Janvāris.

Laimes dalīšana.
Kur man likt visu šo laimīti? Kaklā iekārt? Iebērt burkā, vai pienaglot pie sienas, lai neaizbēg?
Vēlos jums visiem novēlēt šo laimi, jo kur gan es viens pats ar tik daudz laimi likšos? Man nav vietas, kabatas plīst jau pušu. Un es gribu, lai visiem tiek neliela laimes kripatiņa. Gribu, lai katram tiek lērums laimes, lai iemirdzas prieks, vēl gaišāks kā Ziemassvētku brīnums. Es gribu iekrāsot pasauli vēl neredzētos toņos. Gribu, lai cilvēki redz, ka patiesai laimei vajag ļoti, ļoti nedaudz. Un vajag, lai ir grūti, lai katru dienu ir par ko cīnīties, jo tas dod vēlmi novērtēt visu labo, kas tev ir. Es tā gribu, lai tu saproti manu domu - lai nepārproti mani. Nekad nebūs viegli, ja gribi patiesu laimi, tev tā ir jāizprot un jānovērtē. Citādi, tā kā smiltis izskries caur pirkstiem.
Viss, es eju būt laimīgs.

Le Birthday's Approaching

These days nothing really comes as a surprise, it's been a while since I felt really surprised about something.
Life is changing, a lot. The passed few months have really been a roller-coaster with some real bad downs and some fascinating ups. It's been difficult to stay positive at times, but with the right attitude and while keeping great people close to me, I have managed to come to where I am at now. September, it has arrived. Yet another September. While in school, it used to mean a new beginning. But this time I am having a new beginning without having to go to school. It's ANOTHER start. It's yet another section starting.
I've had more fresh starts than many people combined. Maybe that's what is my thing, starting things anew. Heck knows.

And yes, birthday is approaching, it will be next week. This year it will be a bit special. ;)

Well. My thoughts are still a mess, but some things I am more certain about than others, so that's marvellous.

Song for the mood these days: Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know? 

"'Cause there's this tune I found
That makes me think of you somehow
And I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep"

Gym

Life keeps changing around me. There are some things that remain constant, however, there are also things that don't stop changing. I keep changing in ways I never thought possible, outlook on life keeps changing as well.

You know how there is people who talk a lot about doing something. Well I'm one of them. But in some ways I've finally begun actually doing stuff. I should't get too excited though, since there still are many plans that I have not completed yet, for instance, letter for future me, or finishing reading this book I started several months ago. What I am saying is that there is still a lot of place for improvement, and I know I am getting there.

So here is my gym story. I finally joined a gym, that happened on the 28th of February (the day my third nephew was born (: ). And I've been attending the gym not less than four times a week for seven weeks now (for those who are looking at the logistics, the first week was before I even joined, went there on a guest pass). I love it there! Keeps me out of the flat, keeps me feeling good. Soon after joining I started to go to Zumba classes on Tuesday mornings. And now I'll start to go more often in the mornings. Doing some cardio in the morning is a great way to start the day. I go to many other classes too, my favourite is Body Attack. Plus I've also begun to eat breakfast on a daily basis. I've built some muscles that I never knew I had. I feel stronger. 

I've met a guy there at the gym, and he asked me out. But I can't seem to care to reply to the last text message. He asked me out despite the fact that I told him about my plans of moving soon. He is nice, smart even (a rare bread!), but I don't like where it's going. So I don't know if I'll get back to him. I'll see him at the gym when his tattoo heals, and it will be awkward at first, but I'll get over it. 

My brother is here for four weeks now. He's not found a job yet, and is starting to annoy me a lot. I know I could be more supportive, but the way his first two weeks went here, I just can't be bothered. He has to try harder, but he is not doing anything. This morning my flatmate was asking him if I'm at work, and he replied not yet. I was raging! He sits about the house all fuckin day, and I am home one day in I have no idea how long. He still hasn't fucking learned that I'm off every Saturday. I know it's a little thing, but all this shit is piling up, and I keep it in, because I know he is my bro and I can't be a bitch. I wish he was actually looking for a job. FUCK!!! He's not doing anything. How does he not understand that I can't fucking keep supporting him? 

 

I Believe In..

