They See Me Rollin'

It's a nightmare. My mind is like a roller-coaster; there are too many thoughts all in one. It's driving me crazy, literally crazy. I lack significant amounts of sleep, I lack rest, moral and physical rest. There seems to be no such thing as rest in my life. I am emotionally unavailable. I am cruel and tired. I am back in a crying mode. For all I care it's because I will be leaving again, leaving for good. And, fuck (excuse my language), but I've said so many goodbyes in my life, it's just absurd. It is so odd to see people now, people at work and other friends, and know that in a few days I will be gone, and I will probably never see them again. It's like a huge part of my everyday life is going to be torn out of me. It will be gone. I can feel tears build up several times throughout the day. I can feel falling due to lack of energy. I can feel that I am working too hard, I am ignoring my senses. I just keep moving even though I should stop for a moment and take a deep breath. I should ignore haters, cut them out of my life. Cut the cord. I should fight for friends that are worth keeping. But I am scared, I am scared that I actually deserve to be hated. I am scared that if I keep the good friends I will be hurt even more. It is just so much easier to become distant, to be cold. I am so tired of being forgotten. I don't want to be just another face in the crowd. I want to be different. I am different.

I will not change, I will keep going until I collapse. But I will rest as soon as I physically get away from here. My mind is still going to wonder about, I will always be thinking about things I did, and choices I made. But I need a new view, a new setting, somewhere where I can think thoughts that count, thoughts that make at least a little sense.

I can't let them bring me down. I am not going down. I feel like giving up, and at some points it is unbearable, but I know that it is crucial to keep going, to keep going for the things I've set for myself in the near future. I deserve to do things for a better future for myself, no one will make me believe otherwise.



P.S. I've created a new blog called Must Keep Going. On the new blog I will, hopefully, be posting things along the way. Here's the link: http://my-cycling-trip.blogspot.co.uk/

Think Different*

Life has it's ups and downs. When You're really hight up, stakes are high, however, you can enjoy the moment and spoil yourself with satisfaction. When things are down, you feel terrible, like there is no end and nothing will ever be good. Luckily for you, the positive side of being down is that there is a less likely chance for you to fall even lower. When You've hit rock-bottom, you know that now you have nowhere else to go but UP. So either way, you must learn to stay positive regardless of your position on the fortune wheel.



*You might have noticed, or not. But in the last few posts the titles have been lines from songs.
Starting with "Thanks for the memories," this comes from a song of the Fall Out Boys. "It's the end of the world as we know it" is a title to an REM song. "Let go your hear, let go your head" is a line in David Grey's song "Babylon". "Šūpulī līgo lēni, dzelteni valodzēni" comes from a Ltavian song "Vālodzīte". "A seven nation army" is White Stripes' song. And the last post in february is titled "A moment's all it takes to say goodbye", this line can be found in the song that is listed at the end of that post.
...For the next few posts in titles I decided to put popular brand slogans. For this post it is Think Different it's Apple's slogan.
Take the best of it. If I ever try to convey a message, I never say it out clear. So there.


Bye now.

J'aime Paris

Be it as it may but you always have to be the first. You have to be the first and the last. You have to be everything. If you aren't everything, then you're nothing. If you're nothing you are nobody. And if you're a nobody, then people will soon forget you (that is if they ever even got to know you in the first place). You must be priceless, you have to strive for the best, for that's what you deserve. You have to put your best foot forward. Always put in all the effort you possibly can, because what you put in is what you'll get out of it. Easy come, easy go. You can't expect the world to be at your feet if you sit there and do absolutely nothing.

So there, i said it.