This is Rubbish

This will be me ranting, consider yourself warned. 

I'm at work now.
This place is seriously starting to get on my nerves. I don't even know where to start.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but I work at a hotel as a receptionist. I've been here since end of summer. The job is really fine, I have a list of responsibilities, not just one task to do over and over again. During night shifts I also have to prepare the breakfast. I also have to work in the restaurant as a waitress. And when there is no chef in, then I also have to make food for people. Now this is where the rant starts. Two people went to the restaurant, I tell them that there is no chef in, however, I can prepare something for them form the weekend menu. Now they make a face that makes me think that I've told them something so offensive that they are about to get up and walk away without saying a thing. But no, they just sit there with their... unhappy eggplant faces and unwillingly start to view the Weekend menu. Why the un-satisfaction is aimed at me? Is it my fault that the hotel is low on money? Is it my fault that they can't afford a chef for all times? Is it my fault that due to lack of clients it is inefficient to have the chef in? Yeah, I didn't think so!
Meanwhile I'm hoping they don't pick something that we don't actually have available. In a lucky case, they do pick something I have in the kitchen. Then I ask for drinks. There can be various scenarios;
1) They ask for beer, I ask what kind of beer. Many of them then ask something that they know (example, Carlsberg) - sorry, we don't have that, I can offer you some Latvian beers. - Emm, ok. - Then I usually ask if the want dark or light, and they usually don't know what they want. Other times they ask for draft beer, which is also something we don't have. Then often I bring them the first beer (the brand doesn't matter, as tastes vary from person to person), and they don't like it, and ask something different next time. And then for the third beer they go back to option one, assuming that every next beer I'd offer them would be worse and worse.
2) They ask for coffee or tea. That's not as difficult. The tea simply takes more time, as I need to boil hot water. But then there is no tea that they want. Then they say they don't want sugar, but turns out they wanted it after all, same story with milk.
3) They ask for something that I don't have (and that isn't even in the menu) - for example - fresh juice - any juice other than apple or orange - smoothies - ice cream cocktails - some other random drink.
4) They ask for spirit with something. Well, I am still not aware as to what goes in what glass. Then there is also the issue of lack of right sized glasses. I believe there is about two glasses that fit a shot with a full small glass bottle of coke in it - and they are always dirty. Same thing with G&T, I know I should pour the two together, but I don't have such a glass that fits it all!!!
5) They ask for just water, I believe that in any normal place they'd bring water for no charge, but we give the small bottles, there is 300something ml (or 400somthing, I don't care TBH), and then sometimes they are unhappy that I charge them for water.
6) Cola! Yeah, the cola problem is that about 50% of the time there is no coca cola available, because it is the most requested drink and finishes very fast once delivered. So here the question is, why not order more?? You gain more in the long run!!!
So then they pick something to eat, salad, soup or some hot dish, what ever it is, I have to go and make it for them. But wait! Who's doing my real job? Who's working at the reception, you may wonder! It's me! I'm supposed to be everywhere doing everything.
Now here is more bullshit - the reception is open 24/7, for guests that is ideal! But for us, not so much. There is a lot to do in the morning, and a lot in the evening. But middle of the night and middle of the day are usually quiet and there is nothing to do. So you sit on your ass for some hours and then you have to run like a horse for the rest of the time.
I often get comments form the guests asking/wondering how it is that I am all alone and have to do all the tasks. Well, I wonder too!

And who knows? Maybe it's time to get a new job?! I work hard, and I really try to do things well, but the thing is that nobody cares, no one seems to notice that you do so much. And the salary is an absolute joke! It's like a spit in the face. I can't imagine how I'd survive if I was living all by myself. It would be a nightmare.

Anyway, my shift is over in ten minutes. Then I'm going home for some sleep, since I've not had a normal night sleep for a week now. Oh, my colleague will be late, isn't life great?!

Fuck weekends. Fuck work. Fuck men. Fuck people. Fuck music. Fuck the sunlight. Fuck the moon and the tides. Fuck the polluted oceans. Fuck life and fuck death. Fuck all this bullshit.

I'm not satisfied with life today and everything seems to be wrong, everything makes me sad.
I don't even want to apologize for all the swearing.

--Basta.

