Riga!

In the past week or so I have been contemplating about my relationship with Riga. Yes, you understood that correctly! I feel like I have a love-hate things going on here, and I hope to tell you why it is that I feel this way.

When I returned home this summer, I thought that it is the absolute right thing to do, that it will make me and my friends and relatives happy. And so it did! But there is more to this seemingly simple skit. To begin off, I want to make it clear that I am happy to be able to see people whom I didn't see when I was abroad, I am happy to hear Latvian language on the streets, I am happy that I have a sense that I am where I belong, I am happy to play with my nephews, I am happy to roam the streets of this city of wonders.

And yet, there is a feeling of eternal sadness to this place. I was on the bus to work this evening and I was thinking about how it is possible to have such mixed feelings about a city (or anything really).

Why is it my home? It is where I was born, and raised as a child, at least most of my childhood. It is the place where I learned the primary human skills, walking, reading, loving, caring, language .. It is where I begun school. It is where I had my first boyfriend. Riga has always been the place where I can return, it was always the place where I was from, and there would always be things waiting for me. Almost every block in this city brings up countless memories that have made me who I am today. There have been sad days, events, happening, and quite the opposite. I have attended celebrations here, I remember that when I was a kid I was dragged through the old town on the 18th on November to see the fireworks. I recall drawing chalk drawings on the pavement in the park. I remember the adventures I had as a kid with my brothers, water-gun wars with other neighbourhood kids, playing in the backyard of our house, building snowmen in the winter, collecting  chestnuts after kinder garden, we did all kinds of pranks at home, and pissed off our parents. Oh, and how I loved playing with dolls and getting mad at my brother We had our first pet, we wanted one so badly, and then one end of summer there was a small kitty waiting for us at home. Then we grew, I grew, and the city grew as well. Things changed, and doing silly pranks was no longer timely, we had "bigger" and "better" things to do. School got more serious, friendships got more valuable, parents got wiser. Then came the first parties, first experiments, and serious things, like making science projects, attending extra curricular activities, etc.

And then I was gone for seven years, and during all this time Riga was my home, it made me proud to say that that is where I come from. So naturally it became more and more dear to, it was a special place, where everything would be great! That is why I returned here this summer, I returned here to stay here for good. But over this roughly half a year that I've been back I have realized something, the city isn't what I thought it was. It is a sad place, it grows memories like mushrooms. This made me wonder, how many memories can one place hold? I have a feeling that I have made myself believe that Riga is the place to be, but in reality, it isn't so, not at all. It is my personal pit hole, my doom. I want it to be more, I hoped and dreamed that it was bigger that it actually is.

Let's face it, Riga is just another city in the game of globalization, it is a small, tiny piece of the puzzle called world. It is hard to believe that I have fooled myself to believe that is is a magical place.

This is where the two world collide, this is where I do not know how much I really hate or love this city, my city. I get confused and it makes me frustrated.

Either way, I am here now, but as people have told me along the way, there is a huge possibility that I will not last here for long, I will want to run away again.

Gym

Life keeps changing around me. There are some things that remain constant, however, there are also things that don't stop changing. I keep changing in ways I never thought possible, outlook on life keeps changing as well.

You know how there is people who talk a lot about doing something. Well I'm one of them. But in some ways I've finally begun actually doing stuff. I should't get too excited though, since there still are many plans that I have not completed yet, for instance, letter for future me, or finishing reading this book I started several months ago. What I am saying is that there is still a lot of place for improvement, and I know I am getting there.

So here is my gym story. I finally joined a gym, that happened on the 28th of February (the day my third nephew was born (: ). And I've been attending the gym not less than four times a week for seven weeks now (for those who are looking at the logistics, the first week was before I even joined, went there on a guest pass). I love it there! Keeps me out of the flat, keeps me feeling good. Soon after joining I started to go to Zumba classes on Tuesday mornings. And now I'll start to go more often in the mornings. Doing some cardio in the morning is a great way to start the day. I go to many other classes too, my favourite is Body Attack. Plus I've also begun to eat breakfast on a daily basis. I've built some muscles that I never knew I had. I feel stronger. 

I've met a guy there at the gym, and he asked me out. But I can't seem to care to reply to the last text message. He asked me out despite the fact that I told him about my plans of moving soon. He is nice, smart even (a rare bread!), but I don't like where it's going. So I don't know if I'll get back to him. I'll see him at the gym when his tattoo heals, and it will be awkward at first, but I'll get over it. 

My brother is here for four weeks now. He's not found a job yet, and is starting to annoy me a lot. I know I could be more supportive, but the way his first two weeks went here, I just can't be bothered. He has to try harder, but he is not doing anything. This morning my flatmate was asking him if I'm at work, and he replied not yet. I was raging! He sits about the house all fuckin day, and I am home one day in I have no idea how long. He still hasn't fucking learned that I'm off every Saturday. I know it's a little thing, but all this shit is piling up, and I keep it in, because I know he is my bro and I can't be a bitch. I wish he was actually looking for a job. FUCK!!! He's not doing anything. How does he not understand that I can't fucking keep supporting him? 