One day I shall write about my life. And then I shall decide where to start and where to end the story. However, until then I have decided to change my life (again), not crucially, but just a bit. Today I shall post about the things I believe in. Yes, I will not cram about the things that I dislike, or things I don't believe in. I will try to list some things, and then write what I mean by that.
Before I do that I'd like to state a stupidity that I have committed. I always wait for the dude to send me a text message. And it used to be that I was so silly and answered right away, and so placing myself in the same situation - the waiting area. But lately things have slightly changed. I still wait for the guy to send a message, but when he does, I ignore it. I knew I would ignore it in the first place, but I still wait for a something. Last night (a Friday, as you could have guessed anyway) one guy sent a text message. Quite frankly I didn't even see that one coming. But then somewhere between 3 and 4 am GUESS-WHO called. Of course I did not pick up. Was he trying to get back at me for that one time....... Or was he trying to get back at me for not replying to his last two messages? OR was he actually hoping to see me?? Either way, I am not going to do anything about it.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, I can list some things that I believe in.

First, and far most important thing, I believe in my twin brother. You'd maybe expect me to write family and friends or something of that sort. And you are probably wondering why I am picking out just one person of this so-called group. The reason is that I don't believe in nor my family, nor my friends. However, I do believe in my twin bro. Not because he has trouble believing in himself, but because I really think that he can do more that what he is doing right now. I believe in him because I know what kind of a person he is, and I know that when someone wants something real, real bad, they can achieve it. He simply has not understood what it is that he wants to aim for. It is possible that I believe in him just to some how keep believing in myself; all because at some level we are in the same place. And who knows, maybe it is cuz we are twins, or maybe it's the upbringing, or maybe it's all the possible factors added together. But we are both struggling, each due to different list of things.. And gosh, I know this person, I know the deepest corner of his heart. I know he is strong. I know he leads his life with love and passion (gosh, this sounds lame).. But that is the truth.

So we lead in to the next thing: I believe in the GOOD. Yes, the good. I believe that there are people on this planet who are not entirely self centered. I believe that some people in the world would die to save another being. Of course, there isn't only back and white (sometimes I forget this), we all have our vices, and our falling point. But some people simply care less about themselves and more about others (or someone else in specific). It really doesn't matter, as long as the person doesn't spend his/her entire life just concerning about himself/herself.. I lost the train of thought... OOooppsss. I believe in Santa Claus. :D

I believe in art, all forms of art really. Painting, sports, photography, dance, singing, cooking, crafts, visual arts, modern art, art of design, art of work, art of structure, art or anything a person can be good at, anything  that a person can do so good that it can be admired.

(I need to remember how to project my thoughts into decent sentences and paragraphs.)

I could list some more things, but I'll just go with one more.

I believe in good night sleep. ;)

Birthday Post #1

So it's 00:00 now; today is the 18th of September and it's my twin brothers birthday today. :D Yeah, not very original since I've said it before, but still, not many people can say that, right? :P Just got home from Poker Monday. Now I should get a good night rest because tomorrow is going to be a long day. Hopefully there will be more posts regarding my birthday, so keep your eyes open. :))

I love my bike!

I got my bike fixed, sort of... And then me and my bro, we went for a ride... All I can say is that I love my bike. I adore it!

The Truth

- I'm just joking.
- Well, not funny.


Have i lost the last of my sense of humour, or was i reasonabale? That shall remain as a question.

All Too Much

Hi.

Many things have happened recently, and I will try to cover as much as I can. I don't have much time, so I will just go fast through things.

First I would like to let You know that I have finished school. I will be getting my diploma this Friday, but I had my last exam last Friday, so I am done! About that, though I am done, I signed up for summer school. I will be doing to two courses to increase my mark in English and Biology, all to get into my first choice University: Glasgow Caledonian. If I don't get in there then I will be probably going to Dundee University. We shall see how things work out. I am applying to live in Glasgow Caledonian residence, I just need to finish the application and send it to them (along with several other things). So yeah, basically there is a lot of things to do.

