Aside form my extra busy schedule in school and everywhere else in life i managed to go to a movie. Not on a date, but with my friends. It was fairly pleasant since i don't get to see these people in everyday life. The movie was Valentine's Day. A cheesy, no, no, very cheesy movie. The plot was pretty empty and had a very weak theme/message. Pretty much none at all. The little things that got mentioned included the ideas that one must love not only the good things, but also the bad (not so good) things about their loved one. It also touched the idea that marrying a friend is a terrific plan. This is where they did not think it through. I disagree with this almost one hundred per cent. Why would anyone ruin the one thing they have for sure? I feel that that is wrong. One of my friends recently told me that he likes me, as in "has feelings" to me. I can only assure to you that that is not right.
Also, wanted to say a word about the Olympic games. It really (and i mean REALLY) pisses me off that Canadians think that they are THE BEST! They spend money on commercials such as (uh, personal "favourite"), a number of Canadian hockey players state that they are here for gold and that they will be disappointed if they do not get the first place. First, who the hell pays for that?? Second, guys, don't get your hopes too high up there, the world will have a nice laugh at you once you lose.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Monday, 15 February 2010
I love You letter
My Dear,
Last night was no exception. The rapid love has fulfilled my heart ever since the day i saw your unforgettable eyes for the very first time. Your eyes looked into mine and chanted them with the magic of life. That day i found a reason to live. That day i found out what love is.
When ever i miss You i close my eyes and there You are. Your unique face that shines upon me when ever things go bad and when i lose the purpose to breath. I live for You. Every time i inhale it is You who helps to to exhale and inhale again. You are the engine of my heart.
I would see You every day. I would be there when things were too tough to take. I would hold Your hand and make You proud. I am who i am only because You exist. I remember those kisses. The ones that no other soul could ever imagine. Your lips brushing against mine. Like we were flying and the surface of the earth did not exist. Like a dream, that was too good to be true. Holding each other so tight as if our lives depended on that. Never will i let You go.
If there really is only one purpose in life then mine is to be with You. Mine is to stay with You with mountains of love when things are like dreams and when things get too hard. You are not the just another stop in my life. You are the bus that took me for the journey of life.
My life begun with the moment we met. Before i just was, i existed like a piece of dust in the big, wide world. But now i am. I feel the blood racing in my veins. I feel constant energy that will always have infinite sources.
You are my sun during the day and my darkness during the night. You always surround me as a warm coating that is there to stay forever.
I wanted to remind You how much i miss Your heart filling smile and how much i need to see You for at least one more time.
P.S. I know i have mentioned it before, but just so You don't forget, I Love You.
Last night was no exception. The rapid love has fulfilled my heart ever since the day i saw your unforgettable eyes for the very first time. Your eyes looked into mine and chanted them with the magic of life. That day i found a reason to live. That day i found out what love is.
When ever i miss You i close my eyes and there You are. Your unique face that shines upon me when ever things go bad and when i lose the purpose to breath. I live for You. Every time i inhale it is You who helps to to exhale and inhale again. You are the engine of my heart.
I would see You every day. I would be there when things were too tough to take. I would hold Your hand and make You proud. I am who i am only because You exist. I remember those kisses. The ones that no other soul could ever imagine. Your lips brushing against mine. Like we were flying and the surface of the earth did not exist. Like a dream, that was too good to be true. Holding each other so tight as if our lives depended on that. Never will i let You go.
If there really is only one purpose in life then mine is to be with You. Mine is to stay with You with mountains of love when things are like dreams and when things get too hard. You are not the just another stop in my life. You are the bus that took me for the journey of life.
My life begun with the moment we met. Before i just was, i existed like a piece of dust in the big, wide world. But now i am. I feel the blood racing in my veins. I feel constant energy that will always have infinite sources.
You are my sun during the day and my darkness during the night. You always surround me as a warm coating that is there to stay forever.
