Today I saw a woman without a shadow. She was wearing a purple summer dress. It had a charming flower pattern, and was tied with a thin belt around her waist. She looked nothing but beautiful. As I was in a hurry to where-ever human might be in a rush to, she passed right by me. I would assume she had to be running, the speed was unnatural. But no, she danced by me in a silent melody, almost as if flying by in a plane. She had wings, I believe. How else would you explain that this woman had no shadow?
As I hurried down the side of the road, for that moment I had forgotten where I was going or why I was headed there. I could not stop wonder - what a mystery!
She had a smile of a wild berry. Her cheeks were so pale that for a moment I thought there was snow in summer. Her cute short hair made her look a bit like Amélie. But her eyes were in flames. It was difficult to compute if she was mad as a hurricane or full of pure joy. Her lips were so thin, you could barely tell she had any, they were in a wicked arc, but almost a straight horizontal line. Could not tell if that was a smile or grin.
The moment passed, she had flown passed me in a second. And as I kept up with my pace, there was no way in catching her. There was no way to stop her just for a flash to ask her: "where did your shadow go?"
But then, maybe she never had a shadow, maybe she always has had those wings, ever since she was born.. and she has no idea what it is like to have a shadow. Maybe she is actually in a different reality, but somehow she shines right through all the laws of infinity. Maybe she was lost.. lost on purpose. There's a chance she was chasing someone.. or someone was chasing her!
Was she in danger? Was she an angel being chased by demons? She could have been the demon herself.
Or was she simply aimlessly roaming the streets of my city?
Showing posts with label riga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label riga. Show all posts
Monday, 4 August 2014
Saturday, 8 March 2014
There is no Right Answer to All the Questions
Rīga 2013
"Nepūt pīlītes"
My new header picture on Twitter
Cēsis, Nov 2013
Tērbatas, Rīga, 2013 Autumn
Lisbon, Feb 2014
Saturday, 1 March 2014
It's March!
Well, well, well.
Time sure flies. So many things have been going on, I don't even know where to start.
First, last month my first niece was born (after four nephews you'd think it's about time!), and that has been on top of my happy list lately.
I also begun my driving theory classes, so far they've not been awesome. I am learning things, but the dude teaching me and le group is some old fart who has zero faith in young people and he thinks that Latvia's current president is the only decent president he's seen in office ever. (To put in in a perspective, the current president has the worst rating off all the presidents we have had.)
But lucky for me that I study from books, and it's basically just memorizing so I don't really have to give a damn about what he says or doesn't say. Just have to be at the class twice a week.
Later this month I'll be going to Portugal again! I can't wait. I am so excited, I just want to make flips like a small puppy, but then I realize that I can't do that.
My friend has moved into a flat, and her boyfriend has arrived, and to be honest I am jealous of her. But she knows it. :D
And I have a job interview next week, and I am so worried, but it's good that I've not quit my current job, so I don't have to panic too much.
Life is moving forward at a speed that I can't really follow along to, just keep playing catch-up with it. I've also been sick for two weeks or so. Bad cough, had high temperature and the past two days my head just keeps aching. Oh well.
Work has become really dull. I'm at work now and I seriously can't be bothered to do much. Blah! Have to reply to yet another complaint, people are just ridiculous!
Also winter was gone all February, ha, I've even forgotten what snow feels like. Winter was gone before it actually got here. The migratory birds have started to come back. The pussy willow has begun to bloom. The sun leaves later and comes right back up around the time I get up from my sleep. The lights in the city dim off soon in the morning. People seem to ditch their warm coats, hats and mittens. I guess spring is here.
Time sure flies. So many things have been going on, I don't even know where to start.
First, last month my first niece was born (after four nephews you'd think it's about time!), and that has been on top of my happy list lately.
I also begun my driving theory classes, so far they've not been awesome. I am learning things, but the dude teaching me and le group is some old fart who has zero faith in young people and he thinks that Latvia's current president is the only decent president he's seen in office ever. (To put in in a perspective, the current president has the worst rating off all the presidents we have had.)
But lucky for me that I study from books, and it's basically just memorizing so I don't really have to give a damn about what he says or doesn't say. Just have to be at the class twice a week.
Later this month I'll be going to Portugal again! I can't wait. I am so excited, I just want to make flips like a small puppy, but then I realize that I can't do that.
My friend has moved into a flat, and her boyfriend has arrived, and to be honest I am jealous of her. But she knows it. :D
And I have a job interview next week, and I am so worried, but it's good that I've not quit my current job, so I don't have to panic too much.
Life is moving forward at a speed that I can't really follow along to, just keep playing catch-up with it. I've also been sick for two weeks or so. Bad cough, had high temperature and the past two days my head just keeps aching. Oh well.
Work has become really dull. I'm at work now and I seriously can't be bothered to do much. Blah! Have to reply to yet another complaint, people are just ridiculous!
Also winter was gone all February, ha, I've even forgotten what snow feels like. Winter was gone before it actually got here. The migratory birds have started to come back. The pussy willow has begun to bloom. The sun leaves later and comes right back up around the time I get up from my sleep. The lights in the city dim off soon in the morning. People seem to ditch their warm coats, hats and mittens. I guess spring is here.
Thursday, 5 December 2013
Riga!
In the past week or so I have been contemplating about my relationship with Riga. Yes, you understood that correctly! I feel like I have a love-hate things going on here, and I hope to tell you why it is that I feel this way.
When I returned home this summer, I thought that it is the absolute right thing to do, that it will make me and my friends and relatives happy. And so it did! But there is more to this seemingly simple skit. To begin off, I want to make it clear that I am happy to be able to see people whom I didn't see when I was abroad, I am happy to hear Latvian language on the streets, I am happy that I have a sense that I am where I belong, I am happy to play with my nephews, I am happy to roam the streets of this city of wonders.
