It's funny how in the past week three people in different situations have told me something along the lines of "it's the first time i hear that you're scared of something!" What do people see when they look at me? I really couldn't grasp what it was they were trying to say. I don't get it!
One of them was my coworker, I was telling her something about this one guy, and all of a sudden she tells me that I'm scared of being in a relationship.. The truth is, I don't want a relationship, especially with this guy. We might have chemistry, a wee bit.. But at the moment I myself don't know what I want, so until I figure out what it is I want I don't need some shallow people telling me that I'm scared. Of course that wasn't enough bull shit for one night. Why would she say that she has never seen me scared! I have always presented myself as the fragile one, I always have been the weak link. Why do some get the wrong picture?
Makes me wonder, do most people see me that way? Do all of you think I am strong? I do put on a mask a lot, but I really never expected that to work! Should I show people who I really am? Should I show that what a wreck I am, how uncertain I am, how weak I am? Would I get more out of life? I don't know, I doubt it. I suppose I never felt like I had the right to be the weak one, you know, seeing how miss fortunate some people are. I have always believed that I'm expected to take what is given. I'd always moan, even cry in my mind, but then I'd bite my teeth together and just keep going. You know how Churchill said, If you're going through hell, keep going. Yeah, I always keep going, sometimes I struggle more that needed, sometimes quite the opposite; I get through easier than expected.
Anyway, where was I going with this?
Right, people don't really know me, and I don't blame them, definitely not. I am glad they don't know me.
Very few of us are what we seem. (A.Christie.)
That's two of my favourite quotations in one post, crazy man! :D
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