Other thing that I wanted to talk about was the past weekend. Friday night we (me, mom and Tašpuks) went to Zemgālija. It was so relaxing and, and.. I had a great time there. I would go into to details, but as I said, I am in a rush. The next morning we went to Canada's Tērvete for the Līgo celebration. That included folk dancing, singing, and, of course, beer drinking. It was supposed to be more fun, but one of my good friends left early that night, but my other friend, who said she would be there was no where to be found. But it was alright. The next morning we were on our way back to Ottawa. But we didn't stay home for long. We had to get dressed and leave for this church thing, blah, blah, blah (I just don't know what it is called in English) and after that we went to celebrate at this families place. They live by the lake and there was a great view, fancy dinner and a lot of fun with other people. And it was probably the last time I will ever see Edijs, a guy who claims that I am his favourite girl. How cute is that? Haha.

And this week is busy as hell. Today I have to clean up the house, and then I'm going to the movies with Rebeka, that should be fun. I might be sleeping over at her place, and that should be fun as well. (Yeah, not so good on synonyms today). Tomorrow is Thinh's and Sunny's birthday party, and I still need to get presents for them. Wednesday there is a plan to celebrate Līgo (again) and if not, then I will go clubbing. Thursday I have to go to a dinner that my friend's family is organizing. And Friday, as I already mentioned, is the commencement at our school, so all the grads of 2010 will be getting their diplomas in a very uncool, formal, unpersonalized, "american movie" fashion. Yeah, yeah, we will be wearing the gowns and the funny hats.  After that we (my mom, Tašpuks and I) will be going to a sushi place to celebrate the whole thing in a more personal and cozy atmosphere. Saturday is FREE. But I am sure that during the next few days I will fill it up with something (actually I have a feeling that I already have something to do, but I just don't recall it). And Sunday there is a concert at the Latvian place, some guest artists playing. Next Monday, so in a week, will be the Prom day. I will not be going to the official prom (buūuuuu). But I will go to an alternative version of it, and later to another alternative after-prom. That should be loads of fun!!!

That is my plan for the next week. So bye for now.
I miss You much but there is so little time!!!!

turns out

A few days ago i was viewing my blog from a different computer and i found out that there are people out there who can not see the third column of my blog. Lame. But i figured that i will not change anything, because after all i write for myself not for people with old computers!

But really, if You are one of them, i am very sorry, but i can assure You that You are not missing out on much!

This morning i woke up coughing and i still feel sick. I will be drinking tea all day and i shall be ready to party when the sun will go down! God dammit, i brought a new dress just so i can go.

My bro has been writing an essay for his science class proving that global warming is not affected by people. He then states that the planet earth is in a cycle (well i love cycles, i do believe that everything in bigger and smaller scale is just repeating, i mean now i am here, again..) where it gets colder, then hot again. Of course this is big time scale like millions of years. And now we are in the warm part of the cycle. He says that what human species does affects very little, that there are natural gasses that form the greenhouse effect and that how much we drive our cars and how much we burn fossil fuels will not affect anything on the bigger scale.
Just something to think about. I mean the cycle part! I think about it a lot. That's why i love the book Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett.

Passion of Skating with the Love of Fun

Shuuuu-upa. So.
English Exam was OK. I suppose. Well i think (at least i suppose that is what people call thinking) that it was not too hard. Our teacher really helped us to get ready and we went through examples from previous years and all that jazz. She told us what to expect and what the questions are going to be. Not exact. but as much as she was allowed to tell us. The exam is in two parts, a sight passage and an essay. Since it is a Board wide exam every grade 12 student in Ottawa-Carleton District School Board who had English in the first semester was writing this exam at the very same time as me and my class mates. The exam begun at 8:45 in the morning on Friday and we had two and a half hours to finish it (it was suggested that you spend 60 minutes on the sight passage and 90 on writing, planning and reading over your essay). In the first part there was a short written text that had to be read and then there where 5 questions. The first question on these exams is always to restate the writers thesis. Our teacher told us that they are looking for two ideas. The first is more broad and the second is more specific. The second question had a choice. There were four methods of development and you had to pick two, state the definition, find an example in the text and then state how that is the correct example. In this one i did good since in the last couple days of school our teacher gave a list of literary terms and told us which ones are more likely to be on the exam. In the third question we had to choose one of three given stylistic devices, and then the same as previous - definition, example, and why it is a good example. This i did well too. The next question had two parts to it. The first was to find one or two specific words that state the diction in a specific paragraph or sentence and the second part was to state the tone and, of course everything had to be proven. The last question was a personal response question. There was a choice of two sentences from the text and we had to choose one of them, say what the authors point of view is (in own words) and then say if we agree or disagree, and say why our opinion is as it is with examples and personal experience. I was done with this within an hour (just as was recommended). Then there was the second part. They gave us 4 essay prompts and by using one work studies in this year (for me the choice was, Brave New World, The Wars, Waiting for Godot and King Lear). I wrote about Brave New World. Chose the first prompt and it was something about how societal norms cause a character to struggle as reaching for his/her goals. Wrote about Bernard Marx. I wrote it in no time. Then read over it and was done within two hours in total. Then i left the room and felt sorta good.