I wanted to remind You how much i miss Your heart filling smile and how much i need to see You for at least one more time.
Always Yours, with more love then any human can comprehend.
P.S. I know i have mentioned it before, but just so You don't forget, I Love You.
bird's song
Overwhelmed with the new ideas that had been just born that night i was lost. Lost once again in my thoughts. I pulled myself under my blanket with my eyes never moving away from the screen of the phone. I was waiting. Though i new that it was way to late for any sane person to be sending text messages. I still hoped. At first i even had a thought that i should text him, but no, i couldn't. No matter how much i wanted to contact him i refused to bring myself that low. That is just not how i function. It would be like a robbing a police station.
Could not sleep all night. Woke up with a cheap look at my phone. Nothing. Why could i just stop hoping? Who cares? Do i care? I suppose i do. I needed someone there to take the phone away from me, at least for a second.
I need a plan for next weekend for every minute. Ok, not minute, but every hour! So far it is pretty full. Except for saturday night. Let's go clubbing!
On another note.
I cleaned up my facebook applications. I deleted 241 applications from my list!! Yes, 241! Now i have just 16 out of which 7 are the ones you can't delete. So that is pretty good! ;D
I am very tired.
Good night my loves.
A very gorgeous and calm song: Gregory and the Hawk - Oats we Sow
Could not sleep all night. Woke up with a cheap look at my phone. Nothing. Why could i just stop hoping? Who cares? Do i care? I suppose i do. I needed someone there to take the phone away from me, at least for a second.
I need a plan for next weekend for every minute. Ok, not minute, but every hour! So far it is pretty full. Except for saturday night. Let's go clubbing!
On another note.
I cleaned up my facebook applications. I deleted 241 applications from my list!! Yes, 241! Now i have just 16 out of which 7 are the ones you can't delete. So that is pretty good! ;D
I am very tired.
Good night my loves.
A very gorgeous and calm song: Gregory and the Hawk - Oats we Sow
Saturday, 13 February 2010
Bang Bang..
Maniac, i say maniac. You are the maniac of my life. You sit inside me and don't let me go. You control me as a captain controlling its own Titanic. We all are doomed to fail sooner or later. Why delay these thing? But there you are keeping me away from extinction and following the so called common sense.
All i need is to get away. Away from days, go and live only at night. Live with a lower life and breed of of drugs and alcohol. But you say no, you keep my head cool when all i can think of is going underground. You keep me down on earth on nights and days when i just want to fly in the clouds. You order me to do things i don't want to do. You scream like a raped child in my head, you never let me free.
Yesterday got home at around half past three. I was walking and the cold just hit my face. Slap by slap. It was numb, i didn't feel a thing. The skirt was still cheating on guys, one by one, but all i cared was that i had to walk. Just walk. Never did i mention the destination in my mind. Even the other me kept out of this. She had been yelling at me all night, so it was time for everyone to shut up. I got home, colder then ice and crawled into my bed the blanket was at my feet. I was so cold and yet i relied on myself to regain the warmth. I couldn't fall asleep. Thoughts kept waking me up. And in total i had slept four hours with more then ten times waking up during this so called sleep time. The other me tried to keep me in the bed, so i could get some more sleep. But my body needed to move. I finally changed and tried my best to get out of the bed with the right leg. A fail. My head is still dizzy and i am rethinking so many things in my head.
I'm am beginning to be even more careless.
Never did i know that that was possible.
All i need is to get away. Away from days, go and live only at night. Live with a lower life and breed of of drugs and alcohol. But you say no, you keep my head cool when all i can think of is going underground. You keep me down on earth on nights and days when i just want to fly in the clouds. You order me to do things i don't want to do. You scream like a raped child in my head, you never let me free.