I want to see the world

My problem is that I dig holes and then I fall in them. Then I try my best to get out, and once I do bring myself up I end up falling in yet another hole.
But I have this very strange feeling. I feel happy, I should not be, I should be, but no - I don't know. My head is a very confusing place. There are people in my life that make me happy, there are people in my life whom I want to make happy. There is a shy piece of joy in my life, it's not big, but it's there; not visible most of the time, but I can feel it racing in my heart at times.

I was planning to change the text that's along my profile from "The girl that said goodbye before saying hello." to "I want to see the world."

But then, maybe not yet, maybe that doesn't sum up my "profile" 100%. So I'll leave it at that, for now at least.

But either way, I have recently learned that old is not better, not always. And sometimes it is better to let go of the old for new things to come in life. So here I am, I have made up my mind, I have decided to let a part of the good old to go, I have decided to set myself free.

Now playing: Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood

Fuck You Very Very Much

We parted as friends, that does not give you any right, what so ever, to tell me what to do. So how about you shut the hell up?

You honestly chose the wrong time to be an ass hole again.

Peace out.

Dos Semanas

Lately i've partied like never before. It's been normal to get to work with a terrible hangover. Mondays have been out of control. Getting home at 4am this Monday seemed like an early night. So i've decided to change things up. I've been planning this since last week. I said that when my (now ex) boyfriend would leave, i'd stay off alcohol for a week. But then by the end of last week i reimproved this plan, now i'll stay off alcohol for two weeks. The two weeks started yesterday, on a Tuesday.

I'm excited for this. Haha. :D


Bet rīt tētim vārda diena. :)

Pirmdiena.

Pirmdien gāja jautri. Biju uz Slotu poker vakaru. Todien sākās jauna sezona. Gāja man visai labi, ierindojos otrajā vietā no 18 spēlētājiem. Pašai prieks. Vēl es laimēju īpašo, ceļojošo cepuri. To vinnē tā, ka izsit laukā to, kam iepriekš bijusi šī cepure. Tad nu nākamnedēļ tas, kas izsitīs mani iegūs cepuri, un nedaudz piķi, desmit mārciņas. Kad pokeris bij galā tiku pierunāta doties tusēt. Bijām uz to pašu klubu kuru iepriekšējā nedēļā. Tad galam uz kazino, netikām iekšā, jo dažiem labiem nebija ID paņēmies līdzi. Gājām uz citu kazino, bet tanī ar iekšā netikām. Blandijāmies apkārt. Viens čalis normāli ar mani flirtēja, bet es neko. :P Bija pulkstens gandrīz pieci un es nolēmu doties mājup. Ārā bija jau gaišs. Mājās nonācu apmēram divdesmit mīnues pirms sešiem. Līdz sešiem biju jau sapņu zemē.
Biči aizgulējos un nokavēju darbu.. Tas gan nebija labi, tā nedrīkst vairāk. Turēt ir labi, bet tad vismaz nevajadzēja iet gulēt, tad nebūtu nokavējusi. :P

Eh, mūžu dzīvo, mūžu mācies.

Nākamais poker vakars būs svētdien ar letiņiem, tad pirmdien ar skotiem. Tagad drīz 'jāceļas', lai dotos uz darbu.. Lai gan ir day off.

Jauku jums nedēļas nogali. Es varbūt sestdien braukšu uz Edinburgu..tas vēl nav izlemts.

Atā pagaidām.

Būs kā būs.

Skaidrs jau ir kāds būs iznākums, bet interesanti kā līdz tam tiksim. Pēdējo dienu laikā esmu galīgi pārgurusi. Sanāk maz gulēt, daudz tusēt, un nepārtraukti domāt par to kā būtu, ja būtu.

Draugs ielidoja piektdien. Šodien viņš aizdevās prom uz Īriju ciemoties pie draugiem. Man prieks, ka varu atvilkt elpu un izgulēties. Lai gan šodien tā pat nesanāks, jo plānoju doties spēlēt pokeri. Šodien gan mājup došos laicīgi. .. Vēl jāizlemj, dzert šodien alu vai nē? That is the question.

Laserman

It's NOT that i CAN'T live without You, i simply DON'T WANT to live without You.

"Jāj pa ceļu pasaciņa."