And yet, there is a feeling of eternal sadness to this place. I was on the bus to work this evening and I was thinking about how it is possible to have such mixed feelings about a city (or anything really).
Why is it my home? It is where I was born, and raised as a child, at least most of my childhood. It is the place where I learned the primary human skills, walking, reading, loving, caring, language .. It is where I begun school. It is where I had my first boyfriend. Riga has always been the place where I can return, it was always the place where I was from, and there would always be things waiting for me. Almost every block in this city brings up countless memories that have made me who I am today. There have been sad days, events, happening, and quite the opposite. I have attended celebrations here, I remember that when I was a kid I was dragged through the old town on the 18th on November to see the fireworks. I recall drawing chalk drawings on the pavement in the park. I remember the adventures I had as a kid with my brothers, water-gun wars with other neighbourhood kids, playing in the backyard of our house, building snowmen in the winter, collecting chestnuts after kinder garden, we did all kinds of pranks at home, and pissed off our parents. Oh, and how I loved playing with dolls and getting mad at my brother We had our first pet, we wanted one so badly, and then one end of summer there was a small kitty waiting for us at home. Then we grew, I grew, and the city grew as well. Things changed, and doing silly pranks was no longer timely, we had "bigger" and "better" things to do. School got more serious, friendships got more valuable, parents got wiser. Then came the first parties, first experiments, and serious things, like making science projects, attending extra curricular activities, etc.
And then I was gone for seven years, and during all this time Riga was my home, it made me proud to say that that is where I come from. So naturally it became more and more dear to, it was a special place, where everything would be great! That is why I returned here this summer, I returned here to stay here for good. But over this roughly half a year that I've been back I have realized something, the city isn't what I thought it was. It is a sad place, it grows memories like mushrooms. This made me wonder, how many memories can one place hold? I have a feeling that I have made myself believe that Riga is the place to be, but in reality, it isn't so, not at all. It is my personal pit hole, my doom. I want it to be more, I hoped and dreamed that it was bigger that it actually is.
Let's face it, Riga is just another city in the game of globalization, it is a small, tiny piece of the puzzle called world. It is hard to believe that I have fooled myself to believe that is is a magical place.
This is where the two world collide, this is where I do not know how much I really hate or love this city, my city. I get confused and it makes me frustrated.
Either way, I am here now, but as people have told me along the way, there is a huge possibility that I will not last here for long, I will want to run away again.
When I returned home this summer, I thought that it is the absolute right thing to do, that it will make me and my friends and relatives happy. And so it did! But there is more to this seemingly simple skit. To begin off, I want to make it clear that I am happy to be able to see people whom I didn't see when I was abroad, I am happy to hear Latvian language on the streets, I am happy that I have a sense that I am where I belong, I am happy to play with my nephews, I am happy to roam the streets of this city of wonders.
And yet, there is a feeling of eternal sadness to this place. I was on the bus to work this evening and I was thinking about how it is possible to have such mixed feelings about a city (or anything really).
Why is it my home? It is where I was born, and raised as a child, at least most of my childhood. It is the place where I learned the primary human skills, walking, reading, loving, caring, language .. It is where I begun school. It is where I had my first boyfriend. Riga has always been the place where I can return, it was always the place where I was from, and there would always be things waiting for me. Almost every block in this city brings up countless memories that have made me who I am today. There have been sad days, events, happening, and quite the opposite. I have attended celebrations here, I remember that when I was a kid I was dragged through the old town on the 18th on November to see the fireworks. I recall drawing chalk drawings on the pavement in the park. I remember the adventures I had as a kid with my brothers, water-gun wars with other neighbourhood kids, playing in the backyard of our house, building snowmen in the winter, collecting chestnuts after kinder garden, we did all kinds of pranks at home, and pissed off our parents. Oh, and how I loved playing with dolls and getting mad at my brother We had our first pet, we wanted one so badly, and then one end of summer there was a small kitty waiting for us at home. Then we grew, I grew, and the city grew as well. Things changed, and doing silly pranks was no longer timely, we had "bigger" and "better" things to do. School got more serious, friendships got more valuable, parents got wiser. Then came the first parties, first experiments, and serious things, like making science projects, attending extra curricular activities, etc.
And then I was gone for seven years, and during all this time Riga was my home, it made me proud to say that that is where I come from. So naturally it became more and more dear to, it was a special place, where everything would be great! That is why I returned here this summer, I returned here to stay here for good. But over this roughly half a year that I've been back I have realized something, the city isn't what I thought it was. It is a sad place, it grows memories like mushrooms. This made me wonder, how many memories can one place hold? I have a feeling that I have made myself believe that Riga is the place to be, but in reality, it isn't so, not at all. It is my personal pit hole, my doom. I want it to be more, I hoped and dreamed that it was bigger that it actually is.
Let's face it, Riga is just another city in the game of globalization, it is a small, tiny piece of the puzzle called world. It is hard to believe that I have fooled myself to believe that is is a magical place.
This is where the two world collide, this is where I do not know how much I really hate or love this city, my city. I get confused and it makes me frustrated.
Either way, I am here now, but as people have told me along the way, there is a huge possibility that I will not last here for long, I will want to run away again.
Wednesday, 16 October 2013
No no no no no no no no no no no no no
Life's a bitch.
When everything seems to be going just great, suddenly the tables are flipped and everything that could go wrong, goes wrong. So fuck this shit. and fuck them all. And fuck me for not giving a fuck.
FUCK.
FUCK.
I don't give a fuck. When people are assholes, there is really nothing I can do.
The key don't work.
Why? Why do stupid things keep happening? What's up with that really? It's just plain stupid.
STUPID!
SHIT!
Yes,
I don't care.
When everything seems to be going just great, suddenly the tables are flipped and everything that could go wrong, goes wrong. So fuck this shit. and fuck them all. And fuck me for not giving a fuck.
FUCK.
FUCK.
I don't give a fuck. When people are assholes, there is really nothing I can do.