Yesterday got home at around half past three. I was walking and the cold just hit my face. Slap by slap. It was numb, i didn't feel a thing. The skirt was still cheating on guys, one by one, but all i cared was that i had to walk. Just walk. Never did i mention the destination in my mind. Even the other me kept out of this. She had been yelling at me all night, so it was time for everyone to shut up. I got home, colder then ice and crawled into my bed the blanket was at my feet. I was so cold and yet i relied on myself to regain the warmth. I couldn't fall asleep. Thoughts kept waking me up. And in total i had slept four hours with more then ten times waking up during this so called sleep time. The other me tried to keep me in the bed, so i could get some more sleep. But my body needed to move. I finally changed and tried my best to get out of the bed with the right leg. A fail. My head is still dizzy and i am rethinking so many things in my head.
I'm am beginning to be even more careless.
Never did i know that that was possible.
Monday, 8 February 2010
Life Just Goes On
Lately i have been trying my best to find the most appealing Template for my blog. So far i have found nothing that would make my heart race faster then of those who are in love. But this one was pretty close, so i have decided to quit searching. For now. Maybe i will sometime else, but now i am just tired of the templates stuff. I like that this one kinda smiles at You when You open my blog. And at the same time it is a little sad, since the majority of the blog is black. I think it is too black, but the top part (the place where title is) is so pretty that it is worth to keep this one. At least for a while. Also, i have been going crazy "Dropping" on blogs. Do You see on the very right column at the top there is a featured blog? Well it is this add campaign thing, You put the widget on Your blog advertise your blog elsewhere and get more traffic and more followers. I am not REALLY sure why i'm willing to put much work in to just advertising this blog. I say it is because i like it too much and i want more and more people who might be reading the jazz that i right.
Today had a field trip to a universities lab. Chemistry, all Chemistry. We did a laboratory work something about iron concentration in a Pro Lab! Was pretty cool, since i don't plan to study chemestry once i graduate it was once a lifetime experience. Once the lab was done we had an hour for lunch and after that we went to an auditorium with university's first year chemistry student and listened to one lecture. This was the first out of five about acids and bases, don't mean to insult anyone, but it was all grade 11 review for all of us. So that part of the field trip was not exciting. Not at all.
Then i got home and never received a call from Mrs. B (I call him Visvaris, not important why). The conclusion is that i hope i shall never see either of them ever again. Yup! As i said after last saturday, i was happy the way it was, even with them not contacting me. Btw, i kinda hate how much males fale at communication. It kinda brings me down, but i don't let it, so i'm alright!
(And, just to let You know, i met A yesterday, a complete disaster, with a hint of the worst seasoning there is, and Bull Shit as a side dish.)
As well as wanted to let You know that my TTT (Tavas Tintes Traips) blog has been renamed, now it is "Growing Words", but knowing me, it might be changing. I really love the blog description line: "·¼ of my life·". And even though it is no more TTT, i will still be calling it TTT, since that is the Label that i used for it and i just like it! ;P
School tomorrow. Friday is PD (professional development), a day when only teachers have to go to school and learn new ways, strategies, tips in teaching, while we (students) have a day off! I am not complaining about that! School is just not for me, not any more!
I really want to be "Outta Here" [here being my school].
Kisses. Wet and ugly, and yet filled with all the love i can possibly give right now.
Today had a field trip to a universities lab. Chemistry, all Chemistry. We did a laboratory work something about iron concentration in a Pro Lab! Was pretty cool, since i don't plan to study chemestry once i graduate it was once a lifetime experience. Once the lab was done we had an hour for lunch and after that we went to an auditorium with university's first year chemistry student and listened to one lecture. This was the first out of five about acids and bases, don't mean to insult anyone, but it was all grade 11 review for all of us. So that part of the field trip was not exciting. Not at all.
Then i got home and never received a call from Mrs. B (I call him Visvaris, not important why). The conclusion is that i hope i shall never see either of them ever again. Yup! As i said after last saturday, i was happy the way it was, even with them not contacting me. Btw, i kinda hate how much males fale at communication. It kinda brings me down, but i don't let it, so i'm alright!
