They See Me Rollin'

It's a nightmare. My mind is like a roller-coaster; there are too many thoughts all in one. It's driving me crazy, literally crazy. I lack significant amounts of sleep, I lack rest, moral and physical rest. There seems to be no such thing as rest in my life. I am emotionally unavailable. I am cruel and tired. I am back in a crying mode. For all I care it's because I will be leaving again, leaving for good. And, fuck (excuse my language), but I've said so many goodbyes in my life, it's just absurd. It is so odd to see people now, people at work and other friends, and know that in a few days I will be gone, and I will probably never see them again. It's like a huge part of my everyday life is going to be torn out of me. It will be gone. I can feel tears build up several times throughout the day. I can feel falling due to lack of energy. I can feel that I am working too hard, I am ignoring my senses. I just keep moving even though I should stop for a moment and take a deep breath. I should ignore haters, cut them out of my life. Cut the cord. I should fight for friends that are worth keeping. But I am scared, I am scared that I actually deserve to be hated. I am scared that if I keep the good friends I will be hurt even more. It is just so much easier to become distant, to be cold. I am so tired of being forgotten. I don't want to be just another face in the crowd. I want to be different. I am different.

I will not change, I will keep going until I collapse. But I will rest as soon as I physically get away from here. My mind is still going to wonder about, I will always be thinking about things I did, and choices I made. But I need a new view, a new setting, somewhere where I can think thoughts that count, thoughts that make at least a little sense.

I can't let them bring me down. I am not going down. I feel like giving up, and at some points it is unbearable, but I know that it is crucial to keep going, to keep going for the things I've set for myself in the near future. I deserve to do things for a better future for myself, no one will make me believe otherwise.



P.S. I've created a new blog called Must Keep Going. On the new blog I will, hopefully, be posting things along the way. Here's the link: http://my-cycling-trip.blogspot.co.uk/

Just do it

Don't let things get you down. You are brave. You are an individual like no other. We all are born to do things we are best at. Set a goal and aim for it. It doesn't have to be anything impossible, it doesn't have to be beyong our universe (it may, if you wish so). Start by simple daily goals. Set a goal to meet a friend, or to write a letter to your grandmother. Set a goal to clean your room. ETC. Set bigger goals, like finishing university, moving to a different place. Learning a new skill. Getting a new job. Set life goals, grow old and have countless grandchildren. Fly around the world. Write a series of novels.

What ever your goal is, no matter if it's long term, or short term goal, set mini-goals that will help you acheive the final goal. For instance, if your short term goal is to clean your room, then break it up into smaller tasks. Cleaning off old papers, folding up clothes, washing dirty clothes, taking out garbage, dusting shelves, vacuming the floor, ...


BUT no matter how many GOLAS you set, no matter how big they are, the MOST IMPORTANT thing is to GET UP AND DO IT!!! You willl never achieve anything if you don't do anything.

Well, my goal today was to write a blog post, and here it goes. It wasn't that hard, was it? No!


Just do it!