The key don't work.
Why? Why do stupid things keep happening? What's up with that really? It's just plain stupid.
STUPID!
SHIT!
Yes,
I don't care.
Friday, 19 July 2013
Where?
Bare hands. Bare soul. I am naked and I don't know where I'm standing. I feel raindrops climbing down my nude body. There is nothing to share, there is nothing to hide. I am here, no more, no less. What you see is all you get - no secrets. I am exposed to all that comes to me, and there is no place to hide. This is it... This is what I've been waiting for. I never wanted this to happen, but I knew it had to happen, it had to be this way, things had to change some day.
With nothing to give, with no excuses, with the most basic elements missing, I am lost and yet there where I have to be. I have the opportunity to start anew. I am on a new journey and I am not turning back. There is no point in turning back as at any moment I can take a turn. Yes, a simple turn. And that I will do, I will go right and left, left and right, I shall take many different paths on a journey that has no end.
I am gone. I am here.
With nothing to give, with no excuses, with the most basic elements missing, I am lost and yet there where I have to be. I have the opportunity to start anew. I am on a new journey and I am not turning back. There is no point in turning back as at any moment I can take a turn. Yes, a simple turn. And that I will do, I will go right and left, left and right, I shall take many different paths on a journey that has no end.
I am gone. I am here.
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
To Build
I've realized one thing, and I know it's true. While I thought that my life was empty in Glasgow, it was the exact opposite. I had a real world, I had a life. I built so much and never realized it. I wanted more, and didn't even know what. I wanted something, while I had so much. I built a real life and then I simply left it all behind with no regrets, no nothing; I stood up and left to never look back. But here I am now realizing that I had more than I knew. How do I see it now? Because here I am on a blank page, and I'm realizing that I have to build everything anew, EVERYTHING! New job, new memories, new friends, new school, new relationships, new ideas, new ideals, new hobbies...... NEW FUCKING EVERYTHING!!!! When I think of all the time and effort I put into my previous life, I come to think if i will even have the strength to make it all happen. The environment here is very hostile, I thought I was coming home, but it doesn't feel like it. I have zero sense of belonging, I feel like in the wrong place... I feel like I'm just passing by, that this is not what I left everything behind for. This just can't be it. I'm paralysed, confused, out-of-space, I'm just not here; mentally I'm else where and I don't know where. I don't know where I belong, or even if there is a place where I belong.
Saturday, 22 June 2013
One-Way Track
I've been on this trip for almost a month now. I'm sad that it will be over. This time has allowed me to think, think so far out of the box, so far from what I had been used to..
Often I think about the choices we make in life. We make them every second of every day, even in our dreams we still make choices. Then we see the outcome. We buy a new shirt, and we see that it looks good on us, and people like it. We say something controversial and someone in the crowd reassures that that is a great way of thinking. We decide to speak to a stranger, and he turns out to be a wonderful person. We take no umbrella when the weather-man said it will rain, and it turns out to be sunny all day. We decide to cross the street on a red light because we see no cars around. .. But what is the choices we make bring bad consequences? WHAT IF the shirt we got will look bad on you? What if no one back up your opinion? What if the stranger turns out to be a psychopath? What if it starts raining cats and dogs on a day when you don't take the umbrella? What if a car comes from around the corner and doesn't see you when you cross on that red signal?
Life is so trivial, so fragile, the smallest things can change who you are and what you will do. But how can you know if you make the right choices in life? By trying of course, you should always try new things, take the risk. You will either succeed or you will gain experience and some sort of perspective. You will then try again, try something different, or try a different approach. But what if it is too late? What if the choice we made is there for good, can't be undone, or altered? What if we make the wrong choice and see it when it's already too late? We go down a one way track and there is no way back.
I like to think that there is a way out - through different doors. I believe it's important to not get stuck, there is always a way out. There is always new things to try, new journeys to be made. So it comes down to DOING things, to stay out of the comfort zone, to try new things, taking risks. It comes down to changing yourself by yet another gram. One day I will not know who I was, I will be a different person. This journey has changed me a lot, it has proved to me things I never knew possible, it has showed me how possible it is to do something when you actually get up and try. It has given me hope about people and myself. Most importantly, it has risen doubts about things I always was very certain of.
Often I think about the choices we make in life. We make them every second of every day, even in our dreams we still make choices. Then we see the outcome. We buy a new shirt, and we see that it looks good on us, and people like it. We say something controversial and someone in the crowd reassures that that is a great way of thinking. We decide to speak to a stranger, and he turns out to be a wonderful person. We take no umbrella when the weather-man said it will rain, and it turns out to be sunny all day. We decide to cross the street on a red light because we see no cars around. .. But what is the choices we make bring bad consequences? WHAT IF the shirt we got will look bad on you? What if no one back up your opinion? What if the stranger turns out to be a psychopath? What if it starts raining cats and dogs on a day when you don't take the umbrella? What if a car comes from around the corner and doesn't see you when you cross on that red signal?
Life is so trivial, so fragile, the smallest things can change who you are and what you will do. But how can you know if you make the right choices in life? By trying of course, you should always try new things, take the risk. You will either succeed or you will gain experience and some sort of perspective. You will then try again, try something different, or try a different approach. But what if it is too late? What if the choice we made is there for good, can't be undone, or altered? What if we make the wrong choice and see it when it's already too late? We go down a one way track and there is no way back.
I like to think that there is a way out - through different doors. I believe it's important to not get stuck, there is always a way out. There is always new things to try, new journeys to be made. So it comes down to DOING things, to stay out of the comfort zone, to try new things, taking risks. It comes down to changing yourself by yet another gram. One day I will not know who I was, I will be a different person. This journey has changed me a lot, it has proved to me things I never knew possible, it has showed me how possible it is to do something when you actually get up and try. It has given me hope about people and myself. Most importantly, it has risen doubts about things I always was very certain of.
