For the First Time

For the first time i've realized that i do not want to lie anymore. I don't want to lie to myself and i don't want to lie to others. Of course it does not mean that i'll be going around and telling the truth to everyone, but i will not lie when lying makes no sense. I think the most important part will be that i will try to not lie to myself. Maybe that's the thing that i should have changed a long time ago in my life. See, until now, i've 'partly' told the truth to myself, but now maybe things will change. Just maybe. :D

J'aime Paris

Be it as it may but you always have to be the first. You have to be the first and the last. You have to be everything. If you aren't everything, then you're nothing. If you're nothing you are nobody. And if you're a nobody, then people will soon forget you (that is if they ever even got to know you in the first place). You must be priceless, you have to strive for the best, for that's what you deserve. You have to put your best foot forward. Always put in all the effort you possibly can, because what you put in is what you'll get out of it. Easy come, easy go. You can't expect the world to be at your feet if you sit there and do absolutely nothing.

So there, i said it.

You, Yes You, Listen Up

In life things are never as expected. Many before me have said that you must always do your best, but expect the worst. You must not be taken by surprise when the least expected things happen. It's important to always stay on the top of the game. Be there, or be square. :P


P.s. You are welcome to send me Amelie's DVD. In my book, it's one of those movies that never goes out of style.

Draugs vai ienaidnieks?

Izlasīju citātu twitterī, ka tavu ienaidnieku ienaidnieki esot tavi draugi. Tas tā visai absurdi izklausās, bet tādas lietais jau bij iepriekš lasītas un dzirdētas. 'Bunga' tāda, ka man ienaidnieku nav, bet, protams, draugi gan man ir. Un tomēr, varbūt, ka nav, kas to maz var vairi saprast. Pēdējo dienu laikā esmu visai apmulsusi par pilnīgi visu. Galvā jau atkal noris nebeidzamu domu vētra. Jau atkal esmu pārtapusi par pastulbu pesimistu.

Indulis, Dzintars, Daiga, Bunģis, Gundars, Gaida..... Ko vairs maz var saprast?

Gribu kaut kur doties, tālu prom, sākt visu no gala. Man patīk būvēt jaunas domino rindas, lai tās nogāztu...tad atkal būvēt jaunas. Katru reizi citā vietā. Vispār nē, negribu visu sākt no jauna; tas jau būtu tikai turpinājums.

Tas būtu tikai turpinājums.

Galvenais nevajag pieturēties pie ierastā; bieži sanāk daudz domāt bet maz darīt. Jāmācās darīt lietas otrādi, vismaz vairāk tiek padarīts.

Mana devīze.

Man nav devīzes, un man nav kauna. Mana dvēsele ir sadedzināta sārtā - tā redzēja vairāk kā ļauts. Mēs nododam viens otru, un tā pat meklējam vainīgo. Mēs meklējam naudu netīros seifos. Tiek galēti nevainīgie vārguļi. Nav zināms mājupceļš no stacijas. Nav mājas. No stacijas dodamies uz nākamo ostu, uz nākamo pieturu. Nedomājam par sekām. Nevar tikt sveikā ar vienīgo alibi, jo draugs nodod draugu. Nosūtītas vairākas vēstules svešiniekiem. Tukšas vēstules, lai nav jābrīnās, ka atbildes nav.

Izgāžamies klasisko triku priekšnesumos. Braucam ar smalkiem auto. Pa dienu lasām kriminālromānus, bet naktīs klausāmies nebeidzamus mūzikas ritmus, skatāmies Hičkoka filmas, mācamies jaunu cīņas mākslu.. un dzeram līdz rītausmai.