 

Nogale

Nedēļas nogale bija sasaudīti gara un aizraujoša. Negribējas, lai nāk otrdiena, bet tā, (maita), atnāca. Veikli aprakstīšu ko kurā dienā darīju un kur biju.

Tātad, piektdien ilgi gulēju. Kad cēlos, sakārtoju istabu un veicu citas saimnieciskas darbības (tā teikt). Vakarā sanāca dzert daudz alu. Sākumā dzērām citā dzīvoklī kojās, tusējām un plāpājām. Vēlāk gājam uz Studentu Savienību uz ŪSU balli. Jā, jā, bija man arī ūsas, bet manas bija tik ideālas, ka es tās nosaucu par neredzamajām ūsasm. Ar flomasteru uzzimēju tās uz pirksta, un, kad vajadzēja parādīt kādam cik man asprātīgas ūsas, tad tik atlika pirkstu uzlikt virs lūpas. Te sanāca ilgi tusēt un galvā bij daudz, daudz alus. Tusējām līdz trijiem, bet ar tādu kompāniju mājas nonācu tikai neilgi pirms četriem no rīta.

Sestdien, kā jau noprotams, gulēju ļoti ilgi. Pamodos, sāpēja galva un lielāko dienas daļu pa gultu vien vaļājos. Vakara pusē nācas savākties un sakopties, bija ieplānots randiņš. Domājām iet uz kādu bāru iedzert alu, bet beigās sarunājam, ka paliksim vien manā dzīvoklī un dzersim alu tā pat. Dzēram manā istabā (diemžēl), jo manas dzīvokļa biedrenes bija sāicinājušas veselu baru cilvēku. Negāja labi, lai gan sarunas raisījas diezgan veiksmīgi un vienu brīdi pat dejojām. Alus palika, bet sanāca tā, ka gribēju, lai viņš dodas prom. Mājienus saprata. Bija jau diezgan vēls un tad arī devos gulēt.

Svētdien atkal pamodos visai vēlu. Ap vieniem. Bija jābrauc uz Glāzgovu satikt brāli Jāni. Bija ārprātīgi foši viņu satikt. Pavadīju dienu ar viņu un viņa paziņu. Vakarā cerēju saskrieties ar draudzenēm, kas ar bija līdz Glāzgovai atkūlušās, lai ietu uz kīno, bet viņām nebija ieplānots tusēt pa pilsētu. Tad nu sazinājos ar kādu draugu un satikos ar viņu. Gājām uz kādu krogu kur viņš ar saviem draugiem bieži ejot. Vakaru pavadījam pļāpājot. Viņš ierosināja, ka jāiet uz klubu kaut kad vakarā, bet es viņam atgādināju, ka man jānoķer pēdējais vilciens, kas attiet pusstundu pirms pusnakts, bet pirmais no rīta ir tikai īsi pēc pieciem. Turklāt viņam nākamā dienā bija kaut kada prezentācija, kas vēl bija līdz tam jānobeidz. Izlēmām to darīt kādu citu reizi, kad būšu pilsētā. Tiku līdz mājas un bija jau vēls, devos čučēt.

Nākamā rīta (pirmdien) modos ap desmitiem, un neilgi pirms pusdienas laika biju jau atkal Glāzgovā. Atkal satiku bračku un viņa paziņu. Apmetām loku ap pilsētu paskatījāmies šo un to. Laiks bija izcils, sākumā. Vēlāk uznāca lietus un paspējām pārlīt ceļā atpakaļ uz centru. Paēdam, iegājām pāris veikalos, tad es devos māajas, bet viņi uz koncertu. Mājas biju savlaicīgi, bet ļoti pārgurusi es laicīgi devos uz čučumuižu.

Šodien otrdiena, politikas dienas. Līdz ar vēl septiņiem jauniešiem tapu par savas klases pārstāvi (i.e. class representative). Biči forši, ne? :P
Tagad sēžu skolā pie datora un gaidu, kad varēšu doties uz politikas semināru, kas jau atkal būs ļoti garlaicīgs, bet obligāts pasāciens.

Šonedēļ šis tas jāpadara sakarā ar rakstu darbiem, lai nebūtu sekojošajās nedēļās viss jādara pēdējā brīdī.

Pagaidām beigšu. Bučas visiem.

Kopsavilkums: Alus ir labs, Glāzgova ir forša, un satikt brāli Jāni ir vēl foršāk.

September already!

This happened yesterday (no, Monday). I knew I would feel depressed seeing my brothers leave in the morning to go to university. But never did I know that it would bring me down THIS much. Nothing can be told about my future. We stand still. I stand still. I can wait. I can prepare for what might come. I can remain calm, and I can also panic. I can sit home and get well. I could run around like a mad person and get even more sick.

But really, there is only one thing that I SHOULD do, and that is that I need to get real.