Saturday, 26 November 2011
Ego
Once more I want to complain about the time. It seems to be in a rush again. But I've grown, I know it's not the time. It's me!
Can You imagine that December is near, and so I will return to the routine that was abducting me before my holiday begun. I'm tired. I'm tired of the lies and the useless hope. I'm tired of those who think of themselves so dearly and then forget about others. I'm tired of you. I'm tired of myself.
My mom owns a mug which has a nice saying on it: Liktenim ir divas puses - labā un tā, kas izskatās pēc sliktās. The meaning of this is, Destiny has two sides - the good one, and the one that looks like the bad one.
And so it IS.
Can You imagine that December is near, and so I will return to the routine that was abducting me before my holiday begun. I'm tired. I'm tired of the lies and the useless hope. I'm tired of those who think of themselves so dearly and then forget about others. I'm tired of you. I'm tired of myself.
My mom owns a mug which has a nice saying on it: Liktenim ir divas puses - labā un tā, kas izskatās pēc sliktās. The meaning of this is, Destiny has two sides - the good one, and the one that looks like the bad one.
And so it IS.
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Saturday, 24 September 2011
Es rakstu.
Redz, es rakstu. Es rakstu un rakstīšu; vēl dažus vārdus. Vēlāk, protams, es atkal rakstīšu. Tagad rakstu, ka man Tevis pietrūkst. Jau atkal gribas mājās,bet es tā pat cīnos. Nekas cits jau neatliek.
Jā, man pietrūkst Tevis. Man arī pietrūkst veselā saprāta. Man pietrūkst svaigā gaisa. Man pietrūkst Vecrīgas bruģis. Man pietrūkst Līvu laukuma viļņi. Man pietrūkst Daugavas baloži. Gribu mājās. Gribu bezmērķīgi klīst pa Rīgas ielām. Gribu neuztraukties, un gribu mieru.
Es rakstu. Šoreiz es pat īsti nemeloju, lielos vilcienos tā arī ir; es rakstu.
P.S. Kā reize, šodienas citāts:
Jā, man pietrūkst Tevis. Man arī pietrūkst veselā saprāta. Man pietrūkst svaigā gaisa. Man pietrūkst Vecrīgas bruģis. Man pietrūkst Līvu laukuma viļņi. Man pietrūkst Daugavas baloži. Gribu mājās. Gribu bezmērķīgi klīst pa Rīgas ielām. Gribu neuztraukties, un gribu mieru.
Es rakstu. Šoreiz es pat īsti nemeloju, lielos vilcienos tā arī ir; es rakstu.
P.S. Kā reize, šodienas citāts:
"No matter how dreary and gray our homes are, we people of flesh and blood would rather live there than in any other country, be it ever so beautiful. There is no place like home."
/L. Frank Baum/
Monday, 11 April 2011
Klusums.
Ja klusums, tad klusums. Cienījamie viesi, šodien it visiem un it visam ir jāklusē, jāmīt nāves klusumā. Es pavēlu jums klausīt un darīt kā lieku, citādi no kalniem velsies melu plūdi. Skalos balstus, un visi aizmirsītim kā pareizi elpot.
Saldu dusu rausīši.
Es tas pats.
"Dod man ar!"
Rīt, starpcitu, dodos atpakaļ uz Skotiju.
Saldu dusu rausīši.
Es tas pats.
"Dod man ar!"
Rīt, starpcitu, dodos atpakaļ uz Skotiju.
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Night Night
Ok, so i went to the pre-party, or shall i say 'function', at friend's flat. However, i was not planning to go to the union's party afterwards. But then Laserman made me change my mind. We got there at close to midnight, which is when the door closes. To my surprise, there was a line, but they still let people in after twelve, so yeeeey. Haha. Anywho.
The party was alright, i guess. At first the music was really lame. And, oh gosh, they had run out of Calsberg. Wth??? Oh well.
Got back to residence fairly late, but had a wee chat with Laserman. Then went off to sleep.
The morning came too soon. My head hurt a bit, and my mind was all over the place.
But i couldn't stay in the bed for long, since i needed to pack to go to Latvia. :) Now i'm almost done packing, and i also cleaned my room. As i always do, so i can return to a clean place. My cold, i think, is backing off, since all the 'bad' stuffs coming out now. Although i still feel bad. Oh, and my mom called me around noon. That was really great! She was in the airport at that time, and yeah. Was cool to talk to her for a bit since i'm not going to see her now, when i'll be visiting.
Also, great stuff, my flight is super early tomorrow, before the trains start to run. So guess what? I'm taking the last, or second last train today and then i'll spend the night at the airport. Fun stuff!! :o
AND i'll also be missing Laserman's birthday. Not sure if i've mentioned it before(?). He's birthday is on Friday, but I hope to celebrate it with him when i come back. :)
Alright dear imaginary friends, i'm off to get ready. And maybe before i leave i'll go to the BBQ that the other people are organizing..maybe. That's not yet final... I don't really have any 'grillable' food. Haha.
Ok, ok, ok, i'm done blah-blah-ing for now.
P.S. Something tells me that i might post again while at the airport. ;)
The party was alright, i guess. At first the music was really lame. And, oh gosh, they had run out of Calsberg. Wth??? Oh well.
Got back to residence fairly late, but had a wee chat with Laserman. Then went off to sleep.
The morning came too soon. My head hurt a bit, and my mind was all over the place.
But i couldn't stay in the bed for long, since i needed to pack to go to Latvia. :) Now i'm almost done packing, and i also cleaned my room. As i always do, so i can return to a clean place. My cold, i think, is backing off, since all the 'bad' stuffs coming out now. Although i still feel bad. Oh, and my mom called me around noon. That was really great! She was in the airport at that time, and yeah. Was cool to talk to her for a bit since i'm not going to see her now, when i'll be visiting.