Pastāsti lūdzu man pasaciņu par ziliem ziloņiem, brēcošām govīm un uzzīmētiem kaķēniem. Esmu vēl bērns, tā kā raugi, lai pasaks beigas ir gaišas.

...

Ej atpūsties bērns rīt gara diena. Es labprāt atbrauktu ciemos un satiktu tevi jau kārtējo reizi, bet tu tač zini, tu tač saproti. Vaine?

Iespēja ir 50 pret 50. Es ceļos un nākt, nē, es skrienu. Bet tanī pat brīdī es esmu vēl te pat, nekustos ne no vietas. Es ļoti neizteiksmīgi baudu atdzisušo tējas tasi un palētos, tomēr garšīgos, cepumus ar šokolādes gabaliņiem.

Un vēl Tev derētu zināt, ka ne allaž viss ir par Tevi vien... Arī šoreiz ne.

Drīzi beigsies tēja, tad arī izlemšu ko darīt šovakar. Jā, man ir uzmetusies kārtējā piektdienas neizlēmība.

Dziesma: Astro'n'out - Apaļa pasaule

Pirmdiena.

Šodien pirmdiena. Esmu ieslīkusi šokolādes atkarības posmā. Tā man liek justies labi, man piekāst par kalorijām un tamlīdzīgiem brīnumiem. Tā gan nav. Bet nu neko nevaru padarīt, galvā spārdas viena nelāga doma un velk mani uz leju, tad lūk ir šokolāde kas palīdz. Jo redz tai iekšās ir visādas ķīmiskās vielas, kas liek cilvēkbērnam justies labi. Apčakarē smadzenes īsāk sakot. Katrā ziņā, šokolāde ir labāka par cigaretēm un alkoholu. Tā kā pagaidām viss štokos. :) ...un vispār, ja jāsaka būtu atklāti, tad man jau sāk apnikt, jo nav jau tā vietējā šokolāde nemaz tik laba. Laimas noteikti gardāka, bet ar beļģu lielisko šokolādi nemaz salīdzināt nevar.

Drīz ciemos būs mans draugs, jeb boyfriends. Šovakar plānojam skatīties kādu DVD.

Āāā, un rīt atkal agri jāceļas.

Starpcitu, vakar atkal spēlēju pokeri. Negāja labi, bet slikti ar nebija. ;)

Skrienu uz dušu.
Atā pagaidām.

Sleeeeeeeeep?

Alright.

Soon i'll be going through the security, and then i'll be on the plane, and then i'll be home. :)

I didn't manage to fall asleep here, at the airport. I finished reading some lame magazine that someone had left on the train, and then i stared at the air. And then i did some homework for Reflections. And i listened to music. And i looked around.. And yeah, night of empty. My eyes are tired. But i hate the idea of sleeping here.

Oh, by the way 'someone' walked me to the train station back in Paisley. It doesn't take much guessing to figure out who it was. :))

Wish me a pleasant flight (?).
Cheers now.

Night Night

Ok, so i went to the pre-party, or shall i say 'function', at friend's flat. However, i was not planning to go to the union's party afterwards. But then Laserman made me change my mind. We got there at close to midnight, which is when the door closes. To my surprise, there was a line, but they still let people in after twelve, so yeeeey. Haha. Anywho.
The party was alright, i guess. At first the music was really lame. And, oh gosh, they had run out of Calsberg. Wth??? Oh well.
Got back to residence fairly late, but had a wee chat with Laserman. Then went off to sleep.

The morning came too soon. My head hurt a bit, and my mind was all over the place.

But i couldn't stay in the bed for long, since i needed to pack to go to Latvia. :) Now i'm almost done packing, and i also cleaned my room. As i always do, so i can return to a clean place. My cold, i think, is backing off, since all the 'bad' stuffs coming out now. Although i still feel bad. Oh, and my mom called me around noon. That was really great! She was in the airport at that time, and yeah. Was cool to talk to her for a bit since i'm not going to see her now, when i'll be visiting.

Also, great stuff, my flight is super early tomorrow, before the trains start to run. So guess what? I'm taking the last, or second last train today and then i'll spend the night at the airport. Fun stuff!! :o

AND i'll also be missing Laserman's birthday. Not sure if i've mentioned it before(?). He's birthday is on Friday, but I hope to celebrate it with him when i come back. :)

Alright dear imaginary friends, i'm off to get ready. And maybe before i leave i'll go to the BBQ that the other people are organizing..maybe. That's not yet final... I don't really have any 'grillable' food. Haha.