(And, just to let You know, i met A yesterday, a complete disaster, with a hint of the worst seasoning there is, and Bull Shit as a side dish.)
As well as wanted to let You know that my TTT (Tavas Tintes Traips) blog has been renamed, now it is "Growing Words", but knowing me, it might be changing. I really love the blog description line: "·¼ of my life·". And even though it is no more TTT, i will still be calling it TTT, since that is the Label that i used for it and i just like it! ;P
School tomorrow. Friday is PD (professional development), a day when only teachers have to go to school and learn new ways, strategies, tips in teaching, while we (students) have a day off! I am not complaining about that! School is just not for me, not any more!
I really want to be "Outta Here" [here being my school].
Kisses. Wet and ugly, and yet filled with all the love i can possibly give right now.
Friday, 5 February 2010
Promise(?)
Why do some people promise, but never keep what they have said?
My mind is blank, and so is my life. I don't know where i am heading, but i know for sure that where ever i end up it will not be the place where i want to be.
At this point my life is pretty much screwed up more then You (or me myself) can imagine, comprehend... Impossible. And even though i have come to some kind of epiphany, it is too late.
About two weeks too late.
It was painful, i cried. I hadn't done that miserable thing for too long, so the strangeness of this activity made more pain (and disappointment). I felt pathetic, more then other days. I was a step away from begging, but i just didn't have the power. So now i have nothing, just the impossible dream that i will never have to face any of this again. (Though i know that the whole things still needs to be done.)
I just don't have the strength.
And it is not only school.
As i mentioned already at the beginning, he PROMISED that he would call, but didn't. It is the second time. I don't have the nerves to think about him any longer.
And the other fella. Oh, thats a funnier story, he "threw the ball in my court", it was with me for two nights and when i finally decided to call him and give it another shot. He didn't pick up. So he got the "ball" right back. Bastard. Why did he ask me to think about it and then not answer the phone?
I hope neither of them will try to contact me. No more. I need something that has more potential since i have none. I need to feed off of someone. Like a carnivore on a fresh capture.
Meanwhile i shall shrink to the size of an unlucky, sad, miserable being that can hardly remember to breath.
My mind is blank, and so is my life. I don't know where i am heading, but i know for sure that where ever i end up it will not be the place where i want to be.
At this point my life is pretty much screwed up more then You (or me myself) can imagine, comprehend... Impossible. And even though i have come to some kind of epiphany, it is too late.
About two weeks too late.
It was painful, i cried. I hadn't done that miserable thing for too long, so the strangeness of this activity made more pain (and disappointment). I felt pathetic, more then other days. I was a step away from begging, but i just didn't have the power. So now i have nothing, just the impossible dream that i will never have to face any of this again. (Though i know that the whole things still needs to be done.)
I just don't have the strength.
And it is not only school.
As i mentioned already at the beginning, he PROMISED that he would call, but didn't. It is the second time. I don't have the nerves to think about him any longer.
And the other fella. Oh, thats a funnier story, he "threw the ball in my court", it was with me for two nights and when i finally decided to call him and give it another shot. He didn't pick up. So he got the "ball" right back. Bastard. Why did he ask me to think about it and then not answer the phone?
I hope neither of them will try to contact me. No more. I need something that has more potential since i have none. I need to feed off of someone. Like a carnivore on a fresh capture.
Meanwhile i shall shrink to the size of an unlucky, sad, miserable being that can hardly remember to breath.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Craft of Writing
Hi my LOVES! I missed You more then a mother has ever missed her child. Really. Missed in the literal meaning and i can't express the layers of happiness over my heart.
Life is OK. I guess. Have two important things to catch up on: Letters!!!! and Ottawa Youth For change meetings and volunteering. Have done nothing about that lately so i have to catch up on stuff since the events are approaching fast. And i have a LIST of people who i own letters, messages and e-mails to.. so i really hope they can be a moment more patient.
