Fragment from wczoraj*

Him: Ok :-P but no kissing the boys, no nothing :-P
Me: Why not? :P
Him: Coz ill be jealous



Text messages kill!



*wczoraj means 'yesterday' in Polish

Take That

Hell yeah, I've got a new blog, and there's no way you'll ever find it.

Just wanted to rub that in. Yeah, I'm that cruel.

Don't Look Back ?

Boo hoo.

It's officially the time when we should look back to yet another year that has almost run through our fingers.

Let's see where I'm at. I'm living in a student residence, and attending my first year at UWS. I'm in Scotland, Paisley, an adorable but boring town not far from nation's largest city Glasgow. Though snow surprised local people very early, late November, i'm pleased that there is no snow outside at the moment. It was quite warm yesterday, for a winter day, and according to BBC it will be around plus five today. Murr, not bad for the New Year's Eve.

I miss my friends and family dearly. And it was sad to not be with them over Christmas.

I'm feeling good though because my life has changed in the past year more than I thought it would.

Let's run back now. At the begining of the year I was still living in Canada. I had applied to universities in December and I wondered if I'd get accepted. I was very frustrated about school because of upcoming exams. However, i was pleased that the second semester would start within a month.

I don't think I ever even pictured myself at a university. Yes, of course, i had the thought, and hope that i will be, but the image in my head never reached beyond a piece of paper that would say that I'm in.

Feels so weird how much life can change in one year. I was hoping i'd be able to explain, but i can't find the right words.

So I plan on having an unforgettable last day of the year. I have a secret. You guessed it, i'm not gonna tell you.


Blah, today words are not being my friends.

So, do look back on the things that have changed. Take a bow, yet another year well played. The curtain closes and quickly the set is changed. Light and sound operators are ready, actors in places, director's palms are getting sweaty, the audience turns to quite as the room sinks into darkness. The stage crew re-open the curtain as sound operator hits PLAY - a brand new theme song is on. Light operator turns on the fifth knob to full brightness, it's a spotlight on you.
Let the play begin.



Ay, happy new year my dear imaginary friends!




P.S. I might change the title from "i'm like a dragonfly" to "i am a dragonfly."

6 Words

NaBloPoMo:
Describe what happiness means to you using just six words.

Me:
Happiness - biking when it is raining.

It's in Your Hands

Feels like my hands are growing bigger. I wash my face with water of rain. It stings. Small drops run down my face. I feel them tickling my neck and I can't help but to smile.

My arms are getting bigger - I'm able to hold my own head. Feels like an absolute mystery. Can you imagine how it is to have your own head in your hands, and have full control over it? It almost feels like a dream, like flying in clouds. And then you want to hold on, but there's nothing solid. It's the sky. So I just keep holding my own head, I can't let it fall.

It's not really a story. More like a confession you see. My arms are eager to hold the entire world. I know I'd trip and drop it on the ground. It would brake into billion pieces and I'd feel like the one who drove the earth over a cliff. I'd have an unbearable feeling of guilt. So I always choose not to take the risk.

I'm too coward.

The rain hits a pause button and my face slowly drys off, while my arms begin to shrink. And the next thing I know, there's surface beneath my feet, and no longer am I holding my head.

Why did I have to let go?

here

"Men are made of disappointment."
/22.11.10/


I still can't figure out what women are made of..

Yahoo!

For the past three weeks or so I've been addicted to Yahoo Answers. I can't help it. I'm enjoying answering questions knowing that I'm helping some one. It might be surprising, but I've also learned some new things. So I think it's a good addiction. Maybe not to an extreme as mine, but still.
If you do undertand anything about Yahoo Answers, I can tell you that last week I got close to six hundred points. And this week (which is just Monday) I have about one hundred fifty points, but that's also because today they give double points for answering questions (i.e. 4 points for each answer). Also, three weeks ago I had 14% best answers, today I've got 18%. Hehe.

I better get some sleep now.

Sweet dreams my dear ones.

Truth About Rain + Life

LaikaM

Īsti nezinu ko šodien stāstīt.

Ārā sniegs, un šad tad tiek piegādāta jauna deva. Šodien ārā negāju. Nebija īsti jēga nekur doties. Un ārā tomēs auksts, ietves kā slidotavas, un pa malām mētājās bērneļi. Skoti teic, ka parasti te daudz nesniegot, bet ir novembra nogale un viss baltā tērpts jau trīs dienas no vietas. Parasti mani priecē raibās sezonas, bet šogad baigi negribas septiņās jakās tīties un staigāt apkārt tontona paskatā.

Adventes vainags man nav. Sveces ar nav. Es tik sagriezu papīra lapu četrās daļās un pielīmēju pie sienas. Vienai strēmelei nedaudz nolociju dibenu un augšpusē piestiprināju oranžu papīra liesmu. Ar to man pietiks šim gadam.

Novembris teju iztecējis. Katru dienu kaut ko nopublicēt ir nogurdinoši, bet tomēr lepojos ar sevi, ka būšu turējusi savu vārdu.

Labi, es nu iešu kaut ko padarīt.

ugh another Monday

GO AWAY!!

best thing in Scotland so far

just talk ?