Ok, ok, ok, i'm done blah-blah-ing for now.

P.S. Something tells me that i might post again while at the airport. ;)

Picture This

I'm walking alone from the train station. It's close to midnight. Paisley is seen as a very ''safe'' town, especially the East end, where my 'home' happens to be.

Oh, by the way, poker was moved to yesterday (Wednesday night). There were nine players, and I ended up in the third position this time. Not too bad, not too good. But just for playing I get points, so i hope to be playing in the finals once this 'batch' is done..

After poker I took one of the last trains back to Paisley. The walk from the station to the residence is about 15 minutes. The streets are pretty much empty at this time, especially the ones I have to walk in. When i'm about half way i see a man in front of me who's walking my way. You're probably speculating what I was thinking, or who this guy was. As I walk closer to him, he moves closer to me, and is clearly approaching me. You'd think i'd avoid him(?) No. I had some beer at the pub while playing poker, by the way..

Anyway.

You want to know what happened?

.....to be continued, maybe.

... Nope, i'm gonna keep this as just another secret of mine. ;)

"J'aime le saucisse."

Gotta love how internal jokes are born.

Polish guy: "*french sentence*"
French girls - shoked!
Me (confused): "What does that mean?"
Polish guy: "I love sausages."
Me and Laserman - burt into laughter!
Polish guy - doing the 'innocent' [Borat] smile.
French girls - very confused.


Hahahahahaha. Can't stop laughing!

Laika trūkums organismā??

Kā jau minēju iepriekšējā rakstā, šodien bija ekonomikas kontroldarbs.

Jāteic, biju dikti uztraukusies, jo pagājušajā nedēļā profesors mūs pārsteidza ar 'iesildīšanās' versiju. Mums tika dota stunda, lai to pabeigtu, bet man ar to nepietika. Līdz ar to domāju, ka šodien ar nebūs gana daudz laika. Pēdējās nedēļas laikā es, brīnumainā kārtā, patiešām mācījos un atkārtoju visu vielu kā normāls zubris. Draugiem jau bija līdz kaklam mana atruna: 'Sorry, i have to study'. Vakar nomācījos zaļa, un, kad KĀDS teica, ka esot neliela sanākšana, (t.i. ballīte), es nodomāju, ka tas ir tieši tas ko man vajag. Manas smadzenes bija jau apkaltušas. Hahaha. Bija tiešām jauki uz brīdi nedomāt par ekonomiku (elasticity of demand, supply, demand, taxes, subsidies, cieling price, positive economics, normative economics, marginal costs, deminishing law of returns.... UTT).

Aizgāju vēlu gulēt. No rīta mana dzīvokļa biedrene smagi rosījās, bija pieci no rīta. Trokšņu dēļ pamodos un nevarēju vairs aizmigt. Pavadīju pāris stundas gultā ausoties mūziku. Nu un, protams, ka sāpēja galva, kā jau tas pienākas. Pēc dušas jutos jau daudz labāk, un brokastu gurķmaizītei ar nebija ne vainas.

Devos uz semināru, tas sākās deviņos. Es cerēju, ka varēsim pavaicāt pēdējos neskaidros jautājumus (divas lietas man vēl bija biči neskaidras..).. Bet citiem bija debīli jautājumi. Man vispār aizdomas, ka liela daļa neko nesajēdza no tā kas bija kontroldarbā. Āāa, un skoti mani jau atkal pārsteidza ar savām izcilajām matemātikas zināšanām. Skolotājs uz tāfeles rēķināja piemēru. Tad parādījās 'ir apmēram vienāds ar' zīme (man telefonā nav šī zīme, bet nu zinat tak, vienādības zīme (=), bet augšējās svītras vietā vilnītis (~)). Un viena meitene paziņoja, ka šādu zīmi redz pirmo reizi mūžā!!! .... Mjāā... no comment.

Pēc semināra bija stunda brīva. Es nopirku lielo kafiju (bija tā vērts, tomēr nebiju daudz gulējusi, un ne jau katru dienu ir ekonomikas kontroldarbs) un pārlasīju šo to no pierakstiem.