Also, great stuff, my flight is super early tomorrow, before the trains start to run. So guess what? I'm taking the last, or second last train today and then i'll spend the night at the airport. Fun stuff!! :o
AND i'll also be missing Laserman's birthday. Not sure if i've mentioned it before(?). He's birthday is on Friday, but I hope to celebrate it with him when i come back. :)
Alright dear imaginary friends, i'm off to get ready. And maybe before i leave i'll go to the BBQ that the other people are organizing..maybe. That's not yet final... I don't really have any 'grillable' food. Haha.
Ok, ok, ok, i'm done blah-blah-ing for now.
P.S. Something tells me that i might post again while at the airport. ;)
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Savādi Gan
I'm in Latvia now. I will stay here only for a month though. I flew in Friday, but just now did I change my facebook current location from Ottawa to Riga. Not for long though.
Anyway. I was so excited to hear Latvian in public from people that I do not even know. After all, I haven't been in Latvia for eleven months, so don't blame me, blame the time (yeah, the time is always guilty). However, I was very disappointed to hear some of the conversations. The worse one was when I was in Origo with a friend of mine and one cashier was talking to the other. They both were young women, a few years older than me. They both were wearing shirts of the store they worked in, it said that there is a summer sale (or something along those lines). One was blond, while the other had darker hair that was tied in a pony tail. The dark haired one said to the blonde one: "So you really see yourself working and living abroad?" To which the blonde one said that she does not see any other choice. I was saddened, but it was the truth.
The situation in Latvia is really worse than I thought. Everyone sees money as a priority. Businesses are barely functioning. While people look like worn out clothes. I feel like things have gone so low that it is impossible to pull it all up.
I was sitting with my friends at a fast food place (hahaha, I guess I can not blame the time here, but only myself), and my brother had bought fries along with other saturated fat foods. And I, as a person with hight demands asked if he had brought the sour cream sauce for the fries. He then went to get two packs, one for me and another for one of my friends. And then my friend said, something like, right, there are still some nice people in the world. Yeah, she probably didn't mean it the way I am interpreting it, but still, he bought something, and that is what made him a good person(?). Is that really and indication of a good person? I don't think so. Not only does this show in buying foods. How about cards, or ticket for the trolleybus? Is it the "good" person who buys things, or is it the "generous" one, or is it the one who simply has the money to spare for it. Further more, the city public transportation.. This was a very unpleasant surprise. As most of you know, the prices have raised dramatically for the public transport, and the whole system, has changed as well. What I have observed was that very few people actually pay for their trip, no matter if it is one bus stop, or seventeen. Very few people pay the price/ticket. Why? Too high prices? Maybe. Or is it the control and the effort that is put in to control this? Yeah, I guess it takes money to hire people who go around and check, but isn't it worth it? The fines are ridiculous as well - 5Ls. That is the most hilarious thing ever. One ticket is one tenth of the fine. So, if you don't get caught after cheating ten times you are pretty much saving money. AND since people probably do not get caught often, they are saving money. AND saving money is not only cool, it is also very useful, especially now!
The next thing ties in with the money. While very, very few businesses might be experiencing good times, tons are failing. Today I was riding home and I saw a good store that I liked close. It looked like it had been closed for several months now due to the wood that was nailed to the windows and the sad, grey worn out façade was falling down and creating debris piles. The other day I saw that the kiosk on Avotu and Čaka street intersection has been removed as well. Why? Why? I had known the existence of this kiosk ever since I can remember myself. This whole situation is erasing my childhood memories. How can I prevent this? Huh?
I also noticed that most stores are empty, except for the ones that sell used clothing. At all the stores that are still functioning people are crowded around the "last sale" stands. People are eager to save, to spend less, and to get the best deals in town. This is devastating. It takes up time and effort to find these deals, it takes away from the time people could be thinking of how to spend time with their families, or being happy about a national success in a sport discipline. It is very depressing to walk around when everyone is so determined to save, save, save. Why don't they go ahead and save themselves rather than money? Yeah, money is important and all, but it isn't the most important thing, that's for sure.
I have been ditching Latvia to the most now, and all I really know is nothing. I am scared to look in deeper. I am seeing an iceberg, where the most is underneath the surface, but before I dive, I have to learn how. So that is why I am studying outside of the country. There I will get to have an education. I will develop my personality and dinf out how people live in another culture. I will then get to compare the one in Canada to Latvia, and to Scotland (not even mentioning the many things I know about other cultures around the world). This is really why I like social psychology, it is not the data, but the actual behaviour of people groups that fascinate me.
Chance can be done! :)
Now, yeah, people are very much money motored now. It is simply the way people have learned to adapt to the current situation. However, I have noticed some positive change, the TV has some positive shows and commercial. There are many events and concerts around the country, many of which are free or inexpensive. I have also learned that there is a huge growth in tourists since last summer, which means that the Latvian currency has some buyers. It also means that there are some businesses that are not failing. I also love that there are nice people, who remember to be polite and nice. There are pros and cons to everything, but it takes some effort to not only see the pros, but also bring them out more than the cons.
I'm off to bed now, so take care. Meanwhile, I will try to wrap my head around everything once again.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
This is What I Wish to Give to You ..
Ever heard of something called nothing?! Well, that is what I am going to give You. Don't be upset, it is nothing personal. Let's face it - I have no idea who You are and I have not even a clue of where You are. So there is no chance of me giving You anything at all. I am very sorry for that.
You see my life has been changing so much that I can't even tell You it all. First I know when I will be leaving Canada. That will be happening very soon. Too soon. But before that comes, there will be goodbye parties, thankfully. Also, I still have to finish my summer school classes. Yeah, I might have never mentioned that before. I am taking summer school to boost up my average, so that I can get into the University.
