No one has ever been against the fact that exams are not an easy thing and not everyone has the privilege to always do good on them (even though this depends on so many (too many) external factors). (Fine, yeah, there are people who disagree, but you get my point.) Days and nights are messed up again and i know for sure that i am still tired and that i do need more sleep before my next exam, (but forget about that).

World issues was a pain in the big intestine and the retina of my right eye. No jokes. (Fine, the intestine part is not true.) I was scheduled to write the exam in room 211 (just like one half of our class). In the same classroom the other half class was a grade eleven Biology (ohh sweet irony). It was the same class where i wrote my English exam last week on Friday and our class was in almost the same rows, and i ended up sitting it the same place as Friday, sweet, don't You think? The teacher who was supervising was not good at what she was doing, but who am i to judge(?) (examples would be that she did not tell the kiddos that they can't have their pencil cases on the table). I was in my exam mood and had just begun the first part of the exam and then out of nowhere (actually not out of nowhere, but from the hall) came a grade eleven guy (no surprise! (no sexism intended)) and said out loud "oh, i guess i'm late" causing a small wave of laughter in the Bio rows (HA HA HA, VERY FUNNY, NO GO AND SIT DOWN!). Well that wasn't enough. An other girl this time, but she was blond (i did not notice the hair colour on purpose, it just stared at me, and no discrimination intended, i'm blond too!), came in the class late. She distracted the exam mood by her funny laugh (yeah, funny.... guess who thought that.. yup, the Bio kids, and one guy specifically, dude, get a room!) that she probably caught from her friend who was even more late for her own exam. So i was extracted. Twice. (DO YOU NEED A SEA OF APPLAUSE BEFORE YOU FIND YOUR SEAT?) After the girl finally sat down i was able to get back to paying attention to my matters.

The exam consisted of four parts. The first was 30 multiple choice questions that were pretty tricky and i needed more time for them then i had thought. The second part was short answer. We had a choice. They gave us a list of 19 terms and we had to pick 10. The short answer had to include what the thing is and how it is important, and mention an example. The third part was (You guessed it) long answer. Again we had a choice (oh, sir, you are fabulous). There where ten quotes accompanied by a question or two (or three). We had to answer four of the ten. Last, BUT not least essay question. Where there is a long question and we had to answer in an essay format (You know, the good old, introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion).

I was back in my writing mood and still on the first half of the multiple choice questions and i felt it coming. There i was in the first half an hour of the exam with a migraine. I wished, i begged it to go away, but it became worse and worse. I asked to go to the washroom (that happens as following, the supervisor teacher calls another teacher that will walk with you to the washroom and back, good they don't actually come in and hold my willy (TAKE A PAUSE FOR THE LAUGH ;D )). The teacher watched me wash my hands and rinse my face. Then we went back to the class (oh how i wish i could have ran away). For a second it really did feel better, i tried to keep my cool hand to my forehead where the pain killed the most. But then it got even worse. It felt like most of the time i had kept my teeth so tight together that they started to hurt. I kept saying myself that i have to finish the exam and then i can go, finish and go, finish and go, finish and go. Soon it had replaced every single thought in my head, even the unconscious thoughts that control the breathing and the common sense. So now i had to remind myself to inhale and exhale. Finish and go, inhale, finish and go, exhale, finish and go, inhale, finish and go exhale. The patterns was extracted by the curiosity of the time. I still had more then one and a half hours till the end. Finish and Go! I started the essay after sitting in my chair and going nothing but holding my head. Thoughts just wouldn't come to my mind even if i pleased them with the idea that this would not continue long. I begun writing it and had to pay attention to every letter, every line i drew. I couldn't. The last pages in my exam where a mess. If one was to find all pages separate, no one could tell that the first page was written by the same person as the last page. I wrote something. No paragraph in my essay contained more then five sentences. But it was done, in this exam i could not have left it blank, it is impossible to not come up with some answer. I did not care about the length (though it did peak in my mind), the structure, the content. All that mattered was that it was done. I put all the papers together handed it in and marked the time when i left, it was two minutes past eleven. I had finished the exam in two hours and seventeen minutes. Just like that another part of the semester had concluded. I went to my locker, got my jacket and boots and left to the bus stop.

It was not too cold outside, but the snow flakes where hitting my brows and melting faster then i could think of them. The wind was blowing in my face. I let it get me colder and colder. I was hoping that the cold could take away the headache, freeze it away. It did, for about one second after that i just felt more pain due to the extreme dose of the cold. The two buses got me home and without thinking i was in my bed. Took me about 40 minutes to fall asleep. Once i woke up the headache was not gone, but i did feel better.

..and the exam just felt like a dream.



Now i was thinking to apply to another university. But i shall see, let's not forget that i still have Biology exam at 8:45 and i have to be in school at least 30 minutes before. It is almost five in the morning now.

I know, i am not a smart person. Tell me something i don't know.

P.S. Hope that the sarcasm along the way did not distract You, but rather enriched the time You spent here.

all in one moment

This week is an absolute nightmare. Had summative presentations in all three of my classes, where two i had to present out of class time due to certain problems. I didn't sleep last night. I am not sure why. Well i do know why. Actually it was due to several reasons. First i did my application for university. Call me stupid, call me an idiot, I allow you, since that is what i am doing. I applied to one university. Yeah, just one. And the lucky one is Glasgow Caledonian University in Scotland. I cchose to apply for psychology (c800). It took me about five days to finish the personal statement that i wrote for them. First i gave it to a few of my friends to read it. Then i made an appointment to ask a professional help from my ex teacher. She striped it right naked. I said that she raped it all the way through with reaching ...hmm.. quite good, i suppose, climax. Yes, i just said that. She gave me some good advice. I rewrote it instead of editing the original one. That is how much it had to be changed. By the time the statement was done i was satisfied with the work done.
Today after school, when i finished my Biology summative, i felt a weird satisfaction. That is because now i can actually see what are the work that i still need to catch up with. Before when ever i thought about school i would go mad, crazy, insane, confused.... I would not be able to find an end to all the things. That caused stress ... and blah, blah, blah..

I haven't slept for approximately the past 36 hours. My head is about to explode (if it hasn't by now) and i still need to do homework for tomorrow. My body is in a state where my memory is just incapable of remembering anything.

Yesterday i also added a few stuff to my blog. The visible one is that i changed the template, again, and added the background. And, i have to admit, it was hard and not easy, took a lot of time to find, but i added page navigation at the bottom of the blog. Yeah, yeah, i know it is not really needed, but, hey, i like it!

I have a lot of stuff to do.. for tomorrow, friday, satudray AND sunday!! So, just in case if i go insane, ill let you know one more time that it is the end of the semester, TOO much to do. Next week is my first exam. Can't wait for February!!!!

PS. I really want to add a cool pic for the title. I was going to make a collection of google Jean Fabrics, but yet again, i am not sure if then it will not be too Jeany! ha ha.. Any other suggestions?

Oh Cheese, i need more structure in my posts!

PS. Don't forget to avoid Coca cola, Pepsi and Nestle.

The Truth

Actually I wanted to talk about:

• School & Exams
• Ottawa Green Bin! (yeeeey)
• Friends
• Facebook
• Universities
• Life
• The bus ride to school today
• How much life sucks
• How hard life is
• Sleep
  
• Movies
• Shakespeare
  
• and other stuff ...

Ohh well, some other time, when the exams are over, until then You will probably read some crap like in the previous post or no crap at all..