Man nav kauna, jo to man nozaga tie, kurus kādreiz devēju par draugiem.

le Weekend

Yesterday was the Christmas night out. The bosses of our workplace had invited all of us to a dinner and a free bar evening. First of all, not many people showed up, that was a disappointment. The food was not well prepared. The main course lacked seasoning and was cold, but the dessert was much too sweet. The starter, though, was prepared very well, and tasted nice.
The free bar was limited to main menue drinks, and our boss shut down this part of the event at eleven o'clock due to the already high bill. How great is that? At around midnight me and my friend left, had a few drinks at my place, and that was the end of the story.

Today i must buy two important postcards. Then i might go view another room (you know, me moving and all..).
In the evening i sort of have a date, but i'm gonna cancel it anyway. :D

Work tomorrow, and then Latvian poker final table at 19:00 (i'm definatelly gonna be late, since sundays are always busy at work).


Happy go lucky....

Gone for Good

Is it possible to change everything? Just for the night i'd want to be with you, there in your arms. We could pretend that there is no sky. We'd switch off the gravity. We'd fall in love like Romeo and Juliet. We could turn all the clocks sideways so they'd get confused. And so we'd gain more of the precious time. How about we forget the past for a second. What's gone is gone for good; i'd never want that back. But truth be truth: i miss you. No, i simply miss you when you were at your best.
Remember how we danced in the rain. Do you remember how nor the time nor the place mattered, as long as we had each other, we were good for the day. Do you remember talking to strangers like they were our pals. Do you know why it was so? We really were strangers to each other. I loved jumping into other cultures with you, it was great to experience all that with someone who was more than a friend. Do you remember how i refused to hold your hand. It must have pissed you off. My temperament is too hot for you, you couldn't handle me.

Do you remember turning off the lights?

Does any of that ring bells?

How about walking home together and singing odd songs that we both knew by heart. Do you remember how we yelled at each other at the bus stop? Do you even remember what we were fighting for?
I don't..

Do you remember holding my hand while others weren't watching? We got caught, you weren't careful enough. But i know why, i really do. I recall you telling me things that you said no other soul knows. I know you opened up. And even though there was nothing there..not even a second worth remembering, i'd like to spend this one timeless second with you.

You see, we used to dance to sweet music. We always kissed like stars were upon our heads. We lied to each other several times... And once you even said that you loved me.

Destrukcija.

Tā ir iedoma, tās ir liesmas,
kas bruģim stāsta par daudz.
Tā ir pazudusi dvēsele bez mugurkaula.
Tā neeksistē.
Tā vakaros krāso melnas baltās ielas.
Tā nesteidzīgi dzer lietus lāses.
Tā meklē pazudušo draugu.
Viņš nav, sen aizbrauca rīta tramvajā uz depo pusi.
Tā mazgājas ar kanāla zivīm.
Tā klejo pa pilsētas šaurajām ielām.
Tā dzīvo sapņu ielejā.
Tā bruģim stāsta par daudz.

Raud bruģa ērmotie tēli.
Tie nespēj vairs turēt smagumu jūsu.

Drama Queen

Burn the last eclipse,
Let the odd flies bully your dreams,
Believe in the lost treasures,
Deny the truth when confronted.

Swallow swards, break your bones,
Win the first place,
Sell the gold that you've won,
Stay disabled for the rest of your life.

End of the World

We all know that the end of the world arrived ages ago.. And then it came again, again and again. So basically we all don't even exist.

No Face

Imagine no one would have a face and everything that we do would make up our identity. Or we could all have the same face. You understand the basic of this thought? So you would not be judged based on your looks, or race, or even gender; but your own actions. Further more, you would not be limited by the label that the society has attached to you. If you're a woman in Pakistan, you're barely considered as a living being. Where as if you had a face like everyone else, then you could do all the things that he, she or he is doing. I believe that's what the world should aim for... But that's just me.

Mēness

Kad pilnmēness, tad visiem labi.

Biezpiens

Ir labais papīrs.