I was homesick all evening. It sorta killed me, not everything, but a tiny, tiny part of me definately died. I wrote a poem that made me cry when I read over it. It starts off with anger, anxiety, then fast transforms into pain. Not the one you get now and then, but the pain that sits inside all the time and never leaves. And the pain becomes real quiet as the last line concludes, but it's still there, never letting go.
I cried because it starts of so strong, as if I've got the whole world in my hands, but going through the pain the poem becomes powerless, as if there's nothing that can be done to reduce the pain. I cried because it shows how I feel every now and then, it made me sad. I try not to think that way, but I'm never able to control it, not all the way.


I went to a party at the student union today (yesterday that is). I'm pretty sure it wasn't the best thing to do, but hey, better than sitting all alone in my room. None of my friends were there, at least none of those that I say are my friends. So I went there alone hoping to meet someone I'd know. I met my flatmates and their friends. I know they dislike me, but I joined their circle anyway. There can't be anything worse than dancing alone at a party, in my opinion. So right away I start searching for a cute guy. There were a few whom I had noticed previous weeks, but none were good enough. (Ok, there was one, but he already had a girl around his neck.) Quite a few Scottish guys tried some lame pick up lines, and really bad dance moves. Good try, NAT!


There was this really nice guy that I met though. He's Scottish as well but we started dancing together because my flatmates had went for a drink, and everyone else was elsewhere. So for several times during the night we just sticked together so to say. He tried to get me to dance with him, kinda form one of those couples that you see by the end of every party. I said i just wanted to dance, i didn't however mention that I refused his invite due to the fact that HE was the one inviting. We went outside for a smoke. That was him smoking, me just admitting that I had cigarettes with me, just in case I feel like having one, but I stayed off of them and tried to understand what he and and another guy were talking about. (Yeah, the accent is still sometimes a barrier when communicating with people who have never ever lived outside of Scotland.) I found out that he plays in the american football team (so did the guy that I nicknamed Dog, the first one I went to a date in this country). As it turns out there's about 45 of them. And the cute guy with the gal around his neck is in the team as well. Bullocs ? I think so.


I left the party at about 20 minutes before 3 am (the party ends at 3, and it's always good to leave right before everyone does). By now the dance floor had several 'party couples' but not as many as other nights. The room smelled of sweat and upset men. Most of them were still trying to hunt down some gal. I wanted to leave, the image of the place was sad. Very sad, in any possible way. And the worst part was that I was there, a part of the picture. I found my jacket and in no time I was on my way to the student residence. I allowed myself to have one cigarette. Sew me, i don't care, i'm still a non-smoker. I just have a cigarette or two (or more) on days when I'm kinda depressed, or just drunk and stupid. This was a combination of both.

On my way I was thinking, again, about how sad such parties are, so degrating. And I wondered, all this time I've been going to them. Same agenda: drinks, party, dancing, men, dancing, more drinks, maybe a decent guy, getting back to the rez late, hangover next morning. The SAME every friday. Why had I stayed to the same routine almost every weekend since in Scotland. Why? A thrill, meeting new people, drinking, but the main reason was letting all out on the dance floor. Just enjoying the sounds of music and dancing. Just dancing! Yeah, that's why I go back. (Haha, now I know!) So I was walking all alone and thinking, and I realized what I want. The perfect situation that could be. This is what I came up with: I want to talk. Talk with a person who would listen, a person who I would want to listen to. And just say EVERYTHING, that comes across the mind. We'd be sitting on a bench during fall or spring. The weather would be not too cold, but we would have our jackets on. We'd talk in a fairly late evening, the sun would set soon. In front of us would be a view of a city. Any city, but we'd have a wonderful view, just to make it more perfect. We would talk for hours, days if we had to. I really want that to happen, I want to talk, cry if I must, and laugh, of course. Yes, I want to talk, but most importantly I want to find someone to talk to.


I got to my room and drank some water. Had a kit-kat break, hehe. Went to bed and begun writing this post. When I was describing the party, guess what happened. The fire alarm went of. I was considering staying in my room, but the sound was capable of murdering, I had to go outside. Very upset I got on some clothes and was outside. I treated myself with a cigarette, and I apollagized my self when I was done. "Sorry," I whispered. It was cold outside and now the alcohol was no more warming me up. It was about half part four in the morning. I could see in other people faces that I wasn't the only one mad about this.


I'm back in my room now and I think I should get some sleep.


Sweet dreams to all.

Piektdiena kā jau piektdiena.

Vakar nopirku kaut ko ko nevajadzēja, bet nu jau par vēlu, nauda iztērēta, tagad tik jaiezlēdz pozitīvisms un jādoma cik labi, ka tā izdarīju.
Ai, ko es te pārdzīvošu, viss būs labi tik un tā.

Nē, es tā nemāku. Šodien man slikts garīgais un viss, nekas nespēs to pieveikt. Ļoti ceru, ka vakars šodien būs labs. Tam taču jābūt labam, šodien piektdiena. Jāaiziet mājas kaut kas jāpadara, citādi daudz nepadarīti darbi krājas. Sestdien arī plānoju mācīties, lai gan varētu jau aizbraukt kopā ar draudzenēm uz Glāzgovu jaunāko Hariju Poteru noskatīties. Vēl nezinu.