Now a while ago, I graduated. Yeah, I managed and I survived (as You can see). Many of my friends have left already and it makes me sad to my guts and I feel like crying when ever I think of it. My best friend in Canada left last week, I never realized how good friends we were until the last few times that we met. It is almost insane, unimaginable, but true. I am gonna miss him so much. [See, my eyes are filled with tears now!! :'(] But we had some great times together and I will never forget it all.
The other day I found a letter that I wrote for myself at the beginning of my last school year (to be precise, 8th of September, 2009). I started this tradition on the February of 2007 when I wrote one that had to be read on the December of 2007, but I only read it in 2009 September. The last letter was to be read now, or in June. It described how my life was then and what I think of the thing that were happening. To keep the tradition rolling, I wrote a new letter. That one has to be read no earlier that 2011 August. I wrote some bullshit there, but I might blog about it, when I read it.
I still have so much to do in a very short time period. I have to pack, not only to go to Latvia, but also pack ALL my stuff. I have one suite case that I will have with me when I go now, while all my other things will be travelling only in November. Other than that I still have loads of stuff to do regarding to my education. As I mentioned, I still have to finish summer school. The last day is Monday the 26th of July, so only a week left. Exams are on this Friday. All I can think about is how I can kill myself before Friday (joking, I do not want to kill myself)! As summer school will be done, my next BIG step will be university, but I still have some things to sort out regards to that, send in applications to live in residence, as well as get in the university (since I got a conditional offer from two universities). I am scared that I will not get into my first choice, but I really want to, so let's keep our fingers crossed.
One more thing. Saying goodbye is so hard!! Yeah, I have done that before, but as I get older it gets harder since that bond I create with people is much stronger and way more meaningful. It pains me so badly that sometimes I cry only because of the idea that I will never ever see them again. Oh well.
So goodbye for now, but I promise You will hear form me again some time. I know I have become a lazy blogger lately, but I barely can find any time or inspiration to write anything, so please forgive me.
Oh and by the way, I hope You all are very into my SONG OF THE DAY blog. I have not ditched that one, not yet!
You see my life has been changing so much that I can't even tell You it all. First I know when I will be leaving Canada. That will be happening very soon. Too soon. But before that comes, there will be goodbye parties, thankfully. Also, I still have to finish my summer school classes. Yeah, I might have never mentioned that before. I am taking summer school to boost up my average, so that I can get into the University.
Now a while ago, I graduated. Yeah, I managed and I survived (as You can see). Many of my friends have left already and it makes me sad to my guts and I feel like crying when ever I think of it. My best friend in Canada left last week, I never realized how good friends we were until the last few times that we met. It is almost insane, unimaginable, but true. I am gonna miss him so much. [See, my eyes are filled with tears now!! :'(] But we had some great times together and I will never forget it all.
The other day I found a letter that I wrote for myself at the beginning of my last school year (to be precise, 8th of September, 2009). I started this tradition on the February of 2007 when I wrote one that had to be read on the December of 2007, but I only read it in 2009 September. The last letter was to be read now, or in June. It described how my life was then and what I think of the thing that were happening. To keep the tradition rolling, I wrote a new letter. That one has to be read no earlier that 2011 August. I wrote some bullshit there, but I might blog about it, when I read it.
I still have so much to do in a very short time period. I have to pack, not only to go to Latvia, but also pack ALL my stuff. I have one suite case that I will have with me when I go now, while all my other things will be travelling only in November. Other than that I still have loads of stuff to do regarding to my education. As I mentioned, I still have to finish summer school. The last day is Monday the 26th of July, so only a week left. Exams are on this Friday. All I can think about is how I can kill myself before Friday (joking, I do not want to kill myself)! As summer school will be done, my next BIG step will be university, but I still have some things to sort out regards to that, send in applications to live in residence, as well as get in the university (since I got a conditional offer from two universities). I am scared that I will not get into my first choice, but I really want to, so let's keep our fingers crossed.
One more thing. Saying goodbye is so hard!! Yeah, I have done that before, but as I get older it gets harder since that bond I create with people is much stronger and way more meaningful. It pains me so badly that sometimes I cry only because of the idea that I will never ever see them again. Oh well.
So goodbye for now, but I promise You will hear form me again some time. I know I have become a lazy blogger lately, but I barely can find any time or inspiration to write anything, so please forgive me.
Oh and by the way, I hope You all are very into my SONG OF THE DAY blog. I have not ditched that one, not yet!
Monday, 7 June 2010
Tu jūti?
Nu un ko. Kolekcionēt ir forši. Es vācu atmiņas mazās kastītēs. Četri reiz četri - kantainās, citas tādas nesimetriskas, citas ar velna raksties virsū. Bet lielākā daļa kārbu noputējušas pagrabu bēniņos stāv.
Vakar uzgleznoju raibu aitu. Nē, es meloju. Bet tik ļoti gribējās man uzgleznot raibu aitu. Ar spodri tīrām stikla ačelēm un mēli izkārtu līdz zāles stiebru saknēm. Zaļa. Ne zāle, bet mēle. Zālei krāsas nebūtu, jo kam tad vairs rūp?
Aplami es muldu. Man patīk muldēt. It sevišķi tad, kad grūti saprast kur pakārts veselais saprāts. Laikam atstāju uz plauktiņa, pirms došanās uz zemes virsu. Ko lai saka? Nemelošu, man te patīk. Un ļoti pietrūks, kad būs jākāpj atpakaļ gaisa kuģī, lai dotos turp, kur palicis veselā prāta pūrs (un tas arī, pieputējis).
Un tad man pēkšņi visi pietrūkst. Tik ļoti, ka elpa aptrūkst un ķermenim par maz skābekļa tiek. Plaušas sāk kost sānos, jo nezin kā strādā bez algas. Sažņaudzās neesošais ādamābols, tādā mezglā, ka pat jūrnieks atsiet nevarētu.
Ne no kā man gribās uz Romu un pie Venēcijas smirdīgajām ielām.
Un gribās man mājas.
Kur ir mājas?