A few days ago i started to write a post about my last exam and about a movie i saw: AVATAR! Everyone is screaming about it! Ha ha. At first i was really not willing to see it, come on, some movie about weird blue people, but after hearing SO many good references and comments, i decided that i should see it after all. Yeah, so i did. Went with a friend and saw it on IMAX 3D! It really was incredible. Though as a person who likes to pay attention to details i could say some stuff that was not top noch, but hey, in general, it really was one of the best movies i have ever seen. After all they were making it for several years!
Second semester has begun! The first day was normal. You know, get to know the teachers and stuff. The second day...more in the ups and in the downs. Writers Craft was amazing, we had 10 minutes to write about ANYTHING. and then the teacher asked if anyone wants to read theirs, and i kinda liked mine, so i read it to the class... People liked it and it made me kinda feel like there is something that i CAN do! But then as i was walking to my next class i talked to one of my classmates and she said that after hearing my piece she did not feel like reading hers. I totally discouraged my classmates!!! Can't believe i was the evil person!! Grrr...
and math... oh math... the teacher did not give us a lesson, we had to work on hand outs. The sad thing here is that everyone (!!) found the tasks easy while i was struggling to even understand what i was asked to do. I felt sad. I really need to work on my math... but there is a problem, ..this is previous course stuff and it is not included in this textbook. eh...... i'll figure out something! You know i will! ;D
About 10 minutes ago i received a missed call... I checked my phone before seven minutes and called back. (...This number was not in my contact list)..
i guess i have a date, tonight! :) (kk, i don't guess, i know!)
With more then enough Love, always Yours, Marta!
(i am starting to learn to write my name with the capital "M", not easy..)
Special Thank You kisses to Muffindoddess!
And a extremely nice "Hi" to Lācis!
Who knows, maybe they will peak their pretty noses in here too!
Life is OK. I guess. Have two important things to catch up on: Letters!!!! and Ottawa Youth For change meetings and volunteering. Have done nothing about that lately so i have to catch up on stuff since the events are approaching fast. And i have a LIST of people who i own letters, messages and e-mails to.. so i really hope they can be a moment more patient.
A few days ago i started to write a post about my last exam and about a movie i saw: AVATAR! Everyone is screaming about it! Ha ha. At first i was really not willing to see it, come on, some movie about weird blue people, but after hearing SO many good references and comments, i decided that i should see it after all. Yeah, so i did. Went with a friend and saw it on IMAX 3D! It really was incredible. Though as a person who likes to pay attention to details i could say some stuff that was not top noch, but hey, in general, it really was one of the best movies i have ever seen. After all they were making it for several years!
Second semester has begun! The first day was normal. You know, get to know the teachers and stuff. The second day...more in the ups and in the downs. Writers Craft was amazing, we had 10 minutes to write about ANYTHING. and then the teacher asked if anyone wants to read theirs, and i kinda liked mine, so i read it to the class... People liked it and it made me kinda feel like there is something that i CAN do! But then as i was walking to my next class i talked to one of my classmates and she said that after hearing my piece she did not feel like reading hers. I totally discouraged my classmates!!! Can't believe i was the evil person!! Grrr...
and math... oh math... the teacher did not give us a lesson, we had to work on hand outs. The sad thing here is that everyone (!!) found the tasks easy while i was struggling to even understand what i was asked to do. I felt sad. I really need to work on my math... but there is a problem, ..this is previous course stuff and it is not included in this textbook. eh...... i'll figure out something! You know i will! ;D
About 10 minutes ago i received a missed call... I checked my phone before seven minutes and called back. (...This number was not in my contact list)..
i guess i have a date, tonight! :) (kk, i don't guess, i know!)
With more then enough Love, always Yours, Marta!
(i am starting to learn to write my name with the capital "M", not easy..)
Special Thank You kisses to Muffindoddess!
And a extremely nice "Hi" to Lācis!
Who knows, maybe they will peak their pretty noses in here too!
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