Today i was planning to be on time to my Spanish class. It starts at 9:00 in the morning and it would take me about half an hour to get there, buts since buses don't come on request to get there before nine i have to leave at 8:15. My alarm (my silent alarm) was set on seven in the morning, since i was planing to take a shower before leaving. I woke up at half past eight. Was 20 minute late and came in to realize that there was a test today. I am 94% sure that i failed this one. I wasn't there last week, so i had no idea we were having a test. In today's class we (surprisingly) did not do too much. First the test, it took more time then the teacher though. Then he gave us a short lesson (do not remember on what it was). Then we listened to two songs and translated the lyrics. And the last thing we did was listened to two chapters of the book we are reading.. Then the bell rung. I got home, changed, ate (it took me two minutes to heat the lunch and two to eat it). Got my stuff together, went downstairs to the basement to get my skates and was on the go to the canal.

Tashpuks organized this because he was planning that the girl he likes will be there. At last minute she had called that she can't come. They met up at one in the after noon and went to the canal together. I was still on my way home at that time so i went and was planning to catch them. After skating for about half an hour i sent a msg to Tashpuks asking how far are they. He did not know (what a surprise -.-). After taking to him and another fella i analyzed the situation and figured that i am way past them. S now i was going back and searching for white coat and a face that i would recognize. There they were. Only four of them. It was two of the three "Russians" (yeah, Plaknis was there too), Tashpuks and the best friend of the girl Tashpuks really likes. Finally found them i was pleased. Skating alone might be fun, but i was not in the lonely mood (i know, not common :D). So now it was taking, laughing and, most importantly, skating with the Love of Fun in our eyes. We skated for quite a while. We got to the big lake thing and then went back. On my way i fell three times. The first was nice, like a dive on the ice. The third time i was not really moving fast and i just fell on my knees. The third time was a pain. Yup, a pain. It was in the last stretch, I was tired, but going pretty fast and then my skate met a big, nasty crack on the ice. I fell on my knees and slid for a little on the ice. This was not like the first one, since i was going much faster. There i was. Flat. At first i didn't really feel any pain. But as i begun to skate my knee was yelling a silent scream and begging me to stop and move no more. I didn't listen. We were almost done. Once we got to the end i dropped dead in the snow. Got off my skates and put my boots back on. Felt odd at first because this was the first time this winter i got on the ice. I was happy it was done. My red cheeks were freezing, but my hands were not, even though i had given my gloves to the other girl, she was freezing all this time. I was not. It was just my face that felt the need to get a hot chocolate. We went up to Rideau center. This is where Plaknis said he had to go. He shook hands with the guys and then.. HE GAVE ME A HUG.
HE GAVE ME A GOODBYE HUG! I felt like making a WTF face, but i didn't. What was he thinking? He had never hugged before, not even on my birthday.
He left and then the four of us went to the food court. Tashpuks and i were drinking hot chocolate and the other two were eating. I was not hungry, my body was still fighting with the two minute meal that it got earlier, before leaving the house. After a while we spent in the food court (i was watching the street outside getting darker and darker and the number of people that depended on how many buses had passes by) they decided to go and play pool. I was tired, exhausted, begging for home, and with a hurting knee so i said goodbye and went home. The bus ride was messed up because there was a black guy (no intention to be racist) sitting next to me who was reading his news paper all over the place. At one point my ribs got bugged by his elbow and at other points the news paper was in my face. I was happy that i lived down town (i mean, very close to it). I got of the bus and tackled the death ice eight in front of the door. I got in and was greeted by a MIaW by Giotto and a dinner that my mom had prepared earlier that day. It was delicious. I watched the cartoon movie about the chicken Running away (forgot the name of it) and now i am here.

I am very hard working on the new years resolutions. I plan to put them back in the side bar. I am trying to eat less carbs. I am trying to learn new things. Actually i have learned two already, now i know what i.e. and e.g. stand for. Do You know? ;D

Fine my love birds. I have two exams next week and a lot of Spanish homework for next Saturday. I plan to do NOTHING tomorrow. Well, maybe i will clean up my room, time will tell. But now i am craving for my soft pillow and comfy night shirt.

written in May 2009.

You are an immortal. And somehow you seem to hate everything about yourself, but your mind always lands on this one little hope, - that no matter what, you have your friend there for you. And you just know thet he is going to love you no matter what.

So, if someone who you bearly know tells u that you are an ugly loser who has no life, you seem to not care. Why? Becuase this person doesn't even know you, there for he can't know anything about your life.

But then your only friend, - the one who you trust more then anything in your life, the one who you love no matter what he has done because he has always been with you in those special moments; and he has held your hand when things have been too tough to handle. - Tells you in your face everything that you hate about yourself, in every detail, with endless floods of hate. He tells you how misrable your life is and what a low-life creature you are.

Your brain sudenly loses sence of reality.
You feel like you are in the worst nightmare that has ever been.
And you close down,
you shut up.You have nothing to say back.
Your eyes fill up with tears. There is so much of them that you could drown.

There is this sudden pain (that has not left since) and you cut your self open and you shoot out everything that you can, just to make him feel like you; though there is no pain that could be compared to this.
There, you and your only friend in the middle of the worst fight that no frindship can survive.
The pain is terrible.
It is as if you are the most sensible being in the whole universe and someone is ripping your heart out. But it woun't, the heart just stays inside your chest in an open wound and keeps on beating.
The pain is so bad that you wish you never had a heart, you wish you never had anything.
You wish you were a mortal. The pain is worse then any phisical pain, then any other emotional pain. It is like surviving an earthquake all by yourself. It is like you are the bridge that was built for a purpose, but can't function. You collapse.

But you hope, you think that a "sorry" might fix it all. It is your last hope to end the pain.
But even after the "sorry"s have been said, the pain is still present, it has decided to stay there forever.
It is never visible to others, but it burns inside of you like an olimpic tourch right by your heart, never stops burnung.
Now, whenever someone tells you those things the pain grows, and even if the fiend is someone who does not know you, it still hurts. No, burns.
Why? Because you know that it is true. Deep beneath the surface you scream to your self, that he is right.
And now, you have no friends, because the pain that abids in you does not let you to get close to anyone - ever - because deep inside you don't want the pain to grow - it is just too hard, it's just too hard, unbarable.
But you do talk to people.
You even talk to the one who caused all this pain. Why? Because you are too wounded to relize that the world keeps on turning. You are ready to bear anything..
But every time you see him you remember that time, and that feeling will never let the pain go.
And you feel like a pathetic dog.
You keep hoping, wishing that some day everything will sudenly go good again.
So you stay loyal to you 'good' old friend and every time you do a favour for him, you feel even more pathetic and useless..
This will never end, because there is this hope that is inside.
...and the pain, it subsists in you,
it has no weekends, holydays, celebrating days.
It has you. .. the pain just lives inside and keeps growing bigger and bigger...

..You just wish you could collapse and end it all, but you can't, because you are an immortal.



... ... ... thats what it feels like.

Tā tas ir bijis pirms tam un tā tas būs mūžīgi! :[

same place, different view

Back in CA!
School - a lot of homework; have a class with Tašpuks; don't like my biology class; and my online course did not work out because my school board did not offer the course i want..; aside from all the negative, i love the idea that this is the last year, grade 12 (!), can't wait for it to be over. Oh, and i promissed to my self that i would work harder this year (last year i slacked off, and did almost nothing to make everything good).. With the new week im planing to start to go to the fitness club again.
Oh, and we have a long weekend, haven't yet found out why, but im sort of happy, can sleep in and FINALY cleen up my room (it's a mess!!).

Feels great to be a senior student who is in grade 12! (Tho it is sad that many friends who graduated are not around any more.) Feels like the other students respect you (cuz ex. in grade 9 it felt like other students had a laugh at what i was wearing or how i did things..). And people who are your classmates are way more mature then they were, it feels like im a human being, not a kid.

In..14 days im turning 18!

18!!!

nevaru vien sagaidīt! (:

don't care! but why?

Plāns.

Vakarnakt ilgi nevarēju iemigt. Kāpēc? Laika zona. Jā, tieši tā, esmu vēl nedaudz sviestā. Nu labi, daudz. Es domāju! (ATKAL! Kādam vajadzētu man sadot pa mici ikreiz kad kaut kas līdzīgs domāšanai pienāk pārāk tuvu manām šūniņām!!) Bet tas bija neizbēgami. Ārā diezgan steidzīgi ausas saule un mans prāts nelika mieru. Izdomāju plānu, to, ko darīšu septembrī, kad skola atsāksies! Man ir liels plāns, bet jums sacīt, nesacīšu. Tad jau redzēs, kas un kā man izdosies.

Vakar satiku Radaru! Hi hi. Viss aizritēja tā, kā likās, ka būs. Donalds + kārtis + fun! Šodien gulēju un ar puikām spēlēju pokeri. Visu dienu. Grrr... es varētu sūdzēties, bet es jau tā nedaru. Un leilīties, ar nelielos! un varbūt tomēr... ha ha .. es vinnēju! :DD

Rīt sestdiena. Hmmm.. Tad jau redzēs kā ies. Varbūt ka pasacīšu kā gāja.

Nu jau ilgāku laiku neesmu saņēmusi nekādas ziņas no Plakņa. Arī skaipā nav onlainā brīžos, kad iepriekš vienmēr bijis. Kad pēdējo reizi runājām viņš nesacīja, ka kur dosies. Bet droši vein, ka kautkur ar ģimeni. t.i. es tā ceru!!
Dažbrīd es pati sev vaicāju vai tā tam vajadzētu būt, ka es par vi;nu domāju. Vai viņš par mani ar vismaz šad tad iedomājās??
Bāc, es atkal domāju!!!

Viss, eju ēst zupu! :))

pavisam nedaudz.

cik var??
es jau jūtu, ka bija par daudz.

piektdien - foršs nometnes pēdējais vakars + dancošana un tusēšana
Sestdien - TUSS.
Svētdiena - grrrr
Pirmdien - kolosāla diena pirms braukšanas ar Tašpuku + shopping + vārda diena.
Otrdien - ceļā uz Rīgu!...

uhhh...
nedaudz vajag piemest kaut ko neforšu???
nē.
es vienkārši neesmu pieradusi, ka labas lietas notiek tik lielos daudzumos, bez stājas.
bet man patīk.

bāc.
nevajag pierast..
citādi nāksies vilties.
es jau jūtu!


***
paldies visiem, kas novēlēja labu vārda dienu
un, protams, paldies Tašpukam un nedaudz arī mammai par foršo dienu! :))

***

un buča lācim,
piedo, ka neko neuzrakstīju! :(
bet tu zini, ka esi man ļoti, ļoti mīļa lāča ķepa!! ;)
apsolu, tev būs pirmais šī gada e-pasts no RĪGAS!!

***
eju krāmēties!! :D


***

Nasta par smagu.
Nevar panest vairs patiesos vārdus.
Jāsasmeļ izlietās dienas,
bet ir jau par vēlu.

Paredzami nākotnes vārdi
un lietas, kas jānožēlo būs.
Noslēptas likstas
un īpaši izcelti māni.

Nav nekur rakstīts,
ka akli esam,
nav spalvas un tintes.
Nav papīra lapas.

Nozagtas pienes.
Nav ne vasara
ne pavasaris.
Bet pienes ir.

Pūkā tītas,
izsmērētas gar palātas
stikla logu.
Vai redzi?

Man jāizspļauj atvadu vārdi.
Cik, pēc skaita,
vai kādās krāsās,
kurš zin kā pareizi būtu?

Plaksti par smagu,
mute neveras ciet.
Aust nākamā rīta saule.
Bez vārdiem atvadamies mēs.

Izrautas papīra lapas.
Nenobeigta vēstule man.
Mēs zinām, ka tikai zābaks
spēj runāt, kad jārunā nav.

Paklusē.
Paklusē šodien mans draugs,
Jo tā pat neviens
neredz to, kas ir ļauts.


***

Bez stājas.

Agresīvi dauzās mana sirds.
Bez stājas, bet cītīgi.
Sirds sit pulsu,
bez stājas.

Grieķu pasaku tēli
kāpj pār glāzes malu.
Ir par daudz,
bet turpinās bez stājas.

Mirst drauga drauga
iedomu draugs.
Mēs esam mānīgā aplī,
kas rit bez stājas.

Ar gaisa vadiem
pūsta strāva.
Mūk domas par Tevi,
Bez stājas.

Un turpina pukstēt sirds,
nemierīgi sit pulsu.
Domās slīgstu. Par Tevi.
Bez stājas.

par to kā ir

Tātad, Lācis nokritizēja manu jauno vārdu. Bet man patīk, vienkārši gribējās ko jaunu. ;)
Un vispār vakar ar Lāci dikti forši papļāpājām, buča viņai!

Vakar vakarā ar Tašpuku un dažiem citiem cilvēkiem bijām spēlēt biljardu! Bija forši, es ar nedaudz paspēlēju! Jā, jā, lai gan teicu, ka nespēlēšu mani tomēr pierunāja. Mājās biju nedaudz pēc vieniem, tad piesēdos pie IC un iepostoju, bet šķiet, ka būtu bijis labāk nerakstīt nekā! :DDD

Šodien braucu uz Tērvetes nometni indēt bērnus. Būšu prom DIVAS nedēļas. Bez neta, bet telefona (jo zonas tur nav pat ne drusciņ!!!) Brīvajā laikā plānoju lasīt, socializēties, peldēt, gurķoties un un un.. tad jau redzēs, kad atbraukšu, tad arī izstāstīšu kā gāja.

Lai jums jauka jūlija nogale.. āā, šo tu vari nelasīt, es sev tik atgādinu, ka vajadzēs nomainīt vārdu pirms 27, lai varu ieskaitīt savu vārda dienu! ;) hi hi

...hmmm man laikam labs garīgais, varbūt, ka tas tāpēc, ka līst(?)... ;)


(:

slapjas bučas jums visiem!

.

vēl +

Buča visiem Tašpukiem..
un tā kā tāds ir tikai viens, tad viņam arī buča, un ..un... es zinu, ka Tu vari! ;)

"republic of china land" *

*Citāts no Tašpuka otrdienas.

Man vajadzētu izgudrot stratēģiju kā nokļūt atpakaļ uz pekām. Kā devītās klases sākumā, kad tika pildīti visi mājas darbi un nevis tāpēc, ka bija jāpilda, bet tāpēc, ka gribējās pildīt. Bija kāre iegūt jaunas zināšanas un vēlme kaut ko darīt. Tagad ir tikai kāre pēc zināšanām, bet klāt pielipis slinkums. Pieņemu, ka tas tāpēc, ka nespēju saņemties. Ja uz klik pēkšņi viss, kas līdz šim ir neizdarīts pēkšņi būtu padarīts, tad būtu savādāk. Atriešoties pie stratēģijas. Man ir jāmāk savākt savu laiku tā, ka tiek izdarīts viss, kas jādara:

• Visi nepadarītie skolas darbi
• Skola
• Mājas darbi
• Mājas darbi (iknedēļas mājas kārtošana)
• Atpūta
• Draugi
• Ģimene
  
• Svētdienas vakari
• Intereses
• Sports/Notievināšana

Tā ir izlase, nē, galvenās kategorijas, zem tām sakrīt VISS! Sākotnēji domāju izstrādāt dienas plānu katrai dienai. Bet nekas nesanāca, jo nespēju sekot līdzi tam, ko biju saplānojusi.
Tagad domāju, jāatsakās no TV un pēc iespējas mazāk laiks jāpavada pie datora. Tas gan izklausās kā klišē. Jo ķipa tā IR problēma visiem jauniešiem. Bet man kaut kā nav pavisam. Es cauru dienu skatos Cosmo TV kaut kādu sviestu. Un, ja ne to, tad sēžu pie kompja, kaut ko rakstu vai spēlēju Pokeri. Dzīve iet sviestā, bet tas tāpēc, ka man pietrūks spēka atsākt normālu dzīvi. Man nav nekādas iekšējās motivācijas. Nekādas. Pat ne mazākās drumstaliņas. Un, ja ir, tad nav nekas, kas spētu kaut ko virzīt uz priekšu. Vajag plānu, stratēģiju, kas man liktu ne tikai saprast, ka ir problēma, bet arī rīkoties, lai tā tiku risināta..
```un es nezinu kāpēc, bet liekās, ka es šad tad pārspīlēju. Hmm.. man vajadzētu uzrakstīt uz lapas (lapām) visu, kas man IR jāizdara, lai redzu visu tā teikt, the big picture.
citādi esmu apmaldījusies...



Par sestdienu un svētdienu. Kopumā ņemot tuss bija OK! :) Lai gan pēc iepriekšējā rkasta tā nevarēja spriest. Sestdien izstāstīju Mantijai, ka man patīk Rieksts. Kad meitene aizbrauca es neatminos kāpēc, bet arī Karijai izstāstīju par ieķeršanos puisī. Tagad tas vairs nav noslēpums. Ap sešiem no rīta (svētdien) atkal atnāca Mantija. Ar kājām esot stundu nākusi. Es pamodos ap pus 9. Pusstundu nosēdēju pie datora un tad kārtoju māju. Pamatā virtuvi, bet viskatko nācās vākt katrā mājas nostūrī. Kārtošanas laikā izdevās burtiski divas minūtes aprunāties ar Riekstu. Sāku ar jautājumu, vai patika tuss. Viņš teica, ka bija forši, ja vien neskaita to, ka Mantija raudāja un to, ko es izdarīju. Tad viņš man mēģināja ieskaidrot, ka tas, ko es vakarā pīpēju bija zālīte, bet es vēl līdz šim nezinu, vai viņš saprata, ka tā bija tikai cigarete. Nu jā.. es viņam teicu, ka atvainojos jau kādas simts reizes. Beidzās ar to, ka viņš pateica savu tipisko puišu nu labi. It kā tas vairs nebūtu svarīgi. Bet nelikās, ka tas bij atāds, 'atšujies', vairāk kā 'tas vairs nav savrīgi!'. Un es nosolījos tā vairāk nedarīt.
Līdz ~11 cilvēki bij pamodušies. Un pēc tam arī lielākā daļa no palikušajiem tusētājiem devās prom. Palika vien Mantija un Rieksts. (tātad bijām četri, es, tašpuks un viņi divi).. Visu dienu vienkārši ņēmāmies un ārdījāmies. Sanāca vēl neaiziet uz koklēšanu/dejošanu, jo ciemiņi vēl bija pie mums un prom dzīt negribējās, jo bija dikti jautri. Uz vakara pusi skatījāmies TV un rēcām. Te kas labs: Rieksts man sēdēja blakām uz dīvāna un nelikās, ka viņam bija slikti, vai, ka viņš gribētu iet prom. Te uz pleca bija roka un pēdas sarunājās. :D
Ap deviņiem vakarā visi četri aizdevāmies uz Ridō maķīti un viņš nopirka paiku. Es palūdzu kartupeļus. Bet nobeigt nevarēju, jo šādā (vai līdzīgā) ēstuvē pēdējo reizi biju vasarā. Manam vēderam nepatika. Mantija mūs pameta un devās uz autobusu, puikas pabeiza savus dubultos čīzburgerus un tad mēs pavadījām Riekstu līdz viņa autobusa pieturai un sagaidījām kopā ar viņu autobusu. Abi ar tašpuku devāmies mājas...
un tā lūk mani mājas darbi palika neizpildīti! xD

Nu re, tas ir kā tas viss notika. Dažiem gabaliem izgrieztiem un nelieliem sīkumiem pamainītiem, bet tas tikai tāpēc, ka man leikās, ka mamma ar manu blogu lasa.. ja tā, tad esmu ziepēs! xD

bet nu gan -Gulēt marš! :D

Dienas (iespējams, ka nedēļas) dziesma: Kanye Wet - Heartless