Day 5

Today is the final day of my 5-day-pre-holiday-weekend. I've been out and about every night since Thursday. Today is the last day because tomorrow i'll be leaving for my holiday. :)

On Thursday i met up with Gunta for a few beers. On Friday was my colleagues birthday party. Saturday the same birthday party continued. Sunday i went to Latvian poker night. And today, Monday, it's the big poker night. The plan is to have a real good time!! :))

Plus i can not wait for tomorrow!!!!!!!!!

Cheerios my friends.

Optimistic

So much for the positivism that you wear each day like an old pair of socks. So much for being a good friend, when you're the one who leaves everyone behind while on a possibly final journey. You're a disgrace to human kind. You don't know where to stop. You fly in your dreams like a dragonfly. You can then stop and think; you can stop the time. No, wait, here goes another truth, it's not the time that's running, it's us. We never stop growing old. Take a breath, we're all young. We like to think otherwise because we are meant to grow up, that's what the society pushes on you. One should never stop dreaming like a child, one should always find happiness in little things. One should cry his/her eyes out if another homo sapience has done harm (physical or emotional). We should never lose the simplicity of love. It's wonderful to think of your dear ones as angels walking on the planet of earth. One should think of swearing as a terrible sin, that leads you into suffering. Bad words are followed by bad actions, we all know that. We should all, at least visually stay pure as the holy water. We must not forget that there's monsters hiding under the bed and in the closet.

We must stay brave, dream big dreams, and never give up on ourselves!

Prieka lieti.

Lietains laiks, lietains prieks. Šodien manā paradīzē līst laimes lietus. Galīgi bez iemesla gribas smaidīt. Gribas pierādīt, ka par spīti visam, es gribu smaidīt. Lai tik kāds pamēģina manī modināt sāpi, bēdas, skumjas.. Es pretī uzbrukšu ar smaidu, jo esmu stiprāka par jums visiem. Man vienalga, ka ir nomācošais novembra vilciens, esmu neievainojama, esmu dzīva. Vēnās kā ūdens Niagārā rit asinis. Tās iemet vaigos veselīgu sārtumu, un lūpās neizsmeļamu smaidu. Māc nogurums, bet man vienalga. Gribas pateikt pasaulei taisnību, lai arī viņi zin, un, lai saprot.. Bet es māku turēt noslēpumus, nav lemts citiem uzzināt to, kas padara manas dienas nebeidzamas. Nevienam nav jāzin, tas, kas slēpjas manā domu skapī.

Es tik smaidu, jo tā tomēr ir vieglāk nekā pūt ar asarām acīs.

11/11/11

It's finally Friday, thought it would never come. Today i'm supposed to attend a party that i'd rather not go to.. But what the hell! What difference does it make if i get drunk here or there? :P

Can't wait for Tuesday!!


Sveiciens visiem Lāčplēšos.

Open the Door

"Jums ir mīlestība no pirmā acu skatiena?"

Vēl līdz šim brīdim tas viss liekas nenormāli amizanti. :D

I'm Scared

I'm scared that one day i'll lose everything i've got. It makes me want to cry. Leaving all the rubbish aside; i'm not talking about money, or the things i have. I'm afraid that i'll lose other things. Friends, for instance, i've had them come and go. Of course, i'm the one who is coming, then leaving. But it hurts my gut every time i have to say goodbye.. Because so many of the goodbyes have been the last ones. I'm scared i'll lose my health, and everything around it.

As much as i love change, it's not always easy to handle things. Change is good, since routine is a killer. But it's nice to have certain things that stay the same..or similar at least.

Have to learn to be more brave.

Blame it on the Booze

I should learn to not talk when i've had some alcohol. Yesterday it seems that i've said things that should have been left unsaid. Besides, what was the point of going out if 'he' didn't go. He plain vanished. And later claimed it was because he had to get to bed early. Fuck it. Last night was fun anyway, i had a great time. That's what matters. Of course, arriving home at 5 am isn't great because of the amount of sleep i ended up getting before going to work.. But most of the night rocked my world anyway.

Well, now i should really get some sleep! :)