Principā ceru satikt kādu lādzīgi cilvēku ar kuru varētu aiziet uz krogu iedzert alu.

Man napatīk negācijas, tāpēc vairāk nerakstīšu. Pietiek.

happy weekend

Had a great FOUR day weekend. Awesome people, fantastic places, and some beer to top it all of. I'll tell you more tomorrow when I get to a PC, since now i'm bloging from my phone again.

Just one thing before I cut off this short post: siblings are the one thing that you can't choose but they are so precious that you just gotta keep them close. They are the people who we fight with as we're younger, and the people we care about, and who care about us, at any stage in our lives. In other words, they're pure gold; can't recognize their value at first, but later, so expensive that you'll never be able to replace them. So keep them dear and safe.

sing along, dance tonight

Last night I had a very bad date. Actually the passed two weeks have been disasterous if we are talking about men. Gotta get back in the groove, don't know how though.
So last night was BAD, but good for me that the beer was great.

I don't think I ever have posted lyrics of any song on my blog. Oh no, I did, a very long time ago. I'm pretty sure it was Orca by Canadian band Wintersleep.
But that I posted because the song and the lyrics were simply too good to not share.

This is a little different. The song isn't unbelievably awesome, but the melody is catchy and some lines are great. I'll leave it up to you to decide which lines are better than the others. I've suggested this song in a post some time ago, but now it's back in my head and it won't leave. The song is Crystalized by none other than The XX.


You've applied the pressure
To have me crystallized
And you've got the faith
That I could bring paradise
I'll forgive and forget
Before I'm paralyzed
Do I have to keep up the pace
To keep you satisfied?
Things have gotten closer to the sun
And I've done things in small doses
So don't think that I'm pushin you away
When you're the one that I've kept closest
You don't move slow
Taking steps in my directions
The sound resounds echo
Does it lessen your affection? No
You say I'm foolish
For pushing this aside
But burn down our home
I won't leave alive
Glaciers have melted to the sea
I wish the tide would take me over
I've been down on my knees
And you just keep on getting closer
Glaciers have melted to the sea
(Things have gotten closer to the sun)
I wish the tide would take me over
(And I've done things in small doses)
I've been down onto my knees
(So don't think that I'm pushing you away)
And you just keep on getting closer
(When you're the one that I've kept closest)
Go slow
Go slow
Go slow
Go slow
Go slow

Radio Head

"What's the biggest sacrifice you've ever made for another person? Was it worth it?" NaBloPoMo's question(s) for today.

I'm going to answer this the way I see it.
I don't sacrifice anything for anyone. I just do what I choose to do. Maybe it's the word 'sacrifice' that I simply dislike. Because I love helping others. (Yeah, I don't do that 24/7, but I do every now and then.) Most are small things.
I don't sacrifice anything but time. Sometimes more than just time, I've given up a guy for a friend, twice. Never a good thing. What does it change if in the end it is your heart or your friends heart that breaks?
I've moved a party a day before an exam just because my friend was leaving on the day of my exam. I haven't seen my friend since. I left before she was back. (As a matter of fact, she still isn't back.)
I got the best birthday presents for my twin brother when we turned 18, but never got a present back (unless you call a grasshopper covered in chockalate a present, Oh, but you find out it's a grasshopper only once you've already eaten it).

I'm that lame.



I've been listening to radio all night. A very gay station. Most songs are so bad that I simply take the earphones out of my ears. If you know me, than you know that usually i wouldn't do that, so you can only imagine how bad some of the songs were. I also nuplugg my ears when they talk. It's so ridiculous, I do not care if you found a Christmas song CD in your messy car. I also couldn't care less if you've slept all week, or if you haven't slept for twenty hours. Gee! They don't have much advertisement, i'd put that as a pluss. However, to be honest, i'd rather listen to a cheerfull phone companies add then listen to their news. It's a recorded one minute long news script. I don't want to be sarcastic, but playing over and over again about a director who has died is a little unethical. Maybe I'm wrong, but for gods sake, it's an invitation to attend a dead persons funeral not Lady Gaga's performance. Now all this made me wonder why the hack am I listening to this station. And it wasn't hard to understand. I'd listen to an other station, but the choice is really narrow, practically nothing to choose from. AND I'm very tired of the songs that I have on my phone.
Therefore I listen to this station, because they do put some OK songs every now and then.

I should get out of my bed and start doing something, but more sleep sounds much more tempting.

happy dance

As I was walking back to my residence after my Sociology seminar today, I walked by a group of four guys. One of them was looking at me and said: "Hey, you look happy." A few steps later I turned and looked back at the guy and replied: "It's because I am happy!"

The smile on my face grew a little more, and then I resumed my trip.

Yes, at the moment I feel happy. It's official. This almost NEVER happens, so you all are more than welcome to join me as I celebrate by doing THE HAPPY DANCE!!!

Eh, too bad I can't tell you why I'm in such a mood. But either way, I wish you all a great evening.