Es vakar uzzīmēju raibu aitu. Tai mēle stiepās pāri ceļu galiem, aplīdusi man apkārt kā pāraugusi sēne. Tā (mēle) līda tālāk un tālāk un es nezinu kur tā stāsies. Pelēka zeme raudzījās manās zaļajās acīs. Spalgi iekliedzās mirstošās vārnas un acu vietā iedzēla plūdi. Aizskaloja manu aitu.
Un tagad bez krāsas, bez mēles, bez prāta, un ar aizelsušos elpu es tupu blakus mirušajām vārnām, jo nekā cita jau man nav.
Vakar uzgleznoju raibu aitu. Nē, es meloju. Bet tik ļoti gribējās man uzgleznot raibu aitu. Ar spodri tīrām stikla ačelēm un mēli izkārtu līdz zāles stiebru saknēm. Zaļa. Ne zāle, bet mēle. Zālei krāsas nebūtu, jo kam tad vairs rūp?
Aplami es muldu. Man patīk muldēt. It sevišķi tad, kad grūti saprast kur pakārts veselais saprāts. Laikam atstāju uz plauktiņa, pirms došanās uz zemes virsu. Ko lai saka? Nemelošu, man te patīk. Un ļoti pietrūks, kad būs jākāpj atpakaļ gaisa kuģī, lai dotos turp, kur palicis veselā prāta pūrs (un tas arī, pieputējis).
Un tad man pēkšņi visi pietrūkst. Tik ļoti, ka elpa aptrūkst un ķermenim par maz skābekļa tiek. Plaušas sāk kost sānos, jo nezin kā strādā bez algas. Sažņaudzās neesošais ādamābols, tādā mezglā, ka pat jūrnieks atsiet nevarētu.
Ne no kā man gribās uz Romu un pie Venēcijas smirdīgajām ielām.
Un gribās man mājas.
Kur ir mājas?
Es vakar uzzīmēju raibu aitu. Tai mēle stiepās pāri ceļu galiem, aplīdusi man apkārt kā pāraugusi sēne. Tā (mēle) līda tālāk un tālāk un es nezinu kur tā stāsies. Pelēka zeme raudzījās manās zaļajās acīs. Spalgi iekliedzās mirstošās vārnas un acu vietā iedzēla plūdi. Aizskaloja manu aitu.
Un tagad bez krāsas, bez mēles, bez prāta, un ar aizelsušos elpu es tupu blakus mirušajām vārnām, jo nekā cita jau man nav.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
blondais skrienošais
Par nometni nerunāšu!!!
Šodien atbraucām no Talsiem! Laiku pavadījām lieliski un Žuža bija ļoti, ļoti viesmīlīga un vispār bija ĻOTI forši! And when i say VERY, then i mean VERY!! Nepārtraukti bija kaut kas ko darīt un kompānija arī bija lieliska. Dažos vārdos: pogas, krāsas, riteņi, bumbieri, kartupeļi, pankūkas, nivea, ugunskurs, desas, brauciens, tornis, pelde, smiekli, skriešana uz busu, upenes, saldie sapnīši...
Šodien vakarā bijām uz 'Zilākalna Martu'. Izrāde bija laba. Kopš pati skolā mācos teātri es uz šādiem priekšnesumiem raugos pavisam savādāk. Stāstīt jau varētu, bet nenes. Bet nu aktieru darbs bija profesionāls un šur tur pār maliņām lija Hermaņa izcilā režija.
Latvijā būšu vēl tik dažas dieniņas. Visu laiku līdz šim man nebija vēlme braukt atpakaļ. Vēl ne. Mēnesis taču ir TIK maz. Un tomēr, nav jau gluži izvēle. Laiks ko pavadījām Latvijā bija nedaudz nogurdinošs. Jā, es izbaudīju dažas no savas dzīves labākajām dienām (līdz šim), bet tikai viena diena no visām bija tāda, ka neizgāju vispār no mājas un nebija ieplānots nekas. Tikai viena diena no apm. trīsdesmit. .. Tā ir viennozīmīgi laba statistika.
Šodien ceļā uz mājām iegājām rimītī, tad devāmies mājās. K gan ne. Tad nu mājās čāpotāji bijām trīs. nolēmām, ka svētdien cepsim picas, bet tas ar vēl nav 100%.
Nu jā,...
Ejam, ejam, ejam, ejam.. Nav vēl vēls un cilvēku plūsma ar vēl nav apšņikāta līdz unīkajiem nakts tipiņiem. Ja nebūtu acis tumsā varētu pat šķist, ka ir diena. Garām paskrēja puisis. Viņam mugurā bija vēsi brūna jaka, lai gan vakars bija pārsteidzoši silts. Kājas slēpās gaišās, brīvās džinsās un virs zeķes bija tumsnēji apavi. Mati bija pārsnieguši stadiju, lai sauktu tos par īsiem. Blondi. Likās, ka skrien, lai paspētu uz kādu tūlīt aizbraucošu trolejbusu, lai gan tuvumā nebija manāms neviens sabiedriskais transports. Bet viņš tomēr skrēja, un nebija būtiski uz kurieni. Brīdī, kad viņa ķermenis aizšāvās garām manējām, viņa lūpas bija savilktas. Caur tām ar spēku tika grūsts laukā gaiss, lai nākamajā brīdi atkal ieviltu jaunu elpas vilcienu. Puiša ritmiskā elpošana man atgādināja dienas, kad pati biju skrējusi. Kad bija izdevies kādā agrā rītā uzvarēt slinkumu. Kad par spīti migpilnajām acīm pati cēlos un vilku virsū apavus ar kuriem maigāka skriešana. Tos rītus, kad pēdas godīgi sitās pret rīta klusumā sēdošo asfaltu. Un ar vienu skrienošu blondu puisi pietika, lai pierunātu mani, ka es tomēr gribu atpakaļ. Gluži kā jebkuram citam nožēlojamam pasaules iedzīvotājam man pietrūkst ikdienas rutīnas.
