"tavas tintes traips"

TAVAS TINTES TRAIPS
(jeb ttt)

Šis ir mans otrais blogs. Iepriekš to sauca "empty for now".
Bet tagad tajā nu jau ir sarakstīti daži dzejoļi. Šeit ar laiku salikšu visus savus dzeļojus. Salasīšu no malu malām un tad visi būs vienu viet. Tas protams nebūs tik ātri. Pirmkārt laika taču nav, otrkārt, man ir diezgan daudz dzejoļi, kas ir rakstīti ar roku.
Blogs ir angļu/latviešu valodā. Tas tāpec, ka nevaru izlemt kādā, tāpēc nolēmu, ka būs abas. Labi jau tas nav, bet man tā gribās un viss. Noņēmu datuma opciju, jo rakstīšu pamazām. Un datumu rakstīšu pati, kā jau to esmu darījusi līdz šim. Un blakus "RIVER OF TAGS" varēs aplūkot gadus, mēnešus un datumus, kā arī citas etiķetes.
Ceru, ka drīz, jo drīz varēšu jau jums lielīties, ka blogā ir salikti visi dzejoļi no malu malām.
Bloga adrese arī ir ļoti vienkārša:
dzejo.blogspot.com

ps. Jauno blogu dēvēšu par ttt

Here You go, pick one.

Today was the last show night! It was great! All the plays were so fabulous..
I sort of want more, but at the same time.. isn't that what makes it special, that it came, and now is over..? Yeah, i think so. It was a unique week and most of the people involved will probably not forget that they participated in this.
Tomorrow we are having a Backstage Party at Zoe's house. Almost all the backstage people are going to be there. Can't wait.

I'm still sick. Its not getting any better and makes me wish i was in coma or something. Plus there is Saturday school. I gotta catch up on some homework. Slacked off all week. Yeah. I do that all the time.

Should i go to the party?

The second choice. It was a friends birthday this Wednesday. He turned 19. Good for him! :D Well first he is going to this awesome hotel party that my friend is having, and then they are going clubbing. I was invited too.

Now I don't know what to do. Two parties one better than the other and vice versa. Or I should just stay home since I am still a little sick?

I don't know.

Songs:
Apocalyptica - Fade to Black
All For You - Janet Jackson
Chris Brown - Run It
Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror

Tumsa.

Tumsa ārā, tumsa prātā, tumsa draugu lokā. Viss vienā tumsā. Jāraud būtu, bet es neķēzīšu savas asaras štruntiem. Un viņam ar ne. Nav pelnījis. Protams, gribējas, lai viss beidzās, tobiš sākās, pavisam savādāk, bet vienmēr jau nevar gribēt visu. [Cik daudz maz vispār esmu girbējusi, bet nu, lai jau!]

Tagad doms par viņu jāmet pie malas. Nākamā ndeēļa būs ārkārtīgi gara, nogurdinoša, vienā skriešanā, bet beigu beigās viss būs tā vērts. Plaīdzētu, ja nebūtu slima. Atklāti - ar katru dienu paliek ar vien sliktāk un sliktāk. Šo laikam esmu no Tašpuka dabūjusi! o.O Vinš visu nedēļu mājas bija, BET es nevaru atļauties mājas sēdēt, NE nākamnedēļ. Ludziņa ko ar draudzeni režisējam nu jau vairāk kā mēnesi vēl aisgājušās nedēļas saakumā nebija laba, bet pēc piketdienas, (kas bija brīva, stundas nenotika) kad vairākas stundas pavaddijām veicot uzlabojumus šķiet, ka gala rezultāts būs tāds, ka varēs ar lepnumu norādīt un teikt: "Tas mūsu darbs!"
Nākam nedēļ līdz ar citām sešām īsām lugām mūsu ar tiks izrādīta četras (!!) reizes. Pirmizrāde būs otrdien pēc Grad Teache Dinner, un izrādes varēs redzēt līdz piektdienai!

Galva kā ar vati piebāsta saap, šķiet, ka tai vajadzētu sprāgt, bet ir biči aptrūcies šaujampulveris. Šeit tumšs paliek jau piecos! Nevaru ciest, bet es paardzīvošu!

Es visu paārdzīvošu.

ps. Pirmais ceturksnis nu ir galā!!

Dziesma: Tumsa - Lai būtu tā

written in May 2009.

You are an immortal. And somehow you seem to hate everything about yourself, but your mind always lands on this one little hope, - that no matter what, you have your friend there for you. And you just know thet he is going to love you no matter what.

So, if someone who you bearly know tells u that you are an ugly loser who has no life, you seem to not care. Why? Becuase this person doesn't even know you, there for he can't know anything about your life.

But then your only friend, - the one who you trust more then anything in your life, the one who you love no matter what he has done because he has always been with you in those special moments; and he has held your hand when things have been too tough to handle. - Tells you in your face everything that you hate about yourself, in every detail, with endless floods of hate. He tells you how misrable your life is and what a low-life creature you are.

Your brain sudenly loses sence of reality.
You feel like you are in the worst nightmare that has ever been.
And you close down,
you shut up.You have nothing to say back.
Your eyes fill up with tears. There is so much of them that you could drown.