Stunda paskrēja ļoti veikli, devos uz lekcijas zāli.

Blah, blah, blah..

Beidzot sākām kontroldarbu. Pirmo daļu izpildīju ļoti aši, jo zināju, ka nevar pārāk daudz laika pavadīt pie dažiem jautājumiem. Tas ķēros pie 'rēķināmās' daļas. Un tas viss. Es pabeidzu apmēram 35 minūšu laikā! Atbildēju uz visiem jautājumiem, un nekur nenācās prātot, vai ir pareizi vai nē. Darbu pārlasīju, pārbaudīju divas reizes, un iesniedzu pirms stunda bija galā. Man bija liels prieks, ka kontroldarbs no tiesas nebija sarežģīts. Bet varbūt, ka tas, ka mācījos atmaksājās? :)

Devos uz skolas interneta kafejnīcu, lai izprintētu šo to otrdienas kontroldarbam. Un no zila gaisa uzradās KĀDS. Tad mēs kopā devāmies atpakaļ uz kojām. ;))

Paēdu pusdienas, tagad rakstu šo te, varbūt izmazgāšu drēbes, tad pačučēšu, lai vakarā ir spēka ballēties.

Esmu dzīva, pagaidām.

Rīt atkal pārslēgšos uz mācīšanās režīmu, lai arī socioloģijas kontroldarbā labi sokas.

Atā, lai jums raibs piektdienas vakars.

Party Test

-We're having a little gathering.
-What kind of 'gathering'?
-Like last thursday. [it was st. Patrics day, i.e. lots of beer]
-So there's going to be drinking?

....

Yes, of course i went to the get together! Majour test coming up in a few hours. Maaaan this was so worth it. Just hope i will not have a bad hangover tomorrow.

Good night (good night, good night, good night, good night, good night, good night, good night.....)

And, no, i do not have your slipper. (Don't worry, it's an inside joke, you're not supposed to get it (just like the 'good night' thing).)

Yes, sorry, i'll shut up now.

Nekas

Iemaldījies tomāts. Atkod mani. Atkod to ko vēlos pasacīt un uz pieres piespraudīšu Tev zelta zvaigzni.

Šodien, starpictu, svēta Patrika diena, bet es nekur neiešu... Nu varbūt aiziešu ciemos pie sava iedomu drauga pirms viņš uz Glāzgovu dosies. Tas vēl nav līdz galam izlemts.

Poker Face

It's Monday today. Wait. Let me say that again. It's Monday today.

Hmmm..interesting, my brain seems to hafe died(?) Alright, one more time. Ready?

Today's Monday! Monday! Monday! Monday! It's Monday you fool.

This can't be good. My brain is not responding to this.

Neh, forget about Monday. What really matters is that yesterday was Sunday.

I was at the Latvian poker tourney thing yesterday. It went much better than last time. Don't know if I mentioned, but two weeks ago there were 12 players, and I, sadly, placed 8th. Of course it's grwat that I wasn't the first one to fall out, but that's not a really good place, if you ask me. Though there's aanother factor to it. Last time was theirst time I played poker with these people. My main goal then was to get to see what it looked like, how it, was, and what sort of people were playing. Yesterday I went to Glasgow with the last bit of cash I had. I didn't pay for the train (yeah, the first time ever, and i feel bad for it, i'll try my best for it to not happen again!). There was a 5 pound by-in for the tourney. For a person who has roughly around 8 pounds, that's more than half of what i have. I got one beer, just because we're at a pub and not getting anything didn't seem right. It was the cheapest thing there, and was 2 pounds. Now i've got around one pound in my pocket. This means that I don't even have enough to get home.

Remember when I said that I need to figure out my priorities, this was what I was talking about. I go to Glasgow so I can play poker while, and at the same time, I eat legit shit (excuse my language), and cancel dates with the guy that I really, really like. There must be something wrong with my head!

Well this time I figured that if I want to get home by bus (the trains don't go so late anymore), then I HAVE to, at least, get in the third place at this poker tourney. This time there were 10 people playing. 5 pounds from each person. The first three places divide the money, this time it was, £5 for 3rd place, £15 for 2nd, and £30 for the winner. If i'd at least get the third place, i'd get back the five that I had to pay in, and i'd be able to get home.