Un re, man pietrūkst pamosties manas istabas četrās sienās. Man pietrūkst steiga, kas dzina uz skolu. Man pietrūkst sajūta, ka var būt labāk, lai gan ir jau gana labi. Man gribās, lai 12. klase ātrāk sākās, lai tā varētu ātrāk beigties.
Un nav tā, ka tur būtu kā mājās. Es gan te, Rīgā, gan tur, pārnākot mājās sev dažkārt saku, ka gribu mājās. Lai gan zinu, ka atbilde ir, ka īstas mājas nav un viss, es tik un tā gribu, bet pārdomājot visu ciemos ir pienākusi skaidrība. Es nemaz negribu ilgoties pēc tādām vienām mājām. Man patīk būt ceļotājam, kas par mājām nesauc kādu konkrētu stūrīti.. Man mājas ir Rīga, mana Rīga. Visa pilsēta ir mans sapņu būris, te es varu atgriezties, kad tīk un justies labi. Lai arī kur es šajā pilsētā būšu, es jutīšos kā mājās.
Viss... es te jau aizšļūcu nez kur. Jauku jums dienu.
_________________
.
("Signs that said no friends allowed"*)
_________________Šodien atbraucām no Talsiem! Laiku pavadījām lieliski un Žuža bija ļoti, ļoti viesmīlīga un vispār bija ĻOTI forši! And when i say VERY, then i mean VERY!! Nepārtraukti bija kaut kas ko darīt un kompānija arī bija lieliska. Dažos vārdos: pogas, krāsas, riteņi, bumbieri, kartupeļi, pankūkas, nivea, ugunskurs, desas, brauciens, tornis, pelde, smiekli, skriešana uz busu, upenes, saldie sapnīši...
Šodien vakarā bijām uz 'Zilākalna Martu'. Izrāde bija laba. Kopš pati skolā mācos teātri es uz šādiem priekšnesumiem raugos pavisam savādāk. Stāstīt jau varētu, bet nenes. Bet nu aktieru darbs bija profesionāls un šur tur pār maliņām lija Hermaņa izcilā režija.
Latvijā būšu vēl tik dažas dieniņas. Visu laiku līdz šim man nebija vēlme braukt atpakaļ. Vēl ne. Mēnesis taču ir TIK maz. Un tomēr, nav jau gluži izvēle. Laiks ko pavadījām Latvijā bija nedaudz nogurdinošs. Jā, es izbaudīju dažas no savas dzīves labākajām dienām (līdz šim), bet tikai viena diena no visām bija tāda, ka neizgāju vispār no mājas un nebija ieplānots nekas. Tikai viena diena no apm. trīsdesmit. .. Tā ir viennozīmīgi laba statistika.
Šodien ceļā uz mājām iegājām rimītī, tad devāmies mājās. K gan ne. Tad nu mājās čāpotāji bijām trīs. nolēmām, ka svētdien cepsim picas, bet tas ar vēl nav 100%.
Nu jā,...
Ejam, ejam, ejam, ejam.. Nav vēl vēls un cilvēku plūsma ar vēl nav apšņikāta līdz unīkajiem nakts tipiņiem. Ja nebūtu acis tumsā varētu pat šķist, ka ir diena. Garām paskrēja puisis. Viņam mugurā bija vēsi brūna jaka, lai gan vakars bija pārsteidzoši silts. Kājas slēpās gaišās, brīvās džinsās un virs zeķes bija tumsnēji apavi. Mati bija pārsnieguši stadiju, lai sauktu tos par īsiem. Blondi. Likās, ka skrien, lai paspētu uz kādu tūlīt aizbraucošu trolejbusu, lai gan tuvumā nebija manāms neviens sabiedriskais transports. Bet viņš tomēr skrēja, un nebija būtiski uz kurieni. Brīdī, kad viņa ķermenis aizšāvās garām manējām, viņa lūpas bija savilktas. Caur tām ar spēku tika grūsts laukā gaiss, lai nākamajā brīdi atkal ieviltu jaunu elpas vilcienu. Puiša ritmiskā elpošana man atgādināja dienas, kad pati biju skrējusi. Kad bija izdevies kādā agrā rītā uzvarēt slinkumu. Kad par spīti migpilnajām acīm pati cēlos un vilku virsū apavus ar kuriem maigāka skriešana. Tos rītus, kad pēdas godīgi sitās pret rīta klusumā sēdošo asfaltu. Un ar vienu skrienošu blondu puisi pietika, lai pierunātu mani, ka es tomēr gribu atpakaļ. Gluži kā jebkuram citam nožēlojamam pasaules iedzīvotājam man pietrūkst ikdienas rutīnas.
Un re, man pietrūkst pamosties manas istabas četrās sienās. Man pietrūkst steiga, kas dzina uz skolu. Man pietrūkst sajūta, ka var būt labāk, lai gan ir jau gana labi. Man gribās, lai 12. klase ātrāk sākās, lai tā varētu ātrāk beigties.
Un nav tā, ka tur būtu kā mājās. Es gan te, Rīgā, gan tur, pārnākot mājās sev dažkārt saku, ka gribu mājās. Lai gan zinu, ka atbilde ir, ka īstas mājas nav un viss, es tik un tā gribu, bet pārdomājot visu ciemos ir pienākusi skaidrība. Es nemaz negribu ilgoties pēc tādām vienām mājām. Man patīk būt ceļotājam, kas par mājām nesauc kādu konkrētu stūrīti.. Man mājas ir Rīga, mana Rīga. Visa pilsēta ir mans sapņu būris, te es varu atgriezties, kad tīk un justies labi. Lai arī kur es šajā pilsētā būšu, es jutīšos kā mājās.
Viss... es te jau aizšļūcu nez kur. Jauku jums dienu.
_________________
.
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