There is this sudden pain (that has not left since) and you cut your self open and you shoot out everything that you can, just to make him feel like you; though there is no pain that could be compared to this.
There, you and your only friend in the middle of the worst fight that no frindship can survive.
The pain is terrible.
It is as if you are the most sensible being in the whole universe and someone is ripping your heart out. But it woun't, the heart just stays inside your chest in an open wound and keeps on beating.
The pain is so bad that you wish you never had a heart, you wish you never had anything.
You wish you were a mortal. The pain is worse then any phisical pain, then any other emotional pain. It is like surviving an earthquake all by yourself. It is like you are the bridge that was built for a purpose, but can't function. You collapse.

But you hope, you think that a "sorry" might fix it all. It is your last hope to end the pain.
But even after the "sorry"s have been said, the pain is still present, it has decided to stay there forever.
It is never visible to others, but it burns inside of you like an olimpic tourch right by your heart, never stops burnung.
Now, whenever someone tells you those things the pain grows, and even if the fiend is someone who does not know you, it still hurts. No, burns.
Why? Because you know that it is true. Deep beneath the surface you scream to your self, that he is right.
And now, you have no friends, because the pain that abids in you does not let you to get close to anyone - ever - because deep inside you don't want the pain to grow - it is just too hard, it's just too hard, unbarable.
But you do talk to people.
You even talk to the one who caused all this pain. Why? Because you are too wounded to relize that the world keeps on turning. You are ready to bear anything..
But every time you see him you remember that time, and that feeling will never let the pain go.
And you feel like a pathetic dog.
You keep hoping, wishing that some day everything will sudenly go good again.
So you stay loyal to you 'good' old friend and every time you do a favour for him, you feel even more pathetic and useless..
This will never end, because there is this hope that is inside.
...and the pain, it subsists in you,
it has no weekends, holydays, celebrating days.
It has you. .. the pain just lives inside and keeps growing bigger and bigger...

..You just wish you could collapse and end it all, but you can't, because you are an immortal.



... ... ... thats what it feels like.

Tā tas ir bijis pirms tam un tā tas būs mūžīgi! :[

treat, and treat only!

Rīt nebūs sestdienas skola! Jebkura sakarīga dvēsele manā situācijā par to būtu stāvā sajūsmā, bet ne es. Skolā man iet satriecoši slikti. Un re, man ir iespēja sestdienā atpūsties. Ideja jau priecē, bet praktiski - nē! MAN PATĪK MĀCĪTIES SPĀŅU VALODU!

Nu labi, lai jau. Rīt 31. datums. Halloween. Ciemos būs daži draugi. Vismaz tāds tas plāns ir, tad jau manīs vai kāds vispār atnāks.. Plānots skatīties kādu šausmeni, pļāpāt, darīt neko, priecāties, un, protams, dot maziem bērniem saldumus. (nav gan vēl iegādātas nekādas konfektes, bet rīt arī diena..)

Nu jā. Vispār rakstu TIKAI UN VIENĪGI, lai sniegtu jums iespēju izlasīt, manu prāt, dienas DOMU:

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

Song of Halloween:
Squirrel Nut Zippers - Hell

life though the 'drama' lens

An other BITCH happened last week. I FAILED at improv. Not failed in its actual meaning, because that would be imposible.
Aparently the last audition for improv was on tuesday, the day when i wasn't in school. It was supposed to be on wednesday, but i couldn't find anyone and the teacher was in a some kind of meeting. And thursday morning when i wanted to go and ask the teacher when is the last audition i saw the list of Group A and Gropu B on his room's door. I wished i could go home. I was so sad and dissapointed!! Fuck!
Now i realize that i hate drama in general and fuck auditions. Im not a drama person, couse i just can't taki it anymore. Hate auditions. Yeah, i know that drama is greatly about rejection, but the percentage is just awful. Don't even want to think about it. If i EVER will be in drama again, then only for directing.. (as i am now, for backstage).

Nedēļas nogale pagāja labi. Sestdien bija dziesmu svētku atskaņa Otavā. Sabrauca cilvēki no malu malām. Bija satriecoši labs vakars. Koklējām, dejojām, pārdevām lotrejas biļetes, vēlāk arī izlozējām 6 (man šķiet) balvas.
Svētdienas vakarā satiku dažus paziņas, lai gan laiku pavadījām bezsakarā, nenožēloju, ka pametu biloģijas nepabeigot mājas darbu! :D

Kārtējā nedēļa.
NO AUDITIONS TODAY!
lol

Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror

Noslēpums

Dzeltaniem un sārtiem toņiem pats sevi ir iekrāsojis oktobra mēnesis. Dažbrīd gan sejā dzenās dubļi no peļķēm, bet par spīti visam ir jāmāk sameklēt pozitīvais.
Skolā viss kā līdz šim: pakaļā! xD

Pagājušajā nedēļa es čatoju ar svešinieku. Sanāca kolosāla saruna. Es nedaudz izkratīju sirdi par to cik cilvēce ir amorāla un, viss kas notiek notiek uz sliktu. Svešinieks manis sacīto noliedza. Ieteica, lai izlasu grāmatu Noslēpums. Saulainajā nedēļas nogalē tiku pie grāmatas un cenšos atrast pēc iespējas vairāk laiku, lai grāmata būtu izlasīta.

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne