Es negribu visā uzreiz atzīties.

Bet man regulāri sāp galva un domās plosās nemierīgs vējš. Man bieži ir bail un gribas paslēpties, tā, lai neviens mani neredz un nekad neatrod. Es raugos cauri netīriem stikliem kā uz manas mātes zemes netiklās miesas sniegpārslas krīt. Tas ir tik maigas kā maza bērna pieskāriens. Man acīs uzplaukst asaras, te skumjas mīt. Bet kaut kur dziļi, dziļi sirdī ir tāds prieks, tāds prieks, ka nesaprotu, kā dienas nepaiet vienos priekos.
Jā, tas tiesa, ka sevi izprast - neizprotu. Ir reizes, kad pati slīgstu savās izplūdušajās domās. Tad es kā maza, vāja buru laiva triecos pret tālā okeāna viļņiem. Manī mīt spēks, bet to pārskalo tās asaras, kas klīst pār maniem vaigiem.
Es pārāk bieži jūtos bezspēcīga. Parasti spēks man palīdz to noslēpt no citiem mirstīgajiem.

May, Wait, What, June?

Ok, if I was to have a child now I'd call it June, because it came unexpectedly.

Ha, bad humour stops here.

Dear Bob,

I own you an apology. I know it's been a while, but they say it's better late than never, so here is my apology. Bob (if that even is your real name), we met a very long time ago. Some years back. It was when I was still living in Ottawa. You most likely don't recall but we met in Rideau Center shopping mall in the food court. That day we both were there to attend an improv-everywhere event, the banana war. Remember now? Yes, it was funny, hilarious even. Random people shooting each other with bananas.

And so I found it, your iPod. Yes! It was me, I took it home, I could have went looking for you, Bob, but I didn't. I just swiftly put it in my pocket.
For four years I never touched it, never even tried to switch in on. And then one fine day, thousands miles away from Ottawa, I charged that little thing, and now it's me who is listening to all those songs on your list.

I bet you went looking for it on that day. But I want to apologize. And I want to thank you, Bob! Yeah, I like the small blue thingy, I think it will become a good friend of mine, and my laptop. Yeah, we'll all be good friend. But not you, only a tiny ghost of you remains.

But Bob, why is the memory space so small, huh?

Never yours,
me.

P.S. Clearly, I won this banana war.

There is no Right Answer to All the Questions

Rīga 2013

 

"Nepūt pīlītes"

My new header picture on Twitter

 Cēsis, Nov 2013

 Tērbatas, Rīga, 2013 Autumn

Lisbon, Feb 2014

Empty

I feel empty. As a bottle of a drunkard, as a hot desert, as a Christmas tree when the season is over. I feel like things could be different. I feel as if things should not be the way they are. I think some people assume that I'm strong, but really I'm just a weakling. They over-estimate me, and think that I am a wall of bricks that can take anything and never fall. What they do not know is that all that is left of me is a pile of debris. Every day I act. I carefully step on the stage and act out my role. Some days I'm the boring character that fills in the space. Other days I'm the lead, and everything is on my shoulders. There are day's when I am to be a lover, a lady, a partner. I also wear the mask of ugly, tired and mean. I follow a simple scenario, and that's how every day goes by. But they really should know that acting sometimes isn't so easy. There are times when I want the curtain to close and the lights to dim down so I can simply cry out the tears that dwell in my eyes.

Let Go Your Heart, Let Go Your Head

I simply like the fact that if I keep things up the same way, you will never be able to fully understand what I'm thinking.

Who am I?

Me, Myself and I

I will make this year more than any other year "everything about me and I". I will have ONE THING PER MONTH that is going to add another ckeck-mark to my life's TO DO LIST. (I'll label this idea as "my month", so that later i can follow up on it.) I have something for January, it will happen next week, but i'm sorta keeping a secret for now. (Although it is super exciting!!) For February I plan to move, still struggling about where to... For March I have a vague idea as well. Really need to go through with it. But I don't plan on spilling the beans as to what this idea is. But for the following months I still don't have any plans, but they'll come, don't worry. Besides, planning out everything kinda takes away the thrill of it.

Other than that I have already changed. I've progressed, and more than anything I hope this is not gonna just be periodical. I hope to not fall back in a booring routine. I have to keep up with this.

Meanwhile, I'm listening to Jazz, watching French movies, working out or jogging, and reading books of an odd type of anthropology. I'm growing again. :))

Different

It's yet another last day of YET another year. I hope it's the best one for all of us, me, you and everybody else. I hope it feels like a never ending firework. I hope it's like a constant orgasm. I wish you that every single day goes by with the thought that it was the best day so far. May all your dearest wishes come true. I really wish for world peace, so that we all live in harmony and accept each other just the way we are. I hope I learn to be more welcome, and more patient. I hope only good things will happen. And if anything bad does happen, we should take the best of it and add it to life experiences. I want 2012 to be different than any other year. I want to do things that I haven't done, and make it memoriable. Truly, may it be the best so far!

Move

I want to move. It's more like I have to move. The only queation is: To Where?

Now, i'm no fool, and nor do I take you for a fool; there are several options:

Option one, of course, is to not move, i.e. stay in the same flat where I live right now.

Option two is to stay in Glasgow, but to move in with different people and somewhere closer to city center.

Option three is to move elsewhere in Scotland. Maybe more to the East, not quite as far as Edinburgh, but that direction.

Option four is to move down to England.

Option five - move to a new country. If I do choose this option, then I'd probably choose Spain.

Option six is that I move back to Latvia.

Option seven does not exist, yet...

Now, if I am to move, it will not happen in the next few days...not this year that is.

So there, I said it. One more post where I'm legitly telling the truth. Love me.

no wonder people believe in the story of God

Hi my fellow worriers.
Life is life and it is so hard to realize that millions of lives can be in the hands of one single person.

A few days ago i went through my biggest "box of memories". It is nothing special, just a shoebox filled with little things (like tiny notebooks, CDs, floppy disks, pins, buttons, name tags, beer caps, etc). Each of these has a shorter or longer story behind it. This post is going to be about a CD that I have from my photography class that I took at the School of the Photographic Arts: Ottawa, the class was called "Youth Perspective". The CD was given to each of the students by the teacher. In there are pictures that changed the world, or pictures that teach a good lesson, or pictures that teach tips and tricks about photography. There is a Power Point presentation that teaches that Plastic Bags are bad and damage the world. There also were a few songs, and also a few links that either teach photography, or have some amazing photographies, or are simply good, there is other stuff too, but I haven't got to that yet. I needed to share this with You!

What I did was I marked all the files in there and pressed "open". Of course the computer was a little upset that it needed to open 74 items all at once, and so was I, but we got through it. At start it launched the Power Point presentation. Pretty impressive, quotes, and, of course, images. Powerful. Then i begun going through the links that opened up. Ok, i'll just add a list of them here. (Not all, since some were NOT FOUND)

• New Internationalist
• New Internationalist - A photographer's code
• Guidelines for Better Photographic Composition
• Edward Burtynsky - Photographic Works
• Photo Composition Articles - Guidelines for Better Photographic Composition
• Itchy Animation - Digital paint - LIGHT
• Amazonas Images
• Adbusters
• Lauren Greenfield - Photography
• Rabble.ca

These are in no order, but You should be able to tell which one is a teaching site and which one is a COOL site to look at (they all are but anyway..).

The one in bold is where i found a video. This video is really heart wrenching and I feel like I need to share with it. Everyone in the world should see this video. (It is a flagged video, so You have to be 18+ to view it, just saying)



It is painful to watch and personally makes me extremely mad!

Referring to the title, it comes to the fact that our lives depend on so much that i start to have a better view on people who believe in a higher power. I don't want to fall there. So I say as long as I have some control over what I do, I will do what ever I can to make this world a better place.

Thank You!

...

*I don't want You to see me when I'm scared.


.

it is not that simple

yesterday morning i skipped my jog, but i did go running this morning. So i said to my self that it is ok. (n i really didn't care if it was true or not, makes no difference)

Here are just some points from yesterday:

1. My math teacher knows that i can do better, n he hopes that i will, just for the exam. I just have to study. n try. n believe i can!

2. (this one is actually from Tuesday..) Our Bio teacher actually cares about us and what we plan to do after school!

3. GGG was an amazing experience! And im saying it cuz i believe it, yesterday i felt the same feeling that i felt in ecuador! Luv it!

4.I will try harder, i just don't know when... :|


Sorry for being so.. so... booring.. i just want school to be over!!