This is Rubbish

This will be me ranting, consider yourself warned. 

I'm at work now.
This place is seriously starting to get on my nerves. I don't even know where to start.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but I work at a hotel as a receptionist. I've been here since end of summer. The job is really fine, I have a list of responsibilities, not just one task to do over and over again. During night shifts I also have to prepare the breakfast. I also have to work in the restaurant as a waitress. And when there is no chef in, then I also have to make food for people. Now this is where the rant starts. Two people went to the restaurant, I tell them that there is no chef in, however, I can prepare something for them form the weekend menu. Now they make a face that makes me think that I've told them something so offensive that they are about to get up and walk away without saying a thing. But no, they just sit there with their... unhappy eggplant faces and unwillingly start to view the Weekend menu. Why the un-satisfaction is aimed at me? Is it my fault that the hotel is low on money? Is it my fault that they can't afford a chef for all times? Is it my fault that due to lack of clients it is inefficient to have the chef in? Yeah, I didn't think so!
Meanwhile I'm hoping they don't pick something that we don't actually have available. In a lucky case, they do pick something I have in the kitchen. Then I ask for drinks. There can be various scenarios;
1) They ask for beer, I ask what kind of beer. Many of them then ask something that they know (example, Carlsberg) - sorry, we don't have that, I can offer you some Latvian beers. - Emm, ok. - Then I usually ask if the want dark or light, and they usually don't know what they want. Other times they ask for draft beer, which is also something we don't have. Then often I bring them the first beer (the brand doesn't matter, as tastes vary from person to person), and they don't like it, and ask something different next time. And then for the third beer they go back to option one, assuming that every next beer I'd offer them would be worse and worse.
2) They ask for coffee or tea. That's not as difficult. The tea simply takes more time, as I need to boil hot water. But then there is no tea that they want. Then they say they don't want sugar, but turns out they wanted it after all, same story with milk.
3) They ask for something that I don't have (and that isn't even in the menu) - for example - fresh juice - any juice other than apple or orange - smoothies - ice cream cocktails - some other random drink.
4) They ask for spirit with something. Well, I am still not aware as to what goes in what glass. Then there is also the issue of lack of right sized glasses. I believe there is about two glasses that fit a shot with a full small glass bottle of coke in it - and they are always dirty. Same thing with G&T, I know I should pour the two together, but I don't have such a glass that fits it all!!!
5) They ask for just water, I believe that in any normal place they'd bring water for no charge, but we give the small bottles, there is 300something ml (or 400somthing, I don't care TBH), and then sometimes they are unhappy that I charge them for water.
6) Cola! Yeah, the cola problem is that about 50% of the time there is no coca cola available, because it is the most requested drink and finishes very fast once delivered. So here the question is, why not order more?? You gain more in the long run!!!
So then they pick something to eat, salad, soup or some hot dish, what ever it is, I have to go and make it for them. But wait! Who's doing my real job? Who's working at the reception, you may wonder! It's me! I'm supposed to be everywhere doing everything.
Now here is more bullshit - the reception is open 24/7, for guests that is ideal! But for us, not so much. There is a lot to do in the morning, and a lot in the evening. But middle of the night and middle of the day are usually quiet and there is nothing to do. So you sit on your ass for some hours and then you have to run like a horse for the rest of the time.
I often get comments form the guests asking/wondering how it is that I am all alone and have to do all the tasks. Well, I wonder too!

And who knows? Maybe it's time to get a new job?! I work hard, and I really try to do things well, but the thing is that nobody cares, no one seems to notice that you do so much. And the salary is an absolute joke! It's like a spit in the face. I can't imagine how I'd survive if I was living all by myself. It would be a nightmare.

Anyway, my shift is over in ten minutes. Then I'm going home for some sleep, since I've not had a normal night sleep for a week now. Oh, my colleague will be late, isn't life great?!

Fuck weekends. Fuck work. Fuck men. Fuck people. Fuck music. Fuck the sunlight. Fuck the moon and the tides. Fuck the polluted oceans. Fuck life and fuck death. Fuck all this bullshit.

I'm not satisfied with life today and everything seems to be wrong, everything makes me sad.
I don't even want to apologize for all the swearing.

--Basta.

One-Way Track

I've been on this trip for almost a month now. I'm sad that it will be over. This time has allowed me to think, think so far out of the box, so far from what I had been used to..
Often I think about the choices we make in life. We make them every second of every day, even in our dreams we still make choices. Then we see the outcome. We buy a new shirt, and we see that it looks good on us, and people like it. We say something controversial and someone in the crowd reassures that that is a great way of thinking. We decide to speak to a stranger, and he turns out to be a wonderful person. We take no umbrella when the weather-man said it will rain, and it turns out to be sunny all day. We decide to cross the street on a red light because we see no cars around. .. But what is the choices we make bring bad consequences? WHAT IF the shirt we got will look bad on you? What if no one back up your opinion? What if the stranger turns out to be a psychopath? What if it starts raining cats and dogs on a day when you don't take the umbrella? What if a car comes from around the corner and doesn't see you when you cross on that red signal?

Life is so trivial, so fragile, the smallest things can change who you are and what you will do. But how can you know if you make the right choices in life? By trying of course, you should always try new things, take the risk. You will either succeed or you will gain experience and some sort of perspective. You will then try again, try something different, or try a different approach. But what if it is too late? What if the choice we made is there for good, can't be undone, or altered? What if we make the wrong choice and see it when it's already too late? We go down a one way track and there is no way back.

I like to think that there is a way out - through different doors. I believe it's important to not get stuck, there is always a way out. There is always new things to try, new journeys to be made. So it comes down to DOING things, to stay out of the comfort zone, to try new things, taking risks. It comes down to changing yourself by yet another gram. One day I will not know who I was, I will be a different person. This journey has changed me a lot, it has proved to me things I never knew possible, it has showed me how possible it is to do something when you actually get up and try. It has given me hope about people and myself. Most importantly, it has risen doubts about things I always was very certain of.