We begun by playing at two tables, 5 players at each one. Then the guy who got the first place last time was the first one to lose. It was ironic. To make it better, the second to lose all his chips was the one who was second last time around. Now that there was 8 people left, we all came in to play at one table. I had just lost a hand, so it was pretty sad, since now there were more people to compete against.

Fast forward. >>

Now there's five people left at the table. Some of the people who lost were still sticking around to chat, play poker amongst themselves, and to see how the game would end. The person who had won last time and lost this time was talking to me, and he asked me how will it go. To which I said that this week i'm here to win, and I said that i'll either be first or second. I could see that he was thinking that I just talk much. He asked me if I was sure and I told him that i came with this thought me in my head. He asked if i was thinking the same last time, and i said 'no, last time I came to see what this whole thing is like'. Right at that time i lost a fairly big pot. And he said 'Salielījies?' (showed off too much?). I explained to him that it was just one hand. It went bad for a few hands. I called someone's all in, and lost. Don't forget that now the blinds are getting bigger, and bigger, so it's a serious business. Haha.

Then the guy who was the chip leader started to play way too loose, and ended up losing. It was four of us now. Two guys, and two girls (there's only three girls playing by the way). One of the guys had way less chips. The other girl had most chips since she had called the all-in of the 5th place. While I was, chip cound wise, the third. We playes a lot of hands, and then finally the guy with least chips lost. Well guess what, this meant that i'll be able to get back to my student residence - joy! But the game doesn't end there. I still said that i'd get the second or first place. So here I was, i had the least chips. The only guy left kept going all in, though he had a lot of chips. Then the other girl finally called, and ended up losing most of her chips. And in not many hands she lost. Two plaers left. Chips were around equal count now, wellI had a bit more. Needless to say, the guy kept going all in, and I kept folding. Then I got a good hand, an ace and a queen, and called. He had a weaked hand, but he won the pot with two pairs. I had almost lost. I went all in three times in a row, and won. But the forth 'all-in' ended the game and thd guy won. :D

So now I had my money for the bus and I had my pride, for I had gotten in the second place. I think that's a win-win position.

Anywho. After the pub i texted my imaginary friend, the laserman. And, luckely he was still up. (Was close to midnight.) And he had remembered that I had a poker night, which for me was a big surprise. So we texted back and forth. Then i met a friend on the bus. I got back to my room, and texted laserman.. Soon enough I got my 'good night' message, and then I was off to sleep.

But it's Monday today. I'm off to eat something, and then i'll go to the library - research time.

Tell You Something

Thought about tweeting this, but I couldn't formulate it the right way. I'll try again, since here I have more characters to spare.

You've been on my mind almost all the time now. I think about you when I go to sleep after reading your good night message, and i think about you in the morning when i open my eyes and remember the dream where you played the protagonist. You come across my mind when my day's been a hell, because the thought of you makes me smile despite everything that goes wrong. Don't worry, I also think of you in the happy moments, like when I see the sun up hight, and the clouds parting. I alslo think of you when I see the stars during night.

And to be honest, right now all i want is to kiss you. And when ever I get to see you, I can't stop wondering when will be our next kiss. I always want to just grab you and kiss you, and for you to never let go.

And if you ever do not text me for a whole day (oh god, the Friday was a nightmare!) I feel like my day isn't complete.

But i'll keep back despite this all. You know i can't tell you how I feel. Or do you?? I'm loving the pase we're going at, I wouldn't change a thing.... If only you could sneak in a little more kisses.. That would be like heaven.

Hahaha.

ALRIGHT, and now back to reality. I've got loads to do today. And i'll keep you in my mind, as always. Right now i just need to sort out my priorities, they're getting mixed up, sadly. Hang in there. I hope to see (a.k.a. KISS) You soon..


Oh, and the good old phrase "This is where I shut up!" comes in right here, and now the curtain falls. Bye, bye..

Who's Got Your Eye?

Oh, so there's a guy who's seariously gotten my eye on him.

...just saying. :D

Anywho, it's my least favourite, AND the most favourite day of the week - Friday. And yes, I hope I'll be seeing